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Larry Rotter and the Philosopher's Cologne by Sillymoo
Chapter 7 : Chapter 7 - In the Big Pig
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 2

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Chapter 7.



Larry awoke the next morning to the sound of a cockerel making cockerel-esque noises. He opened his eyes and saw a blurry figure above him. He put on his monocle and as the figure cleared up he jumped in fright.


“What the hell? Were you watching me sleep?” He exclaimed to Doreen who was standing over his bed her face 5 centimetres from his.


“Oh good you’re awake,” she said wandering over to the kitchen section of her almost-apartment.


“You were watching me sleep! Not cool, dude.” He slowly got up out of bed and followed Doreen. “So where’s the cockerel? That was a cockerel that woke me up right?”


“Cockerel? Oh no dear that was me. I wasn’t sure how you usually get woken up you see, so I thought I would imitate the commonly used cockerel.”


“I think the commonly used alarm clock works just as well…” Larry muttered under his breath. “Hmm, can I smell bacon?”


“Yes, I was in the Baconlure house at Hogwarts, so bacon is the only thing I can cook. Take a seat,” she gestured towards the table and chairs that weren’t there yesterday. “Breakfast is almost ready”


In almost no time at all, the bacon was magically floating in the air, towards the table.


“We have: roast bacon, fried bacon, grilled bacon, boiled bacon, bacon and cheese, bacon on a cocktail-stick, grated bacon and my personal favourite – bacon arranged to form a smiley face – isn’t it cute?”


Larry was a bit overwhelmed by all this bacon suddenly thrust upon him, but he tucked in none-the-less.


“Can I get you a drink, Larry? I have bacon juice or bacon smoothie if you’re interested?”


“If I could just have some water that would be great,” Larry replied. He was in no hurry to drink a bacon smoothie!


“Sure.” Doreen magically summoned a glass and went over to the tap. She filled the glass and brought it back over to Larry. He took a large gulp of the water but then spat it out immediately, spraying himself and Doreen with the liquid.


“Why does the water taste like bacon?!!!”


“Well, I have no plumbing skills, so when there’s a leak in the pipe I have to patch it up with bacon. Unfortunately, the pipe is quite old now, and often springs leaks, so the pipe is more bacon then pipe now. After a while you get used to it. I actually quite enjoy a glass of bacon water.”


“Uh okay, I think I’ll pass.” He was ridiculously thirsty, but no way would he drink any liquid form of bacon! “What time will people start getting here?”


“The driver usually gets here at 9am, and then the children start arriving at half past. The train leaves at 1 minute past 10,” she took a tiny clock out of her pocket and looked at it. “We should start hiding everything now.” As she said that last sentence, she opened the wardrobe door with her wand. She gathered everything up and shoved it all in haphazardly. She then shrunk down the wardrobe and put it into her pocket.


“Right. Come on Larry, back into the main station. Larry?” She looked around the room, and found herself quite alone. “Oh no, not again!”


“Help! Doreen! Help!” Came a tiny, muffled voice from within her pocket.


She took out the wardrobe and opened the door, causing a thumb-sized Larry to come tumbling out. “Sorry about that, Larry. I suppose I just got carried away with the packing there,” Doreen said.


Larry stood in the palm of her hand, arms crossed, eyebrows knitted together. “Well, come on then!” Larry spoke in a ridiculously high pitched voice, which had Doreen in fits of giggles. “This isn’t funny! Stop laughing! Make me bigger again!!!” Larry narrowed his eyes and began beating Doreen’s hand with his miniscule fists.


“Ooh! Stop! It tickles!” Doreen said between chuckles.


“Doreen! Make me big again, or… or else!” but unfortunately for Larry, an eleven year old boy the size of a teaspoon and with the voice of … something with a very high voice was hardly threatening.

“Please Doreen! I can’t go to school like this!”


“Okay, okay,” she pointed her wand at Larry, muttered the counter spell under her breath and he returned to normal height. “Come on, let’s go wait outside.”


After ten minutes of waiting, the driver went through the wall into the big room. At least, Larry assumed he was the driver as he was wearing a hat that said ‘driver’ on it. Thirty minutes after that, families started to go in, laden with trunks and bags of all shapes and sizes. Doreen spotted her 11 year old nephew and the rest of her family after a while and left Larry on his own. He soon got bored and wandered back through the wall after a family of what he thought to be ferrets.


The room had changed a lot since he was there less than an hour ago. The sky light was open and a large ramp was leading up to it. The pig was out of it’s crate and was standing at the bottom of the ramp. The room was filled with families, and not just human families! As well as the ferret/stoat type things, there was a family of five walruses, and even fish in individual bowls on wheels! It seemed Pigburps did not discriminate against species…


Larry went up to the pig and squeezed through the narrow door. The pig was much bigger on the inside than the outside, and looked just like a train. He went into one of the empty compartments and took a seat. After a while he was joined by the smaller ferret from the family he saw earlier.


“Do you mind? Everywhere else is full,” he said. Larry shook his head and got up to help him with his trunk. He took the seat opposite Larry. I’m Wrong. Wrong Weasel,” He stuck out his hand to shake and Larry took it.


“Ah, you’re a weasel! I was thinking ferret…Anyway, I’m Larry Rotter.”


Wrong’s eyes widened with shock. He stood up, gaping at Larry, then sat back down again. He stood up once more, walked around in a circle then sat back down again.


“No,” he said disbelievingly.


“Yes, it is me. I know some people act this way when meeting a celebrity, but just remember I am the same as you. Except better looking. And less hairy. And human.”


Wrong still gaped, so Larry removed his monocle and unscrunched his face so his forehead was smooth. He pulled his hair back to reveal the peculiar fish-shaped scar.


“Oh Merlin!”


Larry grinned and leaned back in his seat. After re-attaching his monocle he was able to see a boy standing the compartment doorway. It was the blonde haired, pointed faced, fat boy with the lazy eye that Larry spoke to briefly Dragon Alley.


“Larry Rotter, we meet again,” he drawled, staring at the space next to Larry.


“Well, well, well, if it isn’t ... wait, I never learnt your name,” Larry replied.


“The name’s Mouthboy. Cakeo Mouthboy.”


Larry and Wrong both sniggered at this


“Something funny?” He looked at Larry with his good eye, then at Wrong. “What you laughing at weas... ooh handsome weasel!” he winked at Wrong (although it may have just been a twitch) then ran over and jumped up onto his lap.


“So what’s your name, honey-bunch?” Cakeo whispered in his ear.


“Uhh, I’m Wrong... please can you get off me?”


“Ooh, playing hard to get are we? Okay,” he got up and as he walked out of the carriage he made a phone sign with his hand and mouthed “Call me”.


The door swung shut behind Mouthboy, and Wrong shuddered.


“If I have to share a dormitory with him, I will kill myself!”


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