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Chapter 18 : Collision
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Rose made a point of staying inside her room all weekend because she had to figure some things out. She got absolutely nowhere; she couldn’t figure it out: he was supposed to be her mortal enemy, yet he was her best/only friend at the moment, and she had kissed him. What had she been thinking?
She would be have been lying if she said she hadn’t felt anything for Scorpius because she did have feelings, but she didn’t know what to think of them. He was her best friend, and she wasn’t ready to lose that. Why did he have to kiss her and admit he liked her? She wished she had never seen the look on his face when she asked him how long he had liked her. That look had confirmed her worst fears: there was something more between them than friendship.
She wished she could take back every second of that kiss. She wished her hidden feelings wouldn’t have emerged. She wished the completeness she felt while wrapped in his arms had never been. She wished she was still clueless. But he did kiss her, and worst of all, she had kissed him back…several times, and it was perfect.
No matter how hard she tried that weekend to focus on her studies, she kept going back to Scorpius. Was he upset that she hadn’t spoken to him? Did he regret the kiss too? She was constantly thinking about him and what she would do when she saw him, and she was trying to figure out what her feelings for him were. None of which even touched on the issue of her family. That was an entirely different issue.
The only thing that she truly did know was that she was beyond confused, and she wasn’t even remotely ready to see Scorpius that Monday. But she didn’t have much of a choice. While walking to Potions, she could feel her knees start to go weak as her stomach began to tie into a knot. She was a nervous wreck.
So when she got to the classroom and saw that their table was still empty, a wave of relief flushed over her. Quickly walking to her seat, she opened her book, pulled out her notes, and began to look over them. She hoped that when Scorpius did come to class, he would see how distracted she was and leave her to her studies.
There was no such luck. The second he walked into the room, Rose looked up and their eyes met. The expression on his face was unreadable. He wasn’t angry, but he definitely wasn’t cheerful. He was hiding his feelings, and Rose could tell he wasn’t going to make anything easy for her. Quickly looking back down to her notes, she shifted in her chair as Scorpius hovered over her for a second before turning around and pulling out his own notes.
The tension between them was unbearable. She took in a deep nervous breath and released it slowly, trying to concentrate on her notes but found that it was the hardest thing to do. Looking up at Scorpius, she saw how easy it was for him to avoid her as he sat reading his own notes. Did he not feel the giant dragon in the room?
Apparently he did, because without even looking up at her, he said in an expressionless tone, “What happened to you on Saturday? We were supposed to meet up in the library to work on our essay.”
Rose’s eyes widened; he was right, and she had completely forgotten all about meeting him. She replied quickly, “Yeah, I got caught up with something.” She looked across the classroom, unable to bear looking at Scorpius anymore.
“Anything in particular?” he asked, continuing to read his book.
“No, not really,” Rose said, tilting her head down to her own book.
Scorpius just nodded his head and didn’t say another word for the rest of the class.
When class was over, Rose wanted to say something, but she didn’t know what to say, not that she would have been given the chance. The second Professor Kinkily released the class, Scorpius was up and out the door, and Rose immediately knew she had hurt him again.
It was the day before the Christmas holiday, and Rose couldn’t have been more eager to leave Hogwarts. Between not talking to Scorpius, which was more difficult then she thought, and trying to figure out her feelings for him, she was worn out. Besides all that, she was trying to study for last minute tests the Professors liked to give before the students left for break.
Rose was stressed. She would spend her nights thinking about Scorpius instead of sleeping. She didn’t want to lose him—she couldn’t—but she thought if they tried to get together and then broke up, their friendship would be destroyed, and she didn’t want to happen. She had to admit she did like him. She really liked him, but there were so many things going against them. Her parents would never approve, and her whole life she had been told family comes first. That’s it: there’s nothing more to it. With that being said, could she really ever get past that and actually form a relationship with Scorpius?
When she was with him, she was at her happiest. Even with him mad at her, her heart sped up and her palms became sweaty. Just being in the same room as him made her nervous, and she found it extremely hard to fight off her feelings for him. But to the best of her ability, she did.
With all that in play, she was shocked that she made it through her exams without shattering into a thousand pieces. The last exam she had to take was Potions, and even though the class was set up for partners, the exam was completely solo.
As Rose walked to class, she kept reminding herself she was prepared for this exam. Just because she was sitting beside Scorpius didn’t mean she couldn’t force herself to concentrate. While she was walking into the classroom, she heard Scorpius speak in a harsh tone, “Do you have to do that right in front of me?”
Thinking that he was talking to her, she looked over toward him. From what she saw, it was very obvious Scorpius wasn’t talking to her. He was sitting on a bench with his notes in his lap, attempting to study while Vivian and Bryan snogged right in front of him.
Bryan looked up from Vivian’s face and said, “Sorry mate,” but then started to kiss her again. He pushed her up against the wall that Scorpius’s bench was up against. Shaking his head, Scorpius said, “Not much better.”
Vivian, who turned her own head now as Bryan kissed her neck, said with an evil grin, “You know, Scorpius, you could be more supportive of us.”
Shaking his head again, he leaned back in his seat and said, “I’m supportive, but this is just weird.”
“Oh, Scorpius, it’s not that bad,” Bryan said, taking a step away from Vivian and running his fingers through his hair to make it a little less messy. After looking down at his watch, he walked over to the bench and grabbed his satchel. He walked over to Vivian and gave her a light kiss on the lips. “I’ve got to go,” he said sweetly.
Complaining in a baby voice, Vivian said, “Nooo,” and kissed him again.
“I’ll see you after class,” he said, giving her another kiss.
“Alright,” she answered, kissing him on the nose and giving him a loving smile.
Rose didn’t mind public displays of affection, but this was just sickening.
Bryan smiled and walked down the hall to go to his class. The second he was out of earshot, Vivian spun around and wiped the loving smile off her face and took a seat beside Scorpius.
Deciding she probably shouldn’t stand in the middle of the hall and eavesdrop, Rose walked over to a pillar in the wall and leaned against it, pulling out some of her notes to make it look like she was studying.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Vivian?” Scorpius asked angrily.
Taking a peek, Rose saw Vivian give and evil grin as she narrowed her eyes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said innocently.
Scorpius shook his head. “It’s not right, Vivian.”
“That’s not for you to decide. For all you know, I could really like Bryan,” Vivian said, pulling out a compact mirror and looking at herself in it.
“Except I know that you don’t,” he said as he put his notes in his bag.
“Oh, and how do you know that?” Vivian replied with a sweet smile.
Scorpius just shook his head, “I swear, Vivian, you pull more shit than anyone I have ever met in my life.”
“More than Rose Weasley?” she said with a scowl on her face.
Scorpius narrowed his eyes at Vivian. He wasn’t going to answer that question. Standing up, he grabbed his bag. “You had better not be lying to me when you say you’re serious about Bryan,” he warned harshly as he turned and walked away from her.
Rose looked at Vivian. She had a disappointed look on her face. Smoothing out her face, she looked up and saw Rose staring at her. Rose quickly moved her eyes back down to her notes. Vivian pursed her lips and stood up, slowly putting her bag over her shoulder, and walked down the hall with her head held high—not giving Rose a second glance. Suddenly, Rose felt very nervous about what Vivian might do.
“The bitch is truly evil,” Rose said to herself as she closed her notes and walked to class.
When she walked in, she saw Scorpius with his hands on his forehead as he looked down at his book. Rose could tell he was worrying about something more than this exam.
He looked up and watched Rose as she walked to her seat. On top of everything else he was worrying about, Rose walking in with that way of hers just drove him crazy. Grinding his teeth together, he focused on his book. He was just not having a good day.
Opening his eyes, he heard Professor Kinkily say, “Please put all your notes away and pull out a quill and ink jar.”
Doing as he said, Rose grabbed her quill and ink. Her heart was racing; she wasn’t ready for this test. And the way Scorpius looked at her as she walked in had unsettled her.
Professor Kinkily started to pass out the tests. When Rose saw it, she calmed down a bit. It wasn’t nearly as hard as what she thought it would be. Theywere thirty minutes into the test when Scorpius stood up, walked to the front of the room, and handed his test to Professor Kinkily. They still had a while before class would be let out, so Professor Kinkily whispered something to Scorpius and pointed his finger. Scorpius nodded and walked out of the room.
Rose could concentrate so much better when Scorpius left the room. Finishing up her own test, she looked around and saw people not even halfway through the test. She walked to the front and Professor Kinkily looked up from a stack of papers. “Finished?”
Rose nodded her head and handed the test to him. “Well, seeing as how you are done, would you mind heading to the storage room and helping Mr. Malfoy organize it?” Rose’s face dropped as he continued, “You know you two are the only people that could ever organize it correctly.”
Rose smirked; she remembered quite well having to organize Professor Kinkily’s storage room about a hundred times during her fifth year detentions. Turning around, Rose walked up the stairs and to the small door beside the classroom. Taking a deep breath, she slowly reached out and opened the door. This would be the first time she and Scorpius had been alone since their kiss, and she wasn’t remotely ready to deal with it.
Walking inside, she shut the door quietly. Scorpius was facing the wall, reading labels on potion bottles, and then putting them up on the shelves. Rose cleared her throat, and Scorpius turned around slowly and gave her an odd expression.
Looking around the room, Rose said awkwardly, “Professor Kinkily told me to come in here and help you.” Nodding his head, he turned back around and went back to what he was doing.
Rose silently walked over to the other wall and started clearing off potion bottles and alphabetizing them. They had been in there for about ten minutes and not a word had been spoken. The tension in the air was killing Rose; she couldn’t live like this. She took a deep breath and said, “Can we talk or something? The silence is killing me.”
Scorpius didn’t move. “What is there to talk about?” he asked tonelessly.
Huffing out a breath of frustration, she said, “Scorpius, can you just look at me?”
Sighing, he turned around. “What is it, Rose? If you want to talk, I’m listening. I have been waiting for you to talk for two weeks now, so what do you want to say?”
He was so upset that she just looked at him and couldn’t say anything.
Becoming frustrated, he said “Ok fine, I’ll start. I kissed you. I kissed you and you did nothing. Absolutely nothing but avoid me. Do you know how that makes me feel? I mean, seriously, if you didn’t want to be with me you could have just told me so instead of letting me pour my heart out to you the way I did.”
“Scorpius, it’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” she said, but he was shaking his head and turning back around. She walked over to him and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt to force him to turn around and look at her. “It’s just that I didn’t want lose our friendship.”
Scorpius rolled his eyes and let out an exaggerated breath, “Well it’s kind of late for that.”
“It’s not just that. I mean if my family ever found out…” Rose said, trying reason with him.
Interrupting her, he shouted, “Screw your family. I don’t get it: you spend your whole life trying to be so perfect for everyone, and I don’t know why. What do they do for you in return beside make you extremely unhappy? When was the last time you just did something for yourself?”
Shaking her head, she couldn’t answer his questions. She felt like crying. Looking up at him, she whispered, “Scorpius, it was a mistake. Kissing you was a mistake.”
Standing strong, he crossed his arms and said, “And you honestly expect me to believe that.”
“It’s true, Scorpius, I wish it had never happened that way. I could’ve just lived my life knowing where you stand and where I stand, instead of having all these conflicting emotions on what to do, and it’s driving me crazy.”
“Well it’s too late to go back, and if you think I believe for one second that you think that kiss was a mistake, you have another thing coming,” he said, turning around so he didn’t have to look at her anymore.
“Scorpius, it was,” she said, taking a step toward him.
“I don’t believe you,” was all he could say.
“And why not?” she said frustratedly.
Taking a deep breath, Scorpius turned around and looked her in the eyes. “Because, you kissed me back. You stood there, and when I tried to break apart from you, you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me back down to kiss you. You had plenty of chances to leave, and you didn’t take them. Someone who doesn’t like the person they are kissing sure as hell doesn’t stick around.”
Shaking her head, she argued, “It was a moment of weakness.”
Narrowing his eyes at her, he said harshly, “Don’t even go there.” Pointing his finger at her, he continued, “Don’t you dare say that to me. I know when we were kissing you felt for me exactly what I feel for you on a daily basis. I mean, hell, Rose, I think I am in love with you.” He said the last part in a suddenly calm voice.
“Don’t say that. You don’t even know me.”
“On the contrary, I know you better than anyone else. In fact, I think I am the only person in the world that knows the real you. And I’m not scared to say I love the real you. I love your imperfections and the way you constantly bite your lip.” Taking small steps toward her, he was staring at her, but she had no expression on her face except a small quiver in her lip. He was so close to her that he reached out and tucked a loose hair behind her ear. He let his hand linger on her cheek.
Rose closed her eyes at his touch. “I love you, Rose,” he said while leaning forward a bit. Rose could feel his lips almost touching hers. She wanted to pull him forward so he would be kissing her, but she stayed still. He opened his mouth, and Rose could feel his breath prickle her skin; he was so close to her. Skimming her lips with his, he whispered, “And I think you love me too.” Then he pressed his lips on her and kissed her.
His lips were soft and warm, and Rose didn’t know what was going on. She hadn’t planned on having this conversation, and she certainly hadn’t planned to kiss him again, but here she was becoming weak in the knees as her stomach flipped and her heart sped up.
He had told her he loved her, and he thought she loved him back. In that moment, she could feel the sensation of wanting to be his—of wanting nothing more than to kiss him and love him and to truly let him in. She didn’t know what she was feeling anymore. She loved kissing him, but she didn’t want to. She couldn’t believe he had kissed her after she tried her best to tell him she didn’t care about him in that way. She could feel her insides stretching out in all different directions because of her confusion. She was mad at Scorpius for kissing her, she was mad at her parents for not wanting her to be with him, and most of all, she was angry with herself for letting things go on as they did, and all that rage had to come out. And it did in the form of a slap.
Before she knew what she was doing, she had pulled apart from Scorpius and slapped him across the face. She was shocked that she had done that. Taking a step back from him, she looked at her hand and then at him. He was confused and had his own hand to his cheek.
Her eyes widened, and she felt tears start to sting her eyes. Not knowing what to do, she did what she did best: turned around and walked away. Rose could hear Professor Kinkily tell the class to gather their things and to have a nice break, but she didn’t care. She walked out of the room without grabbing her bag or anything and made a bee-line straight for the Gryffindor common room. Running as fast as she could, she went up to her room and closed the drapes around her bed and cried.
The last time she had cried that hard, she was six, and her father found her hiding in the closet and told her she had to be strong. Except at the moment, she didn’t want to be strong, and she didn’t want to fight. She just wanted to cry. She truly did love Scorpius as a friend. Lately he had been everything to her, and she was scared to let him in as anything more than a friend, but she wanted to so badly.
The fact that he told her she loved him too infuriated her more than anything. Where did he get that from, and why would he say that to her! But what infuriated her most was that maybe he was right.
Closing her eyes, she let more tears come out. She wished things could be less complicated, but there was no way that could happen. Burying her head into her pillow, she let out a sob. She didn’t know what to think or how to feel, and she hated it. She sat there and cried for what must have been thirty minutes when she heard someone open the door.
“Rose?” the voice said cautiously.
Wiping her eyes, she sniffed. “Yeah,” she said, trying to remain calm as she opened the drapes.
Jill was standing there. “I…I…Um.” She held out Rose’s bag. “I saw that you left class without your things, and I thought you might want them.”
“Thank you,” Rose said, trying to remain pleasant even though a few tears still ran down her face.
Jill walked over and put Rose’s bag on her bed, and then she turned around to walk out the door. But before she left, she turned around to look at Rose. “I know you’ve been going through a hard time lately, and if you ever want to talk to someone, I’m always up for listening,” she smiled at Rose and then walked out the door.
Rose closed her eyes. That was not what she had been expecting. She was so tired. Wiping her eyes, Rose waved her wand for the curtains to shut again. She kept sniffling as she turned onto her side.
She wanted to go home. She missed her own room with her own bed and her mother and father. She was tired of being at Hogwarts with so many people watching her and hating her, and even worse, the one person who didn’t hate her loved her instead. She was tired of it, and all she wanted to do was sleep. So she did; she cried herself to sleep, and when she awoke the next morning, she knew she would be on her way home in a few short hours.
A/N: So… Not exactly happy but hey the story is called Fighting Temptation so there has to be some sort of mixture of confusion going on. They will get together and it will be soon very very very soon. I am sorry about the late update but please stick with me and Hannah for a little while things will eventually pick up. So Please Review. PLEASE!
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