Chapter 7 : Losing my Sanity and Manhood.
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A/N Yes I know, I need to update faster and I will from now on I promise :) So I think this story will be a few more chapters, although it might get longer, we’ll see :D And thanks to all the readers and reviewers and although I have never done this before I have decided to dedicate this chapter to…
For loving my story so much. Yay! So anyway on to the chapter now…:D
What is wrong with the Weasels? I mean do they honestly think I care? Does anyone actually care what the colour of Fred’s wardrobe used to be before he died and the troubles Teddy Lupin is having with his nappy and how the freaking dinner date between mudblood Granger and Ron went?
Well unless it was a complete and utter disaster, I sure don’t give damn.
And yet here I am, wedged between she-Weasel and soon to be she-Weasel.
The only consolidation is that at least I don’t have to be near... IT (aka the most bloody atrocious kisser in the freaking world)
No, okay so maybe he wasn’t that bad but HELLOOOOO!?? Full-blooded male with a definite attraction towards woman here!
I’d rather not get assaulted by these muggle lovers as soon as I enter their premises. I mean, is that too much to ask for?
Well, clearly it was.
That’d be the name of the woman whose body I am now inhabiting.
“Yes?” I replied as politely as I could.
This ‘let’s just act like we’re one big happy family’ thing is tiring. I don’t know how people do this all day.
“Did you find him?” Hermione asked and at the blank look I gave her, she rolled her eyes and clarified, “Drake.”
“Drake... the other male wizard?” Ginny said in a ‘how do you not know what we are talking about’ voice.
Irritating to say the least.
“Sorry, I really have no idea...” I trailed off when a sudden realisation dawned on me.
They are talking about me. She and Caitlynn were talking about me.
I felt my heart clench at the thought.
“Well?” She-weasel demanded.
“Oh yes, we met all right,” I muttered.
“And...? How was it? Potential husband material?”
What kind of question is that? Of course I am.
“Yes. Smart and good-looking. Everything one should look for in a man.” I’m not being self-obsessed, but I am damn near perfection. Loads of girls tell me so.
“Really?” Hermione asked sceptically.
“I mean, he is,” I hastily corrected myself.
“Unfortunately, I’m really not good enough for him, you see —”
“Of course you are, and if he says otherwise than he is definitely not good enough for you,” Ginny interrupted.
“Caitlynn Granger!” Mr. Weasley' voice boomed intruding the conversation and shaking my hand. “I’m Arthur Weasley, it is such a pleasure to meet you.”
“It’s nice” cringe “to meet you too.”
“Well I have so many things to ask you about fascinating muggle inventions. Did you know you can watch people perform in this funny looking box called a TB —”
“A TV,” Hermione corrected.
“But of course you would know that,” he sighed. “Intriguing, simply fascinating.”
“Dad, stop bothering Caitlynn with —”
A knocking sound echoed in the house, interrupting Ginny. I observed Molly Weasley wringing out water from a cloth and wiping her hands on her apron before opening the entrance door. As the conversation with the person on the other side lingered past the length of casual conversation and delved into a more serious debate, Arthur, with a frown etched on his forehead, walked past the curious onlookers in the house before reeling backwards in recognition and asking angrily,
“What are you doing here, Malfoy?”
WHAT!! For the love of all that is good and pure in the world, tell me that is not my father or God forbid… me.
“Please come in,” Molly offered somewhat politely.
“Thank you,” my voice answered and I felt myself tempted to strangle that blithering idiot for coming here in MY body.
The silence in the house was deafening as the Weasels and Potter seized up… well me technically.
I stood up and walked towards Caitlynn…me…Caitlynn inhabiting my body.
“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing here?!” I hissed.
“Draco Malfoy… what do you want?” Potter demanded from somewhere on my left.
“None of your business Potter,” I sneered.
“Caitlynn!” Hermione exclaimed, shocked.
“What?” Caitlynn answered from my body.
“I was talking to Caitlynn,” Hermione said, looking towards my body.
“I am Caitl… Oh right I’m Draco Malfoy.”
“And I’m Caitlynn Granger.”
“We know that,” Ginny put in, oh-so-helpfully.
Granger gave Ginny a bewildered look and shrugged.
Wow. This is going to get really confusing.
“So, Ahem.” Caitlynn continued clearing her throat (well my throat) attempting to get everyone’s attention, achieving that, but somehow managing to choke on her own spit.
Of course, she doesn’t care that she is destroying, obliterating, ruining MY reputation.
Dim-witted idiot. And yes, not simply an idiot but a dim-witted one. Shit, not even Pansy was this bad.
“Can I borrow Dra… Caitlynn for just a second. Please…okay? Yes…great then,” she said then dragged me out of the house before I could put in a word leeway.
“Mate, tell me I did not just see Malfoy haul ‘ermione’s cousin outside for a conversation,” I heard Ronald’s voice carry across the room.
There goes my reputation. Right down the drain. All because some crazy muggle chick doesn’t have an ounce of common sense.
“So… whassup?” Caitlynn asks once we’re outside, and out of earshot.
“Wassup? WHASSUP!?” I yell at her incredulously.
“Not all that great. That’s fine. I know, we all have our days —”
“You’d better have an excellent reason for being here or there will be bloodshed,” I threatened.
“Calm down, jeez. Stop being such a hormonal…woman.”
She did not just… I am going to kill her. I swear to God…
“I’ve been thinking —”she starts.
“Well, don’t overwork yourself, you might get hurt if you do something you’re not used to,” I nastily interrupted her.
Her mouth (my mouth) twitched in anger.
“Ask Hermione about the shop owner who switched our bodies so that we can return to our own bodies as soon as possible, although I do understand why you would want to be me a little longer, I have no desire to stay in your ugly, balding body.”
“You need to get your eyesight checked if you think I’m ugly and trust me, the feeling is completely mutual.”
“Whatever,” I mimicked.
We glared at each other.
“And just as a warning Draco, don’t you dare take a shower or change your clothes. If you so much as look at my body I will…oh you don’t even want to know what I will do to you,” she threatened.
“Don’t worry, it’s not like there is anything worth seeing.”
“Very piercing argument Granger.”
“Just ask about the stupid shop dude and meet me at Diagonily in—”
“Where…? Oh you mean Diagon Alley. Sorry I keep forgetting the fact that you are a lowly muggle with no knowledge of the Wizarding World.”
“Caitlynn!” Granger suddenly called out from the house and runs up to us.
“Yes? I mean…” Caitlynn elbowed me.
“What?” I asked angrily.
“Oh nothing, just that dinner is ready, if you want,” Hermione told me, cocking her head to one side, trying to decipher my anger.
“Hermione?” Caitlynn asked from my body.
What is she doing?!
“What do you want Malfoy? And I wasn’t aware we were on first name basis.”
“We aren’t? Oh. Since when?”
“Since forever,” I hissed.
“Well, never mind then, I just wanted to ask if you knew where the guy who owns the shop lives? You know the one who grants wishes?”
“How do you know about the shop, Malfoy?” Hermione asked suspiciously.
“Caitlynn told me.”
“Why?” Hermione turned towards me.
“Well, I don’t know where he lives but I do know he will be on a boat cruise in two days, at the Gray Port. Why?”
“Curiosity killed the cat, Granger,” I sneered at her.
“Caitlynn, why are you so angry at me?” Hermione asked, a line forming between her brows. At the silence following her question she said, “Look. I’ll see you at dinner and you can tell me afterwards, okay?”
“Whatever,” I told her dismissively and Hermione, with one last look at the both of us, ambled back inside the house.
“Could you be any more of a jerk?”
“Nope,” I answered.
“Well as long as you’re in my body, could you attempt to be civil or is that too much to ask for?”
“Since it does no good to stand here and argue, let’s just meet at Gray Port in two days, okay?”
“Are you going to keep answering me in monosyllabic words?”
“You’re so immature.”
“I’m going to leave now.”
As she walked off in my body a realisation hit me. Two days. Two freaking days. TWO WHOLE FREAKING DAYS!!
Bloody hell, I need to turn my karma around.
“Caitlynn, could you pass me the chicken please?” Ginny asked.
After registering she was talking to me, I grudgingly passed her the plate. I’m Draco Malfoy! I don’t serve muggle lovers or anyone else for that matter. And yes I am aware that there is a first time for everything but I’m not liking it. I was, after all, born to be superior.
“I’m feeling a little nauseous so I think I will excuse myself,” I muttered, standing up and exiting the table.
As I walked up the winding staircase to the bedrooms I heard footsteps behind me. Whipping around I was faced with…Percy. Of course it would be him, with my luck.
“What do you want?”
“I wanted to apologize, for…kissing you earlier this evening. I understand if you do not reciprocate my feelings,” Percy mumbled.
“Good, because I don’t,” I sniffed at him and continued my ascent to my room, leaving a heart-broken Weasel behind. I guess one good thing did come out of this whole mess.
I entered the room and lay down on my assigned bed. I closed my eyes in fatigue but a knock stopped me from entering the realms of dreams. Ignoring the insistent knock, I rolled over putting me head under the pillow. The door opened a crack.
“Caitlynn?” Granger asked timidly, entering the room.
“What?” I mumbled into the pillow.
“Why are you so angry all the time? Is this about your parents? Or is this some guy problem… Chase?”
My vision blackened with the sudden surge of jealously that took over me.
“No it’s not about Chase!” I snapped at her.
Not that I know who he is, but I hate the bastard already.
Granger sighed and sat down on the bed, making it sink slightly.
“Okay… Is this about Draco then?”
My eyes widened in shock at the casual mention of my first name from her. She mistakenly deduced my surprise and said knowingly,
“Aha. It is about Draco.”
“I… no. I mean yes, but not in the way you think.”
Why am I trying to be honest with her? Why do I even care what she thinks?
“You know, if you do have…feelings for Draco Malfoy I won’t stop you from pursing him.”
“Really? Why not, you hate his guts,” I asked. This was definitely the last thing I was expecting from Granger.
“He’s… not as bad as everyone thinks he is and after all the prejudice I had to go through for being muggleborn, I feel like judging him for being a Malfoy would be just as wrong. And with his upbringing he’s had… well it’s like brainwash isn’t it? I think if we gave him a chance he could really prove himself worthy.”
I looked at her with my mouth gaping open in utter astonishment.
“Caitlynn?” Hermione waved a hand in front of my face.
“Err… that was…deep.”
“I tend to come up with these philosophical thoughts now and then. So spill. What’s got you all wrapped around Draco’s finger?”
“Um. It’s because he is…”
You’d think coming up with compliments for yourself was easy. And it used to be, before Granger came up with the genius idea of complimenting me when I least expected it.
“Well he is like a dragon,” I started.
Where did I come up with that!? Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to go with it now.
“You know, free and strong and powerful with striking wings, flapping away into the sunset. But he is also a handsome male, smart and…manly. So Draco is like a dragon and a male in one person…but not in a mutant kind of way.”
That has got to be the most god-awful compliment I have ever given myself.
“His name is Draco…” Hermione laughed after a beat of silence.
“Exactly,” I smirked at her.
If someone had told me I would be having a normal, casual conversation with Hermione Granger 24 hours ago I would have laughed in their faces but now…
“So you think Draco is like a dragon then?”
Okay so maybe not a normal conversation, but still.
I shook my head, “Can we talk about something else?”
“Yeah of course, so what do you want to talk about? Ooh, did I tell you Ron and I went on a date last night?”
“And…” I asked making a ‘go on’ motion with my hand. I am trying to be a nice person and therefore I am humouring her, just like a nice person would.
“Well it was perfect… until he asked me what my bra size was 10 minutes into the date… It was pretty much downhill from there.”
I looked at her, my eyes wide, before throwing my head back in laughter.
“Seriously? And how long have you been dreaming about this perfect date?” I teased.
“Shut up,” she grumbled.
I raised my eyebrows at her.
“Okay fine, since I was fourteen but trust me, this was never the way I had imagined it,” she threw her hands up exasperatedly.
“He was always a thick, emotionally stunted prat. But he likes you so I’m sure it’ll get better, probably…maybe… most probably. It's not like it can get any worse,” I smirked.
“That makes me feel so much bett… hey, how do you know so much about Ron?”
“I…you…” I babbled, “I… you told me remember, in one of the letters…”
I nodded vigorously.
“It’s not a bad thing though right? To be small-chested… right?”
Err… this conversation is getting a bit too personal and disturbing for me.
“Right?!” Hermione practically demanded.
“No, of course not,” I shook my head, “Having a small chest is… a good thing.”
“Well yes… because then, when…”
I have no idea where I’m going with this.
“When you walk… you don’t have flesh moving independently from the main frame…”
What just came out of my mouth?
“Which you know, as one woman to another...”
I cannot believe I just said that…OI SALAZAR, GIVE ME BACK MY MANHOOD!
I swallowed. “You know, it can be unpractical to have…such large…”
DRACO MALFOY… SHUT UP NOW.
Granger looks at me and laughs.
“Okay, well I’ll keep that in mind,” she smirked.
Merlin, I’m alive. Good god, I’m still alive after that nerve-wracking conversation. I don’t know how I survived.
I’m alive! I’M ALIVE!!
Without my sanity or my manhood but I’ll take what I can get.
“So anyway, I’m sure you’re tired so I’ll let you sleep but if you need anything you can come downstairs okay?” Hermione said. “Oh wait, I almost forgot.”
Hermione stood up and rummaged into a drawer, finding a thin black notebook with a string keeping the book closed.
“Here you go… your diary. Remember how you told me to keep it until the next time we met, well here you go. And I promise I didn’t read it.”
“Oh.” I took the diary from her hand.
“Okay well, call me if you need anything,” Hermione said as she exited our room, closing the door behind her.
As I lay back in my bed, I felt my hand itching towards the black thin diary, the one where Caitlynn had poured all her intimate secrets and thoughts into. Letting out a deep breath I sat up again, turned on the bedside lamp and began reading her journal.
A/N So any thoughts or comments, I would really appreciate anything at all. And yes, I am aware that it is really confusing at times because when I orignally came up with the idea I was like 'cool idea' and posted the chapters and then realised how impossible it was to write without getting lost in who's who and whatnot. But anyway tell me what you think :D Hey look, what is that totally cool looking button at the bottom of the page saying ‘review’?! Oh wow, don’t you really want to test it out and tell me what you think? I know you really want to… Please? And again thanks for all the reviews, it really keeps me going :D
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