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The Delusions of Draco Malfoy by ariellem
Chapter 1 : The Delusions of Draco Malfoy.
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 27

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I sat there at the bar watching and waiting.

Well to be clearer I was watching my supposed best friend snog his girlfriend (my ex) and waiting for them to stop.

Merlin, I need a drink…or a butterbeer, not that I can’t keep down the firewhiskey…cause I can. You know what I’m having a firewhiskey.


“You’ve been staring at that drink for a half an hour now,” said the bartender. “Aren’t you going to drink it?”

Not unless I want to paint the toilet with my vomit, and no I don’t want to do that.

“When do the hot girls come in?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

You see this place was supposed to be the hottest club in the wizarding world, or at least that’s what Blaise told me. Git.

For the hottest wizarding club around there were little to no girls, well except for the old biddies in the back who were shooting pool, but they left an hour ago. Thank Merlin, they kept pinching my cheek.

“Around eight,” said the bartender, who was wiping down glasses. “All of the younger ones come in with their music and take over the place for the entire night, I don’t mind considering they pay well.”

“Come Draco we’re going to get a booth,” said Blaise, who was somehow able to say this without having to detangle himself from Pansy.

Not that I’m upset about her dating Blaise, believe me I dumped her, not vice a versa.

Flashback to last year when Pansy dumped Draco (NO SHE DID NOT! You stupid narrator if you’re going to write a flashback GET IT RIGHT!).

Fine. Flashback to the moment where Pansy and Draco broke up. Happy?


“Draco I think we should break up,” said Pansy, looking at me over the table.

“Please Pansy, not in public,” I answered hurriedly, trying to divert her from one of her clingy, needy phases.

“Draco, we’re at your apartment,” said Pansy, who was talking as if I was stupid. “Well actually it’s Blaise’s apartment, considering you don’t have a job and can’t pay your half.”

“Pansy, I have money,” I said. “And please we have company.”


“Mr. Cat, who else?”

Pansy looked over at Mr. Cat who was swimming contently in his bowl, and then gave me a disgusted look.

“Really? Mr. Cat? I’m breaking up with you and you’re worried about Mr. Cat?”

“Well you know he’s been in an unstable environment,” I protested. “First we had to move, and really you’re the only female figure in his life since mum was sent to Azkaban.”

“First off you have only had him for a week,” said Pansy, sighing in disbelief (what? I care about Mr. Cat). “And second” she took Mr. Cat’s bowl, put it in my room and closed the door. “There now he can’t hear us.”

“Look, I have money,” I said.

“Where Draco?” Pansy asked, throwing her hands up in the air in what I guessed was supposed to be exasperation.

“I have money,” I protested again.

Pansy snorted, very ladylike Pansy, no one would ever know you were from a pure-blood family. “No you don’t Draco, your money like mine and like every other pure-blood’s was confiscated so to reimburse the muggle-borns.”

I looked at her in surprise, she normally called them mudbloods, or something similar.

“Times are changing Draco,” she said, noting my surprise. “Time to move on.”

“Well guess what!” I said.

“What?” she asked wearily, giving me another annoyed look.

“I’m breaking up with you!” I said. “That’s right, you and I are no longer together.”

“Oh Merlin,” said Pansy, rolling her eyes and walking towards the door. “Goodbye, Draco.”

I think I handled that whole thing very well.

Present time: (for those who care, no Draco hasn’t even touched his firewhiskey yet).

Somehow Blaise and Pansy were able to make it to a booth without even stopping their snogging, it must be some kind of superpower that couples have.

They fell into the booth, and almost squashed me. Ew, this is so gross, I think I got hit with their saliva.

I began studying my watch intently waiting for eight to come.

After at least eight butterbeers (what? Manly men can drink butterbeer) some girls came in.

I would have made a move but none of them looked hot enough for my liking. Also they kept giving me dirty looks, it was kind of scary.

Then some more girls (and unfortunately some guys) came in, one girl apparently lead the ‘pack’, she was blond and carrying some kind of music playing device.

As soon as she turned it on I could feel myself go deaf, and the seat was vibrating so hard that I fell off and hit my head against the table.

However the music didn’t interrupt Pansy and Blaise’s snogging, of course. I could be attacked by cannibal zombies who eat blonde people with strawberry yogurt and they wouldn’t stop snogging.

Hello Blaise, it’s me your best friend since first year. Yes that’s right the one who’s ex you’re snogging. Would you kindly stop sticking your tongue so far down Pansy’s throat that I’m surprised you haven’t hit her stomach yet and talk to me?

Plus Pansy why do you keep running your hands over Blaise’s head? HE’S AS BALD AS A WATERMELON! There is no hair!

Flashback to when Blaise and Pansy get together….with Draco’s ‘permission.’

Now you get how to write a flashback.

Shut up Malfoy.

“Hey Draco I need to talk to you,” said Blaise, sitting down at the seat that Pansy had just vacated.

“I know, I’m trying to get a job,” I said, watching as Mr. Cat swam around in his bowl, he seemed a little listless, probably because the only female in his life has left him.

He feels abandoned and alone.

Don’t worry Mr. Cat, everything will be ok.

“Well that’s not what I wanted to talk about, but I just heard Pansy leave—”

“Yeah I broke up with her,” I said offhandedly. “She was too clingly…and don’t forget needy.”

I feel for Mr. Cat, he thought Pansy was perfect, what with her perfect hair, and her perfect smile and her perfect teeth.

Don’t worry Mr. Cat everything will be ok.

“Cool then so I won’t have any trouble telling you that we’ve decided to date and—”

“Yes you have my permission.”

“Draco I wasn’t asking—”

“You don’t need to beg Blaise, it’s alright.”


“Look Blaise, I wish you well.”

“No, Draco—”

“I get it, you want me to give you my blessing!”

“Listen Dra—”

“I bless you, Mazel Tov, bless you both.”

“What Draco? None of us are Jewish—”

“So? Merlin, don’t be so racist Blaise.”

“Forget it,” said Blaise, throwing his hands in the air.

I’m just glad I could help his conscience.

Present Time (by now Draco has thrown his firewhiskey in the potted plant near him and is pretending he drank it. Typical).

Now the bar was in full swing, and by swing I meant that it was so wild that there was actually someone swinging off the lighting fixture.

That’s smart kid, that’s really smart.  Smash your face in why don’t you?

I was scanning the crowd for a familiar face, maybe Goyle changed his mind and decided to come with his supermodel girlfriend after all.

No, I’m not sure how Goyle landed a supermodel, all I know is that one minute he was her bodyguard, in two minutes he had saved her life, and in three minutes they were dating.

“Hey Blaise,” I said, poking him in the back a couple times with my finger. “Blaise, Blaise, Blaise, Blaise Zabini, Blaise, Blaise, Blai-“

“What?” Asked Blaise, irritably as a horrible squelching noise sounded the separation of his and my ex’s lips.

“Who’s that girl over there?” I asked.

The girl in question was the blonde who came earlier, she had been dancing for about two hours and had no sign of stopping, and she looked somewhat familiar I think I had seen her from Hogwarts.

“Dunno, hey babe,” he nudged Pansy. “Who’s that chick over there?”

She’s not an infant Blaise, stop calling her babe.

“Hey that’s Tori!” Said Pansy, waving at the girl, the girl paused to wave back and then went back to dancing. “Astoria Greengrass,” she explained to us. “Her sister’s my roommate.”

“Yeah I like Daphne,” said Blaise.

“You’ll like this better,” said Pansy, kissing Blaise again.

Great now they’re back at it. Well that’s a new record for the longest time they’ve talked to me in a year.

I decided that since Astoria knew Pansy she would probably be a Slytherien, and since she’s a Slytherien she’ll definitely be impressed by my family name.

“Hey,” I said, walking up to her when she had paused to get a drink.

She sized me up, I looked at my shoes…they were shiny…and black.

“Hi,” she said, regarding me coolly.

“I’m Draco Malfoy,” I said.

“I could tell,” she said.

See? My family name impresses people.

“What was it that gave me away?” I asked cockily.

“The hair,” said Astoria plainly. “It reminded me of the time you were turned into a ferret in my second year.”

Great, people just seem to LOVE bringing that up. Yes I was turned into a ferret and bounced up and down, GET OVER IT PEOPLE!

Astoria began walking away and I followed.

“Yes that is true, but you must know my family name, we have been around for generations—”

Astoria heaved a sigh of exasperation…no Draco you’re probably wrong, it’s probably admiration, that’s right a sigh of admiration.

“Oh Merlin, shut up,” she said. “What do you think? That your family name will get you this?” She indicated to her body.

Yes actually that is what I thought, but I don’t think I should say that aloud now.

She shook her head in amusement and disgust. “I’m looking for a guy that doesn’t talk.”

I nodded my head in agreement and was about to say that I could shut up for about two minutes at a time (it’s a talent of mine) but she walked away.

I know one thing though.

I’m in love.

And I know she likes me back.


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