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Oh, Mushroom! by WentToManderleyAgain
Chapter 2 : Chapter 2: Defying the Laws of Physics
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 2

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Dun dun dun.

As of today, I'm pretty sure Sirius is breaking Potter's record for most detentions. Ever. This is a lot. It's going to be pretty hard for future students to beat. I'm surprised neither Potter nor Sirius have been expelled yet. I suppose it's only a matter of time.

"Today, you are to polish the trophy room."

I blinked. That's it? Polish the trophies? That's a bit anti-climatic. I was hoping for something a bit more... Creative.

"Without magic."

Had I been a snobby pureblood who has never cleaned something without magic in their entire life, I would think that's the catch. But you see there is this funny little part where I'm not, and I used to do all that daily up until I turned 11. After that, I did it whenever I was home. So, quite frankly, I don't really care.

I shrugged. "Rightie-o."

McGonagall gave me a weird look. Which I don't really get. Aren't teachers not supposed to judge students? Because I'm pretty sure she just judged me. She had a very judging look on.

"Tootle loo!" I called after her. I honestly don't get why she thinks I'm weird. Puh-lease.

I was busy scrubbing a trophy for a mister Tom Riddle for special services to the school. I wonder what that's for. I should get one of these. I amuse everybody. Shouldn't that count?

Anyway, I was busy scrubbing that trophy when a certain Mister Black came in.

"'ello!" I said cheerfully.

"What are you so cheerful about?" he asked, sitting down.

"This is easy peasy." lemon squeezey!

He nodded. I looked over at him, while moving to another trophy, as Tom Riddle's was sparkling.

"Why aren't you working?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. "You aren't going to make me do all the work, are you?"

"If you insist."

"Merlin, no. You are going to work." I narrowed my eyes at him.

He shrugged, picked up a rag, and walked to a trophy across the room. Huh. That was easy. Maybe a little too easy?

A few minutes later, I looked up and saw Sirius standing in the same spot he was earlier, whispering into his sleeve. The only word I could hear him say was "James."

Well. What do ya know? Not only is Sirius Black gay for James Potter (because come on, like you never guessed) he also is pretending his sleeve is Potter! Oh, and he is clearly certifiably insane. But that's not relevant.

I could feel my lips twitching, trying to keep myself from laughing. This is extremely hard, mind you.

Suddenly, I couldn't keep it in. I burst out laughing hysterically. To the point I couldn't stand up anymore. I was kicking my legs up in the air I was laughing so hard.

Okay, so maybe I'm overacting a little. But come on, if you saw a guy whispering into his sleeve and mentioning the name of his "friend," how hard would you be laughing? Maybe not as hard as I am, but still pretty hard, right?

Sirius looked over, alarmed. "What are you doing?" he asked, eyes wide.

"I knew you were insane! And gay for Potter!" I cried after gasping for air.

"What? No, I'm not."

"To which one?" I asked, still lying on the floor.


I wrinkled my nose. "Then why were you talking about Potter to your sleeve?"

"You saw that?"

I snorted. "Duh. I'm not blind. It's hard to not notice the crazy guy in the corner."

"I'm not crazy."

"Well, then why were you talking into your sleeve?"

Suddenly I heard a loud whisper of "Padfoot!"

"No way..." I whispered, getting up and running toward Sirius. I grabbed his left arm and began searching his sleeve. Nothing.

Wait, wrong arm. I grabbed the other arm and soon enough I pulled out a mirror. With Potter's face in it.


"So, you're gay for Potter?" I asked. I know I'm right. I refuse to be wrong.

"No. Why would come up with that because of a mirror?"

"Well, it's that or it's some kind of . . . By George, I think I've got it! It's a two-way mirror!" I cried excitement clear in my voice. "How did you find one of these?"

"I can't tell you how."

I pretended to make my lip quiver. I widened my dark brown eyes, successfully completing my puppy dog face.

"Sorry, not going to happen."

I looked away. "Rats, foiled again." I handed him his mirror back, regretfully. "Here's your mirror."

"Your detention is over, Mr. Black, Ms. Moore." Suddenly, McGonagall's voice came from the door way.


The library. I swear I spend most of my time in here. Because I like books. A lot. However, I'm more of a fiction kind of gal. So naturally sometimes I just sit in there and read my muggle books. I used to, after all, consider myself one.

"Hello, Elizabeth."

I looked up from my book. "Oh, h-hello, R-Remus." I stuttered, heat rushing to my cheeks. Dammit.

He smiled, and I felt my knees start to knock together. Mushroom. Why, oh why must he be so handsome? Merlin.

"What are all these?" he asked, looking at my piles of books on the table.

"M-my books to r-read this year." Good job, Elizabeth. You only stuttered twice in 6 words. That's almost a whole sentence!

"That's an awful lot of books to read." He said, sitting down across from me. I looked at my pile questionably.

"Not really. It's only 10 books. A book each month, you see. And I'm already almost d-done with this one." Yes! Only once! Though I was talking about books, and I never stutter when talking about those . . .

"True. But it is our sixth year, so you may not have much time to read, with NEWTs next year." He smiled. Swoon.

"I suppose." Not once! Though it was only two words, so I guess that doesn't really count. Oh, mushroom, I must be grinning like a mad woman! I'm surprised he hasn't already made up some excuse and run away!

"So, what are you reading?" Yeah, sure, humor the crazy girl. Must be why he's smiling so much. He's thinking about how hard everyone is going to laugh when he tells them about this. Urgh. Hopefully, at least Sirius will leave me alone. He's okay and all, but he can really get annoying.

"Um, Elizabeth?" Oh. Mushroom. I forgot to respond. Oops.

"R-Rebecca." Oh. My. Merlin. It was one word. One word. And I stuttered. What is wrong with me?

"You like muggle books?" he looked surprised.

"Well, there isn't exactly an abundance of good wizard fiction." I pointed out. Go me! I didn't stutter once!

"That's true."

"Plus, I grew up around this stuff. It r-reminds me of home." I smiled. My dad was the one who bought me this book, actually. My favorite movie was based off it, so he thought I would like to read it. He was right.

"You're muggleborn?" For some reason, he looked surprised.

"Y-you couldn't tell?" I find this kind of funny. One of the smartest people in our year, but he couldn't tell I was muggleborn. I thought he was half-blood?


I sighed. "C-can I get b-back to my reading?"

He smirked. Swoon. Again. "No." Must. Control. Drool.

I lean back into my chair. Unfortunately, it must have been a little forceful because all of a sudden I was toppling backwards with a crash. My chair fell on top of me as I slammed into a bookcase. Defying the laws of physics (though I shouldn't be surprised considering I go to a school of magic, so anything is possible, really), the bookcase wobbles and lands on top of me. Cue blacking out. And SCENE.


"Liiiiizzzzziiiieeee? Liiiiizzzzziiiiieeee... Wakey, wakey... Time to shine..."

"I suggest you don't call Elizabeth that. She hates it. Or Liz. Or Beth. Or any other variation of her name."

That's true, I thought to myself. I hate being called Lizzie. Or Moore. I opened my eyes and I sat up immediately. Unfortunately, that caused pain to shoot around my head.

"Mushroom..." I moaned. "Stupid laws-of-physics-defying bookcase." Ashley looked at me concerned.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"I just had a bookcase fall on me. How do you think?" I glared at her, clutching me head.

"Okay, so she's feeling better. She always uses sarcasm when she isn't in too much pain." She smiled, relieved.

"Hey Lizzie!"

Why me? Why couldn't Sirius pick someone else to bother?

I smiled weakly. "Hi." And why is this the second time I've ended up in the hospital wing in four days? I'm not normally this accident prone! True, I'm not exactly graceful, but this is just abnormal.

"Hello, Elizabeth." Oh, it's Remus. Oh, mushroom, it's Remus Lupin! And I probably look awful! Shiitake mushroom. Hey, it's a rare occasion, okay? I'm allowed to be a little extreme in my curse words.

"Erm, h-hi."

Ashley raised an eyebrow and gave me a we'll-be-talking-about-this-later look.

"Out! Out! Too many people!" Madam Pomfrey screeched. Apparently her laxness from when I choked has sufficiently disappeared. "Ms. Moore needs her rest!"

As all three people exited, I asked Madam Pomfrey what was wrong with me.

Apparently, I have a few cracked ribs, a broken arm, and a concussion so I'll be sore for the next few days. Huh. I didn't even notice. I guess Remus Lupin can do that to you. With a heavy sigh, I sank into my pillows. I wasn't even tired.


Apparently I was wrong, because I fell asleep fairly easily. I blame the stress. Or the pea under my bed. Or, you know, the dreamless sleep potion Madam Pomfrey forced down my throat. But I think that's the least likely. Humming, I skipped out of the hospital wing. Apparently being assaulted by a bookcase has not changed my perkiness level. This is very high, mind you.

"Chip, chip, cheerio!" I sang, skipping towards my dear friend Leslie.

"Heya, Lizzie." She looked at me wearily.

"I'm ignoring that."

"Clearly, you aren't. Otherwise you wouldn't have responded." Katie pointed out cheekily.

"Psh." I laughed her off.

"So, how are you feeling, Elizabeth?" Leslie smirked. "After the book shelf fell on you."

Katie hid a snort. "I still can't believe that happened."

"What? You know I'm no swan."

"Trust us, Liz, we know."

Maybe I should just give up on the whole Elizabeth not Lizzie thing. They're clearly not listening. "Will you stop that?" I huffed.

"Whatever, Elizabeth."

I beamed. "Thank you."

"Come on, Elizabeth. Dinner time."

I could tell my eyes lit up because my friends started laughing. "Food time!"


I fell face down on my bed. "Sleepy time."

"Oh, no you don't!" Ashley cried, grabbing my arm and pulled me up.

"Yeah, wake up or I'll call you Lizzie everyday for the rest of our lives." Leslie threatened.

I scoffed. "So? You already do."

Leslie frowned. "Point taken."

"We want to know about your obvious crush on Remus. I can't believe you haven't told us about it yet!" Ashley whined. Katie nodded from behind her.

I sat up carefully.

Ashley had an evil glint in her eye. "Spill."

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