"Kiss me, Draco." Pansy said, fluttering her eyelashes like she was being seductive or something. I played along.
"Of course." I took a step forwards, closing the gap between us, and took her head in my hands.
With Pansy, it was never like those kisses that start out slow, and, even more slowly, build up and up until it's real intense.
No, with Pansy, it was all about intensity from the second our lips met. Her chest was pressed up against mine, her hands knotted in my hair just a little too tightly. To be honest, I wasn't turned on at all. It was nothing special, kissing Pansy. I had my hands wrapped around her back, pretending like I was in to it. I wasn't sure how much more of the pretending I could take.
"Mmm, Draco." She moaned. Out of the corner of my eye, I said Crabbe walking past our compartment a little too slowly, smiling like I'd let him in on some important secret.
Then after him -
Hermione Granger.
I just about choked on Pansy's tongue, which was halfway down my throat at this point. Hermione was watching us, with an absolutely disgusted look plastered all over her goody-two-shoes features. Why did it bug me so much that she'd seen us? It wasn't like I had a salvagable reputation. Suddenly, I just wanted to be as far away from Pansy as possible. She was so fake, and just so, not worth it.
I waited until Hermione was a safe distance away, then, "Pansy - I, I have to go to the bathroom. Sorry."
She tilted her head to the side. "I'll still be here when you get back."
I couldn't get out of the compartment quick enough. The hallways of the Hogwarts Express flashed past me, leading me to the compartment where Goyle and Blaise were sitting.
"Why you so red, Malfoy? What were you and Pansy doing in there?"
"Just shut up! She's not my fucking girlfriend! I don't even - I don't even like her!"
If Blaise was surprised at my outburst, he didn't show it. It was kind of sad how used to my outbursts my friends were. I didn't know who I was right know, I just knew that it wasn't who I wanted to be.
The guys started talking quietly, pretending I wasn't even there. Neither of them offered me a chocolate frog, sharing the entire dozen between the two of them. It just wasn't fair.
I turned away and watched the Scottish countryside, trying to count the sheep tucked in between the rolling hills. There were no muggle villages anymore, just us and the mountains.
How did I feel about Pansy? I wasn't sure. She was pretty and all, I guessed. She was a good kisser, but she just couldn't turn me on.
Maybe that was because I already had eyes for someone else, someone who hated me. Someone who could never, ever love me back.
Printer Friendly Version
