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If I Claim To Be a Wise Man by Phoenix_Flames
Chapter 1 : Carry On
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 8

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I don't own the characters or the lyrics.

Authorís Note:
This is a very different perspective from all the ones I have ever written. Please let me know if I did all right with it.
I know there are many ways to interpret this song, but this is one of my many takes of it.

Based on the song
Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas

For my challenge at HPFF and TGS because I was inspired: The Supernatural Challenge.
For Cleopatra's Hooked Sentence Challenge:

A hook sentence is when the opening sentence of a piece is also the closing sentence of a piece.


"Carry on my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done. Lay your weary head to rest;
don't you cry no more."

You were born when everything else in the world went dark; you were born in the prime of this war, but when everyone else declared a newborn child to be the next hardest thing to manage at such a time, you were mine and your mother's ray of light through it all. I can't tell you how much convincing your mother had to do before I even agreed to start a relationship with her. Or how much more convincing she had to do in order to make me believe you would be safe with a father like me.

But when you came, none of it mattered any more. The world was dark; we all needed a light to enter our lives. In my life, that light was you. The world was falling apart. Harry was off doing what needed to be done while the Order and what Aurors decided to risk their jobs with the overtaken Ministry prepared in the ways they could. But nothing could have prepared us for this. There are dark people in the world, Teddy. Even when there seems to be little motivation in being so dark. Voldemort aspired to be the darkest wizard possible with no reason for doing so other than the fact that he could.

This is why I will fight in this approaching battle. We don't know when it will be, but this war will end soon. That much is sure. It has been crumbling for months, and we cannot allow it to continue any longer. We have spent years preparing for this anticipated moment. Years ago before you were born, before I married your mother, it was just a thought in the back of our minds that it could turn into something as huge as this. Now we know it must, and just as I have always done, I will be there for James' child, for Harry, for your god-father. I will fight in this war to make the world a better place, a better place for you to grow up in where you shouldn't have to face such darkness. I will fight for you, my Teddy.

Your mother despises the fact that we will both take part in this fight, but it is both of our wishes to do so. She wishes one of us would pull out for someone to be here for you if something were to go wrong, but we both know neither of us will pull out. You are only a child, but you will know one day that your mother and father are not quitters. We persevere and stand up for what we believe in, something I hope you may one day do the same. When the topic arises, it is generally one-sided, and I teasingly call your mother a hypocrite for it, for she is just as ready to fight as I am. And just as stubborn in the fact that she won't back out of a fight.

But we are also not walking into this fight with the intention of dying, but Teddy, it is always a possibility. Death can take us or the ones we love at any moment without warning. There is no time to say your final goodbyes or make sure everything is the way it must be before death takes you; death comes, takes you, and leaves those you love on earth without you.

I believe this is why I have found myself standing in your nursery shortly after you have been put down for bed. My mind has been in deep thought over the past hour as I have sat in the rocking chair in the corner of your nursery while you sleep silently. Honestly, Teddy, you have been such a wonderful boy these past few months. You rarely wake with tears and screams in the middle of the night. You are strong, my son.

I will not ignore the fact that I want to hold you in this very moment, but I do know better than to wake you while you sleep. That is when it gets ugly.

I will not deny the fact that your father was a bright student in his age, that I placed well in my class, scored high O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s , that I was a professor for a short time, and was often called quite smart. But knowledge can only take you so far, and knowledge has so many grey areas. This fight is one of those grey areas, Teddy. I will admit that I do not know what I am doing, that I cannot predict the outcome of this war, and that I don't know how to go about any of this.

If people call me a wise man, I really don't know.

There are situations when you may know the answer to any question you are asked, but then there are situations like these when you have to go out on a limb and hope your every sudden move will put you on the right path. Knowledge may get you the grades you want, the job you want, and the girl you want if you think clever enough, but knowledge cannot cheat death in times like this. Never let your knowledge turn into arrogance, Teddy.

I would be an idiot to know that I don't face the possibility of dying sometime in the near future. I do not plan on it, but you have to know that you could face the rest of your life without me, and that is why you must know why I do this.

Even when you have so much to lose, sometimes you must fight. In my case, I am fighting because I do have so much to lose. I have your mother, I have your god-father, and I have you. I want to give you the world, Teddy, and not the corrupted one it has become. I want to give you the world the way it was before there was a name such as Voldemort because it is what you deserve and I love you.

Sometimes - when you have more and so much to protect - you have a greater reason to fight. Because it all means so much more whether the right side wins or loses. I won't let you live in such times as these, so I will do everything in my power to bring it to an end.

My arms tighten around you as one of your small fingers reach to rub your nose in your sleep. I raise my hand, and your fingers latch onto my index finger and muster what squeeze you can. You may find a time when you cannot believe you were once so little, but you are tiny, my son. I can hold you with one arm, and it is hard to imagine such a wonderful joy can be bundled up into something so small.

Right now your eyes are brown and what tufts of hair you have are a dirty blonde. Like me. Maybe one day you will be more like your mother. Maybe you will have the ability to change the length and shape of your nose at your will, change your hair color day by day to whatever color you believe suits your mood for the day. Only time will tell. But for now your eyes are the beautiful shade of milk chocolate, your hair of a sparkling copper.

You make a small, weak noise before I pull my finger away and kiss your head. I place you back in your crib on top of the quilt your grandmother sewed together for you just days before your birth. The sea shells your mother and I picked from the ocean on our brief honeymoon hang as chimes above your crib, making a delicate sound that always seems to send you straight to sleep. There is an enchanted nightlight in the shape of a golden snitch on your changing station, and a picture of your mother and I holding you just hours after you were born.

I look at the picture in a reminiscent fashion and hope that it will always be here until the day when you can look at it and understand the importance of the day of your birth to us. Then I leave your room, leaving your door partly opening, knowing that a small radio is enchanted to be your baby monitor in our bedroom. Your mother is asleep; you are still new to this world, and still she returned to her normal routine shortly after you were born. I tell her to take what sleep she can. One day when you are older, married, and have children of your own you will realize what pregnancy does to women. It makes them tired, grumpy, moody, and sensitive. But knowing they carry your child, you love them even more. No matter what crazy situations they throw at you. Your mother was a thrill while she was pregnant with you. Even if I had to fetch pumpkin juice for her in the middle of the night, I enjoyed every minute of it.

I head for our bedroom when something catches my attention. It is the radio in our office that is connected to Dumbledore's Army inside Hogwarts. I enter to see what is going on at Hogwarts. It is not Neville speaking excitedly into it, but another student. He is beaming, I know, using our code. "We have a new weather report. Lightning has struck! I repeat, lightning has struck!"

It is really so?

I sit down quickly and grab the mouthpiece, speaking into it. "Lightning, you say? Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir! Lightning has struck. It strikes to search the castle for something to cease the storm. I repeat, lightning is ceasing the storm tonight! Bring the rain; bring the rain immediately."

The students have been good this year with using our code language, knowing others could easily be listening. With the right person, it can easily be deciphered, but to others, it would just sound like a bunch of nonsense. But not to me. I know what this is, and I know the importance of this message.

Lightning has struck - Harry has entered the castle.

Cease the storm - the attempt of ending Voldemort once and for all.

Bring the rain - bring the Order, the Aurors, and everyone you can manage.

"Right away. Keep Aberforth at bay for the rain."

"Yes, sir. See you on the other side," he says in a hopeful voice.

I smile for what reason I don't know. I've just found out that the most important night in history is about to take place. These next coming hours could shape history. "The grass is always greener," I say, for it seems to fit our analogies and it is something positive for the DA to keep in mind.

I jump up and leave the office, entering our bedroom and gently shake Dora until she awakens. Her purple hair is shielding her eyes, and once she comes to her senses, she brushes it out of her pink eyes and asks with a weak query. "What is it, Remus?"

"Harry has entered Hogwarts. It's now. It's tonight, Dora."

"Tonight?" she asks again, jumping out of bed. She moves about the room as she smooths down her hair; she changes out of her sleeping clothes and into comfortable day clothes. She seems surprised, but we both knew the fight would not come at a moment of our convenience. Something like that would never come at a moment of convenience.

"Yes, Dora," I answer her and am quick to move forward with the night.

"What about Teddy?"

"W-We'll take him to your motherís. They will look after him. As long as he needs looking after. Are you sure you want to fight? We both know what could happen," I ask her. I will not try to pressure her into making any kind of decision. What she chooses to do is up to her. Even if I wished to persuade her, she would never listen. She is hard headed, and if I had had my way with trying to convince her with what was smart, then you wouldn't be here now. When your mother wants something, she pushes until she gets it.

She wanted me, and you may not understand the dangers of why I resisted for so long while you are young, but when you grow up, some day you will understand why I resisted due to my condition. I thought it was the smart thing. Maybe it was; maybe it wasn't.

But then again...If I claim to be a wise man, I might not know.

"Yes, Remus. We've gone over this. Whatever happens happens. But no matter what happens, Teddy will always have people who love him in his life. You take him to my parents, and I'll round up the others."

"All right," I answer and prepare to leave the room, but before I do so, I grab your mother into my arms and hold her tight. I kiss her forehead, and I know she isn't into the sappy stuff, but she can deal with it just this once. "You know, I'm glad you broke through my thick head."

She chuckles, a sound that is so pleasant to the ear. I hope you may grow up to the sound of your motherís laugh. "I am too, Remus."

Then I kiss her and we part our ways to set the night in motion. I take you from your crib, and you hardly wake. I leave you with your grandmother. In the past, it hasn't been hard to leave you for the time being. I know I will always come back, but now having to hand you over is one of the hardest things I have done.

You can't know what the future holds in store. You just have to hope for the best. Sometimes this fact is frightening. Especially now when the future of the world will be determined over the events of a few simple hours. But other times, you just have to look at it as an adventure in itself. Maybe you will like adventures. Perhaps you will creature your own adventures hunting for trolls and garden gnomes in the backyard; perhaps you will create your own adventures riding your toy broom before your mother and I ever let you touch the real thing.

Perhaps one day you will understand that your mother and father had to go on a big adventure when you were a baby. That's the way you have to look at this, and when you do, it becomes less frightening. Your mother and I are going on a big adventure; maybe you will find us and Uncle Harry to be the heroes in this adventure. You will know the ending to this adventure someday, but for now, it remains to be unwritten.

There are many different types of light within the world. There is light that gives you your sight, light that brightens the sky by either the moon or sun. There is good light and bad light, and there are lights that contain magic.

In particular, a green light.

Do not fear it, Teddy. That green light.

It did not hurt; it was as simple as falling asleep, and now I know one ending factor to our great adventure. I will not be there to see it through. I will not be there when this is all over, and I will not be there to hold you again. And neither will your mother. I'm sorry, Teddy. You are young now, but one day you will understand. You are with people who love you, and even though we are not with you physically, your mother and I will always be with you in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul.

It is peaceful here, filled with the ones you love. My old friends are here, and your mother is here.

Do not fear death, Teddy. It ended one story, but death is just the beginning of yet another adventure.

I am pulled out of a new world with Dora to find myself iridescently standing in the Forbidden Forest. Harry stands before me, as does James, Lily, and Sirius. I know why I am where I am, and why James, Lily, and Sirius have arrived as well, but I am puzzled as to how we have managed it, but my query is answered.

Harry's hand is outstretched with something small and dark in it. Only then can I assume that your god-father has come across the mythological item: the Resurrection Stone.

We are here to help your god-father through a difficult time, for he has come to realize something even I had wondered about as the battle grew closer. That your god-father and Voldemort were connected in a way by more than just a tragic night in Godric's Hollow on Halloween of 1981.

His mother and father speak to him, and in Harry's eyes I can clearly see the pain he has felt from the deprivation of his parents, but there is another light in them, a light of hope and happiness that he has this time before them in this moment. He then turns to me and speaks of you and his apologies. They are not needed, for I have only one thing to say. That there was no second guessing my decision, that you will one day understand why your mother and I acted the way you did, that we wanted you to live a happier life where there was nothing as dark as Voldemort.

Then Harry moves on to do what he must do, and the Resurrection Stone falls from his grasp and into the moist ground of the Forbidden Forest. Just as soon as we came, we are gone and returning to this new world where we belong now.

Your mother and I love you, Teddy. There will be times when you wish we were there for you. We will always be with you in spirit. You may miss the parents you never knew, but carry on, my son.

Create an adventure of your own every day; tell the tale of the adventure your mother and father took. Love with all your heart, and live in every moment to the full capacity that you can because you never know when it may be taken away from you. Do not fear that moment, though. It will come for us all sooner or later, and when it does, be sure you have lived in such a way that you wished to be remembered as such.

Death is just another adventure, one your mother and I have begun together. You will learn the tale of the Deathly Hallows one day, and you will know that such items exist. You now know where the Resurrection Stone lies, but I must ask you, Teddy, to not go searching for it. Some items are meant to be forgotten, and your mother and I belong here now.

Carry on strongly, my son. Proudly.

When you miss us, ask your grandmother to tell you our adventures. When you miss us, just whisper our name and know that we will never leave you completely. When you miss us, just remember this:

You were born when everything else in the world went dark; you were born in the prime of this war, but when everyone else declared a newborn child to be the next hardest thing to manage at such a time, you were mine and your mother's ray of light through it all.

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