Chapter 1 : 4am
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A/N: I'm backkkk, after a very very long break from writing. The song lyrics below are from the song 4am Forever by Lost Prophets and were the inspiration for this story. And as always, none of these lovely characters belong to me, all belong to J.K Rowling (sadly), only thing that is mine is the idea:)
I pried my sleep filled eyes open, and groaned lightly as I rolled onto my side. My head was fuzzy with sleep and my neck felt stiff as I turned my head to glance at the alarm clock. The clocks digital face revealed that is was only four in the morning. Way to early for even me to be awake. I began to close my eyes again, hoping to return to sleep, when a feeling of unease swept through me. I shook my head, and listened carefully for a moment, prepared to reach for my wand if I heard anything suspicious, but there was nothing. No noises, not even that of the wind, filled my ears. Annoyed at my silly antics I prepared to go back to sleep until I realized what I was hearing. Silence, complete and utter silence. No sounds of Ron's snoring, not even noises of his breathing.
Once I realized this I became aware of how chilled I was, usually Ron's body heat kept me warm at night. A feeling of dread washed over me and I quickly propped myself up and glanced at his side of the bed. Where a Ron shaped lump should have been snoring away beside me there was nothing. The bed was made, his favourite pillow propped against the headboard, the blankets without the slightest sign of a crease. I quickly jumped out of bed and snatched my wand from the dresser, where I had always kept it since the war ended, and quietly went to our bedroom door. I listened for the sound of Ron rummaging through the fridge or cabinets for a late night snack, or the water running in the bathroom, but again there was nothing.
"Ron?" I said quietly, when no response came I repeated myself only louder this time.
When only silence continued to fill my ears I began to worry, my stomach twisted painfully as I padded quietly into the hallway. Moving carefully with my wand at the ready I made my way through the living room, and into the kitchen, peeking my head into the bathroom on the way.
There was no sign of Ron, no sign of an intruder, no sign of a struggle. Everything was in its place, and yet I had a feeling that something was out of place, something not right with the way everything was placed. My breaths were coming out quickly, as the knot in my stomach seemed to tighten when there was no sign of Ron in the kitchen. Whenever I usually woke up without Ron beside me I found him in the kitchen eating whatever he managed to find in the fridge. When I appeared in the doorway he would look at me sheepishly and offer me a bite of whatever he was having. I would always laugh, maybe even try a bite of his snack if it looked appetizing enough, before heading back up to bed. Tonight was not an ordinary night, never before had I felt this feeling of complete dread in my stomach, never had I only been able to hear my own breaths throughout the house.
The kitchen looked cold and empty, the only light coming from behind the sheer curtains, as the full moon shone brightly outside. I swept my wand upwards and opened my mouth, ready to send a patronus to Harry, when I noticed the paper on the table, partly hidden behind the vase of lily's I was using as a centre piece. I closed my mouth and quickly walked to the table, where I reached out quickly for the note before hesitating. From where I was standing I could tell that the note was in Ronald's handwriting. For some reason that realization made me feel cold inside, made me scared to read the paper. After standing frozen in place for a few moments, I slowly reached out and picked up the paper, having to sweep away the petal that I fallen onto it from one of the lily's. My hand shook slightly as I brought the paper to my face and read it slowly.
I can't do this, I'm so sorry Hermione.
He hadn't signed his name, but it was obvious that it was from him, my hand began to shake even more, and then my legs joined in. I felt as though my heart had been ripped in two. I grabbed onto the table for support before collapsing into one of the chairs. My whole body felt numb, and I could feel the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. He left me? He had gotten up in the middle of the night, and he left? For once my brain could not process the information that was laid out in front of it. I felt so many emotions building inside me. Sadness, anger, grief, rejection, fear. My whole body continued to shake and I clenched the paper in my fist. When I couldn't stand the pressure building inside me anymore I screamed.
My scream echoed around me, as I placed my head into my hands. I knew that Ron had been having a hard time, we all were. With the war only having ended a year ago, none of us had had the time to move on from the lose of our loved ones. Although some of the Weasley's were making progress with their healing, Ron and George were still the same way they were a year ago. Whenever Fred's name was mentioned they would quickly leave the room, whenever someone offered their condolences tears would fill their eyes and they would simply nod before making their exit. The past year hadn't been easy, and me and Ron's relationship was strained. We had our good times, but we also had our bad. My recent discover hadn't made things easier, and it was probably what had driven him away. I waved my wand and conjured a Patronus which I sent to Ginny. I had no idea where Ron would have went, but it couldn't have been with Harry or Ginny, they would have never let him in knowing what he had done.
I waited in silence, tears running down my cheeks quietly. Five minutes had passed before I heard flames flare up in the fireplace, I couldn't seen them as the Fireplace was in the living room, but I heard them the moment the appeared.
"Hermione? Where are you?" Ginny's frantic voice filled my ears, and I managed to let out a strangled noise. Even though I hadn't been able to say a word they had understood and quickly came running into the kitchen. Ginny's hair was sticking in every direction, her eyes fearful yet still filled with sleep. Her pyjamas were as wrinkled as Harry's and I knew I had woken them both up.
"Mione? What's wrong?" Ginny said softly walking over to me and running a hand through my hair.
"Where's Ron? Is he okay?" Harry asked fearful glancing around, noticing Ron's absence before Ginny. I didn't speak, just handed Ginny the small, crushed piece of paper Ron had left. Harry came to my side, and I watched as their eyes scanned the paper. Both of their eyes began less fearful and turned cold, both of them stiffened before Harry snatched the paper and crushed it up even more into his hands.
"When I find that sorry git I'm going to strangle him." Ginny stated, her voice filled with venom. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and stroked my hair. I gripped her pyjama top tightly and began to let out strangled little sobs. I felt Harry's hand on my back, and glanced up to see that he looked lost but infuriated.
I felt Harry's hand leave my back and heard him say, " I'm going to find him."
"No." I said quietly, the feeling of rejection stinging my heart.
"Hermione we have to find him, he can't do this to you!" Ginny said moving my head upwards to look at her.
"It was his choice, he left me. He couldn't handle it." I said, I felt to hurt, I didn't want to see him, he had decided to leave me in the middle of the night, realized that he couldn't be bothered with me, that I was too much of a hassle for him.
"Okay." Harry said quietly, but I knew that the minute he left he would go looking for Ron, but I didn't care. I didn't want to see him, I didn't care what Harry did, he could hex him until he was unrecognizable, he could sit down and have tea with him, either way I wouldn't give a damn. Hell, if I ever saw him again I'd hex him myself, cause him all the pain I was feeling right now! The bloody bastard deserved it!
I smashed my fist down onto the table, scaring Ginny who jumped before grabbing my hand and pulling me into a hug again. My anger disappeared and I began to sob again, my tears soaking Ginny's top and causing her to shed tears of her own. As I cried I placed a hand onto my stomach, and made tiny circles with my hand. Harry glanced at my hand, and quickly kneeled in front of me placing his hands over mine.
"He didn't want her." I stated, my voice choked with tears. I thought of Ron's reaction of when I first told him I was pregnant, his face had lost all its color, and he had grabbed onto the couch for support. He had tried to appear happy, but I could see the stress eating him from the inside. The pressure he was feeling, we were only 19, way to young for this, but it was happening. There wasn't another option I would consider. Since that day, nothing had been the same, lots of stupid arguments, Ron sitting in silence for hours, the responsibility of being a father hanging heavily on his shoulders, as his grief continued to tear apart his heart. Leaving him angry, confused, and in no way near mentally prepared for fatherhood. I wasn't ready to be a mum myself, I had so many plans, so many dreams. But this unplanned pregnancy had made me change my goals quickly. I still wasn't ready yet, but I was trying. Ron wasn't ready, but he was too torn apart inside to even be able to try. Instead of trying to make everything work, he left. He left me, he left our baby, he left me alone in our bed, knowing very well that when I woke up my heart would rip in two. I grabbed a hold of Harry's hand and held it tightly as more tears began to fall from my eyes.
And I wish the sun would never come
It's 4 AM and you are done
I hope you know you're letting go
It's 4 AM and I'm alone
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