“Hello, Lily!” Sirius Black chirped. God, it is too early for this. “How do you find yourself on a lovely day like today?”
I gave him a scathing look. “How does it LOOK like I’m finding myself?” I asked flatly.
“Well I don’t know! Absolutely happy and ready to start the day?” Is he being deliberately obtuse?
“How about absolutely pissed off and ready to castrate you?” He recoiled. I smirked.
“It didn’t need to get to that point.” He said stiffly. “I’m just trying to get to know you. Anyways, an owl came for you this morning. Thought you’d like to know.” He sniffed and handed me the letter before flouncing off rather girlishly. I giggled.
Oh, god. Giggling? I’m giggling at Sirius Black. What’s wrong with me? Still snorting a bit, I glanced down at the envelope. Seeing who it was from (and where), I ripped it open and began to read:
Dear Lillers,
Your father and I are simply writing to inform you that in this past week we have found our purpose in life: To go around and convert people to the teachings of Joseph Smith, The American Moses. Henceforth if you need to send us a letter, we can be reached at 644 Tekkai Lane, Djibouti, Djibouti. Did you know that the capital of Djibouti is Djibouti? Your father thinks I only included that to prove to you that I could spell ‘Djibouti’. He’s wrong! Anyways, lilykins, we adore you to pieces and hope you’re enjoying school!
Love, kisses, and Joseph’s blessing,
Mummie and Daddy.
“This is a joke!” I groaned, messaging my temples. Seriously? Like I need more to worry about? My parents are in DJIBOUTI. Sirius Black is trying to be my friend. I feel safe with (gag) James Potter. And on top of that, I have a paper due next class that I haven’t even begun.
So you know what? Desperate times call for desperate measures. Screw class! I’m going…I’m going flying.
***
Some people think that because I’m, you know, smart and stuff, I wouldn’t get near a broomstick if my life depended on it. They’re wrong. I just wouldn’t get near the Gryffindor quidditch team (Captained by you-know-who) if my life depended on it. But it’s different now. See while I was on my broomstick, I had a bit of an epiphany. It went something like this:
I sprinted across the sprawling grounds, broomstick in hand. As soon as I neared the quidditch pitch, I hopped on with ease and zoomed upwards, leaving my cares miles away. I grinned. I bloody love flying.
Did you know that the guy who invented the broomstick was crazy? I mean, flat fucking crazy. Bat shit, I hear…but his broomstick wasn’t crazy! It was balanced, nimble, and quick. It makes perfect sense; you fly, and you don’t know what crazy shit this guy was dealing with when he invented brooms, and you don‘t feel your troubles either. You just put your hands on the handle and you fly…
And everything else goes away.
You fly until everything you once worried about disappears. You fly till you’re perfect. You fly till you ache. Because you need to stop thinking and just do, and by the time you’re done there’s nothing your friends, or your parents, or James fucking Potter can say that will ruin your mood.
That’s why I love flying.
Sirius Black? No big deal. Parents in Djibouti? I’ve seen worse. Being in love with James? Not a prob--wait, WHAT?
I jolted to a stop in midair, breathing hard.
No. No, that’s not what I meant. I like his body. Who doesn’t? Just physical. Puuurely physical.
My heart restarted, and I began a leisurely lap around the pitch, thinking hard.
What if…? I mean, what if I do like James? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I could do worse. He’s not really an arse anymore. And he loves me.
Warmth spread though my heart, and it was as though a light went off in my head.
He loves me…Wow. I never…wow. He loves me! James Potter loves me! I can’t believe that all this time, I didn’t see it. He wasn’t making fun of me. He wasn’t playing a game. I guess I had to say it to believe it.
And I…I love him too.
I reached up to pull a lock of hair out of my face, when to my surprise, I found that I was crying. It was odd, because I was also smiling, laughing, I felt light. It was as though everything negative in my life was leaking away in those tears of pure revelation.
Looking to the sky, I saw that it was quickly darkening. I hastened to start flying back to the castle. It’s not safe to be out at night in these troubling times.
So now, I’m skipping through the corridors. Skipping. Me! And guess what? I’m trying out for the quidditch team!
Good for you, Lily!
You know Carrot, even though that was an annoyingly patronizing statement, thank you.
Any time.
I giggled. A couple of the portraits looked at me funny. I glared at them, and then gave up by smiling and saying loudly, “Guess what, funny looking old dude? Guess what, ladies playing bridge? I’m in love with James Potter!”
A couple wizards smiled by wearily and said, “That’s very nice, dear.”, but I didn’t hear them. At this point I was galloping. I was going to run into the common room, grab James, and say very loudly, “James. I love you. I will always love you. I have always loved you. Now, ask me.” And he will say (in his deep, sexy voice), “Go out with me, Evans?” And I’ll be like, “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” And then we’ll snog and it will be great. Good plan.
Oh goodness, I can see the Fat Lady. I’m so nervous!
Approximately 5 feet away, however, I was stopped in my tracks by a small, irritating first year.
“Lily! You can’t go in there!” Connor.
“Why the bloody hell not?” I growled. Firsty better move, and quick.
“ Because…gah! You just can’t, okay? Trust me!” He wailed.
“Connor, I have better things to do than listen to you whine. Goodbye!” I sang.
“No, Lily, you--”
“Shut up, Connor!” I snapped, shoving him aside, muttering the password to Edwina (The Fat Lady), and leaping through the portrait hole.
And then I stopped. Bewildered, confused, hurt. Because there, not ten feet away from me, was James.
I was currently lying face-down on my four-poster with the curtains drawn. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to punch myself in the nose…
I heard pounding on the steps and then someone flung the door to our dorm open.
“Lily?” Rin asked tentatively. ‘Can we come in?”
I growled.
“Cut the crap, Lily. We’re coming in, shove over.” Lissa growled back.
Sighing, I dislodged my face from the pillow and flipped over.
“You’re lying on your back now, aren’t you? Come on, sit up. Against the headboard, now!” She said bossily. I grumbled and complied.
The curtains around my bed were drawn apart and Caitlainne, Lissa, Alice, and Karyn climbed onto it, positioning themselves in a circle.
“Are you okay?” Caity asked. They all looked at me with care in their eyes.
And I promptly burst into tears.
Leaning over, they patted me anywhere they could reach, murmuring soothing things and wiping my eyes.
Forty-five minutes later, I was all cried out.
“All better?” Alice said with a smile.
“Yeah.” I replied in a hollow voice. “I’m going to go clean myself up.” I got up off the bed and, pretending not to see the concern in their eyes, went to the bathroom mirror. The girl I saw I hardly recognized. There was the red hair of course, and the pale skin. The button nose was still there, and the highly arched eyebrows. But the sharp emerald eyes weren’t the same. They were still emerald, but they were dead. I scared myself. But, I thought, it isn’t my fault. It’s his, all his, and he should have to look into my eyes everyday and know he did this. I fashioned my mouth into a triumphant grin, but it looked wrong.
How could I ever have thought James Potter actually liked me?
A/N: Sorry for the swearing. And the melodrama. This was an important plot-moving chapter! And I uploaded it pretty quickly!
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