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All Hail Shenanigans by marissa lily potter
Chapter 3 : I Just Got Owned
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 5

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Image Credit: tina.loves @ TDA


Remember how I said my family kept grudges? Well it was certainly true. It was a whole cycle that went like this for weeks and even after the end of the cycle, there was always one person who’d save their revenge for a later time and that would end up causing everyone to start the whole grudge cycle again.

The morning after our dinner with Uncle Ron’s family, was to say the least, quiet. Of course quiet can be used in normal houses but in my house, nobody uses the word quiet. It does not exist in our dictionary unless we are proclaiming that we are not a quiet family. And even that does not need to be proclaimed. I didn’t expect everyone to be so quiet. It was after all the day after I had caused such a commotion and no one is quiet then.   

So when I woke up to no yelling, no screaming, no owls hooting, no cats meowing and certainly no Albus jumping on me, I was a little bit worried. My alarm clock was the only thing that woke me up. Usually, I’d have pressed the snooze button and would have gone right back to bed, until Albus of course came to wake me up or someone else in the family did. But the quietness was creeping me out a little bit too much. So I got out of bed. All grogginess gone, just curiosity left in me.

The first thing that popped into my mind was that my family was gone. They had all left to get breakfast outside and had left me behind as a punishment. But they weren’t that cruel. My next thought was that they were all dead. That got me a bit panicky. Stop judging! I jump to conclusions. So what? It’s not like you’ve never done that in your life.

I took the stairs down two at a time and jumped the last four onto the landing. I looked around to see what everyone was doing, and to my surprise, my entire family was sitting in the kitchen having their usual breakfast. Except for one obvious thing, it wasn’t the usual breakfast, because everyone was quiet. Mum was making coffee, dad was reading the paper, Al and Lily were spooning porridge into their mouths and no one was talking. Not even with each other. I stared at them, coughed a little, stood in the doorway of the kitchen long enough for them to have noticed me. But they didn’t. I was getting tired of them ignoring me.

“Morning everyone!” I said as happily as I could.

No one even so much as looked up from what they were doing. Dad continued reading the paper, Mum continued mixing her coffee with her spoon and Albus and Lily continued to spoon their porridge. Ew, porridge. That stuff tastes like crap. I don’t understand how those two can eat it. It’s all mushy, and gooey. It’s lumpy too and makes your mouth feel all weird. The texture of it is enough to make me never want to eat it, let alone even have it in my mouth. Oh I’m getting off track here.

They didn’t even acknowledge me. What was up with that? There was something very wrong here and I was going to find out. I didn’t just stand around looking like a fool. Time was wasting, so I got the cereal out, and went to see if Mum had fried any bacon. There was a pan in the sink that smelled like bacon and it was all gone. They ate it all? They didn’t save any for me?

“You ate all the bacon? Why didn’t you save any for me? You know it’s my favourite breakfast dish!” I cried. Well more like whined but it didn’t come out bitchy and pathetic because I don’t whine like that.

It seemed like no one had heard me so I repeated myself again.

“WHY IS THERE NO MORE BACON LEFT?” I yelled this time.

I wasn’t yelling because I was angry. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t that angry right then. The realization of what my family was doing hadn’t hit me yet so I was more confused than angry. I thought they might have all just gone deaf over the course of the night so I needed to yell in order for them to hear me and acknowledge my presence. Had they also gone blind as well? But my yelling didn’t work. No one looked up from they were doing. I heard the newspaper crinkle and I looked up, hoping to see my Dad put the newspaper down and acknowledge me, but he just kept turning the pages of his newspaper.

“What the hell guys? I AM STANDING RIGHT HERE. ARE YOU ALL DEAF?” I yelled.

In that moment, I realized what they were doing. Oh how could I be so stupid? It took me this long to realize that my family was ignoring me, those stupid jerks. Was I really that much of a pain that they had to ignore me? Oh, I realize what this was. It was from yesterday and how I had humiliated them all. Okay, maybe not humiliated but they were taking it like I did. It wasn’t even public humiliation. It was a bit of fun. This would not have happened if Mum and Dad hadn’t tried to give me the talk in the first place. It all went down to them. It was their fault that this cycle of grudges had started.

“Hmph,” I huffed.

Yes, I actually huffed. I was learning from Rose I suppose. Instead of standing around, being ignored, I took the cereal out in a bowl, or more like violently smashed the cereal onto the counter and whatever happened to land in the bowl, I took upstairs to my room. I grabbed some toast as well and started chewing violently. Maybe I was acting childish, but no one had to ignore me. What kind of a punishment was that anyway? Well, if they weren’t going to talk to me, then I wasn’t going to talk to them. That was final. I was going to ignore them like they were ignoring me.

Who needed them anyway? They were a bunch of killjoys and were really ruining my time. I was going to pretend like they didn’t exist. They were giving me the silent treatment but I could do the same. Two could play that game. 




“I’M SORRY!” I hollered as we were making our way to King’s Cross Station in the car.

“What was that son? I didn’t hear you?” Dad replied.

I could see the smirk on his face. He was evil. Defeating the Dark Lord must have put some influence on him. I rolled my eyes at him before gritting my teeth. Was he really going to make me repeat what I said again? I had yelled for Merlin’s sake! How could they be so deaf?

“I said,” I repeated through gritted teeth, “I’m sorry.”

“Ah, that’s better. I didn’t hear you there the first time,” Dad replied grinning.

Was this really the right time to grin? No, I don’t think so! Why was he getting so much entertainment out of this? He could get entertainment out of other things like Quidditch, or reminiscing about the Glory Days or some shit like that. But no, he had to pick on his own son. What a great father he was. I looked up at my Mum’s face to see what kind of look of disappointment she had plastered on her face, but she was smirking. I smacked my head back against the seat of the car and suddenly regretted it. Al and Lily had stuck me in the middle and I had nothing to lean my head against. So when I smacked my head back in frustration, I was caused pain by the hard plastic that met my head.

“Ow,” I said rubbing my head.

“You deserve it,” was all Lily said in a huffy tone.

“I said I was sorry didn’t I? What more do you want from me? I am not bowing at your feet and repeating some stupid lines that make no sense if that’s what you’re getting at,” I growled at her.

She was being a complete pain in the ass. She had turned twelve in June and now she was officially a preteen. They were angsty, annoying and had random mood swings. Lily was definitely holding up the image of a preteen perfectly. That whole romance book phase was hopefully just a phase. It was pissing me off. She had made it perfectly clear that she wanted me to bow down at her feet and apologize. Fuck that. It was not happening and she knew it. Mum and Dad even agreed that it was a bit too much and they couldn’t force me to do it. Thank goodness they still have some sense left in them.

“James, Lily, be nice,” Mum scolded.

I scowled at her but said nothing. My family was here to pick on me. That was their purpose in life. ALL OF THEM! After that bit of fun I had when Uncle Ron’s family came over for dinner that night, my family decided that they’d all ignore me. I suppose they decided this after I left for bed early. They were plotting behind my back. Plotting is my thing! Not theirs! Now they were trying to steal my identity. But I digress, they decided that ignoring me was the best way to go because I couldn’t get any attention.

I thought it was a horrible plan. I was strong. I could hold up. I didn’t need my family’s attention to keep me happy so I decided that I was going to give them the silent treatment as well. This went on for two weeks! That’s right, two whole weeks that we didn’t speak to each other. Actually, they spoke with everyone except me. Stupid jerks! How could they do this to their only son? Let alone their first born child? But they could. They had some sort of evil left in them that they decided to use against me.

After them ignoring me, I was a bit upset. I didn’t actually realize how much I needed the attention from them, but apparently they had realized that quite early on. That’s how this dumb plan about playing the silent treatment came along. They didn’t talk to me at all, until today, after I apologized. I wasn’t even the oldest person here and I had to act like the bigger person. Dad should have done it. He was the old guy but no, he decided that he was going to act like a baby and make me apologize. I scowled at the thought of that. But now that I had apologized, they started talking to me as if everything was back to normal and that we had never even played the silent treatment.

“I can’t wait to get away from you lot and find my friends,” I said angrily.

Dad chuckled. He actually chuckled. This was not funny!

“You’re a horrible driver you know,” I pointed out as Dad drove too close to another car on the street. I was running out of creative things to say so I had to stick with something I had used before. The family was sucking all the creativity out of me!

“Stop being a sore loser James,” Al pointed out to me.

“I wasn’t. Stop talking. No one wants to hear what you have to say,” I replied angrily.

“Shut up James. You lost and now you better admit it,” he said smirking at me.

What’s up with all these smirks? Did everyone just take smirking lessons and leave me out of it? It was not funny.

“I didn’t lose anything and you know it Albus.”

“Well, technically you did. You lost the silent treatment game. You broke first,” he replied giving me a smirk to match his first one. This git, he was having too much fun with this and I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“Whatever you say Al,” I replied waving him off, “How much longer Dad?” I asked wanting to get away from the people I called my family as fast as possible.

“We’re almost there now,” Dad replied.

“Good,” I huffed and leaned back in my seat with my arms folded across my chest and an angry expression on my face. I heard Mum sigh.

I thought that since I apologized, everything would be back to normal. We’d forget about the whole situation and act like nothing had happened. That’s honestly what I had expected my family to do, but no, they decide that this time they want to rub it in my face. Lily was huffing at me, Al was smirking, Mum was sighing and Dad was chuckling. What wackos. I can’t believe I have to call these people my family!

They were clearly having too much fun rubbing this all in my face to move past it. This was the one time that I apologized first on my own with them. I can’t believe I gave in. I suppose my ego is hurt, but I needed the attention. Not this kind though. If I knew what they were going to be like after I apologized, I would have never done it in the first place.

So Dad kept chuckling, Mum kept sighing, Albus kept smirking and Lily kept huffing all the way till we got to King’s Cross. I just sat there, in the middle of it all (literally), with my arms folded across my chest and a look of anger plastered on my face. I didn’t even realize that we had gotten to King’s Cross when Dad stopped the car and parked because I was so focused on keeping that scowl on my face. To be honest, I was tired of it and I didn’t think I could hold it up any longer because my face was permanently made to be in a scowl, but we got to King’s Cross just in time.

Albus was being a prick and decided to get out slow motion just so it took me longer to get out and away from them. Lily just sat in the car making no movement to get out. Was she waiting for Al and me to get out first? Hello? THERE WERE TWO DOORS FOR A REASON! But I didn’t yell that at her in case she used some of that preteen angst on me. It seriously scared me. It really did but I wasn’t going to admit that to her. In the end, I just pushed Albus out and he stumbled to get himself together.

“Asshole,” I muttered under my breath as I got away from Albus and went to the back of the car to get my trunk which Dad was taking out.

“I heard that,” Albus said smirking at me.

“Wipe that stupid smirk off your face. It doesn’t suit you,” I said annoyed with him for smirking at me nonstop. There was a point where that smirk got annoying as hell, and this was that point for me.

“Now what would be the fun in that?” Albus asked smirking at me again.

“You know what? Forget it. You’re not worth it,” I said grabbing my trunk and heading to the doors of the train station. “You guys know where to find me. I’m getting onto the train myself. Thanks for the crappy summer,” I yelled at them before stomping into the train station.

I think some Muggles heard me because they were complaining about poor parenting and how someone could ever let their child do that to them in a public place. Some senior citizens were also there and they tutted at me. I didn’t care though.

“What are you looking at?” I asked a bunch of them sitting on a bench waiting for their train I suppose. They were so taken aback by my behavior that they didn’t have anything to retort with. Good riddance. I think they might have also been frightened by my owl. They must have thought me insane to be stomping around, dragging a trunk in one hand and an owl cage in the other but I honestly didn’t care. People should have better things to do than stare and gossip about someone. I don’t think they’ve heard of the word “stealth” because I could hear everything.

Stomping around in King’s Cross got attention brought on me though, I’ll tell you that. I hadn’t gotten very far in and the guard must have heard me yell at the old people on the bench so he came over and stopped me. He was a big guy, not very muscular but more fat. I suppose they don’t have anything to do so they eat all day. That’s how he probably got so fat. He had a big mustache which was really annoying. I couldn’t stop looking at it and he must have noticed because he quickly reached for his mustache and started stroking it. Gross.

“Young man,” he said.

Who says young man nowadays? Anyway, after he said that he just stared at me expecting me to say something. He was the one who came to confront me. What was he looking at me like a fool for? Did he want me to do his job for him? He was the one who got paid but I got bored at staring at his mustache in about ten seconds so I looked him square in the face and said “yes?”

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” he asked me trying to be as strict as possible.

The whole strict thing wasn’t working out for him. I snorted. I mean, it wasn’t supposed to come out as a snort, it was only supposed to be an inwards snort but it came out by accident. The guard wasn’t pleased that’s for sure.

“What’s funny about this?” he asked me.

“Your mustache,” I replied giving him my best innocent look.

“What?” he asked clearly baffled by my response.

He did ask “what’s funny about this” and he was still stroking his mustache so I assumed he was talking about his face, or himself. What else was I supposed to say? It was true so you can’t go blaming me for lying. I was blunt, let’s face it. It didn’t bother me so people should just get used to it.

“Is there a reason you have an owl in a cage with you?” he asked me, pointing at my owl Nova.

“Do you think I’d be carrying an owl around for no reason?” I said angrily. Poor guy, I was angry and he was the one who stupidly decided to try and talk to me about doing something wrong while I was angry. Too bad the guy never knew what he was in for.

“Watch your tongue boy,” he said to me.

“Actually, I’m a man. I’m fifteen and that’s close enough to being a man. I suppose you wouldn’t know though, with balls like yours. You’re confronting a teenager. Got nothing better to do? I guess that’s what getting kicked out of police camp does to you,” I said smirking at him.

This was good. I liked taking my anger out on random strangers. The guy wasn’t so smart so while I stood there smirking at him for a few seconds, he tried to figure out what exactly I had just said to him. Once it clicked that I called him a ball-less boy, he looked at me with his face flushed. His nostrils flared and his mustache flared with it. It was a funny sight to be honest. Luckily, I was spared any response the guard was going to give me.

“Is there something wrong here?” I heard the voice of my father.

“No,” I replied quickly.

The guard looked at my father, and then looked at me skeptically deciding if he should tell my Dad what I had done. I suppose he decided against bothering to snitch on me.

“Watch your son mister,” the guard told my Dad before walking off.

I guess I gave him something to think about because he was still stroking his mustache when he left but the stroke was of a different kind. Maybe he’d shave it off. It would be doing the whole world a favour. No one would have to look at that horrible mustache again and maybe the guy would be able to find a date. I did him a favour so he should be glad not so mad.

“James, what did you do?” my Dad asked me pointedly.

Crap, they had caught up with me. And here I was, thinking that if I got away from them quickly enough, I wouldn’t have to see them before I got on the train. Now that was poor wishful thinking on my part. Note to self, never doing that again.

“Nothing, I swear,” I said shrugging.

I don’t think my Dad believed me. I looked over his shoulder to see where the others were and I could see Albus, Lily and Mum making their way to the barrier between platforms 9 and 10.

“James,” he warned.

“Okay, so I yelled at some old people staring at me because I had an owl and I told the guard that his mustache was funny looking,” I said looking at my Dad, giving him a face that said ‘you happy now?’

To my surprise he just laughed at me.

“Why are you laughing?” I asked shocked at his reaction.

“I can’t believe you yelled at old people. And the mustache on the guard was hideous. Reminds me of my Uncle Vernon’s mustache actually,” he said adding a shiver.

So my Dad can be cool. I figured that out then.

“You’re not mad then?” I asked.

“Mad? No. Shocked? Yes. Let’s get going shall we? You don’t want to be late,” he said giving me a wink and a one-shouldered hug.

I suppose I was too busy looking at the fact that my parents were so strict on me the past few weeks that I didn’t quite realize just how cool they were. My Dad was a great Dad, even though he was a bit insane at times and I didn’t really know what went on in his head, and Mum was cool too. She had played for the Holyhead Harpies after all. Dad had taught us kids to play Quidditch, along with Mum. It was great to have both of them have taught us Quidditch. Right now, when Dad just acted like a normal person and a friend of a sort to me, I really appreciated them. Ugh I was getting mushy. Lily was rubbing off on me.

“So we cool?” I asked my Dad grinning.

“We cool,” he replied choosing to use my words.

“Great, so when you get a letter from Hogwarts informing you of something I did, don’t hold this against me. Because let’s be honest here, I will do something that will result in you getting a letter,” I said the grin still plastered on my face.

Dad sighed before responding. “What am I ever going to do with you James?” he asked me but I could see a smile playing on his lips.

I walked into platform nine and three quarters, followed by Dad. He told me he’d go and find the others and I could go and find my friends if I wanted to. I looked at the clock. Ah, we still had twenty minutes left. We always came early, just in case. It was good to be able to catch up with friends when you came early. I nodded my head to say that I understood him and dragged my trunk and owl cage towards the train. Now where were my mates? I’d just have to find them. 


A/N: Hello there! I know we haven't updated in quite a while but this story has not been abandoned. Our muse just got burned but now it's back and we definitely have a good plot! I hope you enoyed reading this chapter. What do you think'll happen in the near future? Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated :)

-Alex & Marissa

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