I can feel the silent tears of grief slide inexorably down my already dampened face; splattering the salt-crushed photographs that are scattered indiscriminately on the carpet where I now kneel. They're photographs of us; memoirs of a time when we were blissful in our ignorance and untouched by the cruel consequences of the world.
One shows your face, laughing back at mine. Happiness and content shines from your eyes; eyes that will never grace me with their presense again. A moment captured forever that only I can look back on without you and our children there to smile and appreciate it with me. A future that only a week or so ago had glown, incandescent and untouched, now seems so grey and broken, with nothing left to do but decay.
Cruel and irreversible; it tears us away from everybody that we love. It tore you ruthlessly away from life, away from everybody who loved you…away from me. Now, as I sit here in the distressed state that I have become, all I have are memories of you, memories stored in the casket of my head that I can only replay. Over and over.
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine that you're still here. You hold me in your arms and whisper soothing words of comfort in my ear. You reassure me that everything is going to be alright. But it's not! How can it possibly be? You're dead and I'll never be able to see you again!
Another tear slides silently down my face.
"Cedric." I whisper.
It pierces the empty dormitory like a slice of ice through my soul. I know that you're gone. You're gone and you're never coming back.
Summer is almost here, but I dread it's arrival. Atleast at school my mind is kept occupied. At home, all that awaits me is the silence. Sometimes I find myself longing to forget you, longing to forget all of those sacred moments that we shared together. I loathe myself with a passion for thinking it, but I can't deny it would be easier. Easier on me. Easier on everybody else who has to endure my tears and grief.
Why won't you let me go?
The chains that bind me to you are firm and unyielding, so tight I can hardly breathe. The tears I have cried for you have formed rivers, rivers that have drowned me repeatedly in my grief. My heart aches every day for you, yet I know I can never have you. I hate you for what you've done to me, hate you for what you've forced me to become! I envy you, because you're dead and immune from the pain that I've been left to feel! I miss you! I miss you every day, every hour, every second.
I love you.
But now you're dead and gone, and you're never coming back.
I blink, as another tear rolls down my face. This time however, I wipe it away with the sleeve of my robe and use my best efforts to compose myself. I know it won't be long until they fall again, but for now they'll have to wait.