this story was written for logamind's i love you challenge, for the pairing james/lily.
made by the lovely shudder
She’s that girl.
She’s the one who every guy secretly has a crush on and every girl is secretly jealous of. She’s the one who you see every day in the corridors, and you wish you could smile but she wouldn’t notice if you did.
She’s the one who zones out when she walks and concentrates so much at what she doing that she can’t stop for anyone or anything, including you.
She takes so much pride about what she does and loves everything so much that when it finally ends, she cries. She cries because what she loved is over, but she smiles at the same time, because there’s something new to come.
She’s the one who’s so beautiful it hurts to look at her, but by the time you get up the strength, she’s gone.
But she’s also the one who’d never believe you if you told her how much you felt for her.
She’d never fall for it if you told her she was beautiful when she told new students where to go.
She wouldn’t believe you if you told her how perfect her eyes looked in the sun, or how much it fascinated you to see her read because of how she bit her bottom lip.
Because she’s Lily Evans and you’re James Potter and in Lily Evans’ world, nothing goes unplanned. There’s not a slip of the tongue, not a whispered word or a ghost of a smile.
She’s the damsel in distress and you’re the one stuck playing hero, but she only sees you as the bad guy. She’ll never see you as her Prince Charming or as her Romeo.
Because in this fairytale, Lily Evans is Lily Evans and James Potter is James Potter and there is no Princess and no Damsel and no Prince and no Frog.
She’s the one who spits out, “Potter”
and you’re still the one who’ll reply, “Yes, Lily?”
You’re civil and she’s vile and there’s nothing to be done about it but wait. She isn’t the one who you remember, the girl who danced through the corridors.
She still loves everything, everything but you.
But she’s changed. She’s gotten a hard shell, like a piece of bread left out just too long. She’s gotten cold; she’s gone from being happy Lily to empty Lily in a heartbeat.
Words are mean, and they can do that to a person. They can turn a person cold, one word, two syllables, one last fleet of eye contact, and she was gone.
It was never you, and she never had anything to hold against you after that point, because you were right about him. He was scum and he didn’t deserve anything from her, especially her friendship, and to hold that place in her heart.
And you always saw that but she never could because of that tendency of hers to see the best in people.
She defended him but he still said what he did. It wasn’t something you could fathom, how someone could do that to a person that was so lovely, and so pure.
You could never think of anything but defending her, hurting him.
But as usual, she saw the bad in that. It was a story that never could be told again, and you took extra care to never mention him to her face.
She stopped talking to him, and you were pleased. You knew that once they lost contact, she’d need a friend, someone to talk and tell all of her secrets to.
You weren’t expecting her to come to you.
On the contrary, you knew she’d never be a part of your life like you always wanted her to be. In fact, you never expected her to even talk to you, because of how awful you’d been in the past.
You never expected her to say yes, but she did, and both of your fates were sealed.
It was like the last word, even if you didn’t know it yet.
She said yes, and you were happy.
You knew there was something wrong. The night was quiet, and though the air was chilled outside and the darkness like a velvet blanket, there was something different.
You can smell it in the way there are no children coming to your door.
You can taste it in the way a cat squeals and she jumps. She can sense it too.
You can see it because of the way the darkness eats up the town, and you can’t see two inches out of your window.
But the baby is oblivious. The look you exchange with her is readable, and it clearly tells you that she knows there is something wrong. She plays with the baby, not going to scare him. He doesn’t deserve that.
His fate was decided the second he was born... “and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not …”
You don’t do anything but protect your wife and the baby. The baby became her life, and you aren’t any different about him.
The baby is yours and you are hers and there’s nothing to do to change that. You will always be hers, and nothing is going to stop that but death.
The baby gurgles up at her, and she laughs back at him, her face beaming, her smile far from forced. She is much better at pretending than you are. There is nothing you can do but wonder what will happen to him when you and her are gone.
You have no family left.
The only one left for him is her sister, and your best friend.
You nod to yourself when you remember that the guardian of the baby, if something were to happen, is your best friend.
The baby’s godfather.
You inhale sharply as you hear a noise, and a banging at the door.
You go frigid and before you can say anything, she is already gone. She is up the stairs and down the hall with the baby in her arms before you can tell her anything.
I love you, Lily.
Your only thoughts pertain to the matter at hand: the end.
Can you fight until the end, or are you going to have to sacrifice to save her? Is she going to run with the baby?
So many questions appear as the door is burst down.
The rat betrayed you, but you already knew.
He was never to be trusted. Give him a password, he’d give it to a snake and forget it. Give him a sickle and he’d spend it on himself and never pay you back.
This was no different.
You don’t remember your reasoning for the decision in the heat of the moment.
You can’t. You can’t do anything but think about her.
I love you more than anything, Lily. Keep the baby safe. Keep Harry safe.
You hear his laugh, you see a light, and you are gone. You will never tell her you love her and you will never hold the baby again.
It was faster than falling asleep.
He walks over you.
He walks up the stairs, to blow apart the door she was hiding behind.
She had placed the baby in his crib, and she was holding on.
James, James you’re…. I love you. I will never stop. I will always love you.
She too hears his laugh, and mixed with the cries of the baby; it is too much.
It is far too much for her to handle and she tries to reason with him. She curses the wards they put up, and why they didn’t allow apparition from the house.
She’s watching the baby and talking hysterics to the Dark Lord and she’s unable to hold on.
“You silly little girl, step aside,” he says. She doesn’t step aside, and she won’t back down.
So he pulls out his wand, and with a simple swish and a vengeance, she is gone as you are.
I love you. I love you James, I love you Harry. I wish I could see you. I love you so so so much, baby. I’m sorry I’ll never be there.
But when he tries to kill the baby, it backfires and he too is gone as you are and as gone as she is.
There always was one thing he never understood, love.
This is different from what Ive written, so I'd love feedback! This story was beta'd by two lovely ladies, hogwartsfavoritecoupleh and chocolate_frog. thanks for putting up with this