Amazing image by uptosomeone @ tda :)
My mum bangs her fist against my bedroom door, but I continue to dance around my room, with my hairbrush in my hand ( using it as a microphone, obviously). I belt the words to Revolution by the Beatles. The flipping best song ever, by the way.
“Susannah! Turn that ruckus down, will you?!” I smile to myself and turn the volume just a tad
higher ( which causes Alvin to attack his cage - wanting to murder me ). Mum continues to yell, as if I’m actually listening! Doesn’t she understand that this is my jam?!
Ah, I love being a rebel. Especially a redhead freckled face one. Those are deadly.
I leap across my room ( looking like a cross between a deer and a frog as I do ). I know I look like a bloody embarrassment right now, but I don’t even care. It’s not like anybody can see me. And this is my favorite band ever, so suck it. Hard.
And anyways, I closed my window curtains just in case Albus decides to look across the street to see if the cute redhead girl that he’s secretly in love with ( me… obviously ) is tanning beside her strawberry garden in a killer
But not today, Ally Poo! The girl of your dreams is currently waltzing in her bedroom dancing to the Beatles. In her underwear. Which have little kitten paw prints on them.
Oh, yeah. I’m totally cool - don’t have to tell this chick twice.
Another loud bang hits my bedroom door but instead of it being my mum, it’s my cocky farting brother. “You’re going to be late for work, dumbarse.”
OH MY LAWD! Ozzie is actually right for once - oh dear lord. I’m going to be frigging late for work, and Mrs. Cliff is going to kick my sorry bum. That dumb wench. I wish it was her husband who would get down and punish me, but he’s far too sweet.
I like my boys dirty and aggressive.
Whoa! I have been hanging out with Mia a little too much. I’m turning into a dirty cow! - not that Mia is a dirty cow or anything, but she is a tad slutty. She admits it so it’s all right for Chels and I to say it. But if anyone else did… You’d die.
Oh buttery crackers - I’m not even the slightest ready to leave the house. I’m still in my cute underwear, for god sake! Now, there is nothing
wrong with going commando, and I have nothing
against anyone who does frequently (especially if you are Albus Potter) - but! I will not leave this house in my underwear even though I’m sure Al would just melt seeing my sexy legs.
That are actually in need of a good shaving. Hey! Don’t look at me like that
- a girl get’s lazy. You know what I mean? Sure you do.
I wonder if Albus would still fall in love with me if I didn’t shave my legs for a while. To be completely honest, I don’t shave my legs for more than two weeks during the winter season. But it’s frigging snowing out! It’s not like somebody is going to be like ‘Hey! Let’s go swimming in the pool when it’s negative three degrees out!’. That person seriously has problems and must seek someone to talk to on a weekly basis.
That person is Mia because she suddenly wanted us to sit in a Jacuzzi in skimpy bikinis when my leg’s looked like they belonged to some hairy kiwi. I had to make some dumb excuse about how Alvin was having anxiety for not seeing me for an hour.
And everyone knows Alvin get’s super excited once I leave my bedroom. It’s a proven fact.
I make my way towards my closet but trip over Alvin’s bag of bird food ( damn him ) and my face collides with my pretty purple floor. I groan, sit up, and caress my now probably bruised nose.
Oh my god, what if my nose gets flat? This CANNOT happen. My nose is my best feature ( I think ); it’s small and round and precious like a baby’s bottom.
Oi! Don’t look at me like that. Everyone knows that a baby’s rear is the precious part of a baby, just like its nose. I repeat: EVERYONE. If you don’t, then you are clearly a dumb-butt. Like my brother.
“Susie! Are you fucking deaf? You’re already late!”
I quickly run to my closet and swing my closet door open so hard that it slams against my pretty wall ( damn my whole bedroom is just so freaking gorgeous ). I should seriously start thinking of becoming Super Woman when I’m older because of the strength I’ve got.
But owning an Apple Sauce factory seems like a lot more fun. Doesn’t it?
Anyways, I slip on my ( ugly ) red uniform for work. The color clashes with my fiery red hair so much that I look like a bleeding ( and excuse my language, but it seriously must be said! ) tampon.
I honestly have no idea why looking like a bloody tampon has anything to do with sports. But Mrs. Cliff designed it and so I am convinced she wants Chels and I to look like dorkos while she flips her hair like some damn woman in a shampoo commercial.
I wonder if Albus ever thinks about holding my hand.
Buttery crackers, Susie! Don’t get off topic now
. Ugh, I seriously have some serious issues when it comes to Albus (sex god) Potter. But cut me some slack, people. Have you SEEN his eyes? I’d say they’re a really pretty twinkled jade color, but my arch nemesis goes by Jade.
Jade Vega. I swear snakes cling to her like they are her children. No, I am not fibbing!
Alright, maybe I am.
Only a little!
But ever since my first day at school after moving here from Liverpool, Jade has been a complete twit. She told everyone I peed myself during recess. At least Chelsea attacked her with a soccer ball because all I did was cry, resulting in gross buggers squirming down my nose. That only lead to Vega taunting me even more.
And now that we are older, Jade has turned her cruel jokes even more uglier. If I get something new and cool, she has to show up the next day with something a lot more cooler. Like what the fudge! I’m convinced it’s because she’s jealous of my gingerness, even though Ozzie says it’s because she’s totally in love with him and he pays no attention to her like an ant on a sidewalk. He’s so full of himself.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention: She’s also my co-worker.
God has it out for me. He’s the reason I wake up late for work all the time. Seriously.
Oh my God. I forgot, AGAIN!
I run out of my room and down the long stairs that lead into the kitchen. Mum is feeding Olive at the kitchen island and she is refusing to eat squash. Who let’s their children eat disgusting squash? My cruel mother, that’s who.
“Susannah! Get your bum down to the store before you get fired for poor attendance.” Mum rolls her eyes and continues to force the full spoon into my little Olives mouth. Poor kid.
“It’s not school, mum,” I remind her as I’m walking to the fridge. I take a half eaten apple sauce cup out and hand it to her. “Be a good mommy and feed your baby something more classy,” I say with a wicked grin. She narrows her eyes at me playfully.
Olive eats it with a huge goofy smile. WIN!
“Great, another Susie in the making.” I stick my tongue out at Ozzie, who is leaning “coolly” against the door frame that leads to the dinning room. He rolls eyes at me and then glares at me. Wow, I am so scared of my older brother who uses more hair spray than I do, and who is also terrified of anything that crawls.
You should see his expression when Olive is crawling towards him…
I decide that Mrs. Cliff has had enough of waiting for me and head out of the house. I walk to work every day because the store is only a couple blocks away. And mainly because I don’t even have my own car. Life can suck sometimes.
But on the bright side, I have a reason to be close to the Potters house. Sometimes Albus even gets the mail while I’m walking by. It’s so much better than ice cream. Actually, it’s SO much better than apple sauce. Yep, I went there.
As I’m slowly walking by the Potters and staring intently at Albus’ bedroom window to get a good view, Ozzie decides to annoy me.
“I’m going to walk with you,” he says.
“I have to buy new sports equipment for tonight. So shut the fuck up.”
I stop walking and stare at him curiously. “What’s tonight?” Ozzie purses his lips and that only means he’s coming up with a lie to tell me. “I swear to God, Ozzie, if you lie to me I will punch you in the throat.”
“Okay, okay!” He throws his hands up in front of him to protect himself from my angry punches. “Well…er, I’m…Okay, I was invited to a party!” He shrugs his shoulders casually and starts walking ahead of me. More like running, actually.
I begin walking ( way behind from Ozzie because my legs are so short and he’s like six feet tall, the tosser ) and contemplate what my brother told me. He was only invited to a party. Why was he acting all suspicious about it?
My brother is a complete git with ants in his brain.
Minutes later, my brother and I race inside of Cliff’s Sporting Goods. Ozzie unfortunately beats me and laughs in my face so I spit on his shoes. He freaks out like a little girl and I smile triumphantly. I’m a winner.
“If you’re going to act like children, don’t do it around my store. Oh, and you’re late Susannah.” It’s Satan. The female Satan. Also known as Fay. I hate her. Obviously.
I smile innocently at her and she cringes. Holy cow, her belly is HUGE! Her baby is so going to be the next Buddha of this world. If it happens, I called it.
“Finally!” I notice Chels standing behind the cashier and I immediately run towards her like a small kid. She smiles warmly and I notice she’s all sweaty and has dirt on her nose. I can’t understand why she enjoys kicking a ball in a net at six A.M. She says she’s practicing for her team but Mia and I know she does it for fun.
She needs to be introduced to Mr. Hairspray and Ms. Lip Gloss. Two of my very own besties.
“Good morning, ladies!” Mr. Cliff, with his gorgeous hair, beautiful eyes, perfect skin, comes strolling out of the Men’s bathroom. He should be a model. Or a commercial hottie. Damn, I love commercial hotties. Don’t you agree?
Fay kisses him on the lips but her gigantic belly makes it quite difficult. She turns her head in Chels and I’s direction ( probably to glare at us ) and her blonde hair flips like she’s on television. She is not on television; she can do that when she is interviewed when her child tries to take over the world and makes everyone slaves.
I see Ozzie rummaging in the Pool aisle. He has a huge floatable Seal held under his right arm. What in the world…
I NEED to know where the hell Ozzie is going tonight. Mission accepted.
As I’m writing my name all over Chels’ hand with a pen, Vega is complaining about us not helping her in the baseball aisle. Oh, shut up you poop. This is the first time she’s ever really done anything since her first day a year ago. And it’s only because Fay favors her and takes her shopping when she’s supposed to be here working.
And does Mr. Cliff do anything? No, because he’s too busy being gorgeous to notice.
Anyways, since Fay has an appointment with her doctor so Jade has to actually do some work around here. Now she knows how Chels and I feel when we have to lunge around a bunch of sports equipment and haul them on shelves. Well, Chelsea actually enjoys it since she’s a sports freak but I loathe it! I always break my nails and that angers me.
Jade, with a death glare situated on her face, walks up to Chels and I. Her brown bangs are sticking to her forehead with sweat and I notice huge sweat stains under her arm pits. That’s not cute at all!
“How about the two of you help me out so I can leave this poor excuse of a store early.” Chels lifts a golden eye brow at her and makes a ‘Humph’ noise. I think Chelsea is finally turning into a woman.
“And why should we help you? You never bothered to help Susie and I before.” Good point, my sexy Amiga.
Jade rolls her hazel eyes in that snobby type of way. You know what I’m talking about girls, the I’m-so-much-better-than-you-why-are-you-even-breathing-the-same-air-as-me type of look and roll of the eyes that snobby girls give to others. It makes me want to punch Jade in the eye ball right this second.
But I’ll restrain myself. Maybe.
“I have a date tonight,” she explains and then her eyes light up in realization. It’s fake, though. Everything’s fake when it comes to Jade. I heard she got a boob job when we were fifteen because I grew another cup.
“I completely forgot!” She slaps her hand over my mouth. I wish it was stapled there. “You two dolts know nothing about dates. Excuse me for bragging.” Jade waves her perfect manicured hand at us casually.
Chelsea and I both scoff at her. “And who’s the lucky man? A hippogriff?” Chels shots back at her and I smile proudly of her. I love it when Chelsea fights back with Jade because Chels is actually smart and knows how to get under Vegas skin.
After Vega rolls her eyes ( honestly, this bint can’t do anything else but! ), she replies, “As if some a creature exists! Honestly, are you daft? It’s a wonder how the both of you have passed every year…”
I smirk at her, “It kills you doesn’t it?” Chelsea chuckles whilst Vega flips me the bad finger. I am appalled. I did no such thing to deserve that! It’s not my fault she’s a twit who thinks she’s some huge superstar. She’s not even rich - she works at a bleeding sports store!
“Bloody fuck, just leave already!” We all turn our heads in the direction of the door at the front of the store, where the owner of the voice is walking in. Well, struggling to. Her left foot is barefoot while the other is situated in a very high heel, and her long skirt is hooked onto the end of some new and expensive baseball bat.
All I can say is: Only Mia.
“Mia, what in the world is wrong with you? You look like you just came back from having an endless morning of shagging,” Chelsea tells her this while I try to free Mia from the baseball bat, hoping her knickers won’t give us a free show. “Please tell me you weren’t.”
Mia simply laughs, and I suddenly feel the whole store seem a lot more lighter and peaceful. She has that type of gift that made anyone feel happy and generally just calm, no matter what situation was going on.
But she can also be cold hearted. Everyone has their flaws, I guess.
“I fucking wish I did, but instead I was busy breaking up with Byron. Caught him snogging Georgie Henley, the tramp we had History with last year that always got answers right. I knew there was something fishy about her but I always thought it was because she didn’t shower,” Mia explains, her eye brows furrowed because she’s angry and wants revenge.
I wouldn’t doubt it if she already did!
I suddenly remember something! “I think she smelt fishy because her parents own that fish market in London. My parents go there to buy salmon, even though nobody ever eats it but them. It’s honestly so vulgar. Now that I mention it, I did sit behind her and she did smell like salmon…”
Mia and Chels stare at me, mouth agape. Even Vega was. Ew, Vega you’re a nasty twit that I dislike. Just leave with your date, the hippogriff, already!
Mia shakes her head with a small smile. “Susie, I was being sardonic. I really meant I knew she was a dumb cow that would try to get with my boyfriend because she feeds on hot boys who are already in relationships. But don’t worry, I already revealed her Nana knickers in front of everyone at the community pool.”
“Hey! That’s one of my friends you’re talking about, you bitch!” Oh, Jade. You do not want to call darling Mia a bitch. Now you’re going to lose your head forever. Say goodbye to your pretty brown curls because they will forever be gone. Because you will be headless.
Mia smiles sweetly, “Jade, sweetheart, do you think I care?”
Sometimes, Mia freaks me out. It’s the way she says things all sweetly to people when she’s angry. It’s also her creepy smile that goes along with it.
Vega scoffs like she doesn’t care and brushes past us. She glares at each one of us before leaving the store, slamming the door behind her.
“So who thinks her date is really with her obnoxious parents?”
“I definitely do! No guy has dated her ever since she dated Charlie and he told everyone she was a perfectionist with everything. Even the shagging had to be her way, apparently.”
Mia knows everything about everyone. She enjoys eavesdropping. But who doesn’t?
The next hour consisted of the Sexy Amiga’s and I chatting about pretty much everything. We even talked about how ants carry things on their backs, and I decide I will never ruin a little ant house again.
I’d really hate it if someone stepped on my pretty house! My family and I would be homeless! Maybe the Potters would let us move in until we built our house, but I’m pretty positive that Albus would fall deeply in love with me, I’d share a nice family bond with his brother, and I’d become the big sister that little Lily never got to have - I’d just have to stay and marry Albus.
I’m totally a Seer. I can feel it in my bones.
“Do you think Albus has ever shagged anyone?” I blurt out. I’ve never really thought about it, but it entered my head so lightly and randomly like some sudden bag being blown into a yard.
Oh my god, I’m starting to hyperventilate! Albus cannot have lost his V-card to some… some… slag.
I feel totally sick right now.
“Susie! Susie, calm down, okay?” Chelsea comforts me, while rubbing my back soothingly.
“Yeah! You don’t know if he has, and if so, what difference does it make? It’s only sex.”
Oh my god. “It’s not just…shagging! It’s… something you should only do with someone you love. If Albus has already done it with someone, then he must’ve loved them. Oh my GOD, I’m not going to be the first and only love. This is just heart-breaking!” The tears are streaming down my freckly face right now. I’m going to turn into bleeding bugger face soon.
Mia huffs, “I slept with Byron and I didn’t love him. Susie, not everyone thinks the way you do, and I’m not saying your views on sex is wrong - a lot of people would agree with you, but many people think differently. Most people around here lose their virginity at sixteen.”
I don’t care.
“The legal age is sixteen here, you know that. Why are you freaking out?” Chelsea says but I just ignore it. If I talk, I’ll sound like a babbling idiot. And I’ll hiccup.
“You’ve never even held a decent conversation with the bloke!” Thanks for making me feel like a ray of sunshine Mia. Remember how I said Mia always makes everything better? Yeah well, she just proved me wrong.
But she is right. ONLY A LITTLE! I have said hi to him once. I think - I don’t know if it was actually a dream or not. But it’s possible!
I calm myself down and sigh deeply. Mia and Chels stare at me cautiously, probably thinking I’ll lash out and try to run away. But let us be real, I am a grown woman. I haven’t done that in over a year now…
“I’m cool, I’m cool,” I reassure them and wipe the tears off my cheeks. Damn, can I cry or what out of nowhere?! I’m learning from Olive.
They both force smiles and I’m about to give Mia a huge lecture about not giving herself away so quickly to stupid and cocky Byron, but someone walks into the store.
Not just someone. And nope, it’s not Albus, unfortunately. It’s Philip Green, the geeky computer kid from our year at school. I heard he even created his own robot that feeds him French fries but it’s never been confirmed - Nobody has been to his house since Grammar school because his house smells like soup.
He also has a huge fancy to Chelsea. It’s probably even more obsessive than my crush on Albus Freaking Potter. Now tell me, that kid is a total freak.
Chelsea’s face turns immediately green and she looks like she is about to vomit. Understandable.
“Hey, Chelly!” Philip pushes his glasses up against his head before slipping a hand in his massive curly black hair. Oh my God, he probably hasn’t washed it in days. Ugh, I hate when those thoughts enter my head.
At least if he and Chels ever got married, he’d probably become some huge billionaire with tons of robots, and Chelsea would be so rich. But I don’t think that will ever happen.
“Philip, please leave Chelsea alone. She will get a restraining order on you if you push it. Trust me.” And there’s Mia to save the day! Or, well, Chelsea in this case.
Chelsea eyes Mia in the don’t-be-mean type of way. But we are all very aware of how Mia is. She will be mean to anyone who calls her vulgar names, freaks her friends out and who treats her friends like dirty trash with annoying flies all around it.
“Chelly,” Philip mocks a frown, “You wouldn’t do that, would you?”
Chelsea wrinkles her nose and chooses to ignore the question. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. That rule only applies to boys like Philip, who you feel bad for. Chelsea could never hurt his feelings. Even though he’s been up her bum since I can hardly remember.
I actually remember him giving her a Valentine’s Day card a few years back. It even had a drawing of the two of them on their wedding day. I thought it was sweet, Mia thought it was disgusting, but Chelsea was quiet about it. I thought I saw her smile at it, but the chances of that is very slim. Very slim.
Mr. Cliff walks out from his office and disrupts us, but we’re all pretty glad on the inside - Philip can get a tad creepy after awhile.
He smiles politely at all of us ( he’s used to seeing Philip around here since he frequently visits Chelsea ). “Well, you girls can head out, I’ll take the night shift since I’ve finished all my boring paper work.” He winks and I melt a little inside; I think my liver has turned into soup inside of me.
We all head out together and head to our households. Philip is following closely behind us, but then he leaves after Mia threatens to call the Cops on him. You know she seriously would.
“Do you guys want to do anything tonight?” Mia asks but I’m saying no. Only because I’m planning on finding out what Ozzie is up to tonight, and that involves stalking. Mia and Chels get extremely annoyed with me when I’m in the middle of my stalking.
They’re just jealous because I am a pro and they are not.
“I can’t, I’ve got some serious business with Ozzie that needs to be taken care of.”
Mia laughs loudly, “Make sure you kick him in the gut for me!”
“Will do!” I salute her and Chelsea before taking a right turn onto my street. I kick pebbles to keep myself busy, but I almost trip on the third one so I give up. Stupid pebbles.
“So I’ll see you tonight Ozzie, yeah?” I look straight ahead and find Ozzie where he is definitely not where he is supposed to be. He’s across the street from our house. Standing on the Potters driveway. With Albus’ older brother.
What the cow?
“Bloody hell, yeah! It’s going to be fucking awesome,” is my stupid brothers reply.
I decide I am going to walk up to them. And talk to them. And mention Albus to James once. Or twice.
I smile widely at the two of them and Ozzie looks horrified at me, while James smiles friendly back at me. Yay, now I know my brother-in-law and I will be the bestest of friends!
“So what’s up, big bro?” I punch his shoulder playfully but he glares at me. “Go home,” he tells me. Who the monkey fudge does this boy think he is?! I am so going to stick his hand in a bucket of water so he can pee himself.
“You’re a bunch of monkey balls,” I tell him seriously and cross my arms over my chest. He can be such a poop head!
James laughs uncontrollably and I raise my eye brows. I’ve never seen someone laugh that much in my life. Well, Olive laughs kind of like that when she sees a worm but whatever.
“You should definitely invite your sister to the party tonight!”
WAIT A MINUTE, STOP RIGHT THERE! OH MY GOODNESS!
Ozzie, my freaking older brother, is GOING to a party at the Potters. Where Albus sleeps, eats, showers, sits casually on the sofa, bloody just lives. And I have just been invited.
I clear my throat loudly and interrupt Ozzie saying ‘No way!’. “I’d love too,” I smile widely at James and then wink at my brother who looks like he’s going to brutally murder me.
I’m going to scream happily into my pillow later.
“You’re taking care of Olive tonight, I told you this.”
God, why are you out to get me?
“But Muuuuuuuuuum!” I whine a little, “I’m going to look like a bloody teenage mother if I take Olive!”
My mother continues applying make-up on herself, staring into her vanity’s mirror. “Then stay home and take care of your sister, Susannah,” She says casually. This is not some casual manner. This a flipping night pool party at the Potters where Albus will see me in a skimpy bikini. Oh, chocolate chip! I need to shave my hairy legs now.
I sigh and slump into a laying position on my parents bed. I stare up at the ceiling and notice it’s really white and boring. “Can’t you just go out on a date with Dad on another day? You guys are practically ancient, why do you need to go on dates?”
My mum scoffs at me and throws a blush brush at me jokingly. I ignore it and watch as my dad walks into the room with a suit on. “You look like James Bond.”
He makes a gun figure with his hands and says, “Bond. James Bond.”
I sigh and sit up. “WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE?! OZZIE ALREADY MAKES IT MISERABLE ENOUGH!”
Dad raises a dark brown eye brow at me. “So you’re taking care of Olive?”
I am SO sorry for the terrible wait ): But I am so glad to have some people who waited patiently :) Thank you so much.
Anyways, what do you all think?? Susie is invited to a pool party at the Potters. And she has to bring baby Olive. Oooo, can't wait to see what happens there ;)
Tell me what you think!