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Of a Valentine's Day Fail by Miss MarlaG
Chapter 1 : A Lean, Mean, Valentine's Failure Machine!
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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What's this? ANOTHER one-shot from me when I should be really updating my stories? In my defense, this has be lying in my computer for months and it was time to finish it and take it out into the light. I'm sure you might have noticed but Lorcan is a girl here and Dominique is a boy -and don't judge, I wanted to try something new. After all, Lorcan and Dominique are both sort of unisex names so that might just work out for me as it did in this story. I don't own anything you recognize, else I would have money to buy me the original Harry Potter movies at like ninety bucks the seven-cds set..... yeah. So, just read, and I'mma be shameless and ask you to review!





Well, good morning my precious Hogwarts teens and tweens! Its time to wake up and look out of your window, folks –smell that fresh scent of winter fading and listen to the birdies singing their sweet little tunes. Today seems like a regular day, but dig a little deeper and check your calendars: this particular Wednesday is everything but regular. Because today is Valentine’s Day. Yes, it’s finally here, folks, the day of love and friendship, although no one really pays any attention to the friendship part of this wonderful date. Better get those carnations going and the Hogsmeade dates flowing, because today there’s gonna be some drama. The only people actually safe on this beautiful castle this morning are those who are now “taken”, for the rest of them single people will be swarming around the most solicited bachelors and bachelorettes of Hogwarts hoping to snatch a Valentine. Remember the rules: a pink carnation means friendship, a yellow carnation means platonic crush to those who are taken, and a red carnation –the one that every girl on Hogwarts hopes to get at least once in their seven year education– means love. And if that person you sent a red carnation to shares your feelings, then you are very lucky. After all, this is a long time tradition of Hogwarts, and three of the castle’s most solid couple have started that way, with a red carnation. They are of course Shannon Montgomery and Roger Brooks, Christine Parks and Ed Thomas, and Pamela Reid and Lysander Scamander. So, get started on claiming your valentines, you don’t want to wind up all alone like last year for not snapping into focus, do you?

Lorcan Scamander is sitting up on her bed. Just staring into space. Staring into space, her blue eyes hard, locked on the wall in front of her. She is just a girl after all. A girl in a mission.

It was Valentine’s Day.

And she is on a mission.


Ever since Lorcan can remember, she has loved Dominique. When he was in first year, people used to make fun of him for having a girlie name and he wasn’t that popular. It seemed that the students of Hogwarts were too stupid to realize that Dominique’s mother was French; and that the name “Dominique”, a French name, is actually intended to be unisex. But even not knowing that yet, Lorcan didn’t hold it against him. He was just so beautiful, you know. Just a small eleven year old boy, getting picked on by older blokes because of his mother’s unfortunate choice of a name. Of course, they did not pick on him that much, he was a Weasley after all, but they did tease him. Except Lorcan. Because she knew it was stupid and because she seriously, seriously loved him. Since they were small. Since those times her parents would take her and her twin brother to the burrow to visit the Potters and the Weasley-Grangers, and she saw him there, playing with a deck of cards his grandfather had given him. The sight had been so beautiful that Lorcan, at the tender age of seven, almost cried. She had walked right up to him and sat boldly in front, just staring at him. He had frowned at her and pushed towards her the ace of black hearts. And that was it. She was in love.

On first year Lorcan had sent him a red carnation, but the little people delivering the flowers accidentally swapped it and made the mistake of having it sent to James Potter, whose ego only seemed to inflate even more at the age of twelve and had received Lorcan with an autographed picture of himself. Blinking thoroughly bewildered and baffled, Lorcan had pushed the egotist bloke away and taken back her carnation, far to humiliated to even try to make it reach Dominique then.

Of course, by second year everyone had gotten past the whole “Dominique is a girl name, you freak!” and started treating him right. He got a whole new bunch of friends, joined the Quidditch team, and got good grades. And by third year, he was complete and utterly popular. And by fourth year, he had grown and gotten muscles from all the Quidditch training his cousin James put him through. And by fifth year, he was this muscle-bound, six-packed, hunk-o-lurvv, with the luscious golden hair and penetrating blue eyes and smirk. Oh yes, Dominique Weasley has morphed from a useless, girl-named little larva to a sex-on-legs butterfly.

And every single year, Lorcan Scamander has had him snatched away right from her hands as a Valentine. And it was really enough. Lorcan Scamander is sick, downright sick of watching THE Dominique Weasley, HER Dominique Weasley stroll up the streets of Hogsmeade hand in hand with some brainless bint. She is sick to her mind that year after year, when he is just about to read her red carnation, some pathetic prat comes up, all smiles and cleavage, and gives him a red rose. And so, liking what he sees, he offers her his arm and the rest is history.

She is done. This year, this particular Valentine’s Day morning, Dominique Weasley was bound to be Lorcan Scamander’s valentine. He would be. He had to be. After all, she. Was. Done.

Hello, Hogwarts witches and wizards! This is me once more, to give you the update on the Valentine’s Day festivities. Loads of red, pink, and yellow carnations can be appreciated on the tables of students when they get to their classes, and there’s even this fifth year Hufflepuff wearing a purple tulip tucked behind her ear. There are a few new couples that we can all ogle and stare at today, holding hands in the hallways and sneaking quick kisses behind the tapestry on the fourth floor, where everyone knows is the Snogging Spot at this time of the year. We can watch Albus Potter gently slipping his arm around a certain blonde haired Imogen Grey’s waist at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall. There is also Remington Monroe, hooking a strand of loose hair behind Felicia Winters’ ear by the dungeons. And we enjoy the sight of Roxanne Weasley and Theodore Powell’s sweet kisses in the astronomy tower. To all single people scowling upon the sanctity of such a glorious day for love, you have nowhere to hide. As the day progresses more and more couples keep popping up all around, all thanks to the flowers or maybe a guitar solo performed by a massive rose and daisy bouquet, as did Scorpius Malfoy to his forever infatuation, Rose Weasley. Too bad that for the third year in a row, the red-blooded Slytherin turned him down and gave him a good hexing to, for the bloke not being able to understand that she does not want anything to do with him, but then again, Miss Weasley has always been terrible with feelings and the colour pink. After all, you can always find her up in the seventh floor, pushing the little people delivering the carnations aside and cursing everyone happy and in love around her. Oh, well. Her loss. And it will also be someone else’s loss too, if they don’t get a move on soon!

Lorcan grimaces as she takes a good spoonful of porridge and her eyes flick over to the Gryffindor table, where Dominique Weasley can be appreciated receiving endless red carnations that are bestowed upon him from the third year girls giggling at his left.  She does not like it one bit, but she knows that she is safe for now. A bloke like Dominique would never sink so low as to actually accept fourth years and below as a valentine, so she can breathe for now. The only exception are those few fourth years that have already turned fifteen, but so far not a single one has appeared behind him with a flower. Of course, she ought to keep out for the sixth and seventh years that have got their eye on him, but she is too busy thinking about how she was going to do this to even think about that for now.

The red carnation she has bought is pressing upon her back, hidden there so there would be no questions asked. If any of Lorcan’s dorm mates even sighted the flower they would immediately drop their breakfast and pester her about, trying to find out who she is going to give it to. Now, if that were to happen Lorcan simply cannot tell them that she is looking for Dominique Weasley to be her valentine for the fifth year in a row, since they would probably laugh and try to talk her out of it, saying that after five years the odds were really bad for Dominique to even lay his eyes on her, especially now that he was practically at the top of the Hogwarts food chain. And the last thing Lorcan needs right now is for a drop of her self-esteem, since she needs a lot of courage and confidence to repeat this process for the fifth time in a row. She doesn’t need her dorm mates to tell her that it would just not happen because then, she would believe and Lorcan would truly miss her chance with Dominique.

Now, Hogwarts’ food chain is pretty simple: the people at the top of the pyramid are those with the last name Potter. James, Albus, and Lily (seventh, sixth, and fourth years to be exact), are at the very top of the social ladder of the castle, and almost every girl they do not share blood with is in love with the Potter boys. Lily has a very long tail of boys waiting behind her for her older overprotective brothers to graduate to finally get a chance to date her. They are, as you may say, the Kings and Queen of the Hogwarts land.

Then comes, in the next level of the pyramid, the Hogwarts princes and princesses. Fourth year Hugo Weasley, second year Louis Weasley, our previously mentioned and widely beloved fifth year Dominique Weasley, and third year Lucy Weasley earn the title of next in line for the throne. As soon as our infamous and treasured James Potter graduates in a few months, Albus Potter will officially take the title of King of Hogwarts and the oldest prince, Mr Dominique Weasley, will become king and second-in-command to the middle Potter child. Every time each one graduates the other will bump up a spot, which means that once James leaves and a spot is open, our dear duchess Roxanne Weasley will become officially a princess. Before the Potter family came to Hogwarts, the current king had been Mr Teddy Remus Lupin for many years until his graduation. He had reined along side his beautiful Queen, Miss Victoire Weasley, part-French part-veela that had had the male population at Hogwarts swooning at her feet. After Teddy left, Victoire maintained her kingdom and title while James Potter had recently joined her ranks during her sixth year. In seventh year the next Potter child turned eleven and sailed off to Hogwarts, and so when she left, the Potter boys were who reined supreme until their sister finally joined them, two years later.

The next and last reigning level on the pyramid are those who are just too low, too cold, too young and practically the disgrace of the Weasley name, but it is those traits what has made them successful in the Hogwarts kingdom and why Rose Weasley will be queen before Lucy has had her turn and Lily has even graduated. In this last real level there is previously mentioned Ravenclaw duchess Roxanne Weasley, with her witty snappy comebacks and mischief glint in her eyes; her brother and Gryffindor count Fred Weasley, prank mastermind and lazy slag whose cunning and deep knowledge of the grounds of Hogwarts has made him quite the good acquaintance to know; and last but very much so not least, Slytherin countess Rose Weasley, cold, poised, and scary, cunning and sly and witty and sharp bitch with the smirk and the who-gives-a-damn attitude. Yes, it’s all her dark, sly traits that make her relationship with her father tense and the students predict that she’ll reign next to her cousin Albus next term. Lil’ Lily Potter will be bumped back to ‘princess status’ for a while until they are shipped off to the real world, and on her sixth year she will finally be able to have the Hogwarts population at her feet, and so will Dominique Weasley, seventh year when the time comes.

And so Lorcan Scamander will watch from the sidelines her beloved’s rise to the crown he is entitled to, being a lowly peasant to his king.

But that isn’t in her plans.

Pushing the plate of untouched porridge aside, Lorcan stands up from the table and exits the Great Hall with strong, determined steps, the red carnation barely visible as she quickly hides it in front of her, were nobody can see it anymore.

Well, well, well. All this talk about counts, couples, and carnations has me in a mood for some romancin’. And pretty much everybody else is getting warmed up to this day with all the love that’s spreading around faster than petty gossip at this school. The people quickly getting snatched up and claimed as valentines are mostly the Quidditch players and the royalty of Hogwarts, all the Weasleys and Potters attending the school. I have notice of the three Hufflepuff chasers being out of the Valentine’s Day Bachelor List posted at the notice boards of every common room; also the Ravenclaw seeker has found his soul mate. If you wish, you can find Susie Bones and Otto Longman at the Pastries and Tea from Parvati Patil stand on Hogsmeade. There is really no place to be gloomy and moody on such a wonderful day where love is mostly found, that is except for those few sad seeds who have gotten turned down. You can currently see Jordan Brickman kicking rocks at the side street of the Hog’s Head, mourning the rejection of Estelle Jones; there is also the sight of Maureen Thomas crying by the lake, shooting death glares to Kenneth Spinnet and Sydney Finch-Fletchley splashing in the nearby shore. Everywhere you see you can find sad hearts and happy hearts and even hearts that just don’t give up. Scorpius Malfoy has set off a bunch of Weasley Magiworks especially for our cold, cruel countess on the fourth floor. People are conglomerating around to watch the spectacle, that isn’t so much the fireworks as Rose Weasley catching Malfoy on a headlock. That girl is really too uptight –she should just take in the cheery mood of such festive day and relax, maybe even give poor lovestruck Scorpius a chance. She should know after so long and endless attempts of getting her attention that as much as she rejects him he is just going to keep pushing on until either she says yes or he dies, the latter which seems to have the better odds.

One of the people who seems to have gotten showered with red carnation is our resident Gryffindor Quidditch Captain King, James Potter, walking around the school like he owns the place, which, looking at the way he’s practically stomping on a carpet of flowers, he sure does. Of course our most solicited bachelor is alone again this fine Valentine’s Day as many other years, for the fact that if he happens to find a girl up to his standards this day he will find himself getting dumped once more for snogging a taken woman. His Valentines for the past six years have been, in this order: Rebecca Cooper, Pearl Simmons, Drew Longman, Kara Davies, Lucille Harper, and Virginia Gold. And he cheated on them by snogging, in this order: Avery Cooper, Tara Flynn, Shannon Montgomery, Estelle Jones, Genevieve Scrimgeour, and June Grey, all of them sporting a boyfriend at the time. Now, who will be James Potter’s lucky valentine this year? And who will he cheat on her with? We will just have to wait and see. And speaking of waiting and seeing, if some people keep ‘waiting and seeing’, some people will find themselves with no valentine at all.

Common, Lorcan,” Lorcan talks to herself, her eyes zeroed on Dominique leaning against the wall of the Paved Courtyard. He’s looking particularly dashing this morning, wearing a light pink button down shirt and jeans under his Hogwarts robes. Even from that distance Lorcan is able to see the curious and interested stares he’s getting from the girls who are scattered all over the place, all of them secretly watching him like vultures waiting to dive and snatch away their prey.  After all, everyone knows that as of late Dominique Weasley is still without a Valentine and almost every female on that courtyard is salivating to be it.

This fact smacks Lorcan hard and she freezes for a second to think about her plan of action. Maybe her dorm mates were right, even though they had only said so in her mind. It was Dominique Weasley after all. And it had been five excruciating years of unlucky mishaps that kept him from reading her carnations. What on earth made her think that this year she would finally step up? And what made her think that if she did, he would take her?

Insecurity gets the best of her and she opens her mouth, no sound coming out. She doesn’t know what made her think that she stood a chance. But she knows what made her think that she doesn’t. And just because there are thousand other girls willing to throw themselves to Dominique, that does not mean she has to give up. She hasn’t even tried. And if she didn’t, she would always regret that moment and wonder what if. And nothing is worth that kind of torture.

Do it, Lorcan. Do it because you know you won’t.

She takes a deep breath, pulling the carnation from behind her back and holding it with both her hands. They are shaking. She can hear her heart thumping in her ears. She’s scared. She has been waiting five years for this. Five years full of broken hearts and deception, full of –

Oh no she isn’t.

Lorcan narrows her eyes as she watches June Baudelaire shriek with her friends, toss her gorgeous black hair over her shoulder, and then takes firm, confident steps towards a certain blond haired bloke, something that looks suspiciously like a red carnation hidden behind her back.

And that made Lorcan finally spring into focus.

Absolutely fuming, Lorcan Scamander makes a beeline towards June and Dominique, who have just started talking.

Just as June’s lips curl into a smirk and her hand holding the red flower behind her begins t shift forward, Lorcan steps in front of her and stares into his eyes. Dominique’s eyes, which for the first time in years were acknowledging her, and it made her fizz with excitement.

She tries to not get lost in those wonderful blue orbs, for if she did Lorcan would stay standing there like an idiot, just swaying lightly in her place as she tried to make out all those little flecks of colours and the swirls all around.

She did get lost there for a second.

“Excuse me,” June grumbles, bumping Lorcan aside and giving her a ferocious look. “I was talking.”

“Can we talk?” Lorcan asks, totally ignoring the other girl and just looking up at Dominique, still trying so very hard to remember where she was standing and what she meant to do.

“Erm, sure, let’s go,” he answers in his slightly deep, wonderful voice.

Updates, people, for the best day in the world for love! Turns out that Dominique Weasley isn’t available anymore. Still single, but a crime was committed that changed his ways –someone stole his heart. It may have been only the bad birds, but a particular girl he had had his eye on for a few months now finally stepped up and presented him with a carnation, whilst blushing Technicolor in the process of course. It just made our beloved prince realise that maybe this was the type of girls he needed in his life, unlike certain gorgeous-black-haired bimbos with the names of the fifth months of the year that only saw the outside of the shell, instead of the beautiful inside. It is quite obvious, though not official as of yet, that Dominique Weasley might just have a thing for Lorcan Scamander as we all know she does for him, and has for a long while, and we either hope this new blossomed love lasts or the fire dies fast so he’s free again for our sharp claws to snag. If anything else, there is more of a chance for them that Scorose at the moment, for our favourite and only Malfoy finds himself in the Hospital Wing at the time. Now, I am not going to dish out on the details about that –I’m sure you have already heard all about it anyways– but its safe to say that Rose Talullah Weasley is the one thing that the ambitious Slytherin has not being able to tame. Isn’t it the perfect crime? She stole his heart and refuses to give it back. Now I only hope that they give me more to talk about tomorrow –who knows, maybe our countess will surprise us after all!


So did you liiiikeeeey? -bats lashes- REVIEW PLEASE! I LIKE THEM! I FEED OFF OF THEM! /shameless-shameless-shameless.

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