Chapter 5 : Interesting News
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“I think I’m with child.”
Well, that’s certainly a way to start up a conversation.
I looked up from my eggs and bacon to stare at Heidi disbelievingly. Heidi was looking down at her own massive breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes drowned in syrup, sausage, toast, and eggs, refusing to look Roxy, Sydney, or me in the eyes.
“What do you mean when you say you’re ‘with child’?” Sydney asked in a calm voice, but I knew she was trying to keep from freaking out.
“As in there is a baby growing inside my body.” Heidi said shakily, glancing up at us for the first time, and then looking back down at her food that she was now just pushing around on her plate.
“Are you sure it isn’t just a food baby or something? Did you have a big dinner last night?” asked Roxy.
Roxanne Weasley. Always the thinker.
“Not unless food babies make you two weeks late and cause you to throw up for the past four mornings.” Heidi bit her lip nervously, and Sydney rubbed her back in a comforting way.
I was at a loss for words. Heidi pregnant? And considering the fact that she’s probably a little less than two months prego that means that the father of her baby would’ve knocked her up towards the end of the summer…
My baby brother is going to be a daddy.
What the balls is the world coming to?
Tosh can barely put on pants in the morning, let alone father a child.
Plus, I’m too young to be aunt Dessie.
Heidi was watching my face, and when she saw that I came to the realization that it was in fact my brother’s spawn, her eyes sprang tears.
“Dessie…” She said, trailing off, not really knowing what to say.
“Roommate meeting!” I exclaimed in a slightly crazed voice as I was starting to cry also.
I needed to get out before I saw Tosh, and throttled his stupid little throat.
Seriously? I mean was it really to difficult to wear a fucking condom or do the stupid charm?
I hate males and their entire subspecies.
I was practically running out of the Great Hall trying to stop the tears that were pouring down my face, as my best friends were speed walking behind me.
We passed James, Logan, and Weasley on our way out. They shot us questioning and worried looks to which we just shook our heads, and Heidi started crying even harder.
“Dessie!” James called, and I turned around after pushing Roxy and Sydney to get Heidi back to our room. “What happened?”
“Nothing!” I squeaked a bit too quickly and gave them an attempt at a convincing smile.
They weren’t buying it.
Note to self: don’t attempt to lie the boys that you’ve known since you were eleven while you have tears running down your face, and you look like you are about to throw up, which you are.
Tosh couldn’t be a dad. He simply couldn’t. He’s immature, careless, and irresponsible.
The idea of him fathering a child was about as preposterous as me falling in love with Weasley, marrying him, and having twenty-five kids.
First of all, barf. Never would I ever marry Weasley. I’d rather lick a boy’s urinal.
Okay now I’m just all out disgusted.
My aunt and uncle are going to kill Tosh when they find out. Not only are they all out religious, like the ‘I’m going to shove my beliefs down your throat’ religious, but they are also uber, uber strict. Like they believe no sex before marriage, or no sex in general actually unless absolutely necessary. I swear they believe that fun of any sort is against the law.
I’m not entirely certain what is up their arse, but what ever it is, it makes them uptight fucks.
I mean, it’s not like Tosh is the one carrying an eight pound child in his belly so he could probably go without telling them, but babies cost money, which he’s going to need a whole shit load of if they decide to keep the baby.
And knowing Heidi, she probably will want to keep the baby.
I spent all this time worrying about my brother and not even about my best friend. What’s going to happen to her? When the school finds out? When her parents find out? When her older brother finds out?
Shit. Landon Scott.
How do words even begin to describe Landon Scott?
Gorgeous. Incredibly smart. Blonde. Funny. Charming. Very, very overprotective.
When he finds out that his sister is pregnant he is going to go ape shit all over Tosh’s arse.
Well, that should be interesting to watch. Hopefully Mason can reign him in.
Mason and Landon were best friends when they went to Hogwarts, and that’s actually how I met Heidi, and Roxy and Sydney too for that matter.
Mason and Landon introduced me to Heidi, and then Heidi introduced me to Sydney, and then Sydney introduced me to Roxy.
But all that shit is beside the point.
I’m actually getting ahead of myself here because what makes me think that Tosh is going to even want to keep the baby with Heidi?
He’s the kind of irresponsible little shit that would ditch her and leave my best friend heartbroken.
Images of Heidi sobbing and helpless flooded my mind, and I couldn’t get them out.
“She looks green.” Logan muttered, and Weasley conjured up a waste bin, and handed it to me literally seconds before I collapsed to the ground and threw up my entire breakfast.
James, Weasley, and Logan jumped back disgusted as I retched again.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret about me: I. Can’t. Handle. Stress.
Like at all.
The week of O.W.Ls, I could barely function. I spelled my name wrong on my Transfiguration written exam and during my defense practical, I turned my examiner into a baby chick.
I don’t even know how to turn people into baby chicks or even what spell I used.
The mornings of quidditch games, anything that I attempt to eat ends up on the floor of the locker room, and James has to physically push me to the pitch. I’m fine once I actually get there, but the anticipation is unbearable.
Once I was done vomiting, I gave up any hope of gaining back my dignity, and I put my head between my knees, trying to refrain from going on a full scale panic attack.
“Seriously Dessie, what is going on?” James asked, crouching down so he was on my level even though I wasn’t looking at him.
“Nothing.” I mumbled, and Weasley snorted. I should seriously go into acting or professional lying as a career later in life because I’m doing a fine job at it.
“Alright, I’m just going to ask because nobody else is. Are you knocked up?” Logan asked, and my head snapped up.
“That makes so much sense!” James exclaimed, looking really excited at the thought of one of best girl friends being up the spout.
Weasley was glaring at me, looking extremely pissed, with his arms folded across his chest as if he was disappointed in me.
He’s probably just pissed that I’m shagging with somebody else, even though I’m not, while I snog him practically every other day.
“Oh yeah, it makes so much sense because of all that sex I’ve been having!” I responded sardonically, scowling at them all. James smirked, and Weasley flinched.
“Well, it does make sense. You just got sick…in the morning, and you guys were all crying, and no offense, but you’ve been kind of bitchy lately.” Logan said defensively.
“I am not pregnant!” I shrieked at Logan, standing up abruptly, and angrily clenching my fists to refrain from punching his stupid face.
Heidi is the one that’s going to turn into a whale in a few months, not me.
“What ever you say, Mummy-to-be.” Logan said in an annoyingly patronizing voice, and smirked.
Is this kid a complete and utter moron?
James and Weasley flinched because they knew what was coming. I drew back my fist, and punched Logan right in the face, giving him a very satisfying bloody nose.
After grinning triumphantly at the git holding his nose in pain, I decided I should probably get back to my best friends who probably needed me.
I was walking away when Logan decided to open his idiotic mouth once again. “Rage and mood swings. That’s one of the first signs that your eggo is prego.”
I spun around, my face contorted in anger. James and Weasley ran to the side, and screamed, “OH SHIT!” as I shot a well-aimed hex at Logan that should shut him up for a few hours.
The first thing I did was walk in my room was run and jump on the bed that my three best friends were lying together on. The second thing I did was pull the crying future mother into my arms. She immediately hugged me back, glad for the comfort.
“Aren’t you mad at me?” Heidi choked out between sobs. Her mascara was running down her cheeks (water proof, my arse), and her whole face was splotchy and red.
“Why the hell would I be mad at you?” I asked, genuinely confused.
“Because of Tosh.” She cried, and curled up on my lap like some small child that was just told that her goldfish died.
I never understood the appeal of goldfish. You buy them or win them at some sort of shit carnival, and then two days later the bitch is dead. It just doesn’t make sense.
But that’s beside the point.
I hated seeing her in such a pathetic state. Heidi rarely ever cries. She’s the flirty, confident, and happy one in our group. Roxanne is the loud, sporty, tomboy. Sydney is the good, smart, and shy one. And then I am the slightly crazy, and all over the place one.
That’s the way it is, and I don’t plan on it changing.
You see, I had a mini epiphany on my way back to our room. I decided that I needed to be strong for my best friend and stop acting like a spastic baby.
You should be proud. I only have mini epiphanies like once a month.
“Why would I ever be mad at you because of Tosh?” I asked, playing with her hair, which normally always comforts her, and before Heidi could answer my question, I said, “And besides, we don’t even know if you’re actually pregnant.”
“That’s true!” She said, brightening considerably.
“We sneak into the hospital wing tonight and knick some pregnancy tests. Mr. McCarthy is bound to have some, right?” Roxy says.
“I’ll get them,” I offered immediately.
Weasley and I haven’t snogged for like three days so I’m basically going through withdraw, and I know that I can get him in the abandoned Charms classroom. Plus I need to get my mind off of things, and snogging Weasley is always the perfect way to do that.
“What happened with the boys, by the way?” Sydney asked curiously, pushing a piece of blonde hair behind her ear.
Heidi popped up, suddenly alert. “You didn’t tell them did you?!”
“Of course not.” I responded, Heidi sighed in relief, and I added sourly, “They think I’m pregnant.”
All three of them burst into hysterical laughter.
Yeah, yeah laugh it up, bitches.
“Why the hell would they think that?” Roxy asked, trying to refrain from laughing any more after catching my glare.
She wasn’t succeeding, by the way.
“Because I sorta kinda might’ve thrown up, and had a minor panic attack, but no biggie.” I said as nonchalantly as I possibly could so that way they didn’t start freaking out.
Didn’t work unfortunately.
Roxanne. Insert disgusted face and being made fun of. “Ew, you threw up? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Sydney. Insert worried face and making sure I’m alright. “Are you okay?”
Heidi. Insert same as Roxanne. “You were freaking out because of me weren’t you?” And her eyes welled up in tears.
Hmm. I got that one wrong. I guess the baby hormones were fucking with her brain.
“No, you know I’m just not good with handling stress. I’m fine.” I said, brushing off their worries. I stood up, and made my way to the door. “I’m heading to the kitchens. Anybody want me to get anything?”
I think we all had an unspoken agreement that we were having a girls day, and that we were skipping our classes.
Even Sydney, which is surprising considering that she has Muggle Studies today. Sydney is seriously the most muggle obsessed person I know, and that includes Roxy’s grandfather.
Like for real, Sydney knows more about muggles than I do, and I’m a bloody muggle born.
Sydney’s knowledge for muggles makes her kind of a badarse considering the fact that she comes from a whole generation of crazy, pureblood Slytherins. When she was put in Gryffindor, I’m pretty sure that the entire Slytherin table and most of the professors that knew her parents, shit their pants.
Her little sister, Sapphire, on the other hand was pretty much a fucking princess in their eyes. Evil, beautiful, although not as gorgeous as Sydney, and a Slytherin. What bloody more could they ask for?
They’ve pretty much forgotten about their fantastic muggle loving daughter, not that Sydney cares much though, she has us.
“Strawberry shortcake!” Roxy screamed, her deep blue eyes huge with excitement.
Roxy goes ape shit over strawberry shortcake.
“Peanut butter, chocolate, peanut butter cookies, and triple chocolate cake.” I just stared at Heidi. “Oh and a pineapple!” She added merrily.
“A pineapple? Really?” Roxy said, raising an eyebrow.
“What? I like pineapple!” Heidi yelled defensively, and I shook my head in exasperation.
“Anything for you, Syd?” I asked, praying that she wouldn’t choose difficult things like the other two.
“We just ate breakfast less than a hour ago!” She exclaimed, looking at us in wonder.
“I’m hungry!” Roxy, Heidi, and I said in unison.
“You guys are always bloody hungry.” Sydney muttered with a smile playing on her lips, and she added, “Get me a banana split.”
Of course, another complicated order.
“You got it!” I yelled as I ran out the door before they could bombard me with more requests.
I hate the owlery.
I hate it with a burning, fiery passion.
First of all, it smells like owl shit, which is never pleasant. Second, well, it smells like owl shit.
It’s just disgusting.
Then, I half to go deep into the owl shit smell infested room to try to search for my owl that I shared with Tosh, and once shared with Mason too.
Our owl is an idiot.
Why is our owl an idiot?
Well, one reason would be that his name is Dipshit.
No lie, the bird’s name is Dipshit.
You see, when we bought the cheap arse, all-we-could-afford bastard at Eeylops Owl Emporium, we thought that he was beautiful. Golden yellow eyes, and charcoal grey feathers. But what we didn’t know was that the bird was actually a complete fuck.
The first thing it did, while we walked out of the store, after paying two whole galleons, was bite Tosh’s finger. Tosh then yelled, “Ow! You stupid, dipshit!”
Now that’s all that Dipshit responds to.
He really isn’t very smart. I think he considers it a term of endearment.
“DIPSHIT!” I called, and I saw the bird fly towards me, after nearly colliding with three other owls. He perched himself on my shoulder and I fished out the letter that I had written to Weasley on my way to the owlery.
Meet me in Flitwick’s room at ten tonight. Don’t be late, and bring the cloak.
Apparently, I didn’t give Dipshit the letter fast enough because he bit my ear.
“Ouch, little fucker.” I growled, and thrust the letter into his impatient beak. He took off and I gave him the middle finger for good measure before I made my way to the kitchens to face the only thing worse than owl shit.
The things are bloody terrifying.
I think I was always afraid of house elves. I remember the first time I ever saw one was when I snuck into the kitchens with James and Roxy when we were second years.
Apparently, it was one of the elf’s birthday so they were all partying it up with butterbeer so they were running around like crazed little dwarfs. I was scarred for life.
When I walked into the kitchens, I was immediately approached by at least twenty elves. I internally squirmed and shakily gave them my friend’s order plus, my order for cheesecake and butterbeers for all four of us.
About five minutes later, they had double and triple helpings of the food arranged on a three huge platters. I had to admit, the creepy little things did good work.
I asked them if there was anyway that they could bring the food back to the room, and said they could take me back too so I didn’t have to walk all the way back.
The only hitch? I had to touch the thing’s hand. I looked down at his eager big blue eyes, and I nearly wet myself.
I personally think that Roxy’s aunt is mental for being so obsessed with these things.
I took its hand, practically throwing up in the process, and we apparated back to the room. The crack the sounded seemed to have scared the living shit out of my friends, but they quickly got over it when they saw the food.
Heidi, especially, went crazy and started mixing together all of her peanut butter and chocolate treats. Roxanne was shoving the shortcake into her mouth at a scary rate. Sydney was savoring her banana split, one huge bite at a time. I didn’t even bother using a fork and just picked up my cheesecake with my hands and ate it happily.
It was if we had never seen food before. We kind of forgot any form of class when we weren’t in front of company. The house elves looked appalled, but we sent them on their way so we could enjoy our desserts that we were eating before noon.
“Did you guys know that muggles have these things called contacts that they put in their eyes so they don’t have to wear glasses?” Sydney said, while disgustingly licking her spoon.
Heidi, who was also a pureblood (but not the insane kind), looked deeply interested, while Roxy and I rolled our eyes at her latest ‘Muggle Fact of the Day’.
“Syd, you do realize that Al and Lily both wear contacts, right?” Roxy said smirking, knowing full well that Sydney was going to start flipping out.
“Are you serious?! Do you think that they would let me see them?” She squealed, her green eyes bugging out of their sockets, jumping up and down on Heidi’s bed that we enlarged so we could all fit, nearly knocking over all of our food.
“I think they’d be pretty weirded out if you asked them like that, but I’m sure they’d let you raid their contact stash if you really wanted to.” Roxy said, laughing at Sydney’s excitement.
“This is the best day ever!” Sydney squeaked and had a smile pretty much plastered to her face.
One of my favorite things about Sydney was how easily excited she became.
“Really? The best day ever? Your best day ever is discovering that you get to look at a little piece of plastic that Al and Lily have shoved into their eyes?” Heidi asked, grinning.
Sydney nodded, still smiling widely.
“Seems like a pretty good day to me.” I laughed slightly sarcastically, but amused at the same time.
My friends are really strange. I don’t know why I even hang out with them. Oh yeah I do, because I love them to death.
He’s late. He is bloody late. I specifically told him in my letter to not be late, and what does he do? He shows up late.
“Hey,” Weasley said, nodding when he finally walked in five minutes past ten, “Why did you want me to bring the cloak?” He asked, tossing it on an empty desk, and strutting over to the desk where I was sitting.
The top three buttons of his uniform white shirt were undone so I could see the beginning of his amazingly toned chest.
I ignored his question, pulled on his loosened tie so that he was directly in front of me, wrapped my legs around his waist, and began snogging him senseless.
Well, not completely senseless because he broke away a couple of minutes later and asked, “Why weren’t you guys in any of your classes today?”
I shrugged, still with my eyes closed, and muttered, “Skipped,” before pulling him in for another kiss.
I felt him frown, and I knew he was going to bloody pull away again. “Collins never skips.” I sighed, completely aggravated when my prediction came true.
“Well, she skipped today.” I answered hastily, and tried to pull him in again, but he wouldn’t let me.
Alright, now I was getting downright pissed.
“You guys were all crying this morning, Roxy rarely ever cries, and you threw up, and nearly passed out in the middle of the hall way. Then, all four of you skip? And now you are avoiding my questions. What the hell happened?” Weasley asked seemingly seriously worried.
Bless his idiotic heart. I guess I could understand why he’s worried though. All the stuff he mentioned was pretty sketchy.
“Weeeassllyyyy.” I pleaded just wanting to get on with the snogging so I could take my mind off of everything.
“I’m not going to snog you until you tell me what is going on.” He said firmly with a determined, incredibly sexy look on his face.
It took all of my power not to burst out laughing.
“You’re not going to snog me?” I repeated disbelievingly, raising an eyebrow.
He nodded and smirked, looking proud of himself. Git.
“Really?” I said in a low voice, looking him right in the eyes, sending a smirk right back as I loosened his tie even more, pulled it off, and tossed it to the side.
Weasley gulped as I slowly began undoing the buttons of his shirt, and I smirked even further. “You’re not even going to snog me a little bit?” I mock pouted, and placed my hands on his unbelievable abs.
He let out an involuntary shiver as I ran my hands up his chest, finally resting on putting them on either side of his neck so I could pull his face towards mine.
I knew I had won when he didn’t pull away. I’m not surprised though.
I always win when it comes to Weasley.
“I’m baaaackk!!” I yelled obnoxiously, pulling off the invisibility cloak, and raising the wizard pregnancy tests in the air triumphantly.
“What took you so bloody long?!” Heidi screeched at me and pounced on the tests.
She ran into the bathroom, and slammed the door.
Well, someone was a wee bit impatient.
“Yeah, for real, Des, you took like almost two hours.” Sydney said, as she started pulling out her pajamas for bed. “Why did it take you so long?”
Think, Dessie, think!
“A bug.” I invented wildly.
“A bug.” Roxy repeated, looking very confused.
“Yes, a bug.” I answered, and they were looking at me waiting for me to elaborate. “There was a bug on the floor, and I decided to follow it.”
“Why-“ Sydney started to ask, but I interrupted her and yelled, “It had cool colors, okay?!”
They looked at me like I was crazy. Eh, what else is new?
“So were you lucky enough to run into Mr. McCarthy?” Roxy asked, winking creepily.
Note to self: Tell Roxanne never to wink again because it makes me uncomfortable.
“Unfortunately no.” I sighed, wishing I had.
Luke McCarthy was six feet three inches of pure Irish sex god. Honestly, sometimes I hope to get hurt in quidditch games just so I can have him take care of me.
He’s fucking gorgeous.
“Damn, want me to beat you up so you can go back?” Roxy asked, grinning evilly.
I started laughing and I was about to jokingly say that I’d consider it, but Heidi burst from the bathroom, fresh tears on her face, holding up the test the read positive.
Looks like I’m going to be an aunt after all.
A/N: Err, hi? Yes, yes I know it’s been forevs since I updated, but look on the bright side! This chapter was extra long, and extra drama filled! See so you can’t totally hate me! Right? RIGHT?!
Favorite parts? Excited that Heidi’s pregnant? Tired of pregnant girls in stories? Opinions? Thoughts? Reviews in general?
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