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Chapter 25 : Chapter 25
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I know there are easily a million spelling/grammar errors in this chapter but it's ten till 3 am my time and I know it's been too long since I've last updated so I just wanted to get this to you ASAP because we both know I owe you big time for the delay...
happy reading <3 ]
“Penny please!” I begged as I curled into a ball, pulling my blankets tighter around me.
“I swear, Lily, if you miss anymore morning classes people are going to figure it out!” exclaimed Penelope as she tugged at the blankets. “James has noticed and he’s getting worried.”
“Honestly, why doesn’t he just hate me?” I grumbled as I sat up slowly. “Six years I shut him down and scream face. Then we go out and I break up with him and say horrible things—”
“He loves you—”
“He shouldn’t.” I got out of bed and kneeled before my trunk, searching for something to wear.
I know you are doing this because you are trying to save his future,” said Penny slowly and carefully, “but he doesn’t have a future without you.”
“Excuse me!” I exclaimed in disbelief as I whipped my head up to face her.
“You heard me,” said Penelope, hodling her ground. “He’s a bloody mess. He’s cried goddamn it! James Bloody Potter cried!”
“And who told you that, huh? Your completely unbiased boyfriend?” I shot back bitterly.
“He should know better than you since he actually talks to James, unlike someone I know!” she countered harshly, finally allowing her frustration to show.
“Penelope, I’m pregnant!” I shouted, tears rolling down my cheek, “You know I have to do this so he can have options and make choices!”
“By not allowing him the choice to be a father?” she asked timidly.
“I won’t let him be trapped ina life he didn’t want.” I whispered as I sat on my butt.
“Is that was you think you are?” she whispered as she sat down next to me, “trapped?”
I simply turned to her, “I’m a pregnant seventeen year old, not many career options.”
“There’s this amazing thing called a nanny,” said Penelope as she brushed some of my hair out of my face. “Your life isn’t over, not hardly. You can still get everything you want… and so can James.” She let out a sigh and slowly stood up. “I’m sorry, Lil, but I just can’t support this anymore. I think you need to tell James and dump Dull Dan on his ass.”
I let out a small laugh at Dan’s nickname but remained verbally mute.
“Anyways Ive got to get to class.” She grabbed her satchel from her bed and started walking towards the door. “Have fun making your choice.”
“Choice?” I repeated, confused, “What choice?”
“Were you not listening to a word I just said?” she asked as she opened the door and turned around. “You can stay here, wrapped up in your blankets and misery or you can get your ass out of this room and get on with your life, which by the way includes coming to my party tonight.”
“That’s right, you’re throwing your first party!”
“That’s right. It’s muffle movie themed, anyways I’ve got to go. Make wise choices!”
By lunch Penelope was exhausted. Her sleep and energy were being taken up by worries about her friend. She had no anxieties about her becoming a mother—she knew she would make a great one—but she worried about her depression. She had never seen Lily so depressed with the exception of Lily’s mother’s ‘death.’ She made the decision to grab food from the great hall and, if none had seen Lily, to take some food up to the dormitory to ensure that she was eating.
She spotted her friends immediately and jogged over to them. “Hey has anyone seen—” she stopped herself abruptly as the figures of the Marauders came into view “—my book?”
James rolled his eyes. “You can say her name, and no, obviously I haven’t.”
Becky took a bite of her apple. “Haven’t seen her all day… which is weird because I went to the dorm on my way to charms…”
Zizi huffed loudly, giving a rare showing of her irritation. “That is strange B, but Penney why are you even asking us anyways? None of us ever really see her anymore, she’s either with you or in the loo throwing up her guts.”
James’ head shot up. “Has she seen a doctor?”
“She’s fine,” said Penelope dismissively.
“You should know…” mumbled Alice.
“What’s that supposed to mean!” asked Penelope, quickly growing tired of her friends’ tone.
“Admit it you too have been keeping secrets from us!” exclaimed Alice.
“Hey, chill yourself!” Sirius shot back.
“Chill yourself?” mocked Becky, “really, Black?”
“Guys!” hissed Zizi looking noticing the growing amount of attention they were receiving, “can we please not do this here; people are staring!”
“No,” said Becky bluntly. “I want to know what’s going on.”
“It’s not my secret to tell!” hissed Penelope as she too looked around the large room.
“So there is a secret!” declared Alice haughtily.
Zizi’s visage fell. “Why don’t you guys trust us?”
Penelope rolled her eyes. “For the last time it’s not my secret to tell!”
“Fine,” said Alice crossing her arms, “then why doesn’t Lily tell us?”
“And why would she tell you?” added Becky, “No offense but you are a horrible liar and secret keeper.”
“None taken,” smiled Penelope as she sat down next to her beau, “I’m proud of my lack of lying talent.”
“So fess up,” said Becky as she leaned in and nodded her head suavely, “what’s the secret?”
Penelope leaned in teasingly, “ask Lily.”
“Damn,” mumbled Becky as she leaned back.
There was a pause which Penelope took to change the subject. “So you’re all coming to my party tonight right?”
“Yup,” said Becky after taking a swig of pumpkin juice, “and the majority of the seventh and sixth years are too.”
“I can’t go, sorry,” said James as he poked at the food on his plate.
“The hell you can’t!” snorted Becky.
“We have a match tomorrow—” he shrugged defensivly.
“Yah, against Hufflepuff,” laughed Becky, “you could be blind and still make more goals than they could.”
“She has a point—” started Sirius but James cut him off.
“I don’t know any muggle movies—”
“I can help you out, mate.” Offered Remus, “Zizi’s showed me a lot of muggle movies lately.
“Oh so that’s what the kids are calling it these days,” snickered Becky.
Zizi smacked her, but directed her attention at Penelope, “What’s Lily doing? She’s coming right?”
“She can’t miss your party,” said Alice.
“I dunno,” shrugged Penelope trying to mask her unhappiness, “I hope she comes.”
She sat with her back to me, and her hand entwined in her freshly cut hair. It ended just bellow her ears and had been lightened to a pail blonde. She tickled her nose with her quill in contimplation, I felt bad for interrupting her train of thought but after she tossed her quill aside and crumpled up the parchment she had been writing on I figured she could use a break. I inhaled deeply and then strode over to her table, standing awkwardly next to a chair.
“Hey Alice, can I sit?” I asked timdily.
“Lily!” she greated me in surprise, “Yes of course! Sit, please. I haven’t seen you in the library for a while.”
I pulled out the chair and sat down, but didn’t look at Alice. “Yah I missed it. I’ve missed a lot of stuff, but I uh I don’t want to miss anything else.” I looked over at her trying to read her reaction.
She bit her lip while the corners of her mouth twitched, “Yah?”
“Well good because we’ve missed you too, and I’m sorry but this whole depressed Lily is way less fun than my Lily,” she laughed as she allowed herself to smile and her muscles to relax.
“So Penny’s throwing her first party tonight,” I said as I crossed my arms on the table and leaned forward.
“She i-is,” she said happily, moving her shoulders to the syllibles, even creating one of her own. “It’s a muggle movie costume party.”
“What are you going as?” I asked her curiously.
“Frank and I are going as Bonnie and Clyde,” she smiled, “What about you?”
“I was thinking of going as Juno-“
“Is Dan going as Bleaker?”
I looked down at my hands, “I don’t really know what he’s doing tonight.”
“Oh,” she said trying her best to sound disappointed, “Well then I guess we get you all to ourselves huh?”
“Hey do you have your costume yet? I haven’t—” she didn’t even let me finish the sentence before she jumped to her feet and grabbed my wrist, pulling me to my feet.
“You! Me! Shopping! Now!” she exclaimed as she dragged me out of the library—not because I was unwilling, no, no I was dying to go shopping with her I just couldn’t catch up to her speed or follow her zig-zaggy path.
“I am so glad I’m not the only one going stag!” exclaimed Becky for the third time in ten minutes.
I rolled my eyes as I waddled out of the dressing room, “I don’t think she was this preggers, and what happened to that guy you went to Hogsmeade with?”
“He was afraid of flying,” shrugged Becky.
“She was definitely that pregnant,” laughed Zizi as she got up and circled me, “Jesus, you’re a planet!”
“Why thank you,” I laughed, “How am I supposed to dance in this?”
I wore the typical Juno costume- worn jeans under a plad skirt, a white and orange striped tee, with a dark jacket, and old sneakers.
“Just do a little jig!” exclaimed Alice as she jumped up from her seat and started squirming like she had to pee.
“Or not,” laughed Becky as she eyed Alice worriedly, “That’s always an option too.”
“Maybe you should go with something a little more practical,” said Zizi as she tilted her head, looking me over.
“No, Juno’s fine,” I said nervously as I stared the large artifical baby bump. “What are you guys going as?”
Becky shrugged, “I was thinking that chick from Star Trek.”
“Beauty and the Beast,” laughed Zizi before adding, “it was Remus’s idea.”
“Bonnie and Clyde,” said Alice dramatically as she extended her thumb and pointer finger, creating a gun with her hands.
Penelope rolled her eyes, “Jasmine and Aladin—Sirius insisted he go shirtless.”
Alice, Becky, and I purchased our costumes, Penelope and Zizi had already gotten theres, and ended at Honeydukes, which I was thankful for since my cravings for their home made fudge had increased within the last couple of weeks.
Penelope’s party was set to start at nine o’clock that evening. By the time we returned to the dorm room it was three and with the Room of Requirements already decorated Penelope decided it was time to start getting ourselves ready…and I decided it was time to clue the rest of our friends in on the bun in my oven.
According to the pregnancy books I kept hidden under my bed I would begin to show at 6 weeks, meaning I had two more weeks to tell them before my new waistband size told them.
I stood in the bathroom staring at my reflection in the mirror, attempting to gather my courage. I closed my eyes and took a deap breath. Who am I kidding? I thought, They love me and a baby won’t change that. I opened my eyes and walked into bedroom. Alice, wearing all vintage clothing and a barret, stood in front of the tall mirror zipping up the back of Zizi’s yellow gown. Penelope stood next to them adjusting her small hat and veil. Becky was starring at herself in her compact mirror, constantly smacking her lips.
I cleared my throat rather loudly and they all glanced over at me. I met Penelope’s gaze and she nodded. I closed my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
Silence. It was the loudest silence I had ever heard in my life. I opened my eyes to see four pairs of eyes staring back at me, unblinking and unwavering. It went on forevever until finally:
“How far along are you?” asked Alice, her hand holding the zipper midway up Zizi’s back.
“Bout four weeks I think.” I glanced around to each of their faces trying to read their thoughts, but I couldn’t. I had no idea what was going on through their heads.
“So James is the father.” Stated Zizi calmly.
I nodded. Becky closed her mirror and walked over to me. She kissed me on the cheek and then wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “I call godmother.”
Alice laughed, “You’ll have to fight me for it.”
“Doesn’t matter anyway—the little tike will love their Aunt Zizi the best once they see the kick ass miral I’m going to paint in their nursery!” exclaimed Zizi.
Penelope smiled at me. “Boy or girl their name is Penelope.”
My lip began to quiver, my eyes stung, and my nose became wet. Rivers flowed down my face and I began to blubbler like a mental person. “I love you, I love you all!” I covered my face with my hands, but even with the darkness I could feel four pairs of arms wrapped around me. It was just me and my sisters.
By nine thirty the party was in full swing—outlandish characters (spacecowboys, draculas, Disney princesses, and Star Trek aliens alike) were circulating the room loudly and thourougly. In the center was the large dance floor with large light up squares that changed colors when applied with pressure. The ceiling was adorned with paper streamers around which space ships, airplanes, submarines, and flying ships soared—eventually students began to levitate their friends and people began to become entangled in the streamers. Around all four walls were long tables filled with drinks and food
Upon arriving Becky immediately found a dance partner and raced to the dance floor. Alice and Frank and Zizi and Remus were not far behind, and Sirius finally convinced Penelope to let loose and have fun. Lily was glad to be situated near one of the drink tables and free of her friends. While she loved them dearly their hovering and unaturally bubbly attitudes were starting to wear on her.
She stood happily watching the dancers enjoy themselves until someone bumped into her, causing her to step forward. She turned around and smiled. “James, uhm hi.”
“Hey,” he smiled as he looked down at her, but he quickly shook his head, “Sorry about that… how are you? I heard you’ve been pretty sick.”
“Oh yah that,” laughed Lily as she waved her hand, “I’m fine.”
“That’s good.” He nodded and then looked around the room and then down at her again. “So you’re pregnant?”
Her heart began to pound, “What?!” she shouted in shock. Her change in volume was hardly noticeable due to the ever increasing noise of the party.
“Your outfit… you’re preggers?”
She looked down and sighed to herself, “Oh yah, that. I’m Juno.”
His nervous face broke from the huge smile that grew. “I’m Bleaker!”
She laughed and took in his outfit, recognizing his shorts. “Are those the shorts—”
“That you conjured on me in the fourth year during the middle of a Quidditch match? Yah.”
“You kept them?” she reached out and touched the side of them instictivly.
“Of course. They’re the first gift you ever gave me.”
“I’d hardly call them a gift—you froze your arse off.”
“Yah,” he smirked, “But I won.”
She smiled, “You win everything.”
His face fell and he dropped his gaze to his feet. “Not everything—not anything important really. I lose stuff too.”
She pinched his cheek in an attempt to cheer him up, “James Potter losing? Never.”
He smiled and took her hand, already knowing her answer. “Do you want to dance… with me?”
“I’d love to.”
She followed him onto the dance floor and just as they found a space the song switched from up beat to slow—she rolled her eyes happily. She hung her arms around his neck and he pulled her closer so that his stomach was touching her fake baby bump.
“Do you feel like something’s separating us?” she joked as she looked down.
“Nah,” he laughed, “it’s connecting us.”
Her eyes immediately sought his. “You want kids?” she asked.
“Of course I do.”
“But what about being an auror?”
“That’d be cool,” he shrugged, “but it’s not what I really want.” He cleared his throat and dropped his hands. “Dan.”
“Huh?” she lowered her hands to wrest on his chest.
He rolled his, “You should probably be with—”
“Forget about Dan—he’s an ass. Tell me what it is you really want.”
He looked away and sighed, but then finally met her gaze. “I want-I want to grow old with you. Have some kids and grandkids and just… be with you.”
She smiled and went on to her toes. Everything faded away. The music, the lights, the flying objects, the people, the pressure, the nausea, and the dizziness. Her lips connected with his. She kissed him, and he kissed her back. Her fingers found the hair at the nape of his neck and his found the arch of her back.
How long the kiss lasted neither party could tell, but after what felt like a mere moment everything caming rushing back in. The music deafened them. The lights blinded them. The flying objects fought for their attention, and the people crowded them. They broke apart.
“I’m sorry!” shouted Lily over the music just before she ran away from him through the thick sea of people. It was hard to move through the crowd with her oversized belly, and she accidently pushed a shirtless dancer. “Oh sorry—Oh hey Sirius. Have you seen Dan?”
“Did I just see you kiss James?” he shouted, confused.
She raised an eyebrow, “Did you?”
Suddenly an alarming amount of dancers stopped and began to look at a glowing tabloid.
“And apparently so did Deani,” laughed Sirius.
“Crap. Okay now I’ve really got to find Dan.”
“You have got to be kidding me!” shouted Sirius as he took hold of her arm and yanked her outside.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he excalimed once they reached the somewhat quiet corridor, which was littered with only a few intimate couples.
“Besides the fact that in the morning my arm may or may not be attached to my body?” she countered as she rubbed her arm.
“You break up with James. Then you start daiting Danile. Then you kiss James and now you want to go be with Daniel?”
Lily took a breath, “You’re right, okay? I messed up—”
“Yah, big time! And many time!”
“And I’m trying to fix it!” she exclaimed becoming annoyed with his judgements. “But first I need to find Dan—” she was interrupted by Sirius groaning and throwing his hands in the air but she took his hand and perservered “—so I can end it with him.”
She caught his attention. “You’re breaking up with him?” She nodded affirmatively. “And you’re getting back together with James?”
“Think he will ever be able to forgive me?”
“No!” exclaimed a male voice from behind her. “No I will not!”
She dropped Sirius’s hand and turned around.
He rushed over to them, his face red with anger. “So you’re shaking up with him too?”
He stepped closer to Lily, towering over her. “I saw the picture in Deani, you hore!”
Sirius shoved him backwards with his left arm and swung at him with his right. Daneil staggered backwards, but Sirius cought him by his popped polar collar and shoved him against the wall.
“That,” he hissed, “Was for James, and this—” he shoved him against the wall again, “is for Lily.”
“Sirius!” she exclaimed in shock.
“And if you ever come near her ever again I will smash your skull through this wall.” Sirius dropped him and took a step backwards, giving enough space for Daniel to runaway, which he promptly did.
“Thanks,” whispered Lily.
Sirius held her by the shoulders. “You okay?”
She nodded, “just a bit dizzy.”
“Come on,” he said as he wrapped his arm around her waist to support her, “let’s get you to bed.”
“Will still be waiting for you tomorrow.”
“I need to talk to him.”
“You need to rest. You and James can talk tomorrow.”
“I’ll come back after I drop you off at your dorm. Now no excuses come on.” He began to guide her but she stopped again.
“He’s right, you know. I am a whore.”
He pulled her close to him in a one-arm hug, “You are not a whore, do you hear me?”
A tear slid down her cheek. “I don’t know how James will ever forgive me.”
“He loves you more than you know.”
She looked up into his eyes. “I love him too.”
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