"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I repeated over and over, and not in my head either. The first years gave me horrified looks. I slapped myself on the forehead, "Sorry," I said to them, "I'm so sorry,it's just- ugh! Fucking shit! Um, just go to your dormitories, enjoy your first night, I'll see you in the morning. Just, please, go."
They made their way upstairs looking utterly confused and scared. I quickly went over to Kayleigh who was talking with Mary Macdonald, without saying anything I pulled her away.
"Hey," she said smiling, "I saw you talking to James and I saw the way Remus was looking at you, did you write it down in the notebook?"
"See, that's potentially problematic, because, James Potter has my notebook!" I said whispered.
Kayleigh's eyes widened, "What?! Why does James have it?!"
"When you saw us talking, it was because I bumped into James and my notebook fell on the floor and he picked it up and then he said sorry. And he didn't even know my name,do you know how much that hurt?!"
"And the notebook?" Kayleigh asked anxiously.
"Oh, yeah, I walked away before he could give it back. And now he has it, and he's probably reading everything that I wrote today, and he'll think I'm weird and he'll never love me!" I said breathing heavily.
"Joeye, calm down," Kayleigh said soothingly, "Look, all you have to do is go and ask James to give it back. And there's no way he read it, remember we put a charm on it, so only we could read it?"
I nodded, "But I can't just go over there and talk to him," I said gesturing across the room where the Marauders were sitting and talking.
"Yes you can. Didn't you say this year was going to be different? That you were going to make something happen with them this year?"
I sighed and mumbled "Yeah, but I didn't know it was going to happen this fast"
"Well, it is, so go and make something happen," Kayleigh said encouagingly. It was great having her as a bestfriend.
"Okay," I said with determination, "Will you come with me?"
"No, I never said anything about making something happen, sorry, but you're on your own for this one. I'm not ready for it to happen." I gave her a pleading look. "But, if you need me I'll come over."
"Fine," I said before turning and walking slowly over to them. They were laughing at something when I approached. I had a sick feeling they were laughing at what I had written in my notebook, even though I saw my notebook resting on James's lap. I was completely jealous of my notebook at the moment. They looked up when they saw me.
"Hi," I whispered in somewhat awe. I had never been this close to all four of them at the same time, this was an extraordinary experience.
"Hey, Joeye," James said smiling up at me. I thought I might faint.
"Um, I just wanted my notebook back," I said staring at the ground, because I was afraid if I looked any of them in the eye I would lose it and try to snog them. That would definitely make people look at me weird.
"Right," James said, "Sorry about taking it, here you go." He held it out, I grabbed it, but he didn't let go. I pulled a little, but he had a very tight grip on it. What sort of sick game was this?
I pulled as hard as I could, and finally got it out of his grasp, unfortunately, I fell back on a chair. The chair was rather hard, ran my hands over the hard cushion, then I felt something soft and kind of squishy. I heard a quiet gasp of surprise, which is when I realized I wasn't sitting on a chair, I was sitting on someone's lap.
Which means it was someone's leg I was running my hands over, which means the soft squishy thing I was feeling…oh Merlin's beard! I just felt some guy's junk! I felt some guy's…his thing, his boy part!
I quickly got up to see who I had been touching so inappropriately, to my horror, it was Remus Lupin. I could've just died right there. "I-I am so sorry, Remus!" I stuttered. "I thought you were a chair!"
Sirius laughed and said "Wow, that's a new one, I'll have to use that sometime."
"No, I-I really didn't know, I swear!" Sirius and James didn't seem to be listening to me, they were smirking broadly at me. Remus and Peter on the other hand still had shocked expressions on their faces. "I have to go," I said in defeat.
As I walked away, I tripped and fell into Adam Ross, to futher embarass myself infront on the loves if my life. "Sorry," I said before hurrying over to Kayleigh and then dragging her up to our dormitory. "What happened?!" She asked.
I told her everything that had happened,and Kayleigh being the good friend she is didn't laugh or tease me about it. I still couldn't believe that happened, humiliated could not even begin to describe how I felt.
"Well, at least you got your notebook back," Kayleigh said, "and you got to second base with Remus Lupin!"
Even though I was completely horrified, mortified, and any other word you can think of that ends with "fied", that thought made me feel a little better. "Yeah, I guess I did," I said immediately writing in my notebook.
"I can't believe you went through all of that just for a notebook." Kayleigh said shakinh her head.
"It's not just a notebook, it's my Marauders notebook…and I spent ten galleons on that and I didn't want to have to buy another one."
The next morning Kayleigh and I sat at the Gryffindor table and guess what? Oh, I'll just tell you, the Marauders were sitting right across from us. And it had nothing to do with me, we had gotten there early and they just sat across from us. I was writing so frequently in my notebook I was barely eating. They hadn't brought up the night before, which I was quite happy about.
Professor McGonagall was coming around with our schedules. She handed me my schedule,along with an envelope. I looked up at her, "Is this for my…" I didn't finish because James, Remus, Sirius and Peter were listening very carefully.
She nodded and said "May I have a word with you?" I got up, "You may come too, Ms. Colette," Kayleigh also got up and we followed her out of the Great Hall.
"How are you feeling?" She asked me. I knew she was talking about my schizophrenia. The whole staff knew about it and they were always asking me how I was feeling and being nice to me.
"I'm fine, doing a lot better, I think." I answered, not entirely truthful.
"Well, your parents have requested that you continue your sessions with Madame Pomfrey,"
I sighed, I loved Madame Pomfrey,and she was really easy to talk to,but I was tired of therapy. It made me feel less normal than everyone else, even though I was, it put emphasis on it. "Okay," I said.
"Now, about your prefect duties," McGonagall said seriously, "You will be working with Remus Lupin, are you comfortable with that? If you're not, I was thinking you could work with Severus Snape-"
"No!" I practically shouted. "I mean, I'm fine with working with Remus." More than fine actually. I'm positively thrilled, infact.
"Very well then, here is your instructions for your duties," she said handing me another envelope, "And give this to Remus, will you. I expect he'll want to know his instructions also." She gave me one last envelope before we walked away.
"Can you believe I still have to do therapy?" I whispered to Kayleigh, "Why do my parents do these things to me?!"
Kayleigh merely shrugged as we sat back down, the four gorgeous boys across from us were staring at us curiously. "What?" I asked quietly.
"What did McGonagall want to speak to you about?" James asked.
"Uh, nothing much," I lied, "she just wanted to make sure I was okay with working with Remus for our prefect duties."
"And what did you say?" Remus asked. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he sounded nervous and anxious, or any other word you can think of that ends with "ous".
"I said it was fine. That I was comfortable working with you." I said slowly making sure I didn't say anything I didn't want them to hear, like how I was comfortable enough to snog the hell out of him.
"See, Moony?" Sirius said patting Remus on the back, "if she's comfortable enough to sit on your lap and touch you, she's comfortable enough to work with you."
Sirius, James, and Peter laughed, Kayleigh nearly choked on her eggs, and Remus and I stared at eachother akwardly. "I really didn't mean to do that," I said to him,although, a part of me was quite glad I did. That might be the closest I'll ever be to him.
"It's fine," Remus said, "I know you didn't mean it."
"Um, here," I said grabbing one of the three envelopes I had and handing one to him, in an attempt to get rid of some akwardness. "These are our instructions for our prefect duties."
"Thanks," he said as he grabbed it. His fingers brushed mine, and I felt a shock through out my whole body. He put the envelope in his school bag.
I looked down and decided to eat. I was much less mental when I wasn't hungry. I didn't look up until I heard "Hi, Joeye,"
I looked up to see Adam Ross. He was looking down at me, smiling. Why can't he like someone else?
"Hey, Adam," I said, "sorry about bumping into you last night and then running off, I was kind of in a hurry."
"It's all right," he said shrugging,"I just wanted to say hi. So hi. Um, I'll see you in class," he walked away muttering to himself. I could only make out the words "stupid" and "date". I looked after him, he sure was something to look at.
Stop thinking about him! He is nothing compared to the Marauders! The voice screamed.
"I know! Quit telling me that!" I really needed to learn to say things inside my head. The Marauders had stopped whatever it was that they were doing to stare at me.
I just cleared my throat and continued eating.
"What lessons do we have today?" I asked Kayleigh as we got up from the table.
"Um, first is History of Magic, with the Ravenclaws,"
"Oh, that should be interesting," I said, "my brother, Thomas Moore, Adam Ross, and the Marauders all in the same class. What's after that?"
Kayleigh studied schedule closely, "Double Potions…with the Slytherins,"
I felt like crying, "No! I don't want to have class with Severus!"
The only reason I even dated him was to get the Marauders attention. They were always messing with Severus, so I thought they'd notice me better if I was dating Severus. It didn't exactly work, because they were too busy cursing him to notice me. Though one time Sirius did say I was way too pretty for Severus, that was the highlight of my year.
I ended up breaking up with him because he was just too creepy. But he won't leave me alone, he even showed up at my house over summer holidays!
"All right, let's just go to class," I said sadly.
"Don't you want to know the rest of the classes?" Kayleigh asked.
"No," I muttered. "I can't take anymore bad news at the moment.
History of Magic wasn't so bad, though my brother was watching me like hawk. If I even looked at a guy he'd clear his throat and glare at me. This happened alot because I couldn't keep my eyes off of the Marauders. And what's worse is that my brother hates them, especially James and Sirius. He's okay with Peter and Remus, but he doesn't like them.
And everytime Jesse caught Thomas looking at me he'd tell him to keep his eyes off of me unless he wanted to lose them. Jesse makes me want to throw myself off the Astronomy Tower sometimes.
Finally when that horrid class was over, we went to Potions. When Kayleigh and I got there, Severus was sitting at a table in the back, where we used to sit when we were together. He smiled like I was actually going to sit with him. Instead we sat at a table next to Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter.
Professor Slughorn talked about the Potion we were brewing today,while managing to compliment precious Lily Evans. Sometimes I wanted to hit her right in her pretty little face.
Then we began to work, I was pretty good at Potions, and I loved working with so many ingredients. I had finished early, and got my potion in a flask,ready to turn in. I looked and saw that Remus had also finished and was now pulling out the envelope of our instructions. I decided to read them also.
I reached in my bag and pulled out my two envelopes, I noticed one read Remus Lupin on the outside. No big deal, I thought, our instructions are the same anyways. So instead I opened my information about my therapy.
I only had to read the first three words to realize that what I was reading was not information about my theapy. It was the prefect instructions. Which meant Remus had my information!
I looked over at him, I was sure he had realized he was reading the wrong thing. He had put it back in the envelope and was just staring at it, a weird expression on his face.
Oh, no, he read all of it and now he knew I was mental and he'd never speak to me again. And even worse, he'd never love me. I slammed my head down on the table.
My life was over, now I was definitely going to be locked up in St. Mungos! And I'd spend my life in a white padded room! I hate the color white! It looked horrible on me!
"Um, Joeye?" A voice asked. I looked up miserably to see who had interupted my thoughts on how horrible my life would be. It was Remus. He was probably going to tell me he knew I was a physicotic schitzo and to stay away from him and his friends.
"Yes?" I asked sitting up straight.
"Um, you accidentally gave me the wrong envelope. I didn't notice your name on the front, and I sort of just started reading it…"
"Oh…" was all I could manage to say.
"I-I didn't read all of it, though," he said quickly, "I just came to give it back to you," he held out my envlope. I took it and then grabbed the one with his name on it.
"Here," I said, "this is yours. S-sorry about the mixup." I looked everywhere but at him.
"It's all right," Remus said walking back to his table.
I looked down at my already opened envelope. Was he telling the truth? Or did he read all of it,and now he knew my secret?