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Chapter 5 : The Fear
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The song/quote for this chapter is “The Fear” by Lily Allen. I love her(:
Anyways, this chapter starts out on the same night, just an FYI. And I hate it. It’s kind of a filler, but it’s needed.
ENJOY(: and review when you’re done? Pleaseee?
After finding a way out of the Gryffindor towers, I ran quickly back down to the dungeons, my illuminated wand guiding me to safety. I practically shouted out the password upon locating the walled entrance, my limited patience being severely tested.
I felt as if someone had been chasing me...and I simply had to get away as quickly as possible. This, of course, was absolutely ridiculous, but somehow I couldn’t shake the feeling.
As the wall pushed itself aside, I tip-toed through the hole and made my way in.
The ceilings of the Slytherin common room hung low, a greenish glow emanating from the sea-level windows, lighting up the vast space. Ornate, stone arches lined the walls and one large, incredibly showy chandelier hung directly in the center. While the Gryffindor common room had a comforting, homey atmosphere, the stony Slytherin common room was dungeon-like. It was always cold…I hated that but hey, beauty is pain.
Quickly, I winded my way through a maze of black leather furniture and down a rocky stairway into the girl’s 6th year dormitory.
“Lumos,” I whispered upon entering the dorm, shivering at the cold darkness the room presented me with.
Not going to lie, I’m kind of deathly afraid of the dark…
Ever so quietly, I walked over to my bed, tapping the enchanted nightlight and illuminating the room.
Trust Alice to take advantage of my absence and turn it off…that bloody Slytherin…
I crawled under my covers and turned around, spying Viviana and Alice fast asleep within their beds. I almost sighed in relief at the sight of Viv. No sex hair for that one. Turning over, I laid down on my pillow, closing my eyes.
And as I shut my heavy eyelids, I couldn’t help but think about how wonderful sleep sounded at that exact moment…
But it didn’t come.
I rolled over in bed, frustrated. Groaning, I sat up, threw off half of the covers and laid back down. But it was to no avail.
Stupid Scorpius Malfoy’s annoying face kept popping up in my mind, smirking. Smirking that stupid little…Malfoy smirk.
And he was good at it, I felt considerably worse about myself than I had before.
Moaning, I sat straight up in bed, swung my legs over the side and snuck over to Alice’s bed and shook her awake.
Something I terribly regret.
Never again would I wake up Alice Austyn Avery unless I had a death wish.
As soon as I had shaken her from her dreams, she shot up and screamed a jinx at me. It barely missed and I bet if she hadn’t been so disoriented, her aim would’ve been a whole hell of a lot better.
“Ahhh fuck, Rose, what is it?” Alice cried after she regained her mind.
I hit her, motioning towards Viviana. I didn’t want to wake that girl up too…the consequences of that might be a whole hell of a lot worse.
Alice nodded and after a moment, her eyes widened in confusion, “Wait, Rose?! Why are you here?”
“Why wouldn’t I be here? This is my dorm too…”
The tiny brunette rolled her eyes, “Yeah, duh. But you didn’t come back in last night. Viv and I figured that you must’ve found some cute little Griffey to get carried away with. And we all know how bad you are when you’re drunk.”
I hit her, mouth wide open, “You think I’m that easy?”
Alice laughed, “Nah, if you were, you would’ve already lost it.”
I cocked my head to the side, “Uh…thank you…? I think?”
The girl beside me laughed, “You’re welcome! Sometimes, I wish I was as innocent as you.”
I cocked an eyebrow disbelievingly.
At my expression, she laughed, “Ok fine, you’re right. If I was then I couldn’t have gotten my freak on like I did with Elliot last night.”
“Eww, Alice,” I groaned, “didn’t need to know that. I’m perfectly fine with being a prude.”
“Suit yourself.” Alice smiled, and after a moment of consideration, began thoughtfully, “Well, I suppose it’s for the best. I mean, boys slither-out as quickly as they’ll slither-in. Vivi learned that the hard way.”
Just as I was contemplating the absurdity of her first statement, the last part of her sentence sunk in. “Wait. What?”
“Last night, err, this morning she was making out with your cousin and he, uh, took it a little too far.”
I sat quietly for a moment, letting it all marinate before replying questioningly, “Why would that be a problem? She doesn’t usually care...?”
“Well she did this time.”
I stared at her, my mouth agape, “You mean they didn’t –?”
“No,” Alice shook her head, “Viv stopped him.”
I paused for a moment, and before letting me reply, my friend continued.
“I think she really likes him, Rose,” Alice whispered, concern flickering across her features, “she was crying.”
My jaw dropped.
Viviana Zabini never cried.
She was an ice queen, in perfect control of her emotions. Rarely did she let her temper get the best of her, something that I had always envied. She seldom expressed her true emotions, hiding them behind a jaded expression, the perfect mask. It had taken years for Alice and I to uncover her true personality, although I had still always silently wondered what caused her to be such a private, guarded individual.
And then, even after breaking down the majority of Vivi’s walls, I sometimes felt as though I didn’t really know her. She rarely spoke of her past or her life beyond Hogwarts, and when her father passed away in 4th year, she didn’t shed a single tear. But it wasn’t like we didn’t try…She was simply unresponsive, ignoring Alice and I whenever we tried asking questions – pretending as if no one had said a word.
Frankly, it was infuriating. Sometimes, I found myself insulted that she didn’t seem to trust us enough.
“How come we didn’t notice?!” I asked, suddenly feeling guilty as I glanced over at my friend’s peaceful form, wondering if we had tried hard enough.
Alice shook her head doubtfully, swallowing. She looked like she felt as bad as I did.
“But she never…never gets attached,” I cried. “And I thought they were just friends…”
“I don’t think she wanted this,” Alice spoke softly, “maybe that’s why she didn’t tell us.”
I sighed in frustration, “You know, he told me that he wanted to ask her out. Not…get in her pants.”
Alice raised an eyebrow. She didn’t know James all that well, and his infamous reputation preceded him.
“Well…not exactly. I kind of implied it and then he agreed but that’s almost the same thing!”
“What a dick...”
I wanted to agree, but I felt conflicted about it. Viviana was one of my best friends…but James was my cousin, and a close companion…even if he had chosen Al over me earlier that day.
“You know, I just saw him,” I remembered suddenly, “he seemed completely fine.”
Well, at least he did before everyone started yelling. But I didn’t say that part.
“Oh man, I forgot to ask you, I’m so dumb,” Alice’s eyes widened, “what happened?!”
My eyes darkened as the events of the morning came flooding back in full force.
Kissing Scorpius. Waking up in Scorpius’ bed. Quarreling with Scorpius.
Wow, and I had barely said a word to him before that night…
And then, I told Al off and upset James.
So what happened? Huh. Where would I start?
“Well. I guess it started when I woke up in Malfoy’s bed,” I began tentatively, looking anywhere but my best friend’s piercing gaze.
I found myself neglecting to tell her about the kiss, just like I had with Al. I don’t know why…but it simply didn’t seem real, and I bet if Scorpius hadn’t admitted it himself, I wouldn’t have believed it happened.
“Malfoy?” My best friend’s eyes were huge, “As in Scorpius Malfoy?”
I wanted to roll my eyes.
“Nope. Draco Malfoy,” I deadpanned.
For a moment, my best friend looked utterly stricken, before my sarcastic tone sunk in and comprehension flashed across her face.
Alice leaned over and slapped me on the arm, “It’s too early for sarcasm, Rose.”
“It’s never too early for sarcasm,” I grinned, winking mischievously.
Alice smiled quietly in response, her eyes still shadowed with a look of concern, “But why, Rose? If you didn’t sleep with him, what happened?”
I suddenly grew serious, swallowing anxiously as I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. I rarely ever lied to my best friend, and I was incredibly uncomfortable doing so.
So instead, I simply neglected to tell her the entire truth.
This resulted in practically incoherent rambling.
“Well, Viv ditched me like usual so, uh, I decided to get totally wasted! Then I ended up passing out drunk. I woke up in Malfoy’s bed, freaked out because I thought he raped me and started screaming. Turned out he didn’t. I got angry and ran down to the common room where James was but they followed. Al shouted at me and then I kind of told him off for barely talking to me for years. He just walked away and James went after him. And then Scorpius yelled at me and…I – I came back here,” it all spilled out at once, leaving me breathless, insecure and in need of a reaction.
But Alice just stared at me, not saying a word, her expression blank. After a few moments of silence, I wanted to beat the thoughts out of her. I needed to know what she was thinking…but I wasn’t like Al, I couldn’t read people.
“I gotta say,” the brunette started seriously, breaking the silence, “I’m kinda disappointed there was no hate sex…Scorpius Malfoy is hot.”
I hit her with my pillow.
After the two of us fell back asleep, I found myself awake only two hours later.
I groaned, turning over in bed and glanced at the enchanted clock on my bedside table.
It was only 7.
I sighed, sitting up and swinging my legs off the side, standing up. I knew I wasn’t going to get back to bed, so what was the use of trying?
I threw on an old sweatshirt and some slippers, tied my hair into a high ponytail, grabbed my wand and made my way out of the Slytherin dormitories.
Hogwarts was just waking up. A few house elves scurried about, making preparations for Sunday morning breakfast, despite the fact that most everyone slept in for it. I even saw a few ghosts and droopy-eyed portraits on my way to the Great Hall, most annoyed with a student being up so early on the weekend.
As I made my way into the Great Hall, I ran into none other than my cousin Roxanne. Few students were up this early and I hadn’t counted on a relative to be one of them. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to deal with anyone…let alone someone as usually peppy in the morning as Roxanne.
“Rose!” She exclaimed, grabbing me by the arms.
I recoiled. Ahh. Her voice was too loud for someone who was nursing a hangover…
“Keep it down, Roxanne,” I murmured, rubbing my head as she let go of my arms. “It’s the morning.”
“Exactly,” she replied nervously, “so why are you here?”
“I wanted food,” I grumbled, sitting down at a random table. It didn’t matter, no one was around besides a lone 2nd year whom I recognized as some Slytherin I tripped over once on my way out of our common room.
Roxanne nodded. I watched: studying her as she repeatedly checked the table and seat for impurities, noticing the obvious and intensified anxiety.
Maybe she found a stain on her pillow.
But it seemed more serious than that.
She was incredibly anxious and rather restless too, not being able to sit still. There was a feverish gleam in her eyes and from the looks of it, she hadn’t slept all night. She looked about ready to hyperventilate. But as to what was keeping her back…I had no idea.
She practically jumped as I spoke, seeming as if she had all but forgotten I was there.
“Are you alright?”
“No!” She shouted, startling the poor 2nd year.
Roxanne looked about anxiously as she lowered her voice. “I did something awful, Rose.”
I raised an eyebrow.
Roxanne? Awful? As if…the girl wouldn’t harm a fly.
And actually, the one time she did, she ended up crying for hours. Mind you, she was 7 years old, but it was still quite a scaring experience for the gentle-natured girl…and everyone around…
“What is it?” I asked, trying to sound concerned.
“I kissed him,” she whispered, her tone high and squeaky before continuing, “or at – at least I tired.”
“Wait what?” I paused, “Who?”
“Him,” Roxanne screeched, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. “Him, Rose, HIM!”
My jaw dropped. “Wait. You can’t mean –?”
This…was bad. Very, very bad.
If the mysterious “him” was who I thought it was…then we might just be talking about our very own Professor Longbottom.
Yes. As in Neville Longbottom, father of Tristan Longbottom.
God really had a twisted sense of humor sometimes…
My poor little Roxanne had been practically in love with the man since second year, when he had saved her from a freak mandrake accident.
I don’t know if I was the only one who had noticed this before, but there seemed to be some sort of thing with mandrakes…First, Viv and James and then the Professor and Roxanne…I mean, what the hell? I almost felt a bit jealous that I didn’t also have some bonding mandrake experience.
Well, anyways, since then, she had been practically obsessed. It was borderline creepy. She was always early to his classes, helped out after-hours and got him a Christmas gift every year. Yes, he was a family friend so the last part wasn’t really all that out of the ordinary…but no one else usually got him anything.
However, Roxanne had always been incredibly good at hiding her passion, keeping whatever feelings she had under wraps. I was the only one she had ever said a word about it to. And even that was an accident, caused by a bad exam and a bit too much of Alice’s secret Firewhiskey.
Yet, being the cowardly little thing that she was, I never expected Roxanne to act on her feelings…only pine away at a safe distance. I was actually quite surprised, wondering how she had mustered up enough courage to do such a thing. In a way, I was almost proud. My little Roxanne Amelia Weasley was growing some backbone.
“How?! Why?! When?!” The questions came pouring out.
I grabbed my cousin’s hand as her eyes filled with tears in recollection. She recoiled quickly and I was momentarily offended – that is until I remembered how uncomfortable she was with touching people’s hands.
Sighing, I scooted closer to her and painstakingly refrained from physically comforting her. She looked like a sad puppy, and I wanted to reach out. I could tell this was hard for her. And if I knew Roxanne (which I did), she was blaming herself for the entire thing, replaying, over-analyzing and playing with a thousand what-ifs.
“I was helping him with the leftover gurdyroot from our last lesson,” she began, tears spilling over her cheeks.
Ahh…bugger. Tears. I truly was awful at handling tears, but I was determined to suck it up for the sake of my cousin. I may have been a bitch, but I had the self-control to hold it in when I needed to.
“And?” I inquired softly.
“Well, we were outside the greenhouse, because he knew how uncomfortable it made me, and I – I accidentally tripped,” she whispered, her voice shaking as she let out sob.
Roxanne Weasley had completely fallen apart. Frankly, I was surprised that she had kept it in for so long.
“And I fell into him,” she continued, her focus erratic, eyesight flickering from object to object quite unevenly.
“And then you tried to kiss him,” I finished quietly.
She swallowed glumly, shutting her eyes tightly as to cut off the stream of tears. I watched her carefully, biting my lip before I turned my head, staring off into space, my own thoughts whisking me away.
Yes, I was correct in assuming that this was bad.
I mean, this was beyond my conflict with Al and Scorpius or Viv’s fixation on James bad.
What would happen to my friend? Would Professor Longbottom tell people? Tell McGonagall? If he did, would she be expelled? Or what if he didn’t tell and everyone somehow found out. Would he lose his job? What would happen to his wife? Tristan?
The poor boy would probably do something super dramatic…like try to kill himself…
I sighed, mentally rolling my eyes. I really needed to stop letting my thoughts carry me away.
“B – but the worst part,” she murmured, “was that after he pushed me away, he didn’t say anything.”
“It’ll be alright, Roxanne,” I reassured her, although I wasn’t sure if I even believed myself.
“How do you know that?” She whispered, carefully wiping her red eyes.
“Well, I don’t,” I replied awkwardly, “but you’re a good person, Roxanne. You’ve no reason for karma to come back and bite you in the arse.”
Roxanne nodded slowly and I couldn’t tell if she looked comforted or not.
“No problem, love. That’s what family is for, right?”
And then she let me wrap my arms around her and comfort her until the rest of the school had woken up.
Yeahhh…this ended kind of awkwardly but I couldn’t exactly figure out how else to stop it. Didn’t really like this chapter…but it was much needed.
The next chapter is really important and I had a great time writing it!
I hope you liked! Please R&R(: It gives me motivation!
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