Chapter 3 : The Sad Realization
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But the strange thing was Remus didn't look at me like was mental, he treated me all the same, polite conversations during patrols, polite smiles in the halls. It didn't make any sense.
I thought about all this on my way to my first therapy session with Madam Pomfrey. What I love about it is that she lets me call her by her first name, Poppy. That way I feel like I'm talking to a friend or someone I can trust, instead of a teacher. I had two letters cluthed in my right hand, I had decided I wanted them to be the topic of conversation today.
Before I walked into the Hospital Wing, I heard the voice.
Make sure no one followed you!
I swear, the voice is so paranoid for absolutely no reason.
"No one followed me," I said exasperated.
How do you know if you didn't check? the voice asked. I hated when the voice treated me like I was stupid.
"I don't need to check, because I already know that no one followed me!" I said angrily.
I don't know why, but the voice and I were arguing alot lately, maybe I was finally tired of being told what to do all the time.
Just check! the voice yelled.
"Fine!" I turned around and saw no one behind me, just like I said. "I told you no one was there," I muttered walking into the Hospital Wing and then into Poppy's office.
"Hey, Poppy," I said as I sat down across from her.
She smiled and looked up at me, "Oh, hello, Joeye, I heard you yelling, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, just a little disagreement between me and the voice," I said shrugging, "We've been arguing alot lately, I don't know why."
"Do you want to talk about that today?" She asked.
"Um, actually, I want to talk about my parents today." I said looking down.
Poppy raised her eyebrows in surprise, the one thing I never wanted to talk about was my parents, but today, I needed to. "Really?" She asked, "What about them?"
"Well," I started, "I want to talk about how they don't love me…"
Poppy didn't disagree with my statement, she knew how horribly my parents treated me. "All right, go ahead and explain."
"Well, my parents have always treated me like I was an embarassment to the family. And it's completely obvious that they love Jesse way more than me, I mean, to them Jesse is the perfect son, and I'm just the daughter that they didn't want or need." I paused look down at the letters in my hand.
"What made you want to talk about your parents?" Poppy asked.
"I received a letter from them a few days ago, it was…"
"It was what?"
"It was, well, why don't I read it to you…
As you have probably heard, you will be continuing therapy sessions this year. We expect you to go to them, and we will be in contact with Madam Pomfrey to make sure you go. We don't want to hear about you causing any problems at all. If we do, we will remove you from Hogwarts and put you in a school for people like you. Have a good year.
Mum and Dad' "
Poppy's mouth was hanging slightly open from shock and I could see the anger in her eyes, but since she wasn't exactly allowed to express her personal opinion in order to remain professional, she just cleared her throat. "Please do continue,"
"Um, okay so I received the letter, and then Jesse told me he got a letter too, and that's what this is," I said holding up Jesse's letter.
"So, I'll read this one to you too...
We hope your first week back has been a good one. We know you must be busy with your prefect duties and your new captaincy over the Quidditch team. We just wanted to let you know how proud we are of you, and that we couldn't have asked for a better son. We'd love for you to come home for holidays, and please write back if you have to time.
With all our love,
Mum and Dad
P.S. Will you please make sure Joeye doesn't misbehave? We know you don't want to and that it might be hard, but someone needs to
watch her.' "
Anger raced through my veins when I finished, I had been reading the letter over and over again since Jesse let me borrow it and each time I felt so angry afterwards. But soon the anger was replaced with sadness, my parents truly loved Jesse more than me. Hell, they love Jesse more than they like me.
Again, Poppy cleared her throat and took a deep breathe. "So, the letters you and Jesse received got you thinking about your parents' feelings towards you?" She asked me, I nodded.
"Do you feel that it is because your mental illness that your parents treat you the way they do?"
"No, it was like this even before I was diagnosed with schizophrenia," I said quietly.
"So, when did you realize they loved Jesse more than you?" Poppy asked.
"Um, seven years ago." As I said the words the memory of that day came back to me. I remembered it like it was yesterday.
Seven years ago:
Jesse and I were outside in the backyard, I was at our flower bed, looking at the flowers. I loved flowers, I noticed one of them wasn't growing like the others.
I felt bad for the flower, the other flowers were leaving growing taller than it. So, I put all of my concentration on the flower, willing it to grow as tall as the other ones, I closed my eyes, trying to focus, and when I opened them, the flower had grown just as tall as the others.
I did that! I thought, I did magic! "Jesse, come look!" I said in excitement. "I did magic, come see!"
Jesse hurried over, "Let me see!" He exclaimed.
"Okay, watch, look at that flower!" I said, then I willed it to grow more, and it did.
"How did you do it?" Jesse asked in awe. Neither of us had been able to do magic yet.
"I don't know, I just wanted it to grow more and it did," I said. "Oh, I have to go tell Mummy and Daddy!"
I ran into the house at top speed. "Mummy! Daddy! Come look, I did magic! I made a flower grow!" I ran into the living room where they were working on things for work at the Ministry of Magic.
"I did magic! Come see!" I exclaimed.
They didn't even look up from their work. "That's great, Joeye," Mum said, "But Mummy and Daddy are busy with work right now, you'll have to show us later."
"Joeye, please," Dad said warily looking up from his work. "Your mother and I are busy. Now sit down and quietly read your book."
I sighed sitting down and opened the book, but I wasn't reading anything. I was imagining how proud they would be once they saw me do magic for the first time.
A few minutes later Jesse came running in shouting "Mum, Dad, I did it too! I did magic!"
I should have warned Jesse that they were busy, but I forgot. Now, he was going to have to read quietly too.
My parents immediately looked up from their work. "You did, Jesse?! Honey, that's wonderful!" My mother exclaimed.
I couldn't believe my ears, did that really just happen?!
"You wanna come see?!" Jesse asks beaming.
"Of course we do," Dad says getting up. My mouth dropped open, why weren't they yelling at Jesse the way they yelled at me?
I followed them outside. Jesse went over to our big tree.
"Watch this," he said. And I watched as an apple grew from one of the branches. "See? I did magic!"
"Honey, that was amazing!" Mum gushed.
All right so it was amazing an better than what I did, but I wanted to show them I could do magic too.
"Mum, Dad, can I show you now?" I asked hopefully.
Mum sighed, "Joeye, we already told you we're busy."
"But Jesse got to show you!" I whined.
"Well, now we're much too busy to see, okay?"
"But I want to show you my magic!"
"You need to stop being selfish, Joeye," Mum said, "Why can't you let Jesse have his moment?"
"I just want to-"
"Joeye, you're mother is right, you're being selfish." Dad said, "This is a big moment for Jesse and you're ruining it by thinking only of yourself."
"I don't want to hear another word on the matter," Mum said coldly. Tears were running down my face.
"Fine!" I said running up to my room and crying my eyes out on my pillow.
That was the moment I realized they didn't love me, or at least not as much as they loved Jesse.
"Joeye, are you all right?" I heard Poppy's voice ask. I realized I had been crying.
I wiped my face, "Um, yeah, sorry. Just remembering the moment of the sad realization."
"Would you like to share it?" She asked.
When I finished telling her, she shook her head. "That was truly unfair."
"I know!" I exclaimed, "All I did was make a flower grow and Jesse makes a freakin' apple grow from a tree! Figures he'd do better magic than me!"
Poppy smiled slightly, "Is there anything more you would like to discuss?"
"No, I think I'm good for now," I said getting up, "Thanks for listening."
"My pleasure," she said smiling. I was almost to the door, then, "Oh, Joeye, has anything happened with four certain boys you happen to be in love with?"
"Nothing worth mentioning," I lied, continuing to walk.
About a minute after I left the hosptial wing, I heard footsteps behind me, I turned around to see Severus hurrying towards me.
Oh, shit, this should be horrible.
"Hey, Joeye," he said smiling.
"Hi, Severus." I said not smiling.
"You look really pretty," he said.
"Thanks," I said flatly.
"So, I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to come to the Black Lake with me. You know, like old times?"
I sighed deeply, "Severus, you do realize we're broken up, right?"
"No, we're not, you just broke up with me. I didn't agree to it, though."
"It doesn't matter if you agree to it or not, we're still broken up."
"But, Joeye," he whined, "I don't want us to be broken up, I love you."
And now is the time for me to get the hell out of here. "Well, I'm sorry Severus, but I don't feel that way." I said walking away.
"Does everyone know you go to therapy Joeye?" Severus called after me.
I stopped dead and turned to face him, "What did you say?!"
"Does everyone know you go to therapy?"
"I-I don't know what you're talking about." I said looking down.
"Yes, you do," he said smiling, "I was in the hospital wing, because Potter and his pals cursed me. I saw you walk in Madam Pomfrey's office. I heard some of what you said. Does anyone else know?"
I could not believe this! How didn't I notice him?! I shook my head.
"I didn't think so." He said smirking, "Now if you want it to stay that way, you'll be my girlfriend again."
"You're blackmailing me to be your girlfriend?!" I asked in disgust.
"Yes, I am. So, what's it gonna be?"
What am I gonna do?!
Wipe his memory! The voice said.
"How?" I asked in my head.
Distract him, and wipe his memory.
Okay, I can do that. "Oh, no, Filch is coming!" I said pointing down the hall.
"Huh?" Severus said turning around.
Now! The voice yelled.
I took out my wand, "Obliviate!" I said. Silver mist came from Severus's head. I hoped I wiped enough.
He turned back around, blinking rapidly. "Where am I?" He asked.
"In a hall," I said.
"How did I get here?"
"You don't remember?" I asked carefully.
"No, I was in the hospital wing, because Potter and his pals cursed me. That's the last thing I remember."
"That's strange." I said hoping I was believeable. "We were just having a conversation, when you suddenly turned away and stopped talking."
"Really?" He asked.
"Yep." I said simply, "But, um, I have to go. Hope you figure this out, see you later." I said hurrying off.
That was close. The voice said.
"Yeah, it was."
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