I can't believe that happened. How did I let that happen? It's all my fault. No, it's all Snape's fault for pairing me and Draco together.
I was doing fine. I was coming to terms with the fact that Draco and I wouldn't be together again. I wasn't happy about it, but I accepted it, I moved on to Dean. I wasn't completely happy with him, but I was content. Then in one class period, everthing I had built since Draco crumbled down.
The moment I heard our names, I knew something would happen. I mean, I have little to no control when it comes to Draco. I looked over at Hermione, she seemed to look just as worried as me. Draco walked over to the table like nothing was wrong, like he was unaffected by me.
Before I went over, Dean kissed me. I wish he hadn't, Draco would probably think I was trying to make him jealous and I was showing him I moved on or something. After the kiss I made my way over to the table.
When mine and Draco's eyes meet, I felt like I did when we were together. I wanted to run over to him and kiss him. For a second,I did walk a little faster, but then I remembered we weren't together and we were in a classroom. I'm sure Draco noticed and probably thought I was an idiot or something.
I sat down and said hi, trying to act calm and casual, as though nothing was wrong. I asked Draco how he was and he said fine and asked how I was. I lied and said I was great, which I completely wasn't. I missed him like hell.
I started digging through my bag nervously, trying to calm down. My lips were feeling rather dry from nervousness, so I pulled out my lip balm, which got me thinking about Draco's lips. My eyes were then drawn to them, so perfect and soft and they worked wonders on me.
I quickly looked away, hoping Draco hadn't noticed my staring. But it seemed as though he was lost in thought. I said his name several times, at first I thought he was ignoring me. Finally I got his attention.
"Yeah, babe?" He said. I felt myself blush, and smile. Draco cleared his throat. "I mean, yes, Aria?"
I asked him if he wanted to get the ingredients while I set up. I called him 'hun' like I used to. He smiled and got the ingredients. While he was gone, I scolded myself for being so obvious about wanting him, I had to calm down, and stop staring at him.
By the time he came back, I had calmed myself down. My focus was on everything but the potion. I couldn't stop staring, I'm sure Draco noticed. He was staring at me, but probably because I was so out of it and he was wondering what was wrong with me.
We finally finished. I was surprised when Snape said our potion was "Superb." We were silent at first, I wanted nothing more than to fill the silence with kissing. Suddenly Draco laughed. He was laughing at Blaise who was at a table with Ron, Dean, and Millicent.
I stupidly brought up that it was like boyfriend central over there and I started to say that he was the only one missing, but I got enough mind to shut up.
Then I asked how things were with Parkinson, he said they were okay, but he didn't sound very convincing. I had a little hope. I pointed that out.
He shrugged. "Well, it's just that after, you know us…"
"Nothing seems good enough and it will never compare." I said. I didn't even know if that was what he was thinking, but it slipped out. It's how I was feeling.
"Yeah." Draco said. My heart lifted a little hearing that.
I went on to tell about how things with Dean didn't feel right. Then all I could think about doing was kissing him. But Snape called us up.
We were sent to drop a package and a note off in McGonagall's classroom. On the way back was when things went wrong. While I was fixing his clothes, I lost control and kissed him. We kept kissing, tearing at eachother's clothes uncontrollably, until a loud noise broke us apart.
I couldn't believe what had happened. I had let myself lose control. We stared at eachother for a few moments. I felt like crying, but I managed to hold it together.
"I'm sorry." Draco said. I didn't know why he was apologizing. Probably for leading me on. There's no way he could really want me back.
I shook my head. Saying without words that it was okay,and I was sorry. I started fixing myself up.
When we got back, I saw Dean and I felt guilty. I couldn't even imagine how Draco felt, I mean, I was the one who kissed him.
Suddenly Draco spoke. "Look, about what happened back there-"
"We can forget it happened." I said, thinking that's what he wanted. But he said he didn't want to and that he loved me and he didn't want to forget anything we'd done together.
I told him to stop. I couldn't hear that, or else I would act without thinking. I would put myself in jeopardy of getting hurt again. He didn't listen. Then Draco told me to tell him I didn't love him.
I tried, but I couldn't. He asked me why I wouldn't let us be together. I told him to just let me think.
I was relieved when the bell rang. I got up quickly and walked over to Dean. He kissed me, but something horrible happened. I tasted Draco's mouth instead. I'm a sick and twisted person.
We went back to the common room and Dean left me alone, because I think he noticed I wasn't feeling well.
"All right, what happened?" Hermione asked when she walked into our room.
I told her everything that happened. "I don't understand." She said afterwards. "Why won't you let yourself be with Draco? I mean,you guys are in love."
"No, we're not. He may be in love with me, but I only love him. There's a difference."
"It doesn't matter, either way, you guys have something special." Hermione said.
"I know, but we're bad for eachother. We'll only hurt eachother. You saw the way it ended last time."
"That wasn't your fault, it was Ron's. Just think, if Ron hadn't tried to get back with you, he would have never found out about you and Draco and you two would probably still be together. And I know he lied about a few things, but it would have different if he told you he was hiding things himself, instead of finding out from Ron. You would have easily forgiven him, right?"
"I guess. It's just, I'm scared, Hermione." I admitted.
"Scared of what Aria?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Of getting in too deep again, of letting my guard down. That's why I like being with Dean, my heart isn't fully in it,so there's no way I can get hurt." I explained.
"But that's not fair to you or Dean." She said. "You both can't be truly happy in the relationship you guys have. It's impossible."
"I know. But it's the only way I won't get hurt." I said quietly.
"You have to think about if Draco is worth the risk of getting hurt." Hermione said.
"I don't know if he is. I mean, no one has ever made me feel the way he does. But that also means he can hurt me more than anyone else, because I get in too deep with him. I've just never felt this way before." I said.
"Not even with Nate?" Hermione asked.
I narrowed my eyes. "Didn't I say we do not speak of him ever?"
"Sorry, sorry." She said quickly. "I guess you should figure out what you want and if Draco is worth it."
I sighed and got up. "I'm going to go think for awhile." I said walking out of the room.
I had been walking for about five minutes when I heard.
"Hey, Merona!" I turned around to see Parkinson making her way towards me. She looked upset,this couldn't be good.
She probably found out what happened between me and Draco. I would deny everything.
She stopped infront of me. "You win." She said.
I was confused. "I win what, exactly?"
Parkinson narrowed her eyes. "Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about." She said.
I shook my head, genuinely confused. She sighed. "You win Draco."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He broke up with me to be with you." She said.
"Really?" I asked,trying not to sound so happy, but failing.
"Yes. He says he's in love with you, you know."
"Yeah, I know."
"Well,um, be good to him,okay? He deserves that." Parkinson said.
"What makes you think I feel the same way?" I asked.
"I'm not stupid. It's completely obvious you two have something special." She said.
"Oh." I said.
"So, yeah, like I said before, be good to him. If you don't, I'll kick your arse,Merona." She smiled slightly.
"I'll be good to him, I promise." I said. She nodded and walked away.
This changed everthing. Now I knew what I wanted. The answer was so clear. I ran back to the common room to tell Hermione. But I ended up running into Dean.
The time had come for me to do what needed to be done. It was going to be so hard. But, I had to do it.
A/N: Hey, only two more chapters left. But you might be happy to know there will be a sequel! Thanks for reading. :)