Chapter 1 : Always Have, Always Will
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The words echo through my ears again, threatening to send me into another panic attack, as if two of them already weren’t enough. The words tightened my lungs, preventing them from bringing anymore air into my system. They reverberated around my chest, making my heart work double time to pump even the smallest amount of blood to my body.
The weight in my arms, within seconds of my eyes closing, was gone, whisked far away from me before, as expected, I collapse onto the couch, yet again. I feel arms wrap around my shoulders, sending comforting waves towards me to settle me down, yet they do nothing. If anything, they put me even more on edge.
Yet if they were his arms, if it was him trying to comfort me, it would work in a second. Because that’s just how we worked. Just like when he first came back after leaving me the first time, when I told him the news.
“Dora, please, give me just a moment of your time,” his husky voice begged. It was only mere days after the full moon, and I know he didn’t get the wolvesbane this time. His limp was much more prominent, and I could tell he had at least a couple broken ribs.
“Why should I?” I say, tears streaming heavily down my cheeks as I become hyperaware of the audience of my parents we have in the hallway behind me.
“Because I was stupid. I made a mistake, one I plan on never ever making again,” he begs, reaching out to take my hand, but I back away, leaving another foot of space between his hand and mine.
“Why should I believe you to be changed? What made the difference?” I say, my voice high pitch, though barely loud enough to be heard.
“I love you. I knew that before I left,” He starts.
“Then why’d you leave?” My dad barks out at him, poison deeply buried in every word he spoke.
“Dora, I need you. I was coward, Harry showed that to me. I was trying to do all the wrong things and call them the right things,” he explains, lowering his voice to a more comforting one. “I missed you and regret leaving you much more than you’d ever believe. All I want to do is come back for you…for our son.”
I collapse forward, and Remus barely manages to manage my weight in addition to his. His arms wrap around me protectively, though I feel him flinch at the pain that’s probably coursing through each of his broken ribs. Yet within that hug, came the warm reassurance that things were okay again..that he was here for me, and nothing would get me.
The silent tears running down my face continue, but the rest of my vision is back. Nothing blurs, yet pain burns deeply in my chest. I reach for Teddy, who was place in his play pen when my mother had come to comfort me. My mom retrieves him quickly and hands him to me.
A new wave of pain threatens to overtake me, but I push it down. I swallow the lump it forms in my throat, and stare into the eyes of my creation.
He holds the innocence, the chance of a free life. His bubbly personality has yet to live to the full extent, which I know will hold for years, if only this war would end. And he holds his father’s facial features, like the shape of his face and the shape of his eyes. His nose and ability to change his hair and eye color is all from me. He’s a perfect combination, and I know the only choice I have now.
Bringing Teddy close to me, I just hold onto him, taking in that new baby smell, and the softness of his skin under my fingers. “I love you baby boy. You are my entire life, which is why I must do this,” I murmur softly, memorizing the entire feel of my son in my arms.
I turn to my mother, and hold out my son. She looks at me, fear and worry deep in her eyes. I can tell instantly she knows what I’m going to do. And that she can’t stop me. I see the resignation come in her eyes as she hesitantly takes Teddy from my arms.
“I love you, mum. Protect him for me. Keep him safe forever.”
A tear streaks down my mother’s face and I can see the unspoken request she has for me. She wants me to come back for my son, just as much as I want to be coming back for him with Remus by my side.
“I will try mum,” I try to make it sound promising as I kiss her on the cheek, before looking into the face of my baby boy one last time.
“I love you Teddy Remus Lupin, with all my heart. I always will.”
Not my best writing, as I really didn't build much on the main idea of the story, and I didn't edit, as that was part of the Stream of Consciousness Challange [by Weasleytwins], but a pretty decent one-shot. It was a good creativity release and frustration release [yay life, some days :p]. The idea for this came up randomly, so I just shrugged and went with it. So yeah, if you've read, please review [be nice please], as I really love reviews!
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