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Undecided by logjess
Chapter 8 : Chapter 8
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3

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"Alice, c'mon, I don't know what to do here."

I never thought I'd say that in my whole entire life. I'm Lily Evans, for goodness sake! I'm the girl that didn't want to be an outcast at Hogwarts, so I threw my self into my studies at every possible opportunity. I knew everything. I guess I lost my grip on how to handle relationships?

"Well I don't either!" She countered. "This is your problem. I'm not going to tell you to choose James or Remus. They're my friends, too."

"Well, let's just leave them completely. Yeah? "

"Oh, yeah. That sounds like the best thing to do. Let's just ditch our friends when things get hard. I'm in."

"Hey, don't act like you're a perfect person! When was the last time you spoke to Frank?" I asked with a huge smirk on my face.

She blushed and looked away. "I think it was last week." She whispered.

"Oh, Alice! Why don't you just go out with him already? You know you want to. You're honestly perfect for each other. Oh, and as an added bonus, he worships the ground you walk on. He's always looking at you; your face, your eyes, never the awkward places." I said, winking.

"I know, and he's just so perfect, too! I just... I don't want to ruin our friendship, y'know? I don't want things to get awkward."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that. I think you two will be together forever if you do choose to further your relationship."

"I guess.." She slowly said.

"Hi, there!" Frank said, cheerily as he walked towards us. 

"Hey, Frank! Long time, no see." I said casually.

"I know, eh? I can never seem to find you two." He paused, looking over at Alice quickly. "Lily, I hope you don't mind, but I'd really like to talk to Alice privately. Can I steal her from you?"

"Of course!" I said. Obviously I minded, I was going through a crisis, but so was Alice. I think I could give her a bit of a break. 

I stood up and brushed the grass from my pants, walking towards the castle and leaving Alice and Frank to discuss their life. I knew they would get together one day, it would just happen. It was seriously destiny-I couldn't mess with it and neither could anyone else.


Where is Lily? I swear it's been a week since I've seen her. I think she's hiding from me and I  know something happened between her and James. It didn't matter, though. I could push pass this if she just told me she loved me; we could get pass this.

Speak of the devil, I saw her walking across the grass to the castle.

"Lily!" I shouted, waving like a mad man. "Oi! Lily!"

She turned and smiled, then waved. I ran towards her, not hesitating in the least.

Once I caught up to her, I asked, "Where have you been all week?"

She looked away, not making eye contact. "Oh, you know. I've just been really busy with school work. Lots of papers and exams..."

"Exams aren't for another 8 months?"

"Oh, well, I'm just, y'know, getting prepared." She said sheepishly.

"Right, well I guess that's smart." She was lying, it was evident.

I stopped her, grabbing both hands in mine. "Lily, do you still want to go out with me?" 

She paused, staring at my eyes for what seemed like days. Eventually, she said, "Yes."

I sighed. "Right, then Lily Evans, do you love me, because I love you."

"Oh, Remus. I think I love you, too"

I slowly pulled her into my arms and kissed her.


“C’mon, Padfoot! This is serious!” I moaned as I threw a book towards his back.

“James, go to bloody bed!” He yelled.

“I can’t. Where is that bloke? It’s eleven-that’s past curfew.”

“It’s only eleven!” Sirius exclaimed. “Why the hell are we in bed already?”

“Right. It ridiculous. Let’s get Moony and cause some trouble for Filch, yeah?” I said, relieved. He was finally falling into the trap.

“Oi, wait. Didn’t Remus say he was going out with Lily?”

Damn it. “Oh? Did he? I think that’s tomorrow…”

“Whatever. I don’t even care at this point. I just need to get out because being in bed by this hour makes me feel like an old dog, no pun intended.”

“Should we wake up Wormtail?” I asked, pausing.

“Well, we do need all of the marauders.”

We walked over to his bunk and yanked his sheets off, but under them was nothing.

“Bloody hell! What’s going on here? You and I, Sirius Black and James Potter, are the only two marauders in bed? What happened to the world?”

“This can’t be happenin’. We need to find them.” Sirius sighed.

We marched down to the common room, prepared to do whatever it took to find them.

“Blargh!” Sirius yelped, in front of me.

“Sirius, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Remus calmly replied.

“There you are, mate!” I said happily. “Feel like pranking Snivellus or the whole Gryffindor tower?”

“How do we plan on doing that without a plan?” Sirius asked, confused.

“Dunno… We’ll figure it out.”

“Wait t’a minute.” Sirius turned to Remus. “Why were you and miss Lily flower out so long?”

“Erm-“ Remus glanced over at me, then back to Sirius. “We were just talking.”

“Talking, my arse!” He said. “Were you doing the dirty?”

Pausing slightly, he replied. “Of course not!” Remus’ neck started to slowly turn red and he looked away from us. “Right,” he continued. “What’s the plan?”

It felt like my heart had stopped. I literally couldn’t breathe. I wanted to run; to leave; to be anywhere but here. I grabbed hold of  Padfoot’s shoulder to steady myself and he glanced back at me, knowing exactly what was going through my mind.

“Sorry, on second thought, I’m a bit tired, yeah?” I said, wanting to escape.

“Yeah, well, Moony, want to help me find Wormtail?” Sirius asked.

Man, I was grateful for that man.

“Uh, sure. See you later, okay, James?” Remus said, staring at me, trying to see if all was well.


I turned and ran up the stairs, two at a time. I knew this would happen at some point. Their relationship had been progressing in front of us and it was obvious. I just thought that after these past couple of weeks, with everything that had happened between Lily and I, we could potentially change our relationship.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned. “Alright there, mate?” Sirius asked.

“I just-I just don’t know what to do. I mean, I know her and Moony have been together for a while now, but I just thought that- I thought that, y’know…”

“I know.  I did, too. Things happen in our life and we just need to move on.”

“Sirius, it’s Lily, though.”



I woke up with a smile on my face. I hadn’t been surer of anything in my life. James was out of my head and Remus was in forever. Last night, everything was made crystal clear.

“Lily? You’re up without me waking you up and you’re smiling. What happened?” Alice whispered in my ear as she walked past me, winking.

To be honest, I was in a daze. I just felt so lightheaded and happy.

I was dressed and ready well before classes, so Alice dragged me into a broom cupboard and I told her everything.

“Oh my god, Lily! I knew you would choose Remus! What about James, though? There was something there, wasn’t there?” She asked.

“I honestly don’t know. What I do know, is that one night with Remus was enough to make me forget about him completely so that can’t mean there were strong emotions with James, can it?”

“I don’t know, Lily. It’s hard to say. You don’t think you rushed into this so you would forget about James? So you could take the easy way out, but in the process, made it the harder way?”

“What? NO! I would never do that.” I said, biting my lip.

“All right then. Should we go down to the great hall?” She asked.

“WAIT! What happened with you and Frank?” I said as I followed her down to the common room.

"Oh, well. We decided to try and go out." She squeeled.

"Oh my god!" I shouted, a bit too loudly. "That's so perfect! I'm so happy for you, Alice!!"

"Lily, shhh! It isn't official." She nudged me.

"Well, still! I'm just glad that you two finally broke down and admitted your feelings!"

Right as I walked into the common room, I saw Remus waiting by the girls’ staircase, pacing. When he saw me, he stopped and smiled.

“Hi there.” He said, bending down to kiss me lightly.

When he pulled away, I hugged him and whispered, “I missed you” into his ear.

Oh my god. Damn, had I really become one of those girls? To hell with it all, I just lost my virginity, I’m allowed to be an oversensitive drama queen.

“As much as I missed you?” He asked. “Doubtful.”

He twined his fingers in mine and we turned to Alice.

“Sorry, Alice. That was a little overbearing.” Remus said.

“No worries, it was completely understandable. Just don’t slip up again.” She said, winking.

“I’ll try my best.”

As I smiled up at Remus, we began to walk towards the great hall. When we entered it, I looked over at our usually spot and saw James and Siriur talking. I didn’t feel a thing, nothing at all, that is, until we sat down and I saw his pale, white face.

“Oh my god!” I said, shocked, and released Remus’ hand, grabbing hold of James’ face in the process. “What happened to you?”

He slowly looked up at me, almost as if he was broken. Clearing his throat, he quietly responded. “I, erm, couldn’t sleep too well last night. I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

He gently, but harshly, moved his face out of my hands and looked over to Sirius, continuing their conversation.

He knew. My feeling instantly went from happy and lightheaded to feeling dirty and like a whore.

I had, yet again, put myself into a situation where I had no idea what to do.

HEY GUYS!! This is my first chapter in nearly a YEAR!!! Okay, and I know there are some things now left to the imagination above, but I think you all know what happened. I'm not going to lie, I made things awkward ;] Anyways, please comment!!! :D

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