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Chapter 1 : Hear My Confessions
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This is my first story and one-shot on HPFF! I hope you all enjoy reading it because I had I certainly enjoyed writing it!
Disclaimer: Harry Potter doesn't belong to me, which means, sadly, neither does Remus Lupin.
Hear My Confessions
There were three things I swore I’d never tell Remus Lupin.
One. I had a huge crush on him. Remus and I had met on Platform 9 ¾. Temporarily separated from my mother, Remus had found me crying. He had taken my hand and led me back to his parents, who helped locate my frantic mother. And the whole time he never let go of my hand. From then on, he became one of my best friends. And then third year everything changed. Summer had been extremely kind to Remus who returned to Hogwarts, taller and more handsome than ever. From that moment on, whenever Remus is around me, my heart races, my hands become clammy and I smile, a lot. And when he leaves, I can’t stop smiling. It isn’t just Remus’s good looks; it’s his kindness, his intelligence, his sense of humor. Most girls pass Remus over for his best friends James Potter and Sirius Black and sometimes I wish they would take the time to get to know him, but then I’m glad they don’t as I don’t think I could handle any more competition; Holly Wardlen is enough.
Two. I dreamed about him. A lot. Most of them were dreams like the two of us sharing our first kiss, getting married, having naming out first baby. But sometimes, especially after a tiring day or a particularly hard Quidditch practice, my dreams were a bit raunchy. Like the one I had last night. Me and Remus…in the darkest corner of the library…studying anatomy…
Third. I knew his deepest secret: he is a werewolf. In our first year, the first month I noticed how pale and sickly he was. He passed it of as a cold (a lot of people had the flu at the time) but the following month he got “sick” again and by month three I had figured it out. And so for the past five years, I have struggled on whether or not to tell him I knew his secret. On the one hand, I wanted him to know that I was perfectly accepting of his condition. I knew James, Sirius and Peter knew about his condition and I had seen how happy he was, so wouldn’t he feel even happier knowing that I have known all along and don’t care? But on the other hand, I wanted him to tell me. Some days I wondered if Remus didn’t trust me enough, if he really did fear that I was never going to speak to him again if he ever told me about his condition.
But then again, I had my own secret too, a secret that only two people knew about. And as my best friend Jill Pritchard pointed out, how can I be upset with Remus for not telling me his secret, when I’ve never told him mine.
And so I had swore to myself that I would never tell Remus any of these three things. But most of the time, when we swear we will never do something, 95% of the time, we end up doing it. And so it was that all three things became known to Remus and it all began with Professor Raleigh.
Professor Raleigh had appeared after we all returned from Christmas holiday, with the news that our regular professor, Professor Suan, would be out on maternity leave for the remainder of the year. At first none of us minded; Professor Raleigh looked kind enough: tall and thin, wrinkled weathered face, sapphire eyes set behind large wire rimmed glasses. We soon learned however that Professor Raleigh was anything but kind. He was a cruel, demanding professor. In his classroom there was only one rule: his. No one liked Professor Raleigh except for the Slytherins. Never sticking to the book, Professor Raleigh only taught what he thought was relevant, what he agreed with and the only opinion that mattered and was correct was his. We all learned to get by in his class by shutting up, taking notes and pretending to agree with everything he said. And so Defense Against the Arts had gone from being my favorite class to being the classes I dreaded.
It was an unusually warm February afternoon and the classroom windows had been thrown open to tempt in a nonexistent breeze. Professor Raleigh had gone off on a tangent on how purebloods are better at defending themselves against dark magic than half bloods and muggleborns. I sat slumped in my chair, tracing the letters RJL in the upper left corner of my paper. I was daydreaming, planning me and Remus’ wedding, when Professor Raleigh’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“…just like werewolves.”
My hand froze over the J and I slowly looked up at Professor Raleigh, who was standing at the front of the room, hands deep in his pockets. I had no idea what we had been learning and how it connected to werewolves at all, but by the look of disgust on Professor Raleigh’s face, I knew this was going to turn out bad.
Beside me, Peter Pettigrew raised a shaking hand.
“Professor, I-I thought we were learning about trolls.”
“We are,” Professor Raleigh answered in a cold voice.
“What do werewolves have to do with trolls?” snapped James Potter, not even bothering to raise his hand.
“Both are dangerous creatures and both deserve to be locked up.”
In the silence that followed, I glanced at Remus who was sitting two seats ahead of me to my left. He was staring at Professor Raleigh with a blank expression on his face. The only sign of tension was the way he was clutching his quill with a shaking hand.
“I don’t think werewolves need to be locked up,” said Sirius Black, a couple seats behind me.
“They are only werewolves once a month,” said Peter. “Why punish them for the rest of the time they are human.”
“They are still dangerous even in human form,” replied Professor Raleigh.
“What the hell are you talking about?” asked Jill and I grinned. Professor Raleigh turned his cold eyes onto Jill.
“What you said doesn’t make any sense and besides, being a werewolf doesn’t make you any less human,” Jill responded coldly and several people voiced their agreement.
“I agree. I think all werewolves should be treated equally.” I said. Professor Raleigh turned his dark eyes on to me.
“What about Fenrir Greyback?” he asked. At the name, my stomach squirmed uncomfortably and anger course through my entire body.
“He is just one man,” Jill shot back.
“A bad man,” answered Professor Raleigh as though that settled the matter. “A man whose sickness has corrupted him.”
“Are you saying that being a werewolf makes you a bad person?” asked Peter.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” said Professor Raleigh.
“So,” I said, slowly, trying to control my shaking voice. “If you became a werewolf, that would make you a bad person?”
Silence followed my statement and the entire class swiveled their head from me to Professor Raleigh, who stood there, looking stunned. If there was one thing Professor Raleigh believed, it was that he was a very good person. He opened and closed his mouth several times but no words came out. Several people sniggered and Tanya Snider, a pretty Hufflepuff who sat behind me, poked me in the back. I turned in my seat to be greeted with thumbs up from several people including my best friend Jill Pritchard. The whole class continued to stare at a dumbstruck Professor Raleigh. The bell rang signaling the end of class but everyone remained seated, staring at Professor Raleigh.
“You are dismissed,” he finally muttered and, as the class sprung to their feet, collecting books and stuffing quills and parchment back into their bags, he slowly lowered himself into the chair behind his desk.
“That was brilliant,” said Jill as we exited the classroom.
“It was just a simple question,” I said, bending down to tie my shoe.
“Not simple enough,” Jill laughed. “He didn’t answer and as a bonus, no homework!”
“Yes but mind you, he is probably going to give us double on Monday,” I said straightening up. Over Jill’s shoulder, I spotted the Marauders. They were a good four feet away, huddled together and talking in low whispers.
“I don’t want to think about that. I just want to think about the fact that my best friend shut up that sorry excuse for a professor. You are gonna be famous.”
“I doubt that,” I laughed, still keeping my eyes on the Marauders. Remus was vigorously nodding his head and smiling a smile I think was supposed to be reassuring, but I wasn’t fooled.
“Going to head up to the dorms for a nap?” Jill asked, picking at her chipped nail polish. It was our free period which for me usually meant a nap.
“Maybe,” I said. “What about you?”
“Quidditch practice, I think. Sirius was going to come with me. Where did he go?”
“Behind you,” I said, adjusting the shoulder strap on my bag. Jill glanced over her shoulder and then back at me, a grin on her face.
“I should have known. I mean you were just staring at Remus.”
“Was not,” I muttered.
“Were too,” Jill said. “You’re obsessed.”
“Am not,” I whispered as we made our way over to where the boys were standing.
“Are to. You want to hug him, you want to kiss him, you want to—ow!” She broke off as I jabbed her hard in the ribs. “Hey Sirius.”
The boys looked up at Jill’s call. James scowled at her. James wasn’t too fond of Jill. It was no secret that his girlfriend Lily Evans was threatened by Jill. Not only was Jill extremely pretty, but she was very smart, smart enough to rival Lily herself. School came too easy to Jill, she hardly ever studied. She could probably sleep through an entire term and ace the exam. James only put up with Jill because she was my best friend, Sirius’s possible love interest and because she was the best damn Chaser Gryffindor had ever had.
“Coming down to the Quidditch pitch?” Sirius asked.
“Of course,” Jill said smiling at him.
“Hey Remus,” I said.
“Hey Eden,” he answered.
“You two wanna come watch us practice?” asked James.
“Why would we want to do that?” Remus asked.
“Because I know you like watching me. You think I’m sexy, zooming around on my broomstick, wind blowing though my hair.”
“Yeah… no thank you,” said Remus, as I snorted. “I’m going to the library.”
“Oh mind if I join you?” I asked, perhaps a bit to quickly as Jill giggled behind her hand.
“Thought you were going to take a nap.”
“I’m good,” I said, glaring at Jill.
“Of course,” Remus said.
“See you at lunch,” Sirius said, slinging an arm around Jill’s shoulder.
“Bye Eden,” Jill said, wiggling her fingers at me. I stuck my tongue out at her, as I followed Remus down the corridor. We walked in silence and once again, I began to battle with myself on whether or not I should tell Remus I know his secret. He looked so upset I wanted to fling my arms around him and cry but I decided against it as I didn’t want to freak him out. When we got to the library, Madam Pince beamed at Remus. I swear if she was twenty years younger, she’d be all over Remus. Her smile turned into a glare when she looked at me. She still hadn’t forgiven me for the incident I caused in the library last year. I had fallen asleep at a table and somehow accidentally ended up setting a bookcase on fire. The fire was put out, the books restored, but Madam Pince never fully accepted my apology.
“She still hates you over that book incident last year doesn’t she?” Remus asked, giving me a small smile as we headed toward a table by the window.
“I apologized,” I said. “I even offered to help restore the books but I think she was afraid I was going to set them on fire again.
Remus chuckled as he pulled out his chair. As I sat down across from him, I noticed Holly Wardlen and her posse sitting at a corner table, glaring at me. I smirked as I pulled out my History of Magic book and began to read. Three minutes in, I had stopped reading and was now pretending to read so that I could watch Remus work out of the corner of my eye. It was so cute, they way his brow furrowed up in concentration, the way he ran his fingers through his hair, how he muttered under his breath as he scribbled away on his parchment. We continued like this for a few moments in silence before Remus finally spoke.
“Did you really mean it?”
“Sorry?” I asked.
“In class,” he said softly. “Did you really mean what you said…about werewolves being treated equal…”
“Of course. I did. It’s like Peter said. They are only werewolves once a month so why punish them for the other 353 days they aren’t. It would be like punishing women for their monthly curse.”
Remus chuckled and then grew serious.
“What about werewolves like Greyback?” Remus said.
“I don’t think the sins of one madman should condemn everyone else.” I said, glaring down at my book.
“Mmmm,” Remus said and when I looked up he was smiling softly. That should have been the end of it. I should have let Remus go back to his studying while I pretended to go back to mine. But before I could stop myself, the words that I’d been struggling for years to hold onto slipped out.
“Remus. I know what you are.”
The smile on his face froze and then it slowly slid away. I watched his face lose color and his entire body seemed to seize up.
“Remus,” I whispered, reaching across the table to touch his hand. He jumped, slammed his Transfiguration book shut and began to stuff his book and parchment into his bag.
“Remus wait,” I began.
“Who told you?” He whispered in a voice mixed with anger and fear.
“No-No one,” I stammered. I figured it out all by myself. Remus please…can’t…can’t we talk?”
He stared at me for a moment, a muscle pulsing in his jaw and then he seemed to relax slightly. “Not here.”
He waited as I hurriedly stuffed my book into my bag and then he took off, practically running through the library. And even though this was a serious matter, I couldn’t help but notice that Remus Lupin as a nice bum. Stop it Eden! I said to myself. But I just couldn’t help it; my poor female eyes were defenseless against his butt.
Remus lead to me an empty classroom. Once he shut the door, he sat on a desk and then ran his fingers through his hair. I stood there awkwardly, watching him. “So..”
“So…”I repeated, rocking back and forth on my heels.
“How did you…I mean…how long…?”
“Why didn’t you tell me!?” I said, interrupting his stammers. “I mean we are supposed to be best friends aren’t we? Did you honestly believe that being a werewolf was going to stop me from liking you? Don’t you trust me?”
“Eden, I’m ashamed to say it but yes, I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me because of…what I am. I’ve always seen my condition through the eyes of people like Professor Raleigh and coming to Hogwarts, having friends for the first time in my life; I didn’t want to ruin that.”
I completely understood how he felt. “Well,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “Professor Raleigh is an ass.”
Remus laughed. “And as far as trust goes, I trust you with my life. Please don’t ever think otherwise. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”
“It’s ok,” I replied, smiling at him and wonder how it was possible that I could like him even more. We stood there for a moment, gazing at each other and then we both looked away.
“So um…”I began slowly. “Who did it?”
“The man we talked about earlier: Fenrir Greyback.”
It was like the time in second year when Jill made me try out for the Quidditch team and I got hit the stomach with the quaffle: all the air seemed to leave me at once. I felt light headed and my heart was hammering so loud I thought Remus would hear it.
“Eden?” he asked. “Eden what’s wrong?”
What’s wrong? What’s wrong was that I had no idea how to tell my best friend and the boy I possibly loved that my father was the reason for what he is. I shook my head frantically as Remus slid off the desk and took a step toward me and then I turned and bolted from the room.
“Look, there’s only ninety five days left in the school year, not counting weekends mind you. So all I have to do is avoid Remus for the remainder of the year.”
“What about seventh year?” Jill asked.
“Beauxbatons is a nice school. And I’ve always wanted to visit France.”
“You cannot be serious?” Jill sighed. They two of us were sitting on my bed. I was flipping through this month’s issue of Teen Witch while Jill braided my hair.
“I don’t understand why you don’t just talk to him.”
“My father bit him.”
“But you are not your father,” Jill said, twisting a hair tie around the end of my braid. “And besides, Remus is a nice guy I’m sure he will understand.”
“He won’t,” I whined. “Especially after I went on about him not trusting me enough to tell me his secret when I can’t even tell him mine.”
“I think you should just tell him everything.”
“Yep. The truth about your father and how much you like him. Just get it all out in one go.”
“Oh ok. How does this sound? ‘Hey Remus I think you are the sexiest thing to walk the planet since John Lennon and oh, by the way the man who bit you is my father.’ Yeah that will go over well.”
“Oh John Lennon is sexy! He has that whole—”
“Can we please stay on topic?” I interrupted. “I just have to ignore him.”
Easier said than done. Even though I took alternate routes to class, sat nowhere near the Marauders and even managed to weasel my way out a Potions project I was assigned with Remus (I pretended to contract Hippogriff Pox), even though Remus finally got the hint and left me alone, that didn’t stop James, Sirius or Peter from pursing me relentlessly.
Two weeks after I ran out on Remus, I was walking back to the Gryffindor common room. I had been hiding out in the library all afternoon. Dinner had started five minutes ago and I was confident everyone would be there, including the Marauders.
It happened so fast, I had no time to react. One minute I was completely alone, the next surrounded by three very irate Marauders.
“What the hell is going on?” James demanded.
“Hey guys,” I said weakly.
“What did you do to Remus?” Sirius snapped.
“Nothing!” I exclaimed.
“Well, we certainly don’t believe that,” muttered Peter.
“He’s been all moody lately; one minute he's snapping at us, the next moping around like someone died and yesterday he--” James stopped abruptly and then his eyes narrowed. His voice lowered to a harsh whisper. “He told you about his…problem didn’t he?”
“Well yes but—”
“So you’ve stopped talking to him just because he’s a werewolf?” hissed Sirius. The three of them were slowly stalking towards me, backing me up against the wall.
“What about all that stuff you said in Professor Raleigh’s class?”
“I never thought you’d stoop to his level.”
“Will the three of you shut up!” I snapped. “What’s going on has nothing to do with Remus being a werewolf.”
“Well then what is it?”
“I can’t tell you,” I said.
“Can’t or won’t?” asked Sirius, his voice dripping with venom.
“Both,” I shot back.
“What’s going on here?” It was Jill. Standing behind her, eyeing the scene with great interest, where the rest of the Gryffindor girls in my year—Lily Evans, Alice McClintock and Emmeline Vance.
“Nothing,” James said. “We were just talking.”
“And now, I’m leaving,” I responded, pushing my way through the boys.
“Aren’t you going to dinner?” Jill asked.
“No I’m not hungry.”
“See you later,” Jill said, as I strode past her and I knew by the look on her face, that she didn’t believe me for a second.
“You can’t keep doing this,” Jill said as she entered our dormitory, forty-five minutes later. She was carrying something wrapped in a napkin, which she handed to me. “Here, dinner.”
I unwrapped the napkin to reveal three chicken legs and a handful of chips. “Oh thank you! You are a life saver.”
“Yes, I know,” she sighed as she changed into a pair of jeans. “How long can you keep this up?”
“Ninety-five days, not counting weekends.”
“You can’t just keep running away.”
“Why not?” I asked, popping a chip into my mouth. “I spent the first eleven years of my life doing it.”
“Yes but the difference between then and now is you have a choice. And I think you’re choosing wrong.”
Silence followed her statement until I finally broke it. “How do you know he won’t hate me?”
“You didn’t do it to him,” Jill said. I didn’t say anything, just watched as she pulled on a jacket over her white collared shirt and applied gloss to her lips.
“Where are you going?”
“Thomas and I are going on a romantic walk around the lake.”
“Oh how nice.”
She smiled at me and then headed for the door. She paused for a moment and then looked at me. “Please at least think about what I said.”
And then she left. I finished my dinner and then tried to read A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration but I couldn’t concentrate. Mr. Chubbs, my fat orange tabby was in a bad need of brush and I was searching for it when the door opened and Lily came in.
“Hey,” she greeted me with a soft smile.
“Hi,” I answered as I pulled my brush out from my trunk.
Lily placed her book bag on her bed and then watched me as I settled myself down on my bed, brush in hand.
“Look,” she began slowly. “I don’t know what’s going on between you and Remus but whatever it is, I know it’s really hurting him.”
I stopped brushing Chubbs, who nudged me with his head. “What?”
“I worked with him on the Potions project. He told me that the two of you were talking about something personal and that you just ran out on him. I’ve never seen him so upset; he couldn’t even concentrate on what he was doing. He melted our cauldron.” Lily headed towards the door, opened it and then paused. “I think you ought to fix whatever is going on between you two. He thinks you hate him.”
“Damn you Lily Evans,” I muttered to myself as I lay awake that night, staring at Chubbs’ sleeping form on the window ledge. All I could think about was Remus moping around, thinking I hated him.
“I don’t hate you,” I whispered, wishing that he could hear those words. Tears slipped down across the bridge of my nose and I stayed awake all night, silently battling with myself. The next morning when Jill woke up and found me lying there with red, puffy eyes, she lost it.
“That’s it!” she screeched. “If you don’t tell Remus today, I will.”
After a long warm shower, I headed down slowly to the common room, hoping to find James, Sirius or Peter. I found all three of them sitting in a far corner of the room, laughing. As I approached, they all fell silent.
“Can I talk to you?” I whispered. The boys exchanged quick glances.
“Sure,” James said.
“What’s up?” Sirius asked. I exhaled slowly.
“Can you tell Remus to meet me in the Astronomy Tower tonight?”
“Sure,” said Sirius, as James and Peter nodded. I gave them a quick smile and as I turned to exit the Great Hall, James spoke.
“Thank you Eden.”
I spent the entire day in the library, thinking of an easy way to tell Remus my own secret, but nothing came to me. At 7:15, I left and went to go meet him. It was probably the longest walk of my life and the closer I got to the Astronomy Tower, the more my heart pounded. When I finally got there, I took a deep breath before opening the door.
Remus was leaning against the railing, gazing out at the moon and stars. He glanced at me over his shoulder and then returned his gaze to the night sky. I had no idea how to begin this conversation so I said the first the thing that came to mind.
“I don’t hate you.”
“It sure seemed that way,” Remus replied softly.
“I’m sorry,” I said, tucking a strand of chestnut colored hair behind my ear. “My running away had nothing to do with you being a werewolf.”
“So then why did you run?” Remus asked finally turning around to look at me.
“Personal issues,” I said.
“So I can tell you about my personal issues but you can’t tell about me yours?”
“Don’t you trust me?” He whispered.
“I do…it’s just…you are going to hate me.”
“How do you know?”
We stayed silent for a moment and then Remus said, “Are you a werewolf too?” and I heard a hint of a smile in his voice.
“No,” I said, smiling a little.
“Well then what is it?”
“I’m good at handling complicated matters,” Remus said.
“I don’t think you could handle this,” I whispered.
“Because!” I just could take it anymore. I just had to tell him and if he hated me, then he hated me. But I just couldn’t keep avoiding him. “Fenrir Greyback…is my father.”
Shock flitted across his face and he stared at me. “What?” he whispered.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I’m so sorry.”
And then I ran.
But this time Remus ran after me.
“Eden wait!” He shouted. I kept on running and I could hear him pounding after me. “Please wait.”
I stumbled as I turned a corner and Remus caught up with me. He grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him.
“Please let go!” I said, struggling to slip from his grip.
“Eden stop! Stop! Woman stop!”
The word ‘woman’ distracted me long enough for Remus to better his grip on me. He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me.
“It’s ok.” He said softly.
I cried, hot tears of anger, frustration and sadness. I cried for Remus whose life had been forever altered by my father. I cried for my mother whose happy ending was violently ripped away from her. And I cried for myself as all the resentment I had ever felt for my father came tumbling out. I was crying to so hard, I hardly noticed that Remus was guiding me into an empty classroom.
“It’s alright.” He said again. He sat me on floor and then sat next to me, wrapping his arm tightly around my shoulder. “It’s alright.”
I cried even harder, resting my head on Remus’ shoulder. He tightened his hold on me and nestled his face in my hair. When I finally stopped crying, I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“Do you…do you hate me?”
“No, of course not! I’m just a little shocked is all. I had no idea he didn’t even have a family.”
“He doesn’t,” I whispered harshly. “My mom never…she didn’t want…”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Remus said but I shook my head.
“No you deserve to know.” I took a deep shuddering breath. “Mum went to school with Greyback. She said everyone was afraid of him, even those in his own house knew not to upset him. Mum never knew he was a werewolf. In their sixth year, Greyback started pursuing her but mum wasn’t interested. She kept turning him down and he kept asking.”
“Like Lily and James.”
“Yes but creppier. After graduation, mum started her Healer’s training. She said she never saw Greyback after graduation but he always seemed to know where she was. He’d send her flowers and chocolate and love letters but she always threw them away. Then halfway through her second year of training. She met Paul.” I smiled remembering the handsome dark haired man mum had showed me in the faded photo she kept in her jewelry box. “Mum told me her mum died weeks after having her and her dad hated her, blamed her for his wife’s death so mum says she’d never known true love until she met Paul.
She said every time she was with him it was like she was meeting him again for the first time. The way she talks about him, the way her eyes light up when I ask about him, she still loves him.” I fell silent for a few seconds before continuing. “They dated for a year and a half and then Paul asked her to marry him. They had a beautiful wedding in Ireland. After the wedding they headed back to their new home to get their bags for their honeymoon. Greyback was waiting for them. They didn’t even have time to draw their wands. Greyback killed Paul and he…he…raped my mother.”
I heard Remus’ sharp intake of breath and fresh tears pooled in my eyes. “Afterwards, mum fought him off and she ran. When she found out she was pregnant, she wanted to get rid of the baby; she didn’t want to be reminded of her past, didn’t want any part of Greyback. But she couldn’t do it. She told me it wasn’t fair that I should have to pay for what my…father…did to her. She said when I was born and she held me in her arms for the first time, she fell in love all over again.”
I fell silent, deciding that if Remus wanted to say something now was the time. But he didn’t say anything and when I looked up at him, he was gazing at me with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Do you remember,” I said. “When you told me that coming to Hogwarts and having friends for the first time was the best thing that ever happened to you and you didn’t want to ruin it?” Remus nodded. “That’s how it was for me. Before Hogwarts, mum and I were always moving because she was afraid that Greyback would find us. Until Hogwarts I never had a permanent home. So coming here meeting Jill, James, Sirius, Peter…you…was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Thank you.” Remus said finally after a few seconds of comfortable silence. “For sharing your story with me. I can understand know how hard it was for you tell me this.”
“Don’t thank me,” I said chuckling. “Thank Jill. Truthfully I was ready to avoid you for the rest of my life but she threatened to tell you herself and I figured it would be better coming from me. Plus she is super scary when she is angry.”
“Jill knows…I’m a werewolf?” Remus asked.
“Yeah she figured it out fourth year. She was out past curfew meeting some boy and she heard footsteps and hid in a broom closet and she peeked out and saw you and Madam Pomfrey walk by and heard Madam Pomfrey say she wished there was something she could give you to ease your transformation.”
“I should thank her too for keeping my secret.”
“Jill would never tell. Besides she had no choice, I told if she said anything, I kill her and bury her body where no one would find it.”
“Does he…does Greyback know about you?” Remus asked and my heart leaped at the hint of concern and fear in his voice.
“I don’t think so,” I said. “There have been a few close calls, like him showing up in the same town we were staying at but I don’t think he ever saw us.”
“What if he finds out about you? What if he finds you?”
“I’ll kick his ass.”
“Eden, I’m being serious!”
“So am I!” Remus chuckled and shook his head.
“I hope you don’t plan on kicking his ass on your own.”
“Why? Do you want a piece of Greyback for yourself?”
“Of course,” Remus smirked.
Our laughing died down and I wanted nothing more than to stay up here, wrapped in Remus’ arms forever.
“We should head back now,” Remus finally said. He untangled himself from me and then stood up. He extended his hands to pull me up and when he did I peered up into his face. In the flickering firelight, I could see each and every self inflicted scar that adorned his face. Slowly, I reached up and traced every one of his scars and it wasn’t until Remus touched my cheek, did I realize I was crying again.
“Hey,” he whispered. He grabbed my hand and kissed it before bringing it down to cover his heart. “It’s ok.”
“I know, I just hate what my father did to you, what you have to go through because of him.”
Remus stared into my eyes for a moment before saying, “I am grateful to you father for one thing.”
“What?” I asked, even though I was sure I knew what he was going to say; my heart was pounding in anticipation.
“You,” he whispered.
“That was cheesy wasn’t it?” Remus asked.
“Yes but I love cheese. The more cheese the better. In fact, you could say I am a cheese addict.”
“Really now?” said Remus, his husky voice getting, if it was at all possible, lower. He wrapped his arms around my waist and his face was slowly inching down towards mine. I giggled again because I was nervous and because I was nervous I said the first that came to mind.
“You smell great.”
Remus laughed. “Thanks love.” And then before I could tell him I was a kiss virgin, his lips were on mine. His lips were softer than I could have ever dreamed. I felt like lightening was coursing through my veins. Everything else seemed to melt away as I wrapped my arms around Remus’ neck, gently playing with the soft curls that danced along the nape of his neck.
When we pulled away, I sighed dreamily. “That was a lot better than in my dreams.”
“You dream about me kissing you?” Remus asked, resting his forehead against mine.
“That…wasn’t supposed to be said…out loud.” I sighed. “See what you do to me? I blurt things out that aren’t mean to be said aloud.”
“I didn’t mind,” he said grinning slyly. Remus kissed me again and then pulled away grinning. “Anything else you want to blurt out?”
“Don’t you have prefect duties?”
“Not exactly was I was hoping to hear.” He murmured. He sighed. “But yes I do.”
“Too bad. Although, we could just stay here.”
“But aren’t you patrolling with Lily? She’ll kill you if you don’t show up.”
“You’re right.” Remus answered. His hands left my wrist and then he took my hand. “I’ll walk you back to the common room.”
As we left the Astronomy Tower hand in hand, Remus spoke. “You know, I’ve had a crush on you since third year.”
“I’ve had a crush on you since third year.” I said and then I laughed.
“What?” Remus asked.
“There were three things I swore I would never tell you and in one night I’ve told you all three.”
“And that is a good thing. Right?”
“Of course. I feel a lot better knowing that you know that I know your secret and that I know that you know my secret ya know?”
“Um…sure.” He answered giving me a sideways glance. “And I’m guessing the other two things you were never going to tell me where that you had a crush on me and that you dream about me every night.” He smiled a little.
“Not every night,” I muttered. “But yes those were the other two.”
“I can understand the dreaming but why would you never tell me you had a crush on me? If you had we might have gotten together a lot quicker,” he muttered.
“The same reason why you didn’t tell me,” I said, fidgeting with a hole in my sweatshirt. “I thought you deserved someone better.”
Remus didn’t say anything for a moment and then he said softly. “I guess we were both wrong.”
We continued walking and as we did, a group of girls came walking towards us headed to their common room. At the head of them was Holly Wardlen. She took one look at our intertwined hands and gasped. The girls behind her stared at Remus and me with shocked looks on their faces. After getting over their shock, some glared at me with looks of utmost hatred and some looked as though they were about to cry. As we past each other, Holly gave Remus a pained smile.
“What was that about?” Remus asked the girls sped up, almost running down the corridor.
“You mean you don’t know?” I asked, laughing.
“Don’t know what?”
“Oh you poor naïve little boy,” I said, patting his arm. “You didn’t know you had a fan club.”
I nodded. “Yup. Madam Pince founded it.”
“Why does everyone think she likes me?”
“Because she does.”
Remus chose to ignore my last statement and instead glanced over his shoulder at the girls fleeing around the corner. “Was that Holly Wardlen?”
“Yep!” I answered, popping the ‘p’. “She and her friends all have crushes on you. Why do you think they always went to the library?”
“Oh yeah they were studying all right. Studying your ass.”
“Like you haven’t done that before,” Remus smirked.
“You need to stop hanging out with Sirius; sounds like something he would say” I muttered, blushing. Remus merely laughed, let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, kissing my forehead. We walked in silence the rest of the way to the common room. When we reached it, Remus turned to me.
“Well, have fun catching people sneaking around and snogging, something I wish we could do. The snogging, not the sneaking around bit.”
“Maybe later,” Remus smirked.
“Hmmm…later.” I glanced at my watch. “Nope, I’ll be asleep. Sorry. Rain check?”
“You’re very cruel.” He turned to leave.
“Wait! No goodnight kisses?”
“I had no idea you had a mean streak.” I pouted.
Remus chuckled and then moved towards me. He kissed me so deeply that when I pulled away, I was out of breath.
“Wait for me,” he whispered.
“I guess I could find something to do for the next three hours,” I sighed dramatically.
“Now I have something to look forward to.”
“Thank you.” He turned and strode off down the corridor, whistling. I watched him until he had disappeared around a corner (not before giving me a wink) and then I told the Fat Lady the password and went through the portrait hole. Jill, James, Sirius and Peter practically pounced on me the moment I entered. Before I knew what was happening, Jill had grabbed my arm, dragged me over to an armchair, threw me into it and then all four of them were demanded to know what happened between us. Since I wasn’t really feeling up to divulging my secret to the boys I simply said Remus and I had resolved our issues and everything was fine.
“Did you kiss?” Sirius asked. My blush answered his question. Grinning mischievously, the Marauders moved over to the opposite side of the common room where they clustered together and began to talk in low whispers. I turned to Jill, who was smiling.
“Told you everything would work out. Want to play a game of Exploding Snap? I believe you owe me a rematch as you cheated last time.”
“Did not,” I said but agreed to it anyway. After two games of Exploding Snap and a game of chess, Jill bade me goodnight and then disappeared upstairs. I moved to sit on the couch in front of the fire. As I stared at the flickering flames, my thoughts, as they often did, drifted to Remus.
What had happened between us tonight had forever defined our relationship. I had no idea how long Remus and I would last as a couple (I hoped it was forever) but I knew that we would always be best friends. Both of us were byproducts of violent acts committed by Fenrir Greyback and though I hated to admit, he was the thing that brought us together.
The common room was slowly emptying and I stretched myself out on the couch, pulling out the book I always kept tucked in between the cushions, a final thought entered my mind before I plunged myself into the world of Pride and Prejudice.
If I ever met my father there was no force in the universe that would stop me from killing him.
Well that's it! I already have an idea for a part two on this one-shot! Anywho, feel free to leave a review! I'd appreciate the feedback!
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