We sat together in the warm sunlight. The small thicket of trees surrounded us and the river glittered behind the trunks. Summer days like this were rarely seen and enjoyed by all. I was able to lean back and shut out the world. Nothing mattered except where I was and who I was with.
Lily’s voice echoed non-stop through my head as she talked and talked beside me. Sometimes I listen to what she says, but other times I just hear her voice going through my head. Calming me.
“…And I can’t believe it’s been four years already! Next year we have our OWLs. I think they’ll be alright…”
Lily was the light of my life. Going home meant going back into the darkness. The shouting, the anger, the despair, the bitterness. The thought of Lily was my one saviour.
“Sev? Can I ask you something?”
I sat up slowly, searching her eyes with confusion.
“Of course,” I replied earnestly.
She looked hesitant as she ripped at some grass beside her and began.
“I know…I know your other friends. Mulciber…they’re all creepy. But…we are still best friends right?”
Her question surprised me. I suppose I was never too obvious with my emotions. She didn’t know exactly how I felt about her.
Something inside me suddenly screamed for me to tell her. To tell her my feelings. That was an absurd idea really. She never speak to me again. The fear bubbled up inside me. Lily looked up at me expectantly. I sighed.
“Yes?” she asked hopefully, her emerald eyes sparkling.
“I…of course.” I sighed. “We will always be best friends”
She breathed a sigh of relief, though not as vast a sigh I would have expected.
Was that all she could say? Good?
She lay down in the grass again. Her beautiful dark red hair rested softly behind her head. I lay down again next to her and closed my eyes. We lay there for hours, just talking. She talked more than I of course, but that was the beauty of it. Being with her was always the one time I could feel safe, and warm.
5 hours later I sat on the cold floor of my room. Shouting filled my ears and I put my head between my knees. What use was it? The day they stopped fighting would be when one of them died, I thought miserably.
“What about Severus! You’re going to leave both of us? You wouldn’t!”
“Darn right I would! That stupid boy don’t do nothin’ round here!”
Glass smashed and the front door slammed shut. There it was again. Another lovely evening of chatter between my parents. I stood up and walked around the house. I found my mother crying in the kitchen.
Sitting her down, I opened the fridge (muggle appliances – so uncivilized) and searched through the beer bottles for something to make for dinner.
I did it the muggle way. All the while my mother cried and cried. I gave her a plate of spaghetti. Sadly smiling, she looked up and thanked me. I took none for myself and returned to my room.
Whenever Lily was nearby, the world seemed so bright. I closed my eyes and tried to picture her. Her flowing red hair, her emerald green eyes… Already such images were slipping away. Bitterness and cruelty surrounded my daily life. How could I ever have the warmth for her to love me back?