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To Lily, With Love by loveismagic
Chapter 2 : A declaration
 
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 8


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Severus felt as though he was going to puke at the sight of Lily and James holding hands. He grabbed his bag, not even taking time to bid his friends goodbye, and he rushed out of the door.  The walls spun as he blundered towards his dormitory. Once there, he flung himself onto his bed and stayed there, shaking with rage and sadness.

After a few minutes, he had somewhat composed himself and he looked at the clock by his bed. Knowing he would be late for class if he didn’t leave immediately, he grudgingly dragged himself off of his bed and left his dormitory to sulk down the hallways to class.

He surveyed the potions classroom carefully before taking a seat, deciding to sit behind two Gryffindor girls in the hopes that they might share some Gryffindor gossip.

The moment he took his seat, he could hear them whispering.

“I just don’t get it, they’ve been enemies forever!” said the blonde one. Serverus’ leaned forward inconspicuously to hear more, suspecting that the girls were speaking of James and Lily.

The brunette replied, “Seriously. But, whatever, he’s so good looking. I’m completely jealous.”

“Do you know how it happened?” asked the blonde.

“Well, I hear that they went to Hogsmeade this weekend and things got pretty heavy, if you know what I mean,” returned the brunette.  Severus’ stomach churned. “But that’s just a rumor”, she continued to Severus’ relief. “All I know is that James has been trying to get Lilly to go out with him since year one. He’s hardly even looked at another girl.”

“Well, I guess he has her now,” giggled the blonde.

Severus’ heart sunk as his worst suspicions were confirmed. The rest of the class passed in a slow blur, as Severus was too focused on keeping his breathing even and not screaming to pay attention to anything that was going on.

As the bell rang signaling the end of class, Severus’ heart sank even father as he remembered that his next class was Transfiguration, a class he had with Lily.

Snape took a deep breath to ready himself before walking into the classroom. Once inside, he noticed her red hair immediately, but took care to not make eye contact.  Even though they usually sat together, he quickly moved to a seat on the opposite side of the room from her.  He could feel her quizzical eyes on him, but he ignored them. Luckily, the exam kept them from having any chance of interacting, and Snape zoomed out of the room immediately after turning his in.

The rest of the week passed in an aching blur. Each day Severus would skip breakfast.  He attended the other meals out of necessity, but ate very little due to the inevitable pit in his stomach caused watching Lily and James sitting together out of the corner of his eye.

Whenever he saw Lily in the hallway, he would dart in the other direction. Twice he had heard Lily call his name and begin to approach him, but each time he pretended he didn’t hear her and simply walked away.  He felt it would be too painful to talk to her, knowing that her heart was with James Potter.

That Saturday, Snape sat in the Great Hall, poking a piece of toast around on his plate as he secretly eyed Lily and James. They were laughing and talking in a group of people, a sight he was slowly becoming numb to. 

Then, as he watched, he saw James lean in and kiss Lily on the cheek. Ripping his eyes away as his heart throbbed; he swiftly stood up and left the Great Hall, trying to erase the image he has just seen from his mind. He walked blindly through the halls and outside into a snowy courtyard.

Severus sat on a bench in the courtyard, breathing in the cold air and hoping it would distract him from the unbearable feelings emanating from his heart. He put his elbows on his knees and bowed his head forward, his hair swinging into his face. He watched it swing back and forth until he felt that he had pulled himself together for the moment.

He then stood up and turned around, intending to walk back into the castle and out of the cold. Much to his dismay, Lilly was standing directly in front of him between him and the doorway. By the time he saw her, it was too late to change his direction.

 “Severus!” she called.                                                                                                 

When he ignored her and kept on walking, she called louder. “Severus!!”

She ran over to him and grabbed his sleeve, forcing him to face her. Direct as always, she planted herself in front of him and asked, “Are you ignoring me?”

Severus waited a moment before replying. “I think you’re intelligent enough to know that answer already,” he said cooly.

Lilly rolled her eyes. “Sev, why are you mad at me?”

Severus chose not to reply.

Lily pressed on. “Is it because of…who I’m dating?”

“He’s scum,” Severus couldn’t help spitting out.

“That’s not true,” wailed Lily. “He’s changed, I swear it Sev. He’s not so arrogant anymore, and...he really cares about me. He’s different than he was in previous years.”

“I doubt it,” snarled Severus.

“This is so stupid! I can’t believe you’re not talking to me because of this! It’s so childish!” yelled Lily, stepping towards him and jabbing him in the chest with her finger.

“I can’t believe you would stoop so low as to be with Potter,” shouted Severus in return.

“What do you care if I’m with him?” cried Lily, her face inches away from his.

Suddenly, Severus’ mouth was on hers. His lips were caressing her lips, his hands were cupped around her face.  At first she resisted, but then she succumbed to his kiss.  She wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. All she could think about was the way his soft lips felt on hers, and the feel of his warm hands on her cheeks, until an owl hoot in the distance broke her out of her reverie.  Her lips suddenly stopped moving, and she stepped back abruptly, with a shocked look on her face.

“Sev,” she said, putting a hand to her mouth and breathing laboriously. “What was that for?”

Severus looked at her for a moment before tilting his head and saying simply, “I love you Lily.”

“Wh-what?”

“You heard me Lily. That is why I care that you are with Potter,” he spat. “That is why I’ve been avoiding you. I live in torture thinking of you together. Every look he gives you I get sicker and sicker.”

“But, Severus…I had no idea…Since when?”

“Since I met you. At first it was just a child’s crush, but then…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, avoiding his intense gaze.

“I didn’t want to ruin anything between us. I thought if I told you, you might be…scared off. I thought you might stop being my friend. I didn’t want to lose you, even if it meant I didn’t have you in that way. But now…I’ve lost you anyway.”

“I’m with James now,” she said, resolutely, staring at the ground.

“I know.”

“I mean, I’ve known you all my life. You never told me. I never knew. I can’t…I mean…I’m with him.  Sev, I have to go,” said Lilly as she turned to walk away.

“Does he love you?” Severus asked abruptly as she took a few steps away from him.

Lily stopped and turned around slowly. Severus took a few brisk steps toward her and took her hand in his own.  “Does he?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, looking at Severus’ hand in her own. “He cares about me. But…he’s never said…”

Severus smiled. “At least I have that over him.”

Lily stood there speechless.  Severus let go of her hand.

“Consider me,” he whispered into her ear, as he walked away.

 




A/N: So, what do you guys think? Do you like it so far? It only gets jucier! :) Let me know what you think by leaving a review please!

 
 


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