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Versicolor by HarryPotter is my LIFE
Chapter 9 : I Wanna Live a Life Like That, I Wanna be Just Like a King
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 5

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I wanna live a life like that,
I wanna be just like a King,
Take my picture by the pool,
‘Cause I’m the next big thing

“Aldan Black! Get the hell off me!”

Ugh, foiled again.

I’d put a whole three weeks into getting into Katie’s trousers and she continued to push me off any time my hands roamed lower than her belly-button. Katie was a Chaser with me on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and an older woman.

“Aww, come on, Katie!”

She got up off my bed and readjusted her shirt so that I couldn’t even get a good look at her bra clad boobies as she scolded me.

“I already told you that I won’t sleep with someone I’m not dating.”

“And I already told you I don’t date people.”

Katie shook her head. “Well, then we’re at an impasse.”

I didn’t know exactly what an ‘imp-ass’ was, but I couldn’t let Katie know that. I tried to use figure it out based on her mood: moody.

I thought that maybe it meant a waiting period. You know . . . So that we could all cool down before a fight started. Then we could talk again.

“Fine, then, I’ll see you later.”

Katie looked at me in confusion and slight anger before turning around and leaving. When I met up in the Great Hall with Dean later I asked him what he though about Katie and how ridiculous she was being.

When I finished telling him the story, Dean was shaking his head. “I think she overestimates your intelligence. Impasse means a deadlock. You know, there’s no way out of a situation.”

I still didn’t quite understand. Dean must have picked that up on my face. “It means because she won’t sleep with you without dating her, and you won’t date her, that you’re stuck and never getting laid.”

I took in the new found information. “Well, that fucking sucks.”

“You know, you could try dating her,” Dean suggested. “You two are friends anyway. Maybe you’ll like dating.” He shrugged.

“I could . . .” I responded. “Nah. There’s no sense in working so hard on her when there are lots of other girls in Hogwarts that will give it up after a few weeks of snogging and convincing.”

“How am I friends with you?” Dean asked, laughing.

“Speaking of girlfriends, how’s Weasley?” I asked. Ginny Weasley was a Fifth year and so, so, hot. I’d tried to sway Ginny Weasley over to the dark side with me many a-time, but to no avail. Ron Weasley threatened me a few times because of it, but honestly, I didn’t find him all that scary.

Ginny,” Dean stressed her first name, “is great. She’s beautiful and hilarious and I really enjoy spending time with her.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” I gave Dean a look.

“Well, if you must know, there hasn’t been any shagging.” Dean looked pained to say it. I had a hunch that he didn’t care that he wasn’t fucking Weasley, but he did care that he had to tell me. I wouldn’t want to tell me that I wasn’t fucking my girlfriend. No, sir.

I decided I needed another helping of mashed potatoes before I could take the mickey out of him. After grabbing a heap, I opened my mouth to make a comment, but when I turned around, Dean had gotten up and was already halfway towards the door.

“Smart bloke,” I mumbled to myself.

“Talking to yourself makes people think you’re mad,” Cat advised, as she walked by with Lupin, offering a cheeky smile.

She is so damn hot, I thought to myself, admiring the way her perky little bum swung as she walked down the table.

“Hey, are you looking at my lady?” Seamus asked, swinging into the seat next to me.

“She’s your lady already?” I asked, knowing that the two had been flirting since I successfully put an axe through Lupin and Seamus’ stupid little thing.

“Not yet, but we’re getting there,” he replied in a muffled voice. (Muffled voices are what happen when you stuff your face with food, then talk. Luckily, Seamus and I both spoke that language and could understand each other well.)

Seamus finished eating, then continued. “Cat’s really reluctant because she thinks that Lupin will be upset. Just the other day she started a fight with Lupin for no good reason. Well, Cat said it was because she felt so bad that all she could think to do was taunt Lupin, but in my opinion, that’s no good reason.” He shrugged. “Girls . . . What can you do?”

“I’m going to go ahead and give you fair warning now. I will be taking your sloppy seconds when you two break up. I’ve had my eye on her since I was, like, five. And I’ve had two eyes on her since I was thirteen. Now all I need to do is get my-”

“Hey now,” Seamus interrupted what was going to be a very inappropriate (well, some people would consider it to be) statement. “We haven’t even started going out yet. Let’s not predict the premature end of what could be a great relationship.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes at Seamus. “I don’t even know how I’m friends with you and Dean. You’re both so . . . Nice.”

I glanced at my watch and sighed. My nice, relaxing lunch was over and I had to go to class. Usually, I liked to skip class, but Mum and Dad had recently threatened something about sending my broomstick into the Whomping Willow if I didn’t start ‘getting a proper education’ and ‘being a somewhat respectable wizard.’

I said goodbye to Seamus and slung my bag over my shoulder, getting ready to meet up with Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. We all had Diviniation together. And if you’re wondering, yeah, I tapped that. Both of that.

Will was walking into the Great Hall as I was walking in. I fought the urge. Honestly, I did. I tried to remember what Mum had said: “Be a nice person or we’re throwing your broomstick to the tree.” (The least that could be said for my parents was that they knew how to get a reaction out of me.)

But I couldn’t. “Hiya, fruitcake!” I waved enthusiastically at my brother.

He scowled at me and kept walking with his ‘friend.’ I say ‘friend’ with quotations because I was pretty sure they were secret lovers.

I didn’t hate my brother, I just got more amusement out of being mean to him than I would have if I was nice.

I’d only walked a few metres out the door when Lavender walked up beside me. “Hey, Al.”

“Hey, cutie,” I replied, flashing a super charming grin. She blushed and I knew I was getting some that night. Lavender and I had a very simple relationship. We were friends who sometimes shagged each other when each of our love lives were slow. Well, Lavender’s love life – my sex life. I openly admitted that I loved no one other than myself and chocolate cake with chocolate ice cream on top.

I hated Divination, but I was able to put up with it because of Lavendar and Parvati, who were nice to look at the whole time. Not to mention, it was darn easy to bullshit my way to an ‘A’ which was the highest grade anyone would ever see out of me. Despite all that, I wouldn’t have taken the class if my Dad hadn’t pointed out that I didn’t have much to choose from. (Let’s just say I didn’t get many O.W.L.s. – But really, who needs O.W.L.s when they’re going to become a Pro Quidditch player?)

We made our way to the highest tower. We were nearly to the top when Parvati caught up with us. “I’m so excited for class today. We’re going to be using crystal balls again!”

Lavender agreed and the girls squealed in excitement. And therein lay the fatal flaw in my two closet female friends . . . The really liked Divination. It was no secret to them that I thought the class was a complete joke, but it was easy to keep the peace as long as I didn’t actually mention it.

At the head of the classroom, Professor Trelawney was telling our class (most of whom were now paying attention) how to use our ‘inner eye’ to see shapes and shit in the crystal ball. Obviously, I wasn’t paying attention.

Let’s just say that Lavender’s massive assets looked awesome that day. Her long blonde hair curled down her face, past her smooth, pink lips and over her tightly fitting shirt. I shook my head and looked away, imagining anything but hot girls. Let’s just say there had been . . . incidents in class before.

Soon Trelawney let us free and wild. Well, not very wild since most people who were there wanted to be.

She came over to our table and I sat in pain as I listened to Lavender squeal about a cute boy that was going to want to date her. Parvarti’s inner eye – in her words – was clouded that day, so Trelawney turned to me. I even put a little effort into trying to see things in the mist. Bust really it just looked like a cloudy sky, so I made shit up.

“I see someone that I am friends with – she is very young and naïve – crying because she’s sad. And there’s emotional pain. And one of my other friends is the cause. He feels remorse but he couldn’t take it back,” I said solemnly.

Trelawney nodded and smiled creepily as I predicted someone’s bad day. “Yes, Mr. Black I see this to be true. Look out for this in the coming days.”

I rolled my eyes as she finally walked away.

“What a good prediction, Al,” Parvati said sarcastically.

“Hey, it could be you,” I joked as I put on my crown for ‘best bullshiter ever.’

“Well, you just be careful, Al. You don’t want to be right,” she warned.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I’ll do just that.”

Lavender looked at me, very pretty and maybe a little pissed off.

I winked suggestively at her. With the hateful look still on her face, she began to rub her leg against mine. Being angry always seemed to pique Lavender’s interest in me.

When the bell rang, I don’t think I’d ever seen Lavender fly from the stuffy, flowery-smelling classroom so quickly. We barely said goodbye to Parvati and we were off. I chased Lavender all the way down to my common room in Gryffindor tower and up the stairs to my dorm.

Please don’t let anyone be in there, I prayed.

I was lucky; when we threw open the door, there was no one in the room.

And as soon as the door was shut behind us, Lavender jumped onto my bed and tore off her robes, then her shirt. I climbed on top of her and she began kissing my neck. She pulled out her wand and locked the door.

In case you’re wondering, yes, Lavender was locking the door because we’d accidentally had an audience before. But really, hasn’t everyone?

“You are so sexy,” Lavender whispered as she unbuttoned my shirt. She left my tie, though. She really liked to use it to pull me nice and close.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

She rolled her eyes and me and rolled over so that she was sitting on top of me. To the right, I heard the doorknob jiggle.

Lavender unhooked her bra and I saw Godric. “Now, why don’t you-”


W. T. F.

“Fuck off!” I yelled at the intruder outside the door.

“No!” the intruder yelled back.

Seamus . . . Damn you . . .

“Seamus, whatever it is that you need from this room, you can wait!” Through the knocks and the conversation, Lavender had not stopped kissing me and running her hands over my body.

“Al, let me in.”

Time to bring out the big guns.

“Dude, I’m fucking.”

There was silence outside the door, then footsteps that grew quieter and quieter until there was no noise left.

“Oh, Al you’re so good at getting people to leave!” Lavender praised.

“You know what else I’m good at?” I winked suggestively and then we had sex.


Later that week (Friday, to be exact) I was hanging around the common room, goofing off with Seamus and Dean when Cat and Lupin came over and sat down.

Damn, now I have to stop being inappropriate.

I tried to reign in my awesome when Lupin was around. I didn’t want to impress my bad values on my little sister.

Lupin sat down on the arm of the sofa and Cat squeezed in next to Seamus. I was all happy for Seamus that Cat was into him, but really, it was a three-person couch.

“So, what’s going on tonight?” Lupin asked, clearly trying to find out if there was a party going on. There was, but I was going to be super stealthy and not let her figure it out.

“We’re probably going to get a party started a little later.”

Damn you, Dean!

“Sounds fun,” Lupin said appreciatively. She nodded her head, like she was trying to tell everyone she was going.

“It’s not!” I burst. “In, fact, it’s going to be super lame. Probably a real sausage-fest.”

Lupin raised an eyebrow at me. “Well, luckily I’m into guys and not girls.”

Damn you, Al!

“I mean, it’s going to be a real, er . . .” I tried to find a non-offensive way to say –

“Don’t listen to your brother, Lupin,” Seamus said. “It’s going to be fun. You and Cat should both come.” He threw an arm around Cat’s shoulders and she smiled at the touch.

They were officially dating. I was happy that he and Cat were dating. But more than I was happy, I was jealous that he was going to get to add Cat to his list before I could. And even more than that, I was a little bit protective of her virtue. It may not seem like it (seeing as everyone and their mother knows that Cat was the first one on my “To-Do” list) but she was like a little sister to me, and if it wasn’t going to be me defiling her innocence, I didn’t want it to be anyone.

But, Seamus was my boy, and I had already stopped him from getting some once that year (justified, on the grounds of the girl was my little sister) so I let it go.

I looked around the common room, looking for Lavender, or perhaps another girl who wanted to throw herself into my arms. Between my last name and my dashing good looks, it really was never hard.


I was born to be a Quidditch playing Sex God and I loved my life.

A/N: Apologies for the spacing - I always seem to have trouble with that!

A/N2: As with every single chapter since I've come back from my hiatus, I need to give credit where credit is due - BellaCamille. I just want to thank her so much for all the time she puts into helping me make my chapters the absolute best they can be and just for the continued support she gives me in general!

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