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Snow White by BlackRain
Chapter 5 : My Insanity's End.
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 6

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I own nothing.


Chapter image by rockstarkisses@TDA.


I’ll be there. Of course I’ll be there. Ten minutes after midnight? I’ll be there. Your attic? I’ll be there.


Love you,




I watched Albus’ white owl fly away into the night. I sat hunched in my set, staring out arched windows at the downpour, feeling disconnected from the elemental violence outside, despite the fact that every few minutes the wind shook the building hard enough to rattle the glass of the windowpanes.


I smiled…It ends tonight. James is my guest of honor. It is hard to even imagine how fast you can make someone fall in love with you. With the speed of an arrow. Adjust, shoot, hit. Straight to the heart.


Albus is my second guest. And James knows nothing about us. Albus knows nothing about James and me. Knows nothing, nothing, nothing. It was as I wanted it to be. And they will know nothing until I decide otherwise.


Ausgust 24th, 10.30 PM


I instructed Estera to stay in her room till morning. No sound from her.


The wind swirled the trees outside, shaking the branches, bending the old trunks. I shivered, disturbed by the violence of it. There was anger there, anger at exclusion.


I started to laugh, but there was an edge of hysteria underneath.


I can’t wait for it to start.


11.05 PM


The storm outside was calming down. Mist was rising. Suddenly, I heard the soft sound of footsteps. I raised my head and saw Estera, all in black, standing in the doorway.


“Go to your room.” To my surprise my voice was soft, the hint of hysteria gone.


Estera shook her head.


“No one will die,” I whispered. It’s true. My revenge is elegant. And that just makes it more dangerous.


“You’ll die, ” Estera whispered. Then there was a flash of lightning and then thunder.


“I will not.” I gritted my teeth. I will not, I will not, I will not, I will not.


“Snow White, ” Estera whispered and left the room. Suddenly, I felt my heart ache. Estera was disappointed in me. The person that was closest to family, mother through these dark years… I swallowed my anger, again, I felt like a little girl. Everyone was always stronger and better than me.


Not anymore. Not anymore.


11.50 PM


I started down the stairs. The shining floor below reflected the dark, red lights that Estera loved so much, creating the strange impression that I was descending into a lake. In fact, I felt as if I was moving through water a trancelike, not unpleasant feeling. It was a bit like having no body at all. There was distant roaring in my ears, like a vacuum, like a sea. Down I went, and down.


The roaring became more distinct, whispering, like a million formless voices over lapping. I wasn’t alone, I realized with crystal clarity. But the thought wasn’t frightening, not at all. They wanted me, the voices… They were welcoming, beckoning…


I stepped off the last stair and was jolted back to reality as my foot hit the floor. It was solid after all. And the voices were gone. I stood for a moment and then moved across the red streaks of light into the dark main hall, toward the high arched doorway. I unlocked the doors. Albus will enter the house through these doors and then will make his way up to the attic.


I just feared that the voices would scare him away…


11.57 PM


It was very quiet in the attic. For the first time, I noticed how quiet it was here.


There were candles lit around the red sofa in the center of the attic. The windows were not lit. James, who will be here soon, will be able to see clearly the attic, but Albus will not be able to see James standing next to the folding doors.


The rain had started again, slanting and relentless, and with a fresh assault of wind. The windows rattled like bones; the whole structure shifted and groaned on its foundation.


I looked at my watch.


12.00 PM.


I smiled…I could feel another presence in the attic. James.


I turned to the window where James was standing. He could see me clearly, but I couldn’t see him.


I started taking my clothes off…slowly…tauntingly…smiling.


I took everything off, until I was standing naked…


Albus entered the attic. His eyes were on my body, and only on my body.


Tonight, Albus will love me. And his brother will watch us…


Albus walked forward and pulled me roughly against him, his mouth coming down on mine. I breathed in and kissed him back fiercely. Heat flooded through my body.


Hot skin…icy rain…life… roiling dark clouds…his hands on my hot body…the storm’s isolation…


05.45 AM


Albus kissed me and left…James long gone…


It was all black, all nothingness. The abyss.


Now, James knew about me and Albus. Now, it’s time for Albus to know about me and James…


For some reason, I was trembling…No, it wasn’t the cold. It was the end. Creeping quietly on me with its dead cold fingers. Breathing down my neck…Or maybe it was insanity. Or maybe sanity.


It was serenity.


Suddenly, I felt very old. Older than Estera. I felt like I’d seen it all, felt it all. Happiness and despair. Love and hatred.


I was almost done. I choose to separate myself now. I choose- I chose to take up my suitcase and leave. Soon it will be forgotten. Maybe I will be remembered. Maybe I will become a distant figure and an unimportant character in a colossal story.


I don’t care. I’m almost done. I can almost leave. Almost.


Stars burn thousands upon thousands of miles away, just out of sight. We look up, and we think, we believe that they’re ours – those silver dots in the huge blackness of sky – forever upwards.


And while looking at those stars I remember why I am here. I know why my heart explodes into heat, passion and hatred. Why it screams with incomprehensible heat. Why I’m on fire. Why the world’s on fire.


I am here to end this.


7.56 AM.


Maybe I didn’t deserve to die. Maybe no one deserves to die.


But yet they die. I die. Minutes after minutes I feel myself drift away to the stars. To the cold welcoming arms of snow…I could easily imagine myself as an ice angel…lying in the snow…Long black hair, streaming out like spirals of smoke. White face…Lips blue -not lipstick blue, but corpse blue.


I placed back my family photos into the drawer. I drew my legs up so that my knees reached my chin. With my arms wrapped around my legs and my expressive, flighty eyes staring back at me from the mirror, it almost seemed like I was unduly here. As if I didn’t deserve dying at so young age. As if I didn’t do anything wrong. But that was a blatant lie.


Suddenly, I felt very confused.


“Why did you do it?” Estera stared at me in my mirror. “You were happy.” It wasn’t her normal croaky voice. It was soft, quiet…reminded me of the nuns…


I sat frozen, my pulse racing, my throat tight with fear.


She wasn’t normal. This wasn’t normal. I was only happy with my parents.


But Estera looked at me from the mirror disagreeing. She always knew so much. And never shared her knowledge.


And now she was sharing.


Why, why, why?


Immortality is a beautiful thing, isn’t it Estera? Watching children growing older and higher and their faces slowly age.


That was taken away from my parents.


I can do that to Harry Potter.


And then there will be no beliefs, no worries, no dreams, no memories, only a shell of what once was.


He can live like I do.


Everything is fine.


Then the world starts to spin.


Dreams become nightmares, smiles become hysterical laughter.


Light becomes lighter, dark becomes darker.


Things become tainted.


Estera, then sleep is no longer an option because happy dreams do not exist, merely nightmares of dark betrayal, and staying awake is not an option anymore too. Because the world’s frightening. You’re afraid of yourself.


8.33 PM.


I sit on the tree branch, inches away from the Potter’s mansion’s window.


I was under a spell. They couldn’t see me. But I could see them all. All those petty people who live there.


All day long, Ginny Potter tried to get James out of his room.


Finally, she gave up and ordered Albus to go talk to him.

As I waited for Albus to appear, I watched the sunset.


The sunset was spectacular and bleak, a thin, piercing silver and black, like a prizewinning photograph. The wind, high and chill, whistled through the spiky tops of trees.


I was freezing


I didn’t care.


Then I saw him, coming up stairs.


The black-haired boy. Slender and muscular, with an elegant, restless face, all cheekbones and intense green eyes.


He knocked on James’ door. There was no reply.


Again and again he knocked.


The knocking became a rhythm.


It reminded me a beating heart.


It reminded me of life.


But nothing more.


Finally, James gave in.


He opened the doors and I expected a good show.


I didn’t get one.


Maybe he got bored of performing to me.


“James, we all are worried-“ Albus didn’t get to finish his sentence. James spat on Albus’ face and slammed the door.


Albus stood there, not understanding what had happened.


Life happened.


I got out of the tree and started walking away.




I didn’t know.


The sky was already streaked with dark.


I was walking away when that fatal heaviness came.


I didn’t stop. But I turned my head so I could see the house.


Harry Potter was standing at the main entrance, watching me, like I knew he would.


May make my heart as a millstone, set my face as a flint, Cheat and be cheated, and die: who knows? We are ashes and dust. —Alfred, Lord Tennyson, “Maud”



The end. I really loved writing this story. Hesper is insane and it's really fun to be insane. Sometimes. I hoped you liked this story. Thanks to all of you who read this story to the end. And I want to thank my awesome beta Liberty! And I want to thank rich_blonde marauder23, her story was a huge insparation for this last chapter.


And there may be a sequel...Maybe.

Thank you,


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