Chapter 19 : What is Love?
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Rose was sitting in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express reading her book for almost an hour. She had just finished chapter 9 when she heard a banging on the door. Looking up, she saw Jill standing there. Rose nodded her head for her to come in.
“Mind if I sit with you? Lisa is making out with her boyfriend, Toby, and I didn’t really feel like watching,” Jill said sweetly.
“Sure,” Rose said while flipping back to the page in her book.
Jill walked in and closed the door behind her. Sitting down, she pulled out a stack of parchment that was bundled together in a folder that looked like it was falling apart.
Rose asked, “What is that?”
“Oh, it’s just my sketches,” Jill smiled sweetly while opening the folder and pulling out one of the papers. She handed it to Rose; it was a sketch of the fat lady. “I’ve drawn everyone in this school at least twice, and I’ve done all the paintings.”
“You’ve done everyone, even the teachers?” Rose asked, handing back the sketch.
“Especially the teachers, I usually do them during class, though. I draw what I see,” Jill said as she filed the paper back into the folder.
“So what are you drawing now?” Rose asked, seeing that Jill was working on a new sketch.
“Well this one is actually scenery,” she said while holding up the picture; it was of a window from a compartment on the train, and the trees were blurring by as if they were outside.
“So, you have done everyone?” Rose said impressed.
“Yup everyone,” Jill said in agreement.
“Impressive,” Rose looked back down at her book.
Jill wasn’t paying attention anymore; she was drawing. They sat like that for two hours. At one point, Rose could hear the noise of students walking down the hall. Looking up, she saw Albus and Ben walk by with Stacy right behind them. Stacy stopped at the door and looked at Rose; she looked like she might walk in, but she shook her head of the thought and followed Albus and Ben.
“Do you miss Stacy?” Jill asked without looking up from her picture.
“A little, she’s been my best friend since we were eight. Her mother was friends with my mom when they were young, and then she ended up being a witch and coming to Hogwarts.” Rose smiled to herself, “It was almost like we were meant to be best friends”
“So is she mad at you about the whole Quidditch thing?”
Shaking her head, Rose said, “No. She’s mad because she thinks I’ve changed, and she doesn’t like it.”
“Well you have changed,” Jill said knowingly.
Thinking of Scorpius, Rose said, “I’ve been getting that a lot lately.”
Rose looked down to her watch and slammed her book shut. Pulling down her bag, she put the book inside and pulled out a small badge which she placed on her robe. “I’ve got prefect duties. I’ll be back later.”
Jill didn’t even lift her head.
The train had finally stopped, and Rose was one of the first people off it. She saw her father and made a bee-line right for his arms. “Hi daddy,” she said as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and squeezed him.
“Hey, Rosie,” Ron said, squeezing her back.
Letting go of him, Rose looked to her mother. Hermione smiled, but there was a bit of shock on her face. “Rose, are you feeling alright? You look ill,” she asked before hugging her daughter.
“I’m fine, mum,” Rose said, wiggling out of her mother’s arms. “I’m just tired is all.” Hugo walked up behind Rose and gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“Well I guess we are ready to go,” Hermione said, and the four of them walked out of platform 9 and ¾ together.
The moment Rose walked into her house, she went straight to her room and put on an oversized sweatshirt and comfy pants. Crashing into her bed, she fell asleep immediately and didn’t wake up until morning.
“GET UP!” Rose heard a hushed voice yell. She rolled over on her side as she felt someone try to shake her awake.
“Rose Weasley, get up right this instant,” the voice said again.
“What?” Rose whined, opening one eye to see who was disturbing her sleep. Seeing her mother standing over her bed with her arms crossed, Rose flipped over so her back was facing her mother.
“Rose, wake up,” Hermione said, walking to her window and opening the curtains that blanketed the room in darkness.
“Mum,” Rose groaned, pulling her covers over her head.
“No, no, no, none of that,” Hermione said as she pulled the blankets back down. “You have been hiding in here for three days; it’s time to come out.”
Rose opened her eyes and looked at the clock on her dresser. “It’s six thirty in the morning, mum.”
“Exactly,” her mother said sternly. “I want you up, dressed, and downstairs in ten minutes.” Then she walked out the door and closed it loudly behind her.
Rose sighed and sat up in bed. Standing up, she walked over to her dresser and pulled out a long red sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. Her mother was right about her hiding out in her room. She wouldn’t do anything but sleep because when she was asleep, she didn’t have to think or worry about anything. All she had to do was close her eyes and let her subconscious take over. During the few hours she was awake, her mind wandered and she would end up thinking about Scorpius and all the things he said. Sleep was just a good way of avoiding it.
Rose looked out her window. The ground was covered in snow, and the sky was gray just like every winter in England. Closing her eyes, Rose took a deep breath: she loved mornings like these. They always looked so quiet and peaceful. She could remember how she and Scorpius would sometimes wake up early on the weekends and walk around outside drinking coffee and talking.
Shaking her head of the thought, she closed her curtains and walked to the bathroom. She turned on the water and hopped in the shower. She didn’t care if her mother wanted her down stairs in ten minutes; her lack of hygiene the past few days was enough to make Rose feel like she had every germ in the world on her.
Getting out of the shower, she combed her hair, brushed her teeth, and got dressed, taking as much time as she wanted to. It was Christmas Eve, and Rose knew that meant her mother was going to put her to work, and she really wanted to prolong it for as long as possible. But when it got to the point that she couldn’t do anything else, she had to make her way downstairs.
“Hey sleepy head,” Ron joked.
Rose just waved a hand and sat down beside her dad, who was laughing at her. Reaching out, she grabbed a cup and poured herself some coffee.
Her mother was standing over by the stove; it had four huge pots boiling on it. Her mother stirred one of the pots as she looked down at a book she was reading. Taking some tomatoes, she chopped them up and pushed them into one of the pots.
Taking a sip of her coffee, Rose closed her eyes. She heard a loud thumping come down the stairs. “Good morning, mum,” Hugo said while he walked over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Morning, dear, you need to hurry up and eat. You and your father are going to get a tree in a few minutes,” she said sweetly.
Rose groaned. That meant she was going to be stuck at home cooking all day. Hugo walked over to the table and purposefully bumped Rose on the head. “Prat,” she said loudly then took another sip of her coffee.
“Well someone is crabby this morning,” Hugo said, taking a seat next to her and grabbing a piece of toast.
“I am not,” Rose said defensively, opening her eyes long enough to pick up some bacon.
Hugo sat up in his chair, “What’s gotten into her?” he said, nodding toward his sister.
The whole kitchen was silent. That was one question everyone wanted to know the answer to. Hermione went back to cooking, looked at her watch, and said, “Boys, if you are going to go get a tree, you better get going.”
Hugo finished his toast, stood up, and wiped his hands on his shirt. “I’ll go get my coat.”
Ron stood up and put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. He kissed the top of her head and said, “Make sure your mother watches the clock for the turkey.”
Rose laughed, “I will.”
“Shut up, Ron,” Hermione said in a stressed voice.
Laughing, Ron walked over to Hermione and gave her kiss on the lips. “I’ll be back soon,” he said. Hermione nodded, and then he walked out the door.
After finishing her bacon, Rose stood up and walked over to her mum. “So what am I working on?” she asked sweetly.
Hermione looked up; she knew something was wrong because Rose never acted sad, but right now she looked miserable. “You can start by peeling potatoes,” she said, handing over the peeler.
Rose took it and walked over to the island where the potatoes were stacked neatly in a bowl. While she worked on the potatoes, her mind wandered to the forbidden thoughts of Scorpius Malfoy.
Hermione stopped what she was doing and turned around to look at Rose.
Rose didn’t know why she said that; it just kind of popped out. She was just standing there shelling peas and letting her mind wander when the question sucked its way out of her mind and onto her lips.
After turning down the flame on the stove and waving her wand so the spoon would stir on its own, Hermione turned around. Smiling, she wiped her hand on her apron and walked over to Rose. She grabbed some peas and started to shell them. “Why do you want to know?” she asked.
“Just curious,” Rose looked her mother in the eye.
Hermione thought for a while and then smiled. “Well,” she started, “Your father and I didn’t get along much during school. We were friends, but we argued all the time.”
“Who would have predicted that,” Rose said sarcastically.
Hermione looked at her daughter and laughed. “You know, Rose, the way I figured out I was in love with your father was by the way I felt when I wasn’t around him.”
Rose raised an eyebrow at her mother, slightly confused.
Hermione looked down at the peas and continued, “It’s funny, but it was like when I wasn’t with your father—or at least near him—I constantly found myself thinking about him.” Rose froze at her mother’s words. “I couldn’t have stopped thinking about him even if I wanted to; it took almost all the will that I had to focus on anything else.” Hermione laughed a bit.
Rose, not even focused on her peas now, was looking at her mother. “You knew you were in love with him because you were always thinking about him?”
It was also the way I felt when I was around him. I always got this tight knot in my stomach, and I would become very nervous, and all he had to do was say the slightest comment to me or just make a tiny gesture and he would cause my heart to melt,” she said with a smile.
“So you knew you were in love with him because he made you feel good?” Rose asked.
“No, love, it was much more than that. Your father had a way of making me feel special when most people thought I was just a bossy know-it-all and couldn’t wait to get rid of me.” Thinking about it, Hermione said, “Ron actually was one of the few people who would seek me out just to talk to me.”
Rose smiled at her mother.
Hermione chuckled slightly at her memories and cleared her throat. “The point is that your father accepted me for everything I was. He accepted not just a tiny part of me, but all of me. And he didn’t care that I had any flaws or that I could be annoyingly persistent, he just loved me for me.”
Rose nodded and looked back down at her peas. She could feel her mother’s eyes on her, and she knew it had been a bad idea to ask her mother a question like that. Rose couldn’t help but get the feeling that her mother was going to push her into telling why she wanted to know, but before her mother got the chance to speak, the kitchen door flung open and her father popped his head inside and said, “Hermione, come here for a second.”
Hermione looked at Ron: he had such an excited look on his face. She looked back over to Rose to see if she was going to budge in the slightest way about who she was talking about. But the way her head was down and how she looked so focused on the peas she was shelling told she wasn’t going to say anything. So wiping her hands on her apron, Hermione walked with her husband out of the kitchen.
Rose was relieved to have her mother be gone for a moment. She needed a second to recompose herself. She knew that was a close call, and she made a mental note not to bring that subject up with her mother again. She was shelling the last of the peas when she heard a slight laugh come from the dining room.
She walked over to the kitchen door and slightly cracked it just enough so she could see what was going on. What she saw wasn’t what she had expected. She saw her mother with a huge smile on her face as she delicately held a small charm in her hand. Her father was looking at her mother eagerly, and he asked, “Do you like it?”
“Of course I do, Ron,” she smiled and leaped into his arms to give him a kiss. It was funny, but to Rose, they looked like they were teenagers again. Rose rarely saw that at all, and she closed the door to give them some privacy.
Looking around the kitchen, Rose didn’t see anything left to do. Walking up to her room, she figured her mother would call if she needed anything else.
When she got to her room, she slowly went over to her desk and pulled out the piece of parchment that she had carefully hidden in a secret compartment under her desk. Looking at the letter, she stared at the two words that had been there for weeks.
That was all she had. She had been staring at that damn letter for three days, but no more words would come. For some reason, she always had what she wanted to say in her head, but when she actually went to write the letter, it all disappeared. She wanted to say that she did love him, but there were just so many reasons they couldn’t be together; logically it would never work out between them. But she could never bring herself to write it because she knew she would be lying if she said anything besides “I love you.” Taking a deep breath, she leaned back in her chair; she didn’t even know why she bothered coming up here and looking at the letter. It wasn’t like she was actually going to send it to him; it was just the thought of sending it that made her think.
Closing her eyes, she was startled by a knock on her door. Looking to the side, she saw Hugo in his famous Weasley jumper with an H knitted on it. Rose laughed, “I can’t believe you are wearing that thing.”
Hugo just looked down at the sweater and shrugged, “It makes grandma happy.” Rose nodded and looked at her brother, waiting for the reason he came up there. “Mum wanted me to tell you that everyone will be here in about an hour, so we best be dressed and ready by then.”
Rose shook her head. Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny had always come over for Christmas Eve for as long as she could remember. Looking back down at her desk, she slightly slid the letter underneath another piece of paper hopping that Hugo didn’t notice her movements. “Thanks for telling me,” she said, looking back over to her brother.
Hugo nodded his head and turned around to leave.
Standing up, Rose placed the letter back in her hiding spot. She wasn’t sure why she kept holding onto that letter, knowing it was never going to be finished, but she remained hopeful.
Walking over to her closet, she picked up her red and black plaid skirt that came up to her mid-thigh and her white blouse. Grabbing her white knee high stockings and her black pumps, she put on her clothes. She knew that her mother and father would want her to dress somewhat nice for the occasion, although she had no desire to.
Walking over to her mirror, she did her hair and make-up to perfection. It was odd looking at herself in the mirror like that. It had been so long since she actually cared what people thought of her appearance. When she squinted at herself in the mirror, she could almost see herself as she was a year ago, but she had changed so much form the girl she used to be.
When she was finished, she walked down stairs and went into the kitchen; her dad was standing over the turkey and eating small bits. “You know mum will kill you if she catches you doing that.”
Ron looked up from the turkey and laughed, “Your mother will live.”
“You sure about that?” Rose asked as she walked over to her dad, looked at the turkey, and picked off a bite for herself.
“I’m sure that after twenty-five years together, she expects this type of behavior from me.” He wiped his hands on a napkin.
Rose just smiled. “Well, just in case, I won’t tell her what you were doing.”
Smiling at his daughter he said, “Thank you.” Slightly bumping his hip into hers, he asked, “Tomorrow’s the big family Quidditch tournament, are you playing?”
Looking up to her dad, she smiled back at him; all the pride in the world was in his eyes. “Yeah, daddy, I’ll play.”
Throwing his arm over her shoulders, he gave her a tight squeeze “That’s my girl.”
Letting go of her, he walked over to the plates and waved his wand for them to follow him into the dining room. “Come help me please, Rose.”
As she followed her dad into the dining room, he asked, “So how is that potions class you are in with Malfoy?”
“It’s alright. It’s a lot of partner work though,” she said absentmindedly.
Ron nodded his head. “Oh, who do you do your work with?” he asked while waving his wand for each individual plate to be set at the table.
Rose cleared her throat, “Malfoy mostly.”
Ron stopped what he was doing and stared at her. “It was a name drawing thing,” she clarified. “But he is actually not that bad; he gets his share of the work done, so I don’t complain.”
“Oh well that’s good, I guess. He doesn’t give you any trouble, does he?” Ron questioned her.
“No daddy,” Rose said. At least not the kind you are thinking of.
Grabbing her wand, she waved it and started to place the glasses on the table.
“Well don’t get too close to him. I wouldn’t trust a Malfoy with my life: especially not one that you already have a history with,” Ron narrowed his eyes at Rose.
“I won’t, dad.” Too late.
There was a silence in the room until the doorbell rang. Rose, longing to get out of her dad’s interrogation, said, “I’ll get it.”
Putting her wand down, she rushed to the door and opened it. The first thing she saw was Ginny and Lily carrying in two small platters of food. Looking out the door, she saw Albus and Harry carrying presents. Rose took the food from Ginny and walked with Lily to the kitchen.
“Where’s James?” she asked curiously.
“He met some girl and decided to spend Christmas Eve with her and her family,” Lily said.
Rose raised her eyebrows in confusion, “And Ginny let him?”
“No, but dad did.”
Rose shrugged her shoulders and turned around to walk out of the kitchen. Albus was sitting in the large recliner beside the fire place, staring into space. Deciding she ought to say something to him, she walked over behind the chair and said jokingly, “You watch as everyone else moves around and carries stuff in, and you just sit down, you lazy bum.”
“Well you know it’s not my forte to be very helpful,” Albus said, turning his head around to see Rose hovering over him.
Walking around the recliner, she faced him and said, “Scoot over.”
Raising his eyebrows, he scooted over to the armrest of the recliner. Rose slowly wiggled her way down beside him, and they were completely mushed together. “Remember when we both could sit on this thing and have room to spare?” she asked.
Albus laughed, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we have outgrown those days.”
Rose chuckled as she wiggled a little bit. They were both silent; she hadn’t talked to Albus in at least a month, and even before that she couldn’t remember the last conversation they had. There was a slight awkwardness in the little space between them.
She cleared her throat and said, “You know, Albus, I didn’t think breaking up with Ben would cause us to fall apart too.”
Albus was silent for a minute. Then he said, “If you had known that it would, would you still have broken up with him?” he asked.
Rose wanted to lie and say no, but instead she told the truth: “Yes.”
Albus looked at her as she lowered her eyes in shame. “I didn’t love him, Albus,” she said quietly.
“Well I figured that much out for myself, but it’s more than just the break up with Ben that has come between us.” He paused as she looked up at him and waited for him to elaborate. “This whole year you have been different; especially lately, you are never around, and no one can seem to find you when they need you. It’s like you just drifted away.”
Looking straight ahead she said, “People change.”
“I know that,” Albus said, “But sometimes I just miss the old Rose.”
Rose bit her lip; it was funny, but the old Rose was someone she didn’t miss at all. She didn’t know what to say to that. A part of her wanted to give into her old instincts and immediately say she was sorry, even though she didn’t mean it. She wanted to make Albus happy and become the people pleaser she used to be. But then she thought of Scorpius and the way she was when she was around him, and how she could only ever truly be herself around him; it gave her a feeling of liberation she never wanted to give up. So instead of just responding to Albus, they just stared at each other in an awkward silence when all of a sudden, Hermione said, “We are about to eat, so go and sit at the table please.”
Pushing her way out of the chair, Rose went into the dining room and took her seat beside her father. She had no desire to be sitting there pretending that everything was just fine. In fact, she wished she was back in her room in bed.
Looking at her father, she plastered a large smile on her face and acted like the perfect little angel her dad wanted her to be.
Rose slowly made her way up the stairs. She was exhausted. An evening of mindless chitchatting and pretending to be interested in what her cousins said, and then continuously having to fight off thoughts of Scorpius was enough to make her sick. As she walked into her bedroom, she noticed something was different.
It was cold, very cold. Rose could smell the crisp snowy air from outside. Looking straight ahead, she saw her curtains as they swayed side to side. Her window was open. How it got opened she didn’t know, but as she walked over to it, she noticed something odd. Sitting delicately on the windowsill was a small black box.
She slowly picked up the box and opened it. Lying perfectly inside was a necklace. Rose gently picked it up. It was a simple gold chain with a small pendant. The pendent was the about the size of a marble, and it looked odd; the ball was hollow and made of glass, and there was something glowing in the middle of it. Walking over to her lamp, Rose turned off the light, hoping she could get a better look at what was glowing inside of the ball. When she raised to ball to her eye, she saw a tiny flickering flame floating in the center of the ball.
Rose could feel her heart tug. It was beautiful and perfect for her. It was the work of Scorpius Malfoy: only he could create something so simple yet delicate. She didn’t know what to think. Quickly she rushed to her window to look out and see if he or his owl was still there, but nothing remained. Rose felt a single tear form in her eye.
Rose sat in her desk chair staring out the window. It was four o’clock in the morning, and she had given up on trying to sleep hours ago. She had the necklace in her hand, and every so often, she looked down at it to see the flame grow larger and smaller.
Looking back to the window, she saw that everything was covered in pure white. It had just finished snowing, and it was lovely. Rose took in a deep breath of the fresh air. Everything was so still and silent. It was just her and her thoughts. She didn’t even try to fight it; she just let her mind wander on about Scorpius.
After tightening the wool blanket around herself, Rose bit down on her lip. How could he be so perfect to me after I was so mean to him? How could he be so perfect in general? How come he had to be a Malfoy? And why did I have to fall for him?
Rose looked back down at the necklace. The flame had grown so large that it practically filled the entire ball, only it didn’t die down. Rose knew this was different: it meant something. She could just feel it in her heart.
Slowly she stood up and pulled on a pair of jeans and snow boots. Grabbing her coat, she placed the necklace around her neck and began to walk, hoping she wasn’t crazy for doing this.
When she got outside, she could feel the ball heat up, and she just began to walk. She had no clue where she was going, but she didn’t care. This just felt right. Something about it felt right.
Rose entered some woods, but the farther she got into them, the more she debated about turning around and going home. Maybe she was crazy for thinking anything good could come from this; then she heard a tree branch brake. Raising her wand, she whispered lumos.
She immediately saw the shadow of another person. Their back was facing her, and they just stood completely still. Rose knew who it was immediately. He was wearing a black coat and jeans, and he looked like he was getting ready to leave, until she said softly, “What are you doing here?”
Slowly, Scorpius turned around and let his eyes rest on Rose. Taking a few steps, she walked closer to him. She had the slightest smile on her face, and she could feel her hands sweating even though it was freezing outside.
Scorpius spoke softly, “I just had to see you.”
Rose let out a shaky breath as she took another step toward him. “I’m glad you are here.”
He took a step closer to her; they were inches apart now. “You are?” he whispered.
“Yes,” she took one final step to close the gap between them. She looked into his eyes, and for the first time in a long time, everything felt right, like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.
She could see all the pain she had caused him, but at the same time he looked at her softly and lovingly. Raising her cold hand up, she touched his check. It was warm, and she could feel her body start to tingle from touching him. She had never felt this way before.
“Rose, I…” Scorpius whispered
“Don’t speak,” she whispered back.
He didn’t say another word. Rose was driving him mad the way she was touching him so delicately. Just her touch was making him nervous, and he didn’t want to ruin it, so he just stood there and looked at her.
Rose’s fingers were tracing the outline of his face. She was so close to him that she could feel his breath as it prickled her skin. Slowly she let her hand linger on his face. Her heart was speeding up, and for the first time, she let go of all her worries and concerns, and she kissed him.
She kissed him with all the passion that had built up inside of her. His lips were soft, and she couldn’t get enough of them. Rose wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to her.
Scorpius didn’t hold anything back. He kissed her furiously, wrapping his arms tightly around her—not letting any room for her to wiggle free.
Rose’s knees went weak; her stomach felt like it was going to do a back flip. Quickly moving her head to the side, she had to breathe.
Scorpius, who was taking deep breaths, looked down at her. She was beautiful even when she didn’t try to be. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head forward a bit. He gently kissed her forehead and then leaned his forehead against hers. They were so close, and he never wanted to let her go or lose this moment.
They both had awkward, excited smiles on their faces. “I love you Rose.”
Rose smiled and took a deep breath; finally she said the four words she had been fighting. “I love you too.” She let go of everything and finally told him the truth. She was tired of fighting it and hiding from it: she was completely in love with Scorpius Malfoy, and she didn’t care what anyone thought about it.
Scorpius’ heart sped up when he heard those words. He had been dreaming of them for so long. “Do you mean it?” he asked to make sure.
Nodding her head, Rose had a wide grin on her face. “Yes, I love you. I’ve been in love with you for a while and just didn’t know it. I’m tired fighting it; I just want to be with you.”
Scorpius looked like he could have cried tears of joy; he had a large grin on his face, and he raised his hand to her face to tuck some hair behind her ear. Bending down, he kissed her sweetly on the lips. “So what now?” he asked simply.
Rose just smiled and shook her head. “I have no clue, and I don’t care, just as long as I am with you.”
“Then we’re in trouble because I don’t have a clue either,” He said with a devilish grin. Then pulling her lips toward his he ferociously kissed her. Neither of them held anything back. They were in love, and they didn’t care what lengths they were going to have to go through in order to be together.
Now for those of you who want a Hannah edited version those versions will still be posted at the start of every month, you will just have to wait a month to read the chapter. I will also be labeling the chapters so you will know which have been edited and which have been edited by me.
So Please let me know what you think of my idea. I don’t want to upset anyone or turn off readers because of the editing in the story. So I am going to see what you want to do before I follow through with the idea. Thank you and I hope you liked the chapter.
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