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Chapter 9 : Waste of Energy
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Waste of Energy
Why did I do that? Why? Why the hell did I do that?
I could still feel his lips on mine; the minty taste of his lips. I could still feel how soft they were, how easily they moved against mine, yet despite all of this, the realisation that I did just in fact kiss Sirius Black made me nauseas to my stomach.
I ran towards the castle in a state of panic, the wind whipping against my face, but the feeling went by unnoticed by me. I was still too shocked at my own actions to really register anything or anyone for that matter so it was a surprise to me that I ran headfirst into Simon Finnegan.
Being that Simon is of a considerably larger size than I am, it was me that bounced off of him and back onto the floor. My bum hurt from the harsh contact and I sat there, glumly nursing it.
“Oh, Deora, are you okay?” Simon asked, concern etched on his face, as if I hadn’t been the one to run into him. He stretched out his hand and I held onto it, as he pulled me back onto my feet. I involuntarily blushed; I couldn’t help it, the boy was bloody beautiful!
Unlike Sirius Black, who was a nincompoop!
“I’m okay, sorry about running into you and all,” I mumbled, brushing my hair back. It was crusted with mud and there were a few twigs hidden in the bird’s nest mess that was my hair. Merlin, I bet I looked like a troll, after the Whomping Willow had its way with it.
“Don’t be sorry,” he smiled at me. I swooned. Damn you, Simon Finnegan. He put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a soft squeeze. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seemed really… flustered just now.”
I turned to look back at the trail of mud I had led into the castle, as if I could see my earlier actions replayed in my mind. I shook my head. “Yes, of course. I was just… running. For exercise! Hufflepuff game is coming up after all.” I gave him a beaming grin to prove how fine I was.
Simon stared at me curiously for a few seconds before returning the grin. “Well that’s good. I’m quite excited for the game as well. I sort of have made a bet with myself.”
“What bet?” I asked, my curiosity piqued.
He ran his fingers through his hair nervously and avoided my gaze, a soft pink tinging his cheeks. Oh my gosh, he was blushing! “I sort of have this crush on a girl… and if we win the game, I was going to tell her that I liked her.”
I felt my heart race beating ecstatically against my rib cage. “Do you mind if I ask who?”
“Well I was hoping you’d help me with it as well,” he mumbled. Darn, if he was asking me for help then it was definitely not me, was it? “It’s Elora.”
Stupid cute blonde sixth year! I hate you and your plaits! Damn your plaits! I looked shit in plaits!
“How could I possibly help, Simon?” I wanted to know. I hadn’t meant my question to sound so scathing, but the first eligible, sane, beautiful, and sweet guy I’ve met, and he likes someone else? I think I have some sort of right to feel utterly rejected and annoyed.
“I just need your opinio—” his sentence was rudely interrupted as a loud screech echoed throughout the empty corridor.
“DEORA DARLING GRUNNION, DON’T YOU EVER BLOODY DO THAT AGAIN? DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU STUPID BINT!” Dorcas was running towards me now, flanked by Lily, who looked angry enough to kill, a tired looking Mary, and a concerned-looking Peter.
Dorcas grabbed me harshly by the arm and tugged me into her body for a hug then proceeded to shove me off of her, as if not really sure how to feel about my return to Hogwarts. Lily stared at me from her side, a large frown on her face, and her red hair in disarray.
She growled. “Deora, I can’t even… I just have no words for you right now! Do you understand how worried we were? No! Of course you wouldn’t! You’re a bloody selfish idiot!”
I gaped at my friends, knowing I deserved their wrath, but at the same time, feeling miffed at the fact that they weren’t more grateful that I was alive and safe. “Merlin, I’m fine now! Can everyone just please calm down?”
“CALM DOWN?” Dorcas exhaled gratingly. “You want me to calm down? You’re lucky I’m not pounding your head into a wall for making me worry all night about you!”
“You could’ve been seriously hurt, Deora,” Peter said gently. “We stayed up all night, searching the whole of Hogwarts for you.”
“I’m sorry, okay? I was just angry and I needed space,” I mumbled, wringing my hands together. I felt like a scolded child, but I knew I was in the wrong. I shouldn’t have run off like that.
“Where did you go anyways?” Lily sighed, her voice still holding its previous vexation with me, but I could tell she was trying to calm herself down. When I said Lily Evans had a temper, I wasn’t bloody lying! Maybe it was a ginger thing…
“Forbidden Forest,” I told her plainly. There’s no point in lying, I suppose.
“THE WHAT?” Lily snapped. “You went to… the Forbidden Forest? Have you not a sensible bone in your body, woman?!”
“Woah! Evans is angry at someone else for a change!” James cried out, a look of pure amusement on his face, as Remus and him walked over to us. The two of them looked like they had had plenty of sleep. I felt oddly offended that they weren’t a little bit worried about me—or Sirius for that matter.
Simon nudged me. “I think this is my cue to go; I’ll see you later, Deora.” And with that, he scurried off, getting as far away as possible from the crazy seventh years. I wanted to go with him. I really wanted to go with him! But I knew if I ran off this time, I would actually have Dorcas and Lily murdering me in my sleep.
Lily barely batted an eyelash. “Don’t start with me, Potter! I am not in the mood for you!”
James put up his hands in defense and remained silent. It was the first smart thing he’s done in Lily’s presence in a long time; the last time was when he decided to avoid her during her psychotic breakdown during OWLS.
“Wait, didn’t I send that prat, Black, to go find you in the Forbidden Forest?” Dorcas asked me. “Or did he finally get eaten by something? Sodding would have deserved it too!”
In that precise moment, Sirius chose to finally grace us with his presence. The oak doors swung open, emitting the bright sunlight from outside into the dimly lit corridor we were all standing in. He looked over to us, a small grin creeping up onto his face, but when his eyes landed on mine, they hardened. I felt a wave of guilt.
“Well hello you all,” he smiled, despite tossing me a frown. “Fancy seeing you lot here.”
“Sirius Black!” Dorcas rounded on him, pushing past me to stand in front of the much taller boy. She poked him in the chest. “I thought I sent you to find her! Much good you did!”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “I did find her. It’s not my fault she ran off before I had a chance to bring her back to your safety.”
“Oh?” Dorcas instantly straightened up and turned towards me. “So he found you, and you ran off from him? Why, you stupid bint?”
What the hell was I supposed to say? I snogged the living daylights out of him and then freaked so I kicked him and ran off? I couldn’t tell anyone about that snog! I couldn’t!
“We got into another argument,” Sirius said simply. He was avoiding looking at me now. Why did that make me feel so bloody guilty! “So she ran off. Does that surprise anyone?”
There was a murmur of “no, not really” from everyone that had gathered in the corridor, and I again felt a bit miffed at this. I’m not that flaky. Am I? Well sod them! I’m totally not… I just… like to run. Running is fun…
“Right, well since we’re all up, anyone fancy getting breakfast?” James yawned, stretching out his arms as if to emphasise that it was way too early for us to be awake. I hadn’t the slightest inkling as to what time it actually was, but I assumed it was before ten. James never woke before ten in the morning on weekends.
“I could go for some food,” Peter announced. There were bags under his eyes, adding onto my guilt. He gave me a weak smile, as if to say it was alright and that we’ll talk later, before James, Remus, and him began ambling towards the Great Hall.
Sirius lagged behind. “I’m going to go sleep. I’ll see you guys later.” Without another word to anyone else, he stalked off, leaving me in a pile of guilt and more guilt, and why did everyone have to make me feel so bloody guilty!
Once the boys were gone, the girls rounded on me again. Dorcas was first. “I know you were upset! You had every right to be fucked off with Sirius, but do you have any idea how distraught we were? Mary thought you had jumped off the Astronomy Tower!”
“I didn’t,” Mary told me quietly, but Dorcas shushed her. She rolled her eyes and smiled at me.
“Just never do that again, okay, Deora?” Lily sighed, having somehow calmed herself back down. She gave me a hug. “We don’t want to have to hex you next time you run off.”
I chuckled. “Thanks for the warning, Lils.”
She shrugged sheepishly.
“I bet you’re hungry, Deora,” Mary mused out loud. “Come on, let’s go join the boys for breakfast.” Dorcas and Lily nodded eagerly, and as if on cue, Dorcas’ stomach grumbled oh-so-attractively. I grinned.
“To be honest, I’m not that hungry. I’m actually quite tired,” I told them, yawning to prove it. “Somehow sleeping on mud and twigs wasn’t that comfortable, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to get some sleep?”
The three girls nodded and left me to walk back to the Gryffindor Tower on my own. Once they were gone, my stomach let out a similar grumble to Dorcas’. I lied. I was bloody famished! I could eat a flipping Hippogriff if it presented itself to me on a platter, but a part of me was screaming at me to go talk to Sirius. It was odd how I could find no qualms about me being angry with him, but if Sirius was angry with me then I couldn’t deal with that—especially since I knew I was in the wrong. I mean what kind of sodding girl goes up to a guy and kisses him then kicks him?
I was a head-case. It’s a wonder I even have friends that care this much about me.
I was walking up the staircase when I shoved my hands into my jeans, instantly feeling the hard gold casing of the locket. I had forgotten about my aunt, about how I yelled at her and tore her off of my neck. Oh bloody great, another person I feel guilty about! I quickly pulled the heart-shaped locket out from my pocket and clasped it tightly around my neck. There was a soft humming noise as the locket glowed to life.
“About bloody time!” Aunt Helena snapped at me. “I thought you were never going to put me back on!”
I ran my fingers through my tangled hair and sighed loudly. “I’m sorry. I was angry and caught up in the heat of the moment.”
“It seems like something you do a lot, Deora, and honestly, it’s not altogether a healthy way of living,” she told me lightly. I knew she was right yet I still felt irritated to be told off for it.
“I know,” I replied simply, a little tinge of ire in my voice.
“Don’t get stroppy with me! I’m just trying to make you a better person!” Aunt Helena cried out, sounding annoyed. “You are just like your father. He was so angry with everyone after my death! He didn’t talk to my parents, your grandparents, for months… Poor boy, he thought it was their fault.”
“He did?” I asked, shocked to hear this about my dad. He always seemed so level-headed, so sensible to me. Mum was always the one to get angry and irrational.
“Yes, he was,” she continued on. “He was, because it was the easiest way for him to deal—kind of like how you’re dealing with his death now. Look, love, if you’re ever going to move on, you’re going to have to let other people back into your life… starting with Sirius Black.”
“Why him!” I cried out. “He’s such an egotistical prat!”
“And you’re not an egotistical prat?” Aunt Helena laughed. I was not amused. “He doesn’t seem like a bad kid. He seems to have his own issues so give him a break.”
“You just like him for his arse.”
She laughed again; this time, the locket hummed loudly against my chest, making me suddenly feel warm and elated with her euphoria.
I walked towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, who eyed my appearance with a look of disgust before rudely asking me for the password. She and I have never gotten along—not since the incident with water balloons back in third year. I still claim that she had deserved to be drenched in water! She was taunting me… I think. I was very young, but either way, she hated me and I didn’t particularly care for her either.
“Fairy Lights,” I spoke swiftly.
“Pffftt…” the Fat Lady said in response to my answer. “Awfully dirty child. No respect for personal hygiene, that one.” I heard her carry on with her insults towards me long after she had swung open the portrait to let me into the Gryffindor Tower. I was so used to her by now that I was completely unfazed. I had only one mission and I was determined to see it through—before I chickened out and hid myself in my room, that is.
I marched past the common room and straight up the boys’ staircase. I carried on till I reached the top floor where the seventh year boys’ dormitory was. I stood there, inhaling and exhaling for a few moments, unable to muster up the courage to knock.
“Oh for Merlin’s sake, you are the worse Gryffindor I have ever met!” Aunt Helena whispered to me. I growled under my breath. I was not! I just… don’t think it would have mattered if I did apologise to Sirius. I mean what would I say? He hates me. He’d probably just kick me out anyways! This was a bad idea… I should leave.
“I’m leaving,” I mumbled, about to turn back down the stairs.
“HELLO? ANYONE IN THERE!” screamed my aunt. My hand shot up to clutch the locket, hoping to muffle out her voice. My heart was palpitating at an unnatural rate; actually, I was pretty certain that my heart had literally jumped up into my throat and lodged itself there. I had no idea the woman could be so bloody loud!
I heard ruffling inside and a loud curse word echoed in the room. After the longest seconds of my life, the door finally flew open. Sirius looked surprised to see me, but his face quickly morphed back to being blank and unaffected by my presence.
“So hi,” I said stupidly. He nodded at me and turned towards his bed. I walked inside and was immediately bombarded by an onslaught of dirty boy smell. It was something between old socks and powerful cologne. It made me disgusted. “Lovely place you got here.” I heard Aunt Helena chuckle.
“Is that why you came here, Deora? To talk about the furnishings of the seventh year boys’ dormitory?” Sirius asked. He was lying on his bed, his back resting against the headboards and his eyes watching me amusedly now.
I scratched the back of my neck. “Well no, not really…” I chuckled nervously. Damn it! When have I ever been bloody nervous in front of Sirius sodding Black?!
I exhaled loudly, exasperated at myself. “Look, I came here to apologise! I’m sorry for the way I acted in the forest. I’m sorry for kicking you. I’m sorry for getting mad at you. I’m sorry, okay?”
“Wow,” Sirius whistled. He pushed up off of his bed, swinging his legs over it, and walking over towards me. “That was a much better apology than the one in the forest, Deora. You’re getting better at this.”
“Oh Merlin, don’t irritate me now, Bla—Sirius,” I rolled my eyes at him.
He chuckled. “Okay, fine. Just one thing… say I did forgive you for all those reasons, you have failed to apologise for one thing.”
“What thing is that?” I cocked my head at him, putting my hands on my hips defiantly. I was definitely at my quota of apologies today so if he thinks he was going to get another one out of me, he is sorely mistaken! Does he not know that Grunnions don’t bloody apologise to begin with? This is… seriously rare! He should be photographing this!
“Oh, I don’t know… how about for kissing me?” Sirius grinned wickedly.
I gulped. Damn, I was hoping he had forgotten about that. I can’t let him see that I was affected by this though. No, no, I won’t! “If I recall, Sirius, you kissed me back.”
“So I did…” his voice trailed off. He was standing in front of me now. I could smell the fresh aroma of the forest on him still; the smell of the mud, the morning dew, it was all reminding me of last night and this morning.
“It doesn’t matter,” I told him, shaking my head to rid myself of the memories plaguing my mind. “It was a mistake. We hate each other.”
“Hmm… I thought we were on amicable terms now.”
“You know as well as I do that that won’t last, Sirius,” I reminded him.
His fingers raked through his messy black hair as he seemed to ponder this. It was a few seconds later before he spoke again. “You know what? I’ve decided that people that hate each other have a considerable amount of passion. I mean we both know it takes a great deal of energy to yell at each other.”
“Yes, but I wouldn’t call that passion,” I frowned at him. I had no idea what he was getting at, but it didn’t seem good whatever it was.
“Call it what you will, we have it,” Sirius informed me. “And I just think this energy is going to waste.”
I arched my eyebrow. “And what do you propose we do with that energy, because I don’t think I can stop yelling at you. Especially when you’re being a prat! Which you are most of the time!”
Sirius chortled amusedly. He took another step closer towards me and without uttering another word, he grabbed me by the waist, pulling me into his body. Before I could respond to this invasion of personal space, his lips were on mine, kissing me fervently. Somehow somewhere in my brain, I managed to gain some self-control and quickly shoved him off, stumbling backwards as I did.
“What the bloody hell! Sirius!” I scowled. I wiped my lips and glared at him angrily. How dare he kiss me like that? How dare he… be so bloody good at kissing!
Sirius didn’t respond. He was looking at me with a hunger in his eyes that I have never seen before; his eyes were dark and his lips were red from kissing me.
I did that. I did that to him.
I felt my self-control flitter away from me, as Sirius and I rushed towards each other at the same time. His hands found my waist again and mine found the nape of his neck, pulling him towards me as our lips met each other for the third time that day. This kiss was different. It was with abandon, it was hungry, needy, and explorative. Our lips moved effortlessly against each other and I felt like I couldn’t get as close to him as I wanted to be. His teeth nipped at my lower lip, just like it had before, and I moaned this time carelessly. The sound must’ve stirred him on since his hands tightened around my waist.
I didn’t know what would’ve happened if we had let that kiss go on any longer than it did, but as we jumped apart just in time for James, Remus, and Peter’s entrance into the room, I knew that that wasn’t the last kiss we would share.
Sirius and I stared at each other. I threw some few choice curse words at him and he threw some back. I quickly pushed past the boys in a huff, but before I slammed the door shut, I chanced a glance at Sirius. He gave me a smirk and I smirked in return.
Damn, I was just getting the hang of hating and violently assaulting Sirius… Now I hate him and want to snog his face off… double damn!
A/N: Hey guys, I am sooooooo unbelievably sorry for the 3-4 month wait for this chapter. I sort of lost my muse for it and went through an incredibly tough time at school and with my health. I'm all fine and dandy now! I'll try to be better at updating this, and Raising the Stakes. I promise! Buuut I go away on holiday for 3 weeks starting August 30th so I won't be updating or writing for awhile. Just wanted to warn you guys... I truly am soooo sorry for the wait though! I love Deora and this story, and I now know generally where it should go. SOOO Deora and Sirius, huh?? This is what I've been planning since I started the story so don't think I just chucked this plot twist in for no reason... but anyway, what do you think of this chapter?? It's been awhile so I'd love to hear back from you guys. Thank you for being so patient with me and for still loving these characters! This story wouldn't be here without your support, but enough me being stupid and annoying. REVIEW! Enjoy!! xxxx
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