Chapter 19 : It Doesn't Do to Dwell
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*the plot and OC's are mine, the rest belongs to J.K.
“Shay, thanks for making time for me today,” Albus said and took a seat across from Shay at his desk.
“Of course Albus. What can I do for you?” Shay asked.
“I need your help with a student.”
“Really? Why me? You’re the best with these kids.”
“There is a student who I believe can be a master of occlumency and legilimency,” Albus said and rested his elbows on his desk.
“That’s great Albus. I’d love to help. Who is it?”
“Jude Borchardt,” Albus said with a knowing smile.
“Oh come on Albus. You’re down right evil sometimes,” Shay said, thoroughly not amused.
“He’s talented Shay. I’ve been keeping an eye on him for a few years now. I’m going to ask him to join the Order at the end of the year. We need more minds like him. I can’t have you hang on to everything.”
“Do you not trust me with all the information?” Shay questioned.
“No, no it’s not that. Shay, you are one of my most trusted colleagues. I just don’t need you to disappear again. You should be happy about this. It’s for your own protection.”
“I appreciate that you considered me for this. Borchardt hates me. I don’t think he’ll take anything I teach him to heart,” Shay said and got out of her chair.
She was starting to feel antsy.
“Well, you’re going to have to try Shay. It’s your job to get through to these children.”
“Albus, he’s bull headed, crude and cocky. He thinks he knows everything and the world will fall at his feet because everyone from Hogwarts does,” Shay said and started pacing around Dumbledore’s office.
“Doesn’t he remind you of someone we both know?” Dumbledore asked with a smirk.
“Yes, of course he reminds me of Sirius, but you and I both know that Jude Borchardt and Sirius Black are not on the same level.”
“Not yet at least.”
Shay stopped in the center of the room.
“This isn’t going to turn out very well,” Shay said with a hopeless tone.
She knew she wasn’t going to get out of this.
“You won’t know until you try it.”
Shay shook her head wearily.
“I’ll do it. I just want you to know this isn’t going to be easy.”
“It wouldn’t be fun if it was.”
Shay was in her quarters, stewing over the assignment Dumbledore had given her. She was already at her wits end with those damn quidditch practices. Shay had tried to resign from it but McGonagall had been so excited about it, Shay couldn’t let her down. But Shay really disliked Jude. She sometimes wondered how he even got into Gryffindor. He treated her worse than some of the Slytherin students she had. But she owed Albus Dumbledore a lot and respected him too much to let him down in such away. Jude Borchardt was going to be better at occlumency and legilimency than herself if she had anything to do with it.
Shay finally got around to grading some papers when there was a knock on her door.
“Come in!” she hollered and waited for the door to open.
“Are you free?” Severus asked as he popped his head through the door.
“Yes, of course,” Shay said and smiled at the surprise.
“I believe I promised you a cup of tea,” Severus said and closed the door behind him.
Shay never thought he would actually come to her.
“Sit down. I’ll start a pot,” Shay said and motioned to her seating area.
“I hope you weren’t busy,” Severus said and took a seat.
“No, it’s fine. I just got out of a meeting with the Headmaster. I’m done for the weekend now,” Shay said and took the seat opposite him.
“Meeting about what?”
“I suppose I should keep this quiet but I trust you. Albus wants me to teach Jude Borchardt occlumency and legilimency.”
“That prat can do something other than flirt with pretty girls?” Severus asked and got up to grab the kettle.
“I’m glad we see eye to eye on at least one student,” Shay said with a small laugh and accepted a cup from Severus.
“I thought you two would be chummy after joining the quidditch team again,” Severus said and smirked into his cup.
“I didn’t join the quidditch team. I’m just helping them out. So have fun losing this year,” Shay said and returned the smirk.
“Well I’ve already given him two detentions this year. Let me know if he needs more.”
“Thanks Sev but you really don’t need to do me anymore favors.”
There was an uncomfortable silence.
“Isn’t that why you came here? I told you I wanted to talk about it,” Shay said and set her cup down on the table.
“There’s nothing to thank me for. I made a mistake when I joined,” Severus said and subconsciously grabbed his forearm.
“You saved my life Severus. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to thank Courtlyn. So I’m going to thank you. I guess I understand why Courtlyn did it, but what motivated you? We were never particularly close.”
Shay watched Severus get extremely uncomfortable.
“Is there something you want to tell me, Sev?” Shay asked and moved towards the edge of her seat.
Shay could tell there was something. Severus Snape always had a certain pain hidden in his eyes but at that moment the pain looked excruciating.
“Is it bad?” Shay asked.
“It was a mistake I made that triggered it,” Severus said while he nervously was wringing his hands.
“What do you mean?” Shay asked cautiously.
She wasn’t sure if she was going to like what she was about to hear.
Severus was about to spit it out when Shay’s door swung open.
“You ready?” Sirius asked as he entered the room with a cheerful grin.
It quickly dropped off his face when he saw whom Shay was conversing with.
“What’s he doing here?” Sirius asked without looking at Snape.
“We were having a cup of tea,” Shay casually explained.
“The same could be asked about you, Black,” Severus said and quickly stood up.
“I’m sorry Severus. I forgot he was meeting me here,” Shay said apologetically.
“Don’t apologize for me. As a matter of fact, don’t even apologize to him,” Sirius said sharply.
Shay didn’t have to tell Sirius to shut up; she said it all in a look.
“I do apologize for him. He seems to lose his manners sometimes,” Shay said through her teeth.
“I’ll see you around,” Severus said and started to walk towards the door.
“Are we going to give this conversation another chance?” Shay hollered after him.
Severus just gave her a small glance before exiting the room.
“Really, Sirius? You can be so damn embarrassing some times. We’re not in school anymore,” Shay said as Sirius occupied Severus’s former spot.
“You honestly forgot I was coming because you were enthralled by Severus Snape?” Sirius asked with a look of disgust.
Sirius just blinked at her.
“This place is changing you,” Sirius stated and casually lifted an eyebrow.
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“I love you the way you are.”
“Would you love me if Severus became my best friend?” Shay asked with a small smile.
“Unfortunately yes. But I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only person that would have a problem with it. Lily and James will come out of hiding eventually. Does that 5th year “M” word incident ring a bell?”
“Everyone is allowed to make mistakes, Sirius.”
“Even mistakes that hurt the people you love?”
“I’m surprised you out of all people would question that,” Shay said with a quiet disappointment.
That kept Sirius quiet.
They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Shay couldn’t stop wondering what Severus was about to say to her when Sirius flew out of his chair. He practically raced out the door and slammed it shut. Shay got up to chase after him when the door re-opened.
“Hey love, how was your week?” Sirius asked as he re-entered the room with a smile.
Shay couldn’t help but laugh. She walked over and planted a kiss on his lips and he held her in an embrace.
“Nice move, Mr. Black. I missed you and I love you. I feel like I don’t get to tell you that enough,” Shay said with a soft smile.
“You don’t have to tell me. I know that I’m irresistible,” Sirius said with a smirk and Shay gave him a playful shove.
“I need a drink. Three Broomsticks?” Shay asked.
“You seem a bit tired today, Shay,” Sirius said as he sat down with two fire whiskeys.
“It’s some of these kids Sirius. It must be karma from something you Marauders pulled me into during school,” Shay said and rubbed her eyes.
“If I remember correctly you didn’t need our help too much in the trouble department.”
“Ok, I was a little rebellious the first few years of school but I straightened myself out. I’m surprised they didn’t keep you four on as maids after you graduated.”
“Well, either way you’re smarter than these kids, Shay. You’re smarter, wiser, stronger and more beautiful than anyone in that castle,” Sirius said with pride as he took a gulp of his drink.
“Now I know you’re just lying to me.”
“I’m not lying when I say you are the most beautiful person in that castle,” Sirius said and put his drink down.
“It’s sad that I can say ‘I’m not what I used to be’ and I’m only 21,” Shay mumbled, self pity getting the best of her.
“Shay, you look a million times better than when you came back. Sure, you have a few new scars but so what? It wouldn’t matter how different you physically looked. You’re still the most beautiful woman in the world to me,” Sirius said and reached over the table to caress her face.
Shay practically fell into his hand and felt the immediate warmth of it. Sirius had always run hot.
“I wish you could be here with me all the time. The castle gets really lonely,” Shay said with a sigh and a smile.
“I have something for you,” Sirius said and took his hand away.
Shay watched him rummage around in his pocket for a few seconds. He pulled out a small black box.
“Sirius, is that what I think it is?” Shay asked and was suddenly having déjà vu.
“Just let me talk Shay. This ring is yours. I bought this for you and only you. I’ve kept it in this box since the day you gave it back to me. This ring doesn’t have to mean anything you don’t want it to. I’ve just been trying to figure out the perfect time to give it back to you. I know this is getting worse by the moment and not romantic what so ever, but the ring is yours and you can do what you want with it,” Sirius finally finished and set the box in the middle of the table.
Shay looked between Sirius and the box before picking it up. She opened it up and saw the ring that meant so much to her for such a short amount of time. It was everything she remembered. It was beautiful.
Shay put the ring on her left ring finger and Sirius looked a little shocked.
“What if I wanted this to mean that we would spend the rest of our lives together?”
Sirius looked lost for words.
“Sirius, I’m asking you to marry me. Don’t leave me hanging here,” Shay said with a big smile.
“You really want to do this? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted this for a long time, but you didn’t want this a few months ago.”
“And now I do. We’re young and in love, Sirius. I don’t want to waste any more time with this pettiness of dating. I’m completely ready to commit to you and only you.”
Sirius sat a smiled at his bride-to-be for a minute.
“This is a great day,” Sirius said with a face splitting smile.
“Well, I would hope so,” Shay said back with a laugh.
“Can I escort you back to your room?” Sirius asked with a mischievous smile.
“I know what you want and I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that,” Shay said and raised an eyebrow at him.
“We used to do it all the time when we were in school. We conceived our child in that castle.”
“Well, I suppose we do have to celebrate our engagement.”
Sirius stood and held a hand out to Shay.
“Love, let’s go defile Hogwarts.”
Shay and Sirius walked down the corridors of Hogwarts towards her quarters. Sirius kept on wanting to hold her hand but Shay kept shaking him off. It’s not that she didn’t want to hold Sirius’s hand, but there were students out and about. She didn’t want them to know her personal life.
Sirius and Shay reached the living quarters and dashed through the door quickly.
“I didn’t know that you were that embarrassed of me,” Sirius said as Shay slammed the door shut and locked it.
Shay blushed a little.
I’m not embarrassed, Sirius. I just didn’t want any of those kids to get the wrong idea. Did you see the look Flitwick gave us? I’m sure he’ll tell McGonagall and then I’ll never here the end of it.”
“And then what? Do you think we might get detention?” Sirius said with mock horror.
Shay playfully hit him.
“Don’t give me a hard time for being cautious. This is my job.”
“I’m just having fun Shay. You’re a brilliant professor and you shouldn’t worry about what snot-nosed twerps think of you,” Sirius said and wrapped his arms around her.
Shay buried herself into his arms and took in his scent.
“Now, how about that good time?”
Shay woke up the next morning entangled with Sirius. She hadn’t slept that well since she came to Hogwarts. She guessed that it was because she was truly happy now. She felt complete now that she and Sirius were engaged once again. She felt ready and sure this time around. She was thankful that she let herself give Sirius another chance.
Shay was daydreaming about her coming future when a loud, obnoxious banging on her door startled her.
Shay quickly got dressed and opened the door, only to find Jude Borchardt standing there, fist in mid-knock.
“You better have a good reason to be here,” Shay said and held the door closely to her side.
“I was told to come here by Professor Dumbledore. I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Jude asked with a smirk.
Shay noticed that he was trying to look over her head into the room. Shay pushed him back into the hall and closed the door behind her.
“You need to come back later. If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it when I say. Come back after dinner.”
“Rumor has it you were being escorted by none other than Sirius Black. That’s not a very good example for the young ones Professor.”
“You’re on thin ice, Mr. Borchardt. The last thing I want to do is take points from Gryffindor,” Shay said sternly.
“Why can’t we just get this over with now? I have plans tonight.”
“This is more important than whatever girl you have on your agenda. Clear your schedule and be at my office by six or I will come find you,” Shay said and left Jude fuming in the hallway.
“You’re late,” Shay said from her desk as Jude came in.
“It’s 6:05. I was hungry,” Jude said nonchalantly as he took a seat in front of her.
“I’m not going to waste my time if you’re not going to care enough to even show up on time.”
“I showed up this morning and you were too busy with your boyfriend. So technically, you’re wasting my time,” Jude said with that smirk that Shay despised.
“I’m going to be honest with you Jude. I don’t understand what Professor Dumbledore sees in you. But the headmaster asked me for this favor, so I’m here. Now let’s start.”
“First off, do you know what occlumency is?” Shay asked while setting up an area for them to practice.
“I’m not daft. It’s protecting your mind from intrusions.”
“Some what. There’s more to it. It’s being constantly vigilant,” Shay cringed when she realized she quoted Mad-Eye, “it’s an art form. I haven’t let down my shield in over a year. Once when you master it, it’s second to breathing. I want you to clear your mind. I’m going to tell you this right now Borchardt. I have no interest in your past. I would love for you to catch on to this right away and never have to think about it again. But that’s not going to happen and I will see your memories. I want to assure you now that nothing leaves this room. Let’s begin. Stand over there,” Shay said and pointed to about ten feet away.
“Ready yourself,” Shay said and took a long look at Jude.
This was the first time that Shay saw him show nervousness. She actually felt for his current predicament.
“Legilimens,” Shay said loudly so Jude knew what was coming.
Shay easily maneuvered her way through his mind. His memories flashed by her quickly. She saw herself in a couple of them in the beginning. She then stumbled upon a sad memory. A girl Shay recognized from one of her classes seemed very distraught in the memory. Shay decided to pull out.
“Didn’t put up much of a fight.”
“Don’t judge me,” Jude said and was very focused on his own shoes.
“On what?” Shay asked.
“Suzanna. I loved her. Nobody understood that. Just because she’s in Slytherin, doesn’t mean that she’s incapable of loving someone else,” Jude explained and Shay could here the defeat in his voice.
“We can’t control who we love. It’s not like you went looking to fall in love with the enemy.”
“She’s not the enemy,” Jude responded sharply, “She’s just confused.”
“They all are Borchardt. Clear your mind and let’s have another go at it. Don’t forget to push back. I’m going easy on you at this point,” Shay said and watched Jude ready himself.
“Ready?” Shay asked.
Jude nodded his head and Shay carried on. Shay was traveling through his memories again. She saw some happy times with Jude and Suzanna. She saw when Jude was sorted into Gryffindor and even when he received his letter. He didn’t seem to mind that Shay was seeing these. It annoyed her more because he was supposed to be fighting. So she dug deeper. That’s when she met Jude’s family. It all seemed perfectly normal. Two loving parents, a nice home. Then Shay saw what seemed to be Jude’s younger brother. That’s when Jude fought back. Shay felt his anger and struggle but wasn’t ready to let up. Shay got to when he was about seven when he finally broke free.
“That was better. But you still let me in for too long. Let’s go again,” Shay said.
Jude started to gather his stuff.
“I’m not doing this anymore. I didn’t sign up for this.”
“Jude, the process takes time. I’m not judging you on any of this. There’s not much to judge about your life,” Shay said, trying to calm him down.
“Just because I wasn’t captured by You-Know-Who doesn’t mean I haven’t had troubles,” Jude stated while heading towards the door.
“I never said that Borchardt. I know it has to do with your brother. We all have issues with our siblings.”
“What would you know about it?” Jude questioned.
“A lot. We can’t control who we’re related to.”
“I’m done with this,” Jude said and swung the door open to leave.
“Mr. Borchardt, I expect to see you the same time next week,” Shay said from the middle of the room.
She didn’t get a response, just a slammed door.
Shay couldn’t help but be curious as to what Jude Borchardt was hiding.
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