Sorry for the long wait and thank you to all the faithful readers and reviewers. I really love to read them all :D Here is the next chapter and from now on I will try to stick to one character P.O.V per chapter (let’s see how that works).
Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill myself right now.
I mean at least before I met the Bitch, (a.k.a Caitlynn) I was handsome, rich, powerful, pureblooded and just generally perfect. Now I’m poor, mentally incapable, tactless and… well just not as good looking as I used to be.
Oh and I’m no longer male.
Confused? Let me explain exactly how that happened by taking you back to this morning.
Oh there I am, look at me walking down Diagon Alley and yep, I can confirm I look very much male. Anyway I was strolling down the cobbled street when I see the female Weasley with the “golden” trio. Gag. Before I go off topic on how much they disgust me I would like to point out that everything that I shall now describe was completely unintentional and/or against my will.
So, my original intention was to go up to the muggle loving freaks and insult them with my sharp tongue and wit, when someone comes up behind me and practically knocks me unconscious. Wince. And yes it was as painful as it looked. Then I was dragged to a small shop, in a dark alley, in the middle of nowhere, with no one to… you get the general idea, with this mystery kidnapper holding my mouth shut.
And who might be this mystery kidnapper be? Well think of anyone crazy enough to knock a full man unconscious (well not quite but still), drag him to a dark alley and then glare at him as if it was his mess to fix.
Wait for it… Caitlynn!!
If you got that don’t congratulate yourself too much; I mean who else would do anything near that… irrational.
Yeah that’s right. No one.
Then sweet Caitlynn starts a conversation. And here I thought the situation couldn’t get any worse.
“Oh, um yeah so…hi?” (This is Caitlynn speaking by the way. I have a larger, smarter vocabulary available to me.)
Although in that moment I was speechless. Because I am actually a normal human being (even though I am of a higher race and standing) and therefore do not get kidnapped by crazed women on a daily basis.
“Sorry about all this,” she says.
What am I supposed to say to that? “Oh no problem, my life has been going downhill every since I met you and it seems bloody unlikely it’s going to get any better any time soon so you might as well enjoy the moment you have with such a good looking man”?
Actually maybe I should say that.
“Oh no problem, my life…”
“Let me explain,” she interrupts. Great, why don’t you just speak over me and ignore my response to your very non-sympathetic apology. “The thing is…” looks like she is going to take my offer I have not yet even verbalised. Blah blah blah. I can see her mouth moving as she goes on and on. It’s a good thing I have learned how to zone out during boring lectures and motherly reprimands because that is one long speech, “anyway my cousin is convinced we should get together and I don’t want to marry you and have your children so I had to take you away from there, you get me?” she finished, looking at me expectantly.
Maybe I should have listened. How did she end up with the conclusion that we were getting married? And I can’t exactly ask her to repeat herself without sounding like a moron. I really wish I could understand what goes through her head sometimes. Although I doubt anyone does; I think you’d have to be her to comprehend how her brain functions.
Suddenly Caitlynn looked at me in horror and whispers,
“Did you wish for something?”
“No,” I answered automatically.
“Oh phew, I thought I felt a tremor and this house is famous for granting wishes apparently. My cousin told me…”
A sudden high pitched squeal interrupted her and the whole house shook, rattling the furniture and small implements hanging on the walls. Caitlynn grabbed a chair and looked at me, scared.
“Your wish shall be granted,” a voice boomed, echoing in the near-empty house. “Understand each other fully; be grateful for this chance at being another; know that life is for the living; and learn that love conquers all.”
The shaking stopped along with the creepy voice advising to… what was it? Oh right “learn that love conquers all”. Get a life, creepy git.
Suddenly I felt a searing pain. In front of me I saw Caitlynn collapsing on to the floor, before I too blacked out.
So now here I am, with a large bruise on my forehead.
Still a little lost? Let me repeat s-l-o-w-l-y for the less mentally able. I wished I wanted to understand Caitlynn and then stated you had to be her to understand her. Some telepathic mental dude thought that I actually wanted to be her (if he had used his common sense he would have understood that no, I didn’t actually want to be Caitlynn) Since I am only inhabiting her body, her “soul” or whatever had to go somewhere else and guess where it ends up. Yep, in MY handsome, toned body. Meanwhile I’m stuck in a practically physically crippled, muggle female. This also means that I still don’t know what she is thinking and how her brain works because her thoughts are now in my body. Basically we swapped bodies.
Now give a reason I shouldn’t kill myself.
I never thought I would see the day I would be knocking on the Weasley household’s poor, decrepit, sad excuse for a house.
Somehow Caitlynn convinced me it would be a good idea to just “deal with it and pretend to be each other until we figure it out”. She then tells me that if I mess up my imitation of her she will make sure no one will be able to look at “Draco Malfoy”’s face without bursting into laughter (whatever that means). Splendid. Of course she only mentions she is that mudblood’s cousin once I am standing in front of the wonky door, about to enter hell on Earth.
When the door finally opens it is with such vigorous force that the door smacks me in the forehead causing me to literally fall on my arse.
“I sincerely apologize um…”
I glance up to see Percy Weasley looking at me. What would Caitlynn do in this situation? I smiled at him as I stood up; that seemed appropriate. He blushed, the tip of his ears turning as red as his hair. Gross. Ew. Did he just look at me and…ew. I guess he is technically looking at Caitlynn but really. Just a little creeped out here. Maybe I shouldn’t smile anymore.
“Hello I am Percy Weasley; it is a great pleasure to meet you. I assume you are Granger’s cousin?”
“Caitlynn Granger,” I introduced myself with difficulty and shuddered as the name left my mouth.
“Cait!!” I heard a shriek but didn’t register the voice was calling me until I felt someone hug me. Granger’s bushy hair came into view (more like was shoved in my face). I froze willing myself not to throw her off and cleanse myself. Get off, get off, get off I chanted to myself, and as she releases me I heaved a sigh of relief. Granger looks at me curiously then asks me to get inside, repeatedly telling me how worried she was when I disappeared.
“So anyway dinner is in half an hour,” says Granger, “You must be tired. If you want you can relax and meet everyone later, after dinner?” I get to be formally introduced to the whole Weasley clan. Great. How much better could my evening be?
When Granger stopped talking I realised that I didn’t know where my room was supposed to be. I sighed exasperatedly at how bloody annoyingly complicated my life is becoming but being the smart heir to the Malfoy family I decided to simply ask Percy Weasley to help me rearrange the furniture in my room or something so that I could just follow him up. Of course he couldn’t just shut up, he had to tell me about a new law for keychain colours or something which I pointedly ignored.
And now I am sitting on a bed situated in a cupboard-like room with Percy Weasley standing behind me. This is a bit awkward.
As I turned around to dismiss him I froze at the sight of his face literally an inch from mine. Before I could move he leaned forwards and kissed my lips.
I think I’m going to be sick.
A/N Soooo feedback please? And does everyone understand what is going on? Or is it confusing? And if you read both versions which do you prefer? Anyway tell me what you guys think. Any comment is very welcome and appreciated :D