Chapter 1 : Victiore the Amazing Advice Giver.
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“You have ink dribbling down your chin.”
I immediately took my quill away from my mouth. I had been chewing on it all bloody lesson, and now I had green ink staining my mouth and chin. Great. I tried to wipe it off, but now my hand was smeared with green as well. Yay. Happy days.
“Daisy, once again, you have let me chew my quill to a mushy thing, rendering it completely useless. I would kindly remind you that you promised not to let me do that again.” I said as I used my sleeve to wipe the ink off my face. I probably just spread it around more though, judging by the look on Beth’s face.
“Sorry. You just weren’t listening to me!” Daisy said, waving her wand vaguely and setting her pin cushion (that we were meant to be turning back into hedgehogs) on fire.
“What were you thinking about this time?” Beth sighed, prodding the pincushion that appeared to be erupting in tiny little boils.
“Penguins taking over the earth.” I lied quickly. Of course I wasn’t thinking about flightless birds dominating the world. I was thinking of yet another way to kill Lupin. I even had mind-diagrams! This time, I tied him above a cauldron so he slowly cooked, and then I chopped him up into little pieces with a blunt knife and fed him to Stanley. Stanley is the Giant Squid, by the way. I thought it seemed so inhumane that he was just known as ‘The Giant Squid’, so I named it Stanley. I name everything. So, this pincushion is called Brian. And my wand is called Rupert.
“Of course.” Beth rolled her eyes as one of the boils popped and squirted purple liquid all over the desk. “So what did you do to him this time?”
“Cooked, chopped and fed slowly.” I explained quickly, waving my wand in the general direction of Brian. A vase on the other side of the room exploded.
We talked aimlessly for a while, occasionally exploding things or setting things on fire, until a piece of paper hit me in the side of the head. I picked it up off the floor and recognised the writing on the front immediately. I scowled and opened the crumpled note, reading it quickly.
It had a picture on it. Of… is that supposed to be me? Oh dear god… This picture of ‘me’ is sitting on a broom, while a figure on the ground shoots some green light at me and my hair stands on end for a second, before I fall to the ground and splat in a small red blob.
Real mature, Lupin. I crumpled it up and stuffed it in my pocket, shooting a glare at Lupin. He sat behind me and two seats to the right, blue hair standing out amongst the normal people. People who stick to ONE COLOUR as their hair. Git…
He smirked at me, probably thinking his drawing was the optimum of hilarity. I raised an eyebrow back, challenging him. Is that the best you can do? I thought. You see, Uncle Harry thought it would be cool if he taught me and Teddy how to do Legilimency. So now we can read each other’s minds. Which is pretty awesome sometimes, as we can have full-blown shouting arguments without disturbing anyone. We could only do it if we were within a couple of metres of each other, which people found a bit weird when they found the two of us just staring blankly at each other, inches apart. I admit it must look a bit strange, but seriously, people? Is there really any need to go and spread rumours about the two of us all the time? I mean, we’re practically family. It would be weird. And we hate each other’s guts.
His smirk dropped. What? Doesn’t Princess find it funny?
I felt my eyes narrowing. No, in fact, I do not find it funny when you send me tiresome notes which always end with me falling from high places!
He grinned. So you think the Leaning Tower of Pisa next time?
I scowled and turned back to my pincushion, which was now pale green instead of pink and had feathers erupting from it. Great.
When the bell rang, me, Beth and Daisy swept our stuff into our bags and bombed it out the classroom before Wright even had time to say ‘Homework’.
“You know,” Beth started, fishing some midget gems out of her pocket and popping one in her mouth. “Maybe, one day, we should actually do some homework.”
We stopped in the middle of the corridor, staring straight ahead.
And then, in unison, we burst into peals of laughter and kept walking.
“I hope there’s breakfast for dinner tonight.” Daisy mused vaguely as we ditched our bags in a little passage off the main corridor. We often got too lazy to go all the way to the common room, and Daisy found countless passages by falling through tapestries or the occasional wall…
“Why would there be breakfast for dinner?” Beth asked, blowing a bit of hair out of her face. Some people would do this elegantly. Elizabeth, on the other hand, made a lovely raspberry sound to go with it.
Daisy looked up slightly. “I feel like the elves have been slacking off a bit lately. There was cereal for lunch a while back, and yesterday my pudding was cold!”
I rolled my eyes. “They just need a day off every so often, Dais.” Oh god. I’m turning into Aunt Hermione.
Daisy groaned when she saw it wasn’t breakfast for dinner, but brightened immediately when she spotted the Shepard’s Pie. We flopped down into the seats next to Grant, Lewis, Robert and Matt.
“Hey.” We muttered in unison, shovelling food onto our plates.
“Vic, back me up here.” Matt said, waving his fork around. I raised an eyebrow as a piece of mashed potato flew through the air, plopping in Beth’s hair. “A toaster is one of those round things that spins really fast and mushes stuff up, right?”
Grant interrupted him. “No. That’s a microwave. A toaster is one of those things that looks like a T.V., but isn’t.”
Oh, how I love having pure-blood friends.
I smirked. “A toaster is the one you put bread in.”
They stared at me with blank expressions.
I made a little ‘poof’ movement with my hands. “Pop.” I said.
“I thought you guys were going to come and meet me after History of Magic!”
I turned to see Ali swinging her bag over the bench and sitting down, glaring at us. Oops.
“Sorry. We were hungry.” Daisy said, mouth full.
Ali sighed and spooned some pie onto her plate. “Well, how was Transfiguration?”
“I set a pincushion on fire.” Daisy grinned.
“I covered mine in purple boils.” Beth smiled.
“Mine exploded. BOOM.” I said, flashing her my ‘cute’ grin.
Ali rolled her eyes and turned back to her food. “It’s honestly a wonder how you passed your OWLs.” She muttered under her breathe.
“Shut up. I got an E in Transfiguration.” I said, flicking a baby carrot at her.
She raised an eyebrow. “And what did you get in Divination?”
I scowled. “It doesn’t matter. I hate that subject.” I growled.
Suddenly Ali lunged at me, picking me up and putting me in a headlock. “SAY IT!”
“PUT ME DOWN!”
“I GOT A T IN DIVINATION!”
She released me from her armpit as soon as I screamed it to the world. Nobody was paying attention, really. Just goes to show how normal this kind of ordeal is for us.
“Good girl.” She sat back down with a thump and spooned another shovel load of pie in her mouth.
“You have really got to stop threatening people, Ali.” Robert said, reaching across the table and tapping her on the head with his spoon. She blushed furiously. You see, she won’t admit it, but she has the massivest crush on Robert ever. Why? I have no idea. Robert is this weedy, geeky guy with short brown hair and plain brown eyes. Completely average. Completely Alison.
Anyway, I should maybe tell you a bit about my friends, shouldn’t I? I’m not big on extravagant introductions, so I’ll just give you the 410.
Daisy Elaine McDuff (yes, I know. Unfortunate.) is one of my closest friends in the world. She has short brown hair (properly short, like a new Emma Watson kind of short) and dark brown eyes. She is decidedly mad, and wants to go into Healing. (Good luck with that, D in OWL Potions…) She is the average kind of pretty, not the “WOAH-IN-YOUR-FACE” kind of pretty. The nice “takes-you-a-while-to-notice-but-when-you-do-notice-YOU-NOTICE” kind of pretty. She loves Herbology, animals, and kites and has a strong hate for one Grant Davidson, who happens to be sitting directly across the table from her.
Grant Richard Davidson is ridiculously tall, with tanned skin and dark brown hair with the most gorgeous green eyes EVER. I mean, you could stare into them for hours on end and never get bored. He would think you were a little weird, but it would be worth it. He is the kind of quiet, shy guy who stays in the background but is stupidly good at everything he does. He plays Keeper on the Quidditch Team and, don’t tell anyone, but he dances outside of school. Like, ballet and contemporary and stuff. He’s actually really good at it, but refuses to tell anyone because he used to get bullied for it. That’s how he has such an amazing body. That, and the ridiculous amount of Quidditch practice my stupid cousin schedules for us.
Beth Olivia Parkinson has dark brown hair and blue eyes. She is loud, annoying, and is probably one of the most insane people to ever walk this earth. Her mind never leaves ‘food’ and she has a constant supply of Midget Jems and Jelly Crystals in her pockets. She loves Care of Magical Creatures because she likes being outside and she hates her family. She is Scorpius Malfoy’s cousin, because her mum is his mum’s sister or something, and she hates it. She never shows it, though. She is a very strong person. She is stick-thin, which is some kind of miracle judging by the amount of crap she eats.
Matthew David Harris (Matt) is almost as mad as Beth, but not quite. Not yet, anyway. I would love to see what would happen if they mated… First of all, THE WORLD WOULD EXPLODE. And then they would produce some kind of insane alien ninja possum baby. I don’t know why possum, it just seemed to pop into my head. Anyway, Matt is small and always tanned. I don’t know how he does it, especially in winter. I think he has some kind of sun-soaking gene. It’s weird. But anyway, he has black hair and dark brown eyes, and the best six pack in the world. He plays Chaser on the team, you see, so naturally, he is amazingly fit. Of course, his insanity brings down his “in-demand” levels, so he doesn’t tend to get the girls much. He has a younger sister, Catriona, who is in Al and Rose’s year.
Alison Kirsty Summers is short, blonde, blue-eyed and the smartest person you will ever meet, unless you count Aunt Hermione or cousin Molly. Ok, so she’s the third smartest person you will ever meet, but that’s still pretty damn good eh? Anyway, she spends all her free time in the library (she should have been in Ravenclaw) and only comes to watch Quidditch games when Robert kidnaps her and forces her to the pitches. And even then she covers her eyes and buries her head in his shoulder the whole time. She has had a crush on him since about third year, but won’t admit it to anyone. I don’t think she’s even told herself yet… She has three older sisters, Vivien, Tracy and Harriet. All Muggles.
Robert Kimball is tall, lanky, geeky and weedy. All rolled into one big snowball of nerd. And I’m not being mean; he knows he’s a nerd. His email address is email@example.com. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles all over. Yay freckles! I get freckles in the summer. It sucks, because I get so many they all join together and form some kind of union brown splodge across the middle of my face. It’s not good. Anyway, Robert is American, which is kind of weird in our school. He has a younger brother in second year, who is just as geeky as he is, only that little bit quieter.
Lewis Joseph Watt has blue eyes and floppy brown hair. He isn’t the brightest Lumos in the spell box, but he’s absolutely hilarious. He comes out with the funniest things, whether it is about McGonagall and her sexy knickers, or the double meaning of ‘wand’. He always has something to say. But he can also be wildly inappropriate. He makes a LOT of sexual innuendos. That’s why his funniness never gets him the ladies… Anyway, he has a sister in fifth year, Lucy.
“Weasley.” A voice growled from behind me. I turned around and scowled as his back as he walked away.
“Lupin.” I hissed back. I could almost hear him smirking.
I turned back to the table, stabbing my meat savagely with my fork.
“Are you two ever going to play nice?” Alison said, not looking up from the book she had managed to whip out in the time I was space gazing.
“I’d like to play you nice!” Lewis said, winking provocatively at Alison. She stared at him flatly. “High five!” He said, holding his hand up to Matt, who just shook his head.
“No. Bad Lewis.” Matt said. I rolled my eyes. Typical. He is such an idiot.
I groaned and slammed my head on the table. Here we go…
I grimaced as my lovely cousin Lucy came squealing over and crashed into the seat beside me. Seriously, this child is the most hyperactive thing ON THIS PLANET. She is in third year, blonde, with massive blue eyes and is the tiniest thing ever. She is honestly the happiest person you will ever meet. And now she decides to come and bother me with her “Guess What?” Game. Oh, joy.
“What?” I murmured into the table.
Seriously? SHE has got a date, and I don’t? HOW SAD IS THAT?
In two weeks the annual Battle Of Hogwarts Ball was scheduled, on the 2nd of May. And then only a month and a half until WE GET TO GO HOME!
Well, I get to go home. My friends don’t. They just follow me to my house like the creepy stalkers they are and we camp out in the garden all summer. Instead of our usual trip to our house in Scotland, though, this year, GUESS WHAT?!
Oh dear god, I am turning into Lucy.
BUT. THIS is actually exciting!
Because… I am taking my dear friends to FRANCE! We get to go to our house in France! We usually only go there in the Christmas Holidays, but a very close family friend, Camille, is getting married this summer so we get to go to our house near Îles d'Hyères instead! YAY! AND we don’t have to camp out because our house is pretty damn big. I haven’t told them yet. It’s going to be a surprise for when we get there. They think Camille is getting married in the lovely suburbs of Yorkshire and that we’re staying in a campsite there for three months. YEAH RIGHT. Like I would let my family do something stupid like that. Well, I probably would. But I wouldn’t let my friends anywhere near my Uncle Ron and a stove within the immediate vicinity. No chance. In fact, I don’t think I should ever let Uncle Ron touch a stove. EVER.
I took my head off the table and pressed my palm to my face. “That’s lovely, Lucy.” I said, not looking at her.
You see, every year, the school has several balls. But this one is special. It is usually held outside, unless the weather is ridiculously wet or cold, unlike the other dances, which are all held in the Great Hall. Apart from the Valentine’s Day one. But that’s only because the teachers don’t know about it and we are forced to hold it in the Room of Requirement. I have all the invitations since fourth year kept in my trunk. They’re pretty cool. That is, until Maman saw them and tried to curse my face off. That was a very painful trip to St Mungo’s. Dad then hit me with a spoon. Yes. A spoon. They are surprisingly hard objects when whacked off your skull.
Lucy shrugged. “I-know-right-but-I-still-have-nothing-to-wear-I-don’t-know-what-to-do!”
I balled up my fists and pressed them into my closed eyes until I saw stars. This kid is making my head hurt. “Well, you had better hope that you can find a dress that is long enough, or your mum will kill you.”
Yes. She actually talks that fast. All the time. How the hell am I going to put up with her for a whole three weeks of my holiday? The whole Clan is staying with us for three out of the twelve weeks we get for summer, so I actually have to put up with them in a confined space for a while. That should be interesting….
“She is terrifying.” Matt said, staring at her as she pranced away.
“I know.” I said. “At least you’re not related to her.”
“VICTOIRE! I NEED HELP!”
Uh oh… Here comes another one…
I tried to look perky as Rose slid into the spare seat next to me. I should really get someone else to sit there…
“What do you want?” I asked, forcing a smile.
“Drop the act, Vic.” She said, raising an eyebrow. “This is serious.”
I sighed. “What?”
“Three people have asked me to the ball in two weeks, and I don’t know which one to choose!”
Holy crap! How can my fourteen-year-old cousin get a date, and I can’t?
“Who?” I asked, stabbing my pie grouchily.
She listed them off on her fingers. “Harold Carpenter, Kyle Woods, and Gareth Forest.”
“Kyle Woods.” I said immediately. He is the only one who doesn’t have a reputation for playing girls.
“Okay.” She said brightly, and skipped off. Probably off to find her weird band of mates. Aphrodite scares me the most. Her brothers in my year… Darius or something.
“Why does your family always come to you for advice?” Grant asked.
I started to protest. “They do not-”
“VICTIORE! I NEED HELP!”
I glared at Al as he plopped into the spare seat next to me. HOLY-CRAP-DAISY-MOVE-NEXT-TO-ME-ALREADY.
“What do you want?” I gritted my teeth. Stupid bugger didn’t even seem to notice.
“I may have punched someone…”
“It was an accident!”
“He asked my girlfriend out!”
“You have a girlfriend?”
“None of your business!”
“THAT’S MY SISTER!”
I smirked as Al ran away screaming while Matt glared after him.
“At least he’s protecting her.” I said, putting a calming hand on his arm.
“I didn’t even know she has a boyfriend…” He muttered.
“At least you know him, and Al’s a good kid.” I said, starting to gather my stuff to leave.
“Please don’t beat my cousin up. As annoying as he may be, he is family and I love him.” I said, swinging my leg over the bench.
Daisy followed, shoving one last mouthful of pie in her mouth. We have Herbology together next, along with Matt and Grant. THAT should be interesting.
So... Uh, hi. I KNOW. I KNOW. ANOTHER STORY?! It's just I'v had this one written forever and I REALLY wanted to put it up.I WILL be concentrating more on Loser Like Me but I have severe writers block at the moment so I thought I would put this up in the meantime to keep ya'll entertained...