Chapter 46 : Do I Love Him?
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“D-Tonks, hey,” Remus says from the doorway. If this isn’t awkward, I don’t know what is.
“What is it Remus?” He walks in, glaring at Todd. He sits beside me. Then he starts to lean toward me. What’s he doing? He’s going to kiss me! With Todd sitting here. I back away. “What are you doing?” He never just randomly did that. If he wanted me back, that was one thing, but if he was just screwing with me…
“I-er-” I’m done with this. He’s just stringing me along, and I’m done with it. Is that why he agreed to be friends?
“Don’t play with me, Remus.” I leave. Todd says something, and comes after me. I’m nearly at the front door before he catches up.
“Tonks,” he says, taking my arm. I’m biting my lip to keep from crying. Was I really just a toy to him?
“I’ve got to go. I’m sorry,” I say, breaking his hold on my arm and running out the door. I apparate before he can touch me. I throw myself onto my bed. My eyes are wet, but I’m not crying. I just lie there, staring up at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe it. I thought he’d cared, but I was just a play thing to him. Then a loud banging on my door. “Go away, Remus. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“It’s not Remus. It’s me, Todd.” I walk through the flat and open the door. He walks through and embraces me.
“Hey,” he whispers in my ear, “I’m here.”
I pull away and sit on the couch. “I just can’t believe he would do that. I’m not a toy,” I say. I look at the box of letters. Todd sits beside me.
“We should go do something. Something fun. Like a movie,” he says. “Not a date, just us doing something.” He looks at me. I can see the care in his eyes. It’s the same look Remus used to give me.
“Todd,” I whisper, scooting closer to him. I look up into his face, and see what I used to see in Remus’. I kiss him. Really kiss him. My hands are in his hair before he really starts to respond. Then his hands are rubbing my back. He’s a great kisser.
We’re interrupted by a peck on the window. “Stupid bird,” I say as it flies away. I sit back on the couch and unroll the letter.
“Is that normal?”
“Hm? Oh the owl? Yeah, that’s how we send letters and stuff.” I read the letter,
I’m sorry this is such short notice. I need you and Mr. Lupin to patrol the corridors of Hogwarts tonight. You won’t mind being partners, I hope. You will have floor seven. I have sent Mr. Lupin a letter. I have contacted the others I need as well. You will need to arrive at nine p.m. Thank you.
“That man knows everything. We can sort our own problems out, thanks, we don’t need you throwing us together,” I say, like I wanted him to hear. I through the note down on the table and look at my watch. It’s already eight thirty.
“What are you talking about?” I gesture to the letter, which he picks up and reads.
“Who’s Dumbledore?” I stare at him for a second. I mean, I know he’s a muggle, but to not know who Dumbledore is. That’s not something you run into everyday. “Tonks?”
“Sorry. I just- its not normal to not know who Dumbledore is. I mean, you wouldn’t, your muggle, but still…”
“So is he like the prime minister or something.” I laugh.
“God no. He refused the position. He headmaster of Hogwarts.”
“A headmaster. That’s it.”
“You don’t understand. He’s Dumbledore. You know, he’s great. I mean…He’s Dumbledore.” I shake my head. “I’m not explaining this good. Er-maybe…” I pull out my wand. “Accio Dumbledore Chocolate Frog Card.” It zooms into my hand. I look at Todd, who’s eyes are wide. “Sorry. Anyway, this is Dumbledore.” I hand him the card.
“Is he invisible?”
“No, but he’s really good at turning himself invisible. Doesn’t even need a cloak.” He looks back down at the card.
“He’s back. Is there a chip or something?” he asks as Dumbledore scratches his head.
“No, okay. So how…”
“There’s a potion, really easy to make, and it makes the pictures move.”
“So are you going to go?”
“If Dumbledore asks you to do something, he needs you to do it. I have to protect the students of Hogwarts. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. But does he expect you to just drop everything?”
“Well, I’m part of the Order of the Phoenix. Plus I’m an Auror. And it’s Dumbledore. If we don’t defeat Voldemort, then people like you, and probably me too, are going to be dead or worse.”
“Who’s Voldemort?” He wrinkles his nose when he says it. “Sounds weird. And what’s worse than death?” I could think of a few things that are worse…
“He’s the most evil wizard of all time. I’ll have to explain it all later,” I say, ignoring the last question. I look at my watch. Five minutes until nine. “I’m sorry Todd. I gotta go.” I look at the door. “Can you lock that when you go?”
“Er-why don’t I just go with you?”
“You can’t. I promise, I’ll explain everything later.” I step closer to him, kissing him goodbye. I step away and turn, landing in front of the gate. I walk quickly up the steps.
“Tonks, good, you’re here. Remus is already on the seventh floor,” McGonagall says in her crisp voice. I just nod. As I make it up the last stair, Remus starts to walk toward me. I glare at him.
“Don’t talk to me, Lupin. Don’t touch me. Try not to even look at me to much. I’ll do the same for you.” I can’t believe he did that! I start walking around the corridors. It’s really quite boring. I start to think about other time’s Remus and I have patrolled these corridors, hidden in shadows. I shake my head. Bad Tonks. You’re with Todd, remember? He likes you, and you like him. And I did. Todd was great. He was sweet, cute, funny, and a gentleman when the time called for it. He was smart, and knew what he wanted in life. I liked him a lot. But I loved-No, your not thinking about that jerk. I look at my watch. Midnight. Only four hours had passed. I hated not talking. Remus had started to a lot, but I had glared at him and he stopped. Six more hours of torture. It goes by so slowly. One o’clock…two o’clock…three o’clock…three thirty…God, I’m bored. I wish magic didn’t mess with muggle technology. Todd had bought me this thing called a cd player, and you could carry it around and listen to music. Though I suppose it was good that I didn’t have it, or I wouldn’t be able to really notice anything suspicious. Like the lack of a second set of footsteps behind me.
I turn around. No Remus. Rolling my eyes, I back track, and see him holding a door open. I shake my head.
“Come on, I wanna show you something.” I walk away.
“Dor-Tonks.” I keep walking. He catches up to me. “You would like it.” I shrug. “It’s a secret.” I shake my head. I’m going to keep my vow to not speak to him.
He grabs my hand. I give him a death stare. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it, okay. I just did. I- You kissed Todd.” I look at the floor. Don’t speak, your not talking to him. You…ah, screw it.
“I know I kissed Todd, Remus. He’s my boyfriend. It happens.” I look him in the eyes. “And I don’t cheat. If you want that to be you instead of Todd, then do something about it. Heaven knows I liked our first kiss much better.” Shouldn’t have said that last line. He looks shocked.
“I- I’m too-”
“I knew it. You haven’t changed a bit.”I walk off, fighting my tears. He wasn’t going to take me back. He just wasn’t. He was just going to kiss me and leave me, like always. I hear footsteps behind me.
“Go away,” I say, turning around. “We can-Draco? What are you doing out of bed?” The kid looked like he hadn’t slept much. He smirks at me.
“Why, cousin Nymphadora.” I don’t get mad that he calls me by my first name. I’m still angry at Remus.
“Go to bed, Draco. Or I will inform your head of house, and you will be punished.”
He snorts, but walks down the stairs anyway. I think of what Harry had said, that he was a Death Eater. That he was doing something in the Room of Requirement. I shake the though out of my head. I look at my watch. Four. Only two more hours.
Footsteps behind me again. Looking around, I see its Remus this time. Blood git. I walk faster. He falls back. I put myself (what I think is) enough space so I wont see him and he wont see me. The last two hours go by the slowest yet, but that may be because I’m so tired. Finally, I’m able to apparate home. I land in my living room, and stumble over to the couch. Forget the bed, just somewhere to lie down.
But someone’s already there.
“Todd,” I say, surprised.
“Tonks,” he says, clearly startled from being woke up by someone flinging themselves on him.
“Er-good morning,” I giggle. We sit up.
“So, was it okay? The patrol thing?” In other words, how did I handle Remus?
“Other than two brief conversations and a run in with my cousin, quiet.” He smiles.
“I didn’t want to go. If you were hurt…I thought someone would come here.” I smile and kiss him. I had missed kissing. I hadn’t realized it, but I did.
And Todd was just so good. It doesn’t take long for my hands to wonder to his hair. Or his to slide up and down my back. Or me to lie back. He’s just so good.
Then there’s sunlight in my eyes. I blink rapidly. There’s a blanket over me, and I have a pillow (even though it’s on the ground). I sit up as Todd comes out of the kitchen.
“Your up.” I nod. Then I remember. Well, I remember him laying me back on the couch, and…that’s it.
“Really? I don’t know if I should be insulted.” We didn’t…did we? He must have seen the look on my face. “I don’t think I’ve ever put anyone to sleep snogging.” I fell asleep.
“What? I fell asleep?” He laughs. “I’m sorry. I was just so sleepy.”
“I know. That’s why it’s five now.” I look at the blanket and pillow.
“Thanks.” He just smiles at me.
“You know you talk in your sleep?”
“Yeah,…what’d I say?” I couldn’t remember any of my dreams.
“I’ll tell you on one condition.”
“You’ll tell me or I’ll turn you into a toad.” I’d saw it on a muggle movie once. I’ve watched lots of muggle movies.
“You go to dinner with me tonight.”
“I like your idea better. Fancy or jeans?”
“Er-what do you want?” Me?
“Jeans,” I say. I quickly take a shower and dress.
“You look great, Tonks.” I smile at him. “Have you always been able to do that?” he asks, leading me out the door.
“Change your eye colour.” Eye colour? My eyes changed?
“Really? I did?”
“Yeah, the turned blue.”
“Are they now?” He nods.
“I’m coming back.” I smile.
“Is that normal? For that to happen?”
“For me, yeah, but not for everyone. It’s a really rare ability. I’ve been…sorta sick. And it went away. But it’s coming back. I can do my hair and face and everything. You wait, I’ll show you.”
“Well, come on.” He grabs my hand. “I’m starving, and here you are talking about your looks.”
We’re about to get in the car when I have an idea.
“Wait. Why don’t I take us to this great place?”
“Okay,” he says.
“Here, take my hand.”
“I’m not apparating. That was horrible last time.”
“Wimp. You get used to it.” I grab his arm and turn, landing in Diagon Ally.
“Where are we?”
“Diagon Alley.” He looks around in amazement. I grab his hand. “Come on.”
“Tonks!” I’m greeted as I walk into the restaurant. “You haven’t been here in, my, it must have been a week. Who this you have with you?” I smile at Jen. She was great. We’d went to school together, then she’d opened this place.
“The muggle? Huh. Come on, this way.” She takes us to the most private table she has (which isn’t that private). “You want water, and a chicken-
“BLT, without the B or the T,” we finish together.
“What about you, Todd?”
“You know my name?”
“Of course. So, what do you want?”
“Er-how about, er- I’ll have a chicken BLT too. And, is that pumpkin juice?”
“Vile stuff,” Jen and I say together.
“How about a Butterbeer?”
“Okay.” Soon our drinks float over. Todd just looks amazed.
He takes a sip of the Butterbeer. “Not bad.” He keeps looking at me like he wants to say something, but can’t.
“God, Todd, out with it. You look like a Grindylow out of water.”
“What? Never mind,” he says, shaking his head. “Tonks, I’ve been wanting to tell you, but…” he’s nervous. I take his hand.
“Hey, I can handle it. What is it?”
“I love you.” What? I must have heard wrong. He couldn’t have said he loves me. No, that’s not what he said.
He sighs. “I love you. I know you love Remus, and I’m not your first choice, but, Tonks, I love you.”
How do I answer that?
“I-” Do I love him? I love Remus. I know that. My feeling for Remus are so strong. But, do I love Todd? “I-” I stand up. “I have to go to the bathroom,” I say before I run off. I bump into Jen.
“Whoa there. What’s wrong?”
“Todd. He said he loved me.”
“Okay,” she says.
“I love Remus. And he knows that. He said he knows that.”
“Do you love Todd? You can have more than one love, you know.” She looks at me. “You haven’t had sex with him, have you?”
“Have you been listening? I’m still in love with Remus.”
“You need to have at least similar experiences. Try it. Go back to the table. And don’t worry about paying.” She pushes me, following with our food.
“Here you go. I hope you find everything,” she looks me in the eye, “enjoyable.” With a smile and nod to me, she leaves. God, what should I do? Is she right? I look at my sandwich. Don’t pay. Yeah, you knew I wouldn’t eat anyway.
“Let’s go home,” I say, standing up.
“What?” I hold out my hand.
“Home.” He takes my hand. He tries to say stuff several times, but I shush him. Soon we’re in my flat.
“Look-” he starts, but I kiss him. I press deep into the kiss. I move him backwards toward the bedroom. Maybe Jen was right. We haven’t moved much when he breaks away. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know.” Don’t cry, Tonks, don’t cry. “I don’t know if I love you. I love Remus, there’s no way of denying that, but Jen said…and I don’t know if its right but I think it might be…and I might want to but I don’t know.” I can’t stop the tears from falling.
“Hey. It’s okay. We’ll do whatever you want. Shhh.” He’s holding me close. “We’ll do whatever you want, but it has to be your choice, not Jens, not mine, not because of what I said, and not if you don’t know if you want to.”
We stand there for a while. “Todd,” I whisper.
I look into his eyes. “I want to.”
A/N:It’s nearly the end of May. Then comes June. And we all know what happens in June of 1997, right?
So how do you like Todd? I think he may be my favourite character (not counting the two mains) in this story.
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