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Typical Clueless Guy by PygmyPuffLover
Chapter 10 : The Decision
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 15


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Another gorgeous one by Magic_Phoenix.

 




“Here, use this.” Lily smiled, handing me a new tissue from the box I had nearly used up in the last half an hour.
 

I grinned at her weakly and wiped my face with the tissue, removing the smudged mascara streaks and wetness that coated my face like a layer of dew on the grass in the mornings.
 

Aww, how poetic. You know, other than the bit about my smudged mascara.
 

They don’t normally put that in poems.
 

I screwed up the tissue and tossed it onto the small mound of used and discarded tissues sitting next to me.
 

Lily shuffled closer to me, and put her arms around my waist, finally comfortable to give me a hug, now I had stopped crying.
 

But this only added to the rush of emotions that were pulsing through me.
 

I flashed back to an hour ago, when a different set of arms had given me a hug just like this. A strange feeling tingled in my fingertips and I clenched my hands into fists.
 

The tears welled up in my eyes again, but I fought them back for Lily.
 

If there is anything Lily really hates, it is crying. The only time I have ever seen her cry is when we were talking about Lysander. That was how I realised she really did love him.
 

I think it’s because Lily grew up in a house of people who don’t seem to cry.
 

Her brothers are strong enough not to let their emotions to get the better of them, and manly enough to never cry if they can help it, as well as perfectly happy with their lives, and therefore have no reason to ever cry.
 

Her mother is married to the man she has loved since she was ten years old, and she has three amazing children with him. From what Mr Potter has told me, she never cried when she was younger, even when he broke up with her to protect her from Voldemort. So Lily never learned to cry from the only other woman in her immediate family.
 

And her father is just too strong to cry. Mr Potter walked to his own death. If that is not the sign of a ridiculously strong person then I don’t know what is. He is also completely happy with his life. He finally has a life that is free of all the dark magic he was involved in when he was a mere child. So she never learned to cry from him.
 

And with me as her best friend, Lily just hasn’t ever been around overly emotional people. And because of this she has always been awkward whenever tears are involved.
 

I’m always the one that deals with crying friends.
 

I put my arms around Lily’s shoulders and squeezed her back. She smiled at me, looking profoundly relieved that my face was now dry and a calm mask was covering my eyes.
 

“Vanessa, please don’t get all upset again, but can you tell me what happened?” Lily asked, brushing a curl that had fallen into my eye away, and tucking it behind my ear.

My breath caught in my throat. I remembered a completely different set of hands doing that only a short while ago. I fought back the new tears that sparkled in my eyes.
 

I wanted to get everything off my chest, so I told her. Everything.
 

I told her about how at first I didn’t like Hugo, and what happened that night outside the kitchens, and how we became friends when we had to sit next to each other in lessons. I told her about the day in the Library, and how anxious I was the day he thought I had slept with Albus- gah- and exactly what he said this morning during Transfiguration.
 

I told her about me jumping down the stairs and hurting my feet, and the three lads coming to sit with me. It was a mark of how strong mine and Lily’s friendship was that she did not stop my half sobbed story to ask me about Lysander.
 

I told her about how Fred had his arm around me, but moved it quickly when he saw Hugo looking. I told her about how the other three had scarpered, and it had been just me and Hugo.
 

I could practically hear Lily’s curiosity levels rising.
 

I told her about how he had helped me through the door, and I had almost fainted because I forgot how to breathe. I told her about how I sat on his knee, and then how he kissed me, so hard, so desperately, and how much I had enjoyed it, how I felt like I never wanted to pull away.
 

While I was telling the story I was actually admitting things to myself for the first time.
 

I told her about how I pulled away, asked him what he was doing but he didn’t reply, and then how he had kissed me with so much passion and gentleness it felt like... like he loved me. I felt ridiculous admitting it, but it felt like the way a husband may kiss his wife.
 

I told her about how I ran away.
 

Lily just listened in silence, her face holding some kind emotion that I couldn’t comprehend.
 

“And, and now I don’t know what to do, because I-I sit next to him in all my lessons, and he fucking kissed me and-and-and, I just don’t know what to do any-anymore.” I wailed, and Lily rubbed my back and nodded.
 

“A-and the worst part is, I-I-I...” I didn’t want to admit it, not even to Lily. Because admitting it to Lily would mean admitting it to myself. “I think... I think I-I might... L-like him!”
 

Lily’s face stayed smooth and expressionless, and she leaned forwards so she could put my head on her shoulder.
 

“And why is that so bad?” She asked calmly.
 

I gaped at her like a fish.
 

“Because he has a girlfriend!” I spluttered, “And because it’s gonna screw up our friendship, and because he’s gonna hate me for making everything awkward for him, and, and, because...”
 

“Vanessa, stop looking for obstacles. So you like Hugo. So what. Yes, he has a girlfriend, but he hates her as much as the rest of us hate her. So that really isn’t a problem. So just get over this fear of the unknown you have and just take the plunge. Let yourself like him.” Lily said in the same strange, calm voice she had used before.
 

I don’t like smart Lily, bring old Lily back!
 

“No.” I said firmly. “He doesn’t feel the same way for me, and I’m not going to be the sad dipshit that gets pushed to the side because his girlfriend pipped her to the post. I don’t want to make everything awkward, Lily. So I’ll just be friends with him. I’ll get over this, it’s just a crush, and they don’t last forever, so I’ll just get over it and move on like everything other teenager.” I was surprised by how calm and sure I had become.
And then I noticed how Lily’s face was slightly twisted and her expression looked at little bit bitter.
 

“You might not get over the crush.” Lily said quietly, staring at her hands. She’s liked Lysie since first year. She didn’t get over her crush.
 

Shit.
 

“Vanessa, it’s your choice, but I really think you should just tell him. You never know, he may like you back!” There was something a little too innocent in Lily’s voice.
 

I scowled at her and shook my head firmly, my curls falling around my face and bobbing around in time with my shaking.
 

Lily sighed and shrugged, but it all seemed a little too rehearsed.
 

“We’ll be friends. It’ll be fine.” I said, and even to my own ears I could tell that the person I was really trying to convince was myself.
 

-x-
 

I picked at my waffle, breaking it apart a square at a time and then tossing them back onto my plate. I didn’t have the stomach to really eat something. I was too nervous about the conversation I was about to have with Hugo to be able to force some waffles down my throat.
 

Eventually I gave up on picking my food apart and stood up, ready to head off to class.

Lily stood up too, and I blinked at her for a moment whilst I remembered that I had been eating breakfast with her.
 

My brain is completely frazzled at the moment.
 

Tee-hee, I really do like that word. Frazzled.
 

It sounds like those crisps that Muggle children eat at parks in the summer. You know, the ones in the little purple packet that taste like bacon rashers.
 

I like those crisps.
 

I swung my bag over my shoulder and winced when the ink pot inside it dug into the side of my thigh. I shifted my leg slightly to remove the weight and grabbed hold of the hand Lily was offering to me.
 

I pulled her towards me and twined my arm around hers. We headed off to our first lesson in silence. Lily knew what I was about to do, and she didn’t push me on it.
As I have said before, when I make up my mind, it stays like that.
 

My hands were shaking, and I knew that Lily could feel it, because she wrapped her hand around my own and squeezed it tight. I smiled at her weakly and tried to stop the annoying fluttering feeling in the pit of my stomach.
 

I forced one foot after the other to move forwards, to take me to the classroom that I never wanted to reach. With every step I took the feeling of mounting tension grew between me and Lily.
 

My thoughts slowly drifted around, and I began to think about the few things that had been bugging me since last night.
 

Why was Lily so sure that I should just tell Hugo what that kiss really meant to me? Why was she so sure that he wouldn’t just reject me and embarrass me in front of everybody if I told him that I may like him?
 

Why was I so sure that I shouldn’t just tell him?
 

What am I really afraid of?
 

Rejection. Being embarrassed in front of everybody – hey look, there’s the sad girl that asked out Hugo Weasley, do you remember that? It was soo funny! – ruining the friendship that we have developed over the past week. Being embarrassed every time I look at anyone in Lily’s family, who are like family to me.
 

Being murdered in my sleep by Queen of the Psycho Bints.
 

But...how do you know that he’ll reject you?


WHERE THE FUCKING HELL DID THAT COME FROM? Of course he would reject me, he’s Hugo fucking Weasley. Hottest guy in school, dating the best looking bitch- ahem, girl in school. Why the flippity fuck would he bother saying yes to you?
 

But... he did kiss you yesterday.


He was probably just caught up in the moment, and I practically flung myself on him anyway, so he probably just felt bad and didn’t want to just shove you off him. Besides, he’s a boy, if a girl starts snogging him he isn’t going to stop her just because he’s got some whore somewhere else that considers herself his girlfriend.
 

Well, maybe I’m just trying to talk myself up to what I’m about to, but either way I have made my decision and I am going to stick to it. Hugo Weasley will remain a good friend of mine, and I will pretend like that kiss never happened.
 

That magical, magical kiss.
 

WAIT, NO! Pretend I didn’t say that last bit.
 

When we reached the outside of the classroom, I saw him sitting on the floor with Louis, Fred and Lysie. I felt Lily freeze so I squeezed her hand reassuringly.
 

“You did so well yesterday!” I muttered, and she smiled, though her expression looked slightly sick. “Just keep having normal conversations with him, acting alluring and sexy, and you’ll be fine. Smile a bit more, act friendly. When the lesson is over leave the classroom quite quickly, and I’ll start up a conversation with him about you. Okay?”


Lily nodded, her face slowly becoming greener. Erm, honey bunch, I’m the one with nothing to look forward to right now. So suck it up, you’re going to be having a non-awkward conversation with the bloke you’re in love with.
 

I’m going to be having a very awkward conversation with the bloke I’m in love with.
 

Holy shit on a shit, what did I just think?
 

Did I just say the bloke that I’m in love with? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I can’t, no way!
 

Oh calm down Vanessa, it was just a spur of the moment thought. You don’t need to actually put any stock in it. Just pretend like you never thought it.
 

I turned my back of the four lads that were currently whispering between themselves and staring at the back of mine and Lily’s heads. I could still see them reflected in the huge mirror stuck on the wall in front of me, but because of the angle at which I was standing they would not be able to see me.
 

“He’s looking at you.” Lily whispered to me, and her eyes were huge and begging. “Please, can you just tell him?”
 

“No.” I said sharply. Lily sighed loudly but nodded her head all the same. She glanced into the mirror and immediately looked down at her shoes, her face glowing the same colour as her hair. I glanced into the mirror and saw that Lysander was staring at the back of her head.
 

I grinned and she kicked me hard in the shin.
 

SEE, DIDN’T I TELL YOU AGES AGO SHE WAS VIOLENT?!
 

The teacher pulled open the classroom door then, and the class began to slowly file in. I planned to wait until the very end of the queue before I got into the classroom, but I noticed Hugo making his way over to me and I quickly darted through the door. I am really not looking forward to having this conversation.
 

I stared at the desk and tried to steady the shaking of my hands.
 

“Vanessa, I need to talk to you.” A voice said next to me.
 

Hey, that was my line! Why do you get to use it before I do?
 

I looked up and saw Hugo staring at my face, trying to read my expression. I kept my face impassive and nodded stiffly, unpacking my bag just for something to do.
 

“About yesterday...” He began, and his cheeks developed a slight pink tinge. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore than I do.
 

“I know, its okay.” I said, trying to spare him the embarrassment of having to admit to me that he snogged me for no good reason. “It was a mistake, I get it. We all make mistakes. I mean, I snogged you back, so the fault was split between us...” I trailed off when I saw the look on his face.
 

He looked confused, hurt and a little bit angry. But mostly he just looked disbelieving, and he was shaking his head like a dog trying to rid his ears of water.
 

“Mistake?” He repeated in a dull monotone. I couldn’t tell whether or not it was a question, or whether or not he was agreeing with what I said about the kiss being a mistake.
 

Thinking about it logically, it makes the most sense for him to be agreeing. He just heard me perfectly well, so why would he need to ask me what I just said?
 

Shit, he thinks the kiss was a mistake.
 

He wishes it never happened, I can just tell by the upset look on his face. That hurts more than it should. I found myself wishing that the kiss had meant as much to him as it had to me. I found myself wishing that Hugo Weasley liked me the way I liked him. I found myself wishing a lot of other impossible things as well.
 

“I just thought that we could go back to being friends? You know, without it being all awkward. We can just pretend like that kiss never happened.” I said. Can he hear the pain in my voice that sounds so clear to me?
 

Hugo eyes grew about six inches and he snapped his head across so he was looking at the opposite wall. So he wasn’t looking at me. So I couldn’t see his expression.
 

I laid my shaking hand on his arm and brushed my fingers across the ruffled sleeve of his robe. I did it so lightly I knew that he would never be able to feel it, but my eyes still welled up with tears when he didn’t respond to my touch.
 

I moved my arm away slowly and put it on the desk, where it shook slightly.
 

Hugo eventually turned his head so he was looking at me again.
 

“The kiss was a mistake, and you want to be friends.” He said flatly, confirming what I had said. I nodded, though my eyes were screaming that it wasn’t true.
 

THE KISS WASN’T A MISTAKE! I DON’T WANT TO BE JUST FRIENDS! I WANT TO BE YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND, WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU CLUELESS ARSE?
 

Whoa. Did I really just think that?
 

Holy shit, it’s true! I do want to be his girlfriend. And here I am, asking him whether or not we can be friends, and telling him that the kiss that meant so much to me was a mistake.
 

What the fuck is wrong with me, I should just tell him! Even if he does reject me, we can just go back to being friends.
 

“Okay.” My head snapped up and I saw Hugo staring at me with an expression that made me think he was going to burst into tears at any moment.
 

“Okay what?” I asked, confused.
 

“Okay, we can be friends.” He clarified in a whisper.
 

Can you hear that crashing noise? That is the sound of my whole world crashing down around me.
 

Holy Merlin on a bike, what have I done?
 

{ Hugo Weasley P.O.V. }


“I just thought that we could go back to being friends? You know, without it being all awkward. We can just pretend like that kiss never happened.” She said, and there was an undecipherable emotion lacing her tone.
 

My heart sank faster than a lead balloon. I snapped my head across so I was looking at the wall next to me, making sure she couldn’t see my face. I had a reputation as a manly man to uphold, after all. Blubbering like a fucking child in front of her would definitely not qualify as manly.
 

God, why does she always have to be so fucking clueless? Can she honestly not see what is completely obvious to everybody else, other than Ariadne? What do I have to do to get her to realise? Do I need to stand up on the desk and scream ‘I LOVE YOU VANESSA MCIVER!’ for the whole fucking class to hear?
 

Because if that means she would finally understand then I’ll do it.
 

But she just wants to be friends. So for now that’s all we can be. And I would rather be friends with her than nothing, so if that’s what she wants then that’s what she is going to get.
 

She’s going to fall in love with me.
 

She has to fall in love with me.
 

I need her to fall in love with me.
 

Because I need her. I’ve known her for six years. I first spoke to her a week and a half ago. And I’m already in love with her. I feel so messed up and confused, but I would never go back to the way life was before. I need Vanessa like I need air to breathe.
So how do I get her to fall in love with me?
 

Well first off I have to break up with that freak show of a girlfriend of mine.
 

Note to self: Buy some extensive body armour and learn to fight.
 

But for now I just need to keep Vanessa close to me.
 

“Okay.” I said quietly. Could she hear my voice break?
 

“Okay what?” She asked. HOLY MERLIN, COULD SHE GET ANY MORE CLUELESS?

It actually ridiculous. I bloody snog the girl and she still doesn’t understand that I like her.
 

She thinks the kiss was a mistake.
 

“Okay, we can be friends.” Upon realising this last fact my voice had shrank into a deathly whisper.
 

Holy shit, why did I agree to that?

 

 

 






I think you should review right now. You know, for my happiness :D
 
 
 


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