Chapter 3 : Murder Weapons, Banshee Wails, and Awesome Cousins
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“What do you reckon this thing is?”
“I dunno, but it looks like some sort of murder weapon.”
“It’s not a murder weapon, you git! Why would America have a murder weapon?”
“Who knows? I mean, how much do we really know about Charlie? For all we know, she could be a serial killer in disguise.”
“Yeah, how do we know that’s she even American?”
“The accent could be a hint.”
“Oh please, how hard is it to talk like a Yankee? ‘I’m American, I like cheeseburgers, y’all’. See, anybody can do it.”
“First of all,” I said, in an amused tone, making my presence known for the first time, causing the guys to look up at me in surprise. I was leaning casually against the door frame to the bathroom with my arms folded across my chest. “I don’t talk like that, Aidan. You sound like an idiot.”
“Excuse me, my accent is brilliant, thank you very much!”
I ignored him, and continued. “Second, nobody says ‘y’all’ unless you live down south. I grew up in New York City. And third, it’s an eyelash curler, not a murder weapon.”
They all stared blankly at the eyelash curler as if it was from outer space.
“What the bloody hell does an eyelash curler do?”
“Hmm, let’s think about this, Britain. It’s an eyelash curler. I’d assume that it would curl eyelashes.” I said in a patronizing voice and he shot me an irritated look that caused me to smirk.
“What’s this thing?” Louis asked, holding up my muggle curling iron, and staring at it with a highly confused expression on his face.
I moved my toiletries and such into our shared bathroom early this morning…I’m fairly certain they’ve been doing this since then.
“It’s to curl the end of my hair.”
“So your hair isn’t naturally like that? See, she lies! SERIAL KILLER!”
“Aidan, shut up! She isn’t a bloody serial killer!” James yelled, and punched Aidan on the arm causing the huge quidditch player to pout like a little girl. Then James turned to me, holding up a little blue bottle, and he asked, “What does face moisturizer do?”
I almost laughed at the sheer curiosity on their faces at the stupid question.
“It’s so my face doesn’t dry out, and it makes my skin extra soft.”
Louis and Aidan’s hands instantly jumped to their faces to feel the texture of their own skin.
James, on the other hand, surprised me by reaching out and gently grazing my cheek with the tips of his fingers. The simple touch caused me to, very uncharacteristically, blush, for some reason.
“You’re right, your skin is really soft.” He said with an adorable smile and his golden brown eyes shining, causing me to internally melt slightly.
It really isn’t fair to live with such attractive males.
I mean, they’re all built like Greek gods, but it’s not even their bodies that make them so goddamn attractive; it’s their faces and the way they carry themselves.
Louis is gorgeous to put it simply. His tousled blonde hair sits in exactly the right way to give the impression that he doesn’t care what he looks like but he can still look fantastic at the same time. His blue eyes are absolutely beautiful and they remind me of the sky on a clear summer’s day. And although he has a more pretty face than a handsome one, his natural sort of swagger balances out the femininity and replaces it with masculinity.
Aidan’s body is so unbelievably jacked, it looks like he is at the gym all day, but in actuality, most of his free time is spent watching quidditch on his ass and eating grapefruit. He wears his curly, sandy brown hair short, and his stormy gray eyes are almost always blazing with happiness. That’s probably the best thing about Aidan…despite his weirdness and accusations that I’m a serial killer, he’s always so happy.
And then there’s James who is, quite possibly, the most difficult person to describe on the face of this universe. His perpetually messy, dark brown, nearly black, hair makes him look sexy, rather than sloppy, but the dimple on his right cheek makes him look down right adorable. His face is chiseled, making him sexy, yet he had a light dusting of freckles on his nose, forehead, and cheeks, making him adorable. The confident, but carefree air about him is also a mix between sexy and adorable.
So basically, James Potter is sexorable…adorexy?
Well, he’s whatever a combo between sexy and adorable is.
“Why do you have to have those in here?” Louis asked with a disgusted expression on his face, pointing to my box of open tampons sitting on the white marble counter.
“Would you prefer that I keep them in my room and then bleed all over the floor on the way to getting them?” I asked, over exaggerating just a tad, and raising an eyebrow.
All of their expressions instantly became revolted. I mean, what I just said was pretty revolting, but guys needed to learn to get over their fears of lady issues. It’s not like we have a blast ended skrewt down there.
“No, no, you can keep then in here!” Louis said quickly, avoiding looking me in the eyes. “No need to, er, mess up the floor.”
“That’s what I thoug-“ I started to say, but I was cut off by the loudest, shrillest, and most high pitched shriek that I have ever had the misfortune to hear.
“LOUIS!” The voice screeched, and I covered my ears to stop them from bleeding at the excessive noise.
“Dammit,” James groaned, and nervously ran a hand through his hair.
“I’ll be in my room. Let me know when the banshee leaves!” Aidan said, and then sprinted next door to his bedroom, shut and locked the door.
Louis’ face was as white as a ghost as if all the color drained out.
I was about to ask what the hell was going on, but I didn’t need to because suddenly, a stunning blonde with an uncanny resemblance to Louis that had tears pouring down her face, came charging into the bathroom and wrapped her arms around Louis’ neck, and began sobbing.
I glanced at James who was looking at the two with a bored expression as if this happened every other day.
“Shh, Dom, shh,” Louis said in an attempt to be consoling, and patted her back awkwardly. “What happened this time?”
This time? I dearly hope that this isn’t a highly regular occurrence. There is only so much overemotional girl drama that I can handle in a short time.
I’ve always been ten times more comfortable around boys than my own sex. My mom died when I was ten so I went through almost half of my life of just living with males. I also had mostly only guy friends at Salem.
I was good friends with a lot of my ex’s, Austin Baker, best friends. The only reason I was ever best friends with Melanie Turner, aka bitch that fucked my boyfriend, was because we grew up together.
And look where being friends with her has got me.
Note to self: Never become friends with a girl again. Stick to guys. They are a lot less hormonal and back-stabby.
“JESSICA ATE MY YOGURT!” Dom wailed at the top of her lungs as if it was the end of the world.
Goodbye, hearing. I always liked you.
“That’s why you’re so upset? Dom, it’s yogurt! You can just go buy some more at this thing called a grocery store! They sell like a million different kinds!” James exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air in an exasperated way.
Louis shot James a terrified look as if he was afraid that James was about to get shanked or something. I don’t even know this person, or what she is capable of, but even I can tell that James is in deep shit.
The girl turned to James with watery eyes and a furious expression. “It was my mixed berry yogurt, James. MIXED BERRY! I’m not talking lemon. I’m not talking vanilla. I’m not talking bloody peach! I’M TALKING MIXED BERRY!” She shrieked, and James backed up, stumbling slightly when he ran into the toilet, clamping his hands over his ears.
“And it’s the whole principle of the thing! I had my yogurt clearly marked Dominique Gabrielle Weasley! I even used my middle name, but that bitch still ate it!” Dom then turned back to Louis, who looked like he was about to shit his pants, overcome with a fresh wave of sobs.
“I can’t go back there, Lou! I can’t go back there knowing that she ate my yogurt! I can’t look her in the eyes! She stole it, Louie! SHE STOLE IT! I can’t! I just can’t!” She cried into his shirt, and Louis continued to pat her back awkwardly, and looked at James with a ‘What the fuck do I do?’ face.
James was mouthing to Louis behind Dom’s back, “Be strong! Don’t give in!”
Then Dom sniffled and looked up at Louis. “Can I stay in the extra bedroom tonight, Louie? Please?”
She, evidently, had some form of a brain in that pretty little head of hers because she pulled the puppy dog face that would cause even the hardest ass to melt.
But before Louis could give in, James quickly said, “Sorry, Dom, but that bedroom’s actually occupied currently.”
“By who?” Dom yelled, abruptly angrier than she already was.
“That would be me,” I told her, offering her the friendliest smile that I could muster to an insane girl that just cried for five minutes about yogurt.
“Who the fuck are you?” She snapped, glaring at me as if I was I was the reason that she was so goddamn miserable.
Okay wait. Can someone please explain to me what the hell I did to this girl?
Louis and James were about to explain that I was their new roommate, but Dom swiveled around back to Louis, and starting pulling the water works again.
“Are you going to pick this blonde whore over your own sister?”
Is she that stupid to not know her own hair color? I’m seriously starting to think so.
“Now hold on-“ James started with an angry expression on his face, but Louis silenced him with a look.
“Dom, Charlie lives here. You can’t just come in here and demand that ro-“
“It’s okay, Louis.” I said, and all heads whipped in my direction. Dom was glaring and James and Louis were looking very curiously at me.
“Dom, here, is obviously going through a really hard time right now. I mean, I thought I had it bad when my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I couldn’t even imagine someone taking my yogurt! The absolute horror!” I gasped sardonically, but only James and Louis seemed to grasp the fact that I was being sarcastic. Dom, on the other hand, was nodding agreeably, looking morose as if everyone should pity her.
“So you can have my bed, Dominique. You can sleep in the room that I spent all night re-doing. You can sleep on my mattress that cost me almost three thousand dollars. You can even borrow my clothes if you want because you know what? You deserve it after this difficult day.”
Either this moron doesn’t understand the beautiful language of sarcasm, or she is just plain stupid because she said, “Finally, someone that actually understands!”
Then she strutted past me out of the bathroom to my bedroom, and slammed the door shut.
“Is she for real?” I asked Louis in shock.
“Just wait till you get to meet Victoire, America. You can hear all about her swollen feet, sore boobs, and various other pregnancy issues.”
Being in the apartment with Dominique Weasley is worse than living with three dragons, twenty angry hippogriffs, and a colony flesh-eating slugs.
Not just any dragons, angry hippogriffs, or flesh eating slugs though…no.
These dragons were the type that would bite your head off, chew it to mush, and then spit it back out at your decapitated, bloody carcass.
These hippogriffs would stomp on your brains and use it’s razor sharp talons to rip off all your clothes, leaving you scratched, naked, and even bloodier in the process.
And then the flesh-eating slugs would continually wiggle around inside of you while they’re snacking on your insides so that way you’d get so annoyed that you wouldn’t be able to take anymore of it and you’d just jump off a bridge to finally end the misery.
That’s how incredibly awful it is with her around. It’s honestly a wonder how Louis survived all those years living with her without going either insane or deaf from her incessant bitching.
Because seriously, she didn’t stop. Whether it was complaining that our couch looked like it belonged in a dumpster, (not even an average dumpster…she said that it belonged in a poor person’s dumpster because ours wasn’t even good enough for a normal one) or that she needed someone to get her food or else she was going to starve to death.
I think she neglected to remember that there are kids in Africa that haven’t eaten for days, not to mention weeks.
But the thing was, if she ordered you to do something, you had to do it. Otherwise, she’d scream and cry. Like literally, she’d sit there and scream at the top of her lungs until you made her a smoothie, got her a blanket, or even massaged her perfectly painted toes.
We’ve already had five complaints from the neighbors, and the police even showed up once because they got a call from a worried muggle that thought someone was getting murdered.
I felt out of place telling her to shut the fuck up and get the hell out because I only just moved here, and I didn’t think I should talk to their cousin/sister/best friend’s cousin-sister like that.
I was hoping they’d grow a pair and do it for me, but alas, no.
Louis practically shit his pants whenever Dom got in a twenty-foot radius of him. The girl could ask him to squeeze lemon juice into his eye just so she could watch him wither in pain and he’d do it because he is so whipped. It’s more pathetic and sad then watching a puppy get kicked in the face.
Aidan spent most of the time locked in his room. When he did come out though to eat something though, which was about every twenty minutes (the man has an almost scary appetite), he spent most of the time cringing at her obscenely shrill voice.
James was the only who somewhat stood up for himself and refused to be treated like a servant in his own house. He’d deny her demands at first, but unfortunately, he only has so much tolerance for seeing a girl cry and listen to her scream for about twenty minutes straight so he eventually gives up in the end.
I, personally, loathed her but, since she took over my room (literally, I couldn’t even go near it without her screaming at me), I had no place to escape to when she reared her head into the living room/kitchen.
It took all of ten minutes for Dom to irritate me to the point of wanting to murder her with my bare hands, so I forcibly kicked Louis out of his room with the threat that I’d explode if I didn’t get the hell away from his sister.
Louis’ room was a pigsty. Actually, I think I’d prefer a pigsty because his room was that bad. Opened Healer books and crumpled paper took over his desk. Broken quills, dirty underwear, and used towels littered the drink stained carpet. You couldn’t even sit on his black leather armchair because it had a two-foot high pile of old socks and a half-eaten slice of moldy pizza sitting on it.
His bed though, surprisingly, was made and looking completely out of place in his disgusting excuse for a room. He had navy blue pillows that matched his bed spread neatly against his dark brown maple wood headboard, and smaller, decorative light blue pillows that matched his walls placed in front of those.
He is seriously the first guy I’ve ever met that actually makes his bed. Austin didn’t even put sheets on his bed at school. When we moved in together, the idiot wouldn’t sleep in our bed for a week because I refused to sleep without them.
I was flicking through one of Louis’ magazines that I found beside his bed, when James, Louis, and Aidan burst through the door looking highly stressed and worn out.
“We need to get the fuck out of here, you in?” Aidan asked in a strained voice. I heard Dom screech again about how no one was paying attention to her, and I nodded instantly. Louis grabbed my hand, and within two seconds, we were gone.
“AL OR ROSIE, OPEN UP!” James called and Aidan and Louis pounded obnoxiously loud on the door. I stood behind them, awkwardly holding a plate of store-bought brownies. Apparently, James and Louis’ cousin, Rose, only lets you into their apartment unless you bring her food.
It took a full five minutes of James screaming and Aidan and Louis knocking for Rose to swing open the door. “Dear God, WHAT?!” She yelled, looking extremely exasperated and pissed.
Her auburn hair was all over the place and she was wearing a hastily thrown on, pale blue oxford with buttons done in the wrong places, black knee high socks, and plaid boxer shorts that were on backwards.
Then, standing a few feet behind her, there was an attractive blonde guy that was shirtless and in the midst of throwing on khaki shorts.
Okay, this is seriously too sketchy for words. Plus that is the worst haphazard-after-sex-rush-outfit I have ever seen.
You could practically see the cogs turning in the guy’s heads. “They were shagging!” Aidan finally blurted, and pointed an accusatory finger at Rose who narrowed her dark chocolate brown eyes at him.
Louis started gagging dramatically, and James glared daggers at the blonde guy. He tightened his hand into a fist, and Rose put a warning hand on his chest. “Don’t even think about it, James. I’m an adult now; I can do whatever the hell I want. We’ve had this discussion before, remember?” Rose asked, speaking to him as if he was four, and James nodded grudgingly. “Right, today’s my only day off this week and Al’s working so…” She said, and started to close the door to go back and fuck her boyfriend, but Louis put a hand on the door to stop her.
“Please, can we stay, Rosie? Dom took over our flat,” He pleaded, and Rose’s face softened slightly.
She looked back at the blonde guy, who was running a hand through his hair awkwardly, and she sighed. “Do you have food?”
Louis, Aidan, and James practically squealed with excitement, which made me take that as a yes. They pushed open the door the rest of the way and each took their turn in giving Rose a bone-crushing hug. They all ruffled her hair affectionately, making her grimace and attempt to fix it, but I think she knew it was a lost cause.
“Who are you?” Rose asked curiously, noticing me for the first time, and quirked a perfectly plucked eyebrow.
Before I could, Aidan answered for me. “This is our new flat mate, Charlie.” He said grinning, and put an arm casually around my shoulders.
Rose’s face instantly became sympathetic. “Oh dear, I feel for you. I really do. Is there still only grapefruit in the fridge and does the laundry room still smell like dung bombs?”
“I managed to squeeze some normal food in there somewhere, but there was nothing I could do about the dung bombs, unfortunately.”
“Words of advice, don’t let them con you into making all of their meals. They’re big boys, and they should figure it out for themselves.” She said, grinning, and patted James on the shoulder.
Despite the fact that they are big boys, I don’t think they’d be able to figure it out for themselves. Aidan can barely even make toast. It’s more than a little bit pathetic.
“Too late, they practically cried when I told them I wasn’t cooking for them the first time.”
They all started to protest immediately.
“We did not cry! Men don’t cry.”
“That never happened!”
“You’re over exaggerating!”
“And I’m a man, so I definitely didn’t cry.”
“I never took you for a straight up liar, Charlie.”
“If anything, we minorly pouted.”
I snorted at that last one.
“That is the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard. Minorly pouted? You looked like you were a three year old that was told that Christmas was canceled!”
“LIES! LIES! LIES!” The chanted repeatedly, until Rose lazily flicked her wand to effectively shut them all up.
“Don’t give them their voices back no matter how much them beg you, Scorpius.” She told her boyfriend, and then she turned to me, smiled, and said, “Come on, let’s go to my room, eat these brownies, and watch the quidditch game.”
I grinned and followed her, leaving Aidan, Louis, and James attempting to silently plea a clueless Scorpius behind.
Here’s what I learned today: Dom = Nutcase. Rose = Awesome.
A/N: HI EVERYBODY! Sorry I haven’t updated this in a while but I wanted to update Love Goddesses and Enemies with Benefits before I put another chapter of this up, but I hope getting to meet some new characters made it worth the wait.
Speaking of new characters, how much did every one hate Dom? Despite the fact that she’s insane and annoying as hell, she was actually a lot of fun to write. Do you like Rose? She’s already turning out to be one of my favorite characters. I don’t know why but I feel like there’s something badassish about her, and I like that.
And you should definitely check out the chapter images for the past two chapters made by dream_BIG. They’re amazing, and I’m going to ask for one for this chapter once it gets validated.
If you get the chance, then please leave a review. They honestly brighten my day, and I do respond to every one eventually! :D
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