Chapter 4 : My Decisions, My Choice
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I followed her quietly to the old Runes classroom. I couldn’t believe that she was actually standing and walking next to me, especially since she had a choice.
Maybe Padfoot was right, being a friend to a girl is always the beginning to a new relationship.
“Umm, so we” I stopped halfway. What should I say to her?
“Pot- James do you know where the room is?” she asked me.
I almost tripped over my own foot. She had just called me James for real. I mean writing and saying were two complete different things. I have never heard her say my name before. It was so sweet and kind.
I could feel my heart pounding at a rapid speed.
“Umm, ye- yeah we are rig-right here.” I pulled the door open for her to let her in. I was completely embarrassed, I was stuttering in front of Lily. I let the door close and saw Joshua Anderson coming this way.
I hated that git. He was a slimy slytherin freak who acted all innocent in front of Lily.
“Hey Lily” Joshua Anderson called out. Anger flashed through me immediately.
He was a complete idiot and I’m sure all he wanted from Lily was a good snog. He had to stay away from Lily. “Potter”
“Anderson” I replied coldly.
“Hey Josh, how is it going?” Lily asked. All I could do was glare at him. I didn’t take my eyes from him at all. He smirked at the sight of my discomfort.
“Umm, James I am going to go for a sec.” she said looking up at me with a confused expression on. I nodded and smiled.
The moment she was out of my sight I grabbed Anderson by his collar and dragged him away from the rest. I pushed him against the wall.
“Stay away from her Anderson” I sneered.
“Or what Potter” he spat my name like venom.
“Or you will be facing the worst from me and my friends. She is not a toy to play with, she is a human that I love and will not stand if someone plans on hurting her!” I growled under my breath. Everyone knew how I felt about Lily. The ones that faced her obviously were the trouble makers.
“Really because it seems that you’re the only one that could possibly hurt her.” I now loosened my grasp.
“Don’t you realize that you’re not good enough for her? Yes I agree she is special but too special for you.” My eyes faced the ground, far away from his face.
“Do you honestly think she’ll ever be happy with you? Wait did you plan on marring her because if you did I feel totally sorry for her. Living a life with a pathetic, immature and arrogant husband, I’m sure that is the life she looks forward to. And I am aware you plan to be an Auror, won’t that put her in danger as well, since she is a muggle-born.” I shouldn’t have listened to him; his words were getting to me. It was all sounding so true.
“You don’t get it do you, you will ruin her life and make it miserable. If you love her do what’s best for her.” He was right I won’t be good enough for her. She was better than me and she would be in danger if she was with me and I am after all arrogant, immature and pathetic, I would protect her but she will never ever be happy with me.
I felt my eyes burn in agony. Was I about to cry? James Potter never cries. My eyes watered up, I was going to have to move on and forget Lily. That wasn’t an option it was a choice I had to choose.
I grabbed hold of his collar once again and pushed him against the wall.
“You’re right. I do love her and I will do what’s best for her and If I staying away from her life Is what’s best for her then I’ll do it but I may be pathetic, immature or arrogant but i surely am smart enough to know that you out of her life will make it a hundred times better than it already is. So if I ever see you getting close to her I will tear you apart in no time. Do not under estimate me. If you want me to show you what I’m capable of doing then I will. Watch out Anderson!” and with that I left the room, slamming the door closed.
Tears spilt down my cheek the moment I stepped out. I was forever leaving Lily to herself. No more I and Lily dreams. No more us together at Hogsmead in the three broomsticks. It was over. I was going to move on!
I just started a friendship with her and know it was over. What am I going to say to the others? How am I supposed to face her?
I ran all the way to the Gryffindor common room. I went straight to the boys dorms and shut the door behind me. I can’t go back to the Head Common.
“James what the bloody hell happened to you!” Sirius demanded. I didn’t answer, I was too miserable.
I leaned against the door and fell to the floor. “That’s it mate tell me who the fucking did this to you?” Sirius growled. Remus got up and came over.
“Prongs come on tell us what’s wrong. You’ve never acted like this before.”
I never thought this would happen. I didn’t think I would react this way. I must really love her.
I looked up at them and explained. “This is it mate, I am forever forgetting Lily Evans and forever moving on!” I couldn’t see their expressions and I didn’t want to either. It was dead silent. I could hear the clock ticking.
I slowly took a glance and regretted it. Sirius and Remus were shocked. I know they wouldn’t have ever expected this.
“Prongs, what did she do?” Sirius choked out.
“She didn’t do anything, Lily and I was finally talking like normal friends but then it came across to me that Lily having me in her life would be the most ridicules thing ever happing.”
“What the hell are you saying Prongs because it isn’t funny or making sense!” Sirius yelled soothingly. (A_N- Odd but true) “Who told you that?”
“I am forgetting that I had ever fallen in love with Lily Evans” I said directly and watched their mouth fall open. “Because I am a worthless sole that is still immature and Lily is way too good for me and deserves someone better than me.” I confessed. Those words made my body ache, everywhere.
“James you can’t, you love her mate and you were all happy a minute ago.” Remus spoke up.
“No Moony, I don’t love her and I am fine.” I closed my eyes hiding the truth which they probably knew.
“James what has happened to you. Who told you this? You‘re the only guy that would make Lily happy and Lily would be lucky to hav…” Sirius started but it was too painful to hear.
“No! I am not good for her. Listen up.” I told them everything Anderson said, I knew I couldn’t keep it away from them. They would be suspicious if they saw me threatening him in the future.
I started from when Lily and I were passing notes.
“ARE YOU CRAZY?” Sirius bellowed angrily. “YOU BELIEVE THAT IDIOT. MATE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. I AM GOING TO KILL HIM FOR EVEN SAYING SOMETHING LIKE THAT! I KNEW YOU WOULDN’T HAVE COME UP WITH THIS ON YOUR OWN! HE IS A SLYTHERIN!”
“No you won’t. He told the truth ok now let’s go outside!” I tried to change my tone and the topic but they weren’t letting me.
“NO! WE ARE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS!” He continued.
“Fine then I don’t need you then.” I got up but Remus got up and started too.
“Ok Prongs I don’t know what made you agree to Anderson but all I want to say is that this is a huge mistake you are making and if you do stick to your plan I just want to say that you should stay friends with Lily, you can’t drive her out of your life without explaining everything to her and I’m sorry mate. We’re here for you if we’re needed. I’m guessing you’re going to sleep in your spare bed up here tonight. Come on let’s go to head duties.”
Remus stared at me with worry and care. I knew Sirius would get angry but I couldn’t face Lily without breaking into tears and I definitely won’t hold back a punch in for Anderson.
“Thanks guys but I really need to get away for a while to get some fresh air.” I walked out of the common room and out of the castle doors.
I couldn’t believe a word James had said.
I watched James walk out of the room. How could he believe that guy? He was a slytherin liar.
James would be heartbroken for weeks. I knew him too well and I was worried for him. “Remus” I croaked. “Please tell me that did not happen” I couldn’t stand anyone of us being hurt.
“I’m sorry Sirius but we have to be strong for James and put some sense into him. He needs time to think, I’m sure he is shocked as much as you are. I need to go to head duties ok.”
I have never seen James in that condition ever in my life. It felt so unreal and fake. Did Lily know something?
Nothing was making sense. No one knew what was going through James’s mind right now.
I looked around the room and took a seat near the back. I could feel Lily’s gaze on me. I just looked past her and listened. She obviously knew nothing!
Authors note: Sorry I had to end it here to make it suspenseful! I already started Chapter 5 so don’t worry. I know this chapter is short but the next on is really long. Please Review this chapter and tell me what you think.
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