Chapter 2 : Snape
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The day I had put to the back of my mind which, I wanted to forget to never allow it to materialise, was creeping up like a hunter waiting to pounce. But September rolled on in and my heart froze over.
I watched as they filled in, huddled in a group that would soon be divided and their faces white with fright.
She was there amongst them, just waiting for me to recognise her and call her name.
Every year was the same, I could see her in so many people, but they never were able to capture her. And so I became desensitised to things and cared little as one by one the years slipped on bye.
She was the love of my life and I had let her slip through my fingers because of some mad man claiming that he could rule the world for wizards and that blood mattered above all. She, I and him all proved that to be wrong, and that he had orchestrated one of the greatest lies of the century. Of course his followers denied all claims of his impurity with such a powerful grip that there were few left to tell the tale of his blood.
“Zabini, Balse.” Minerva called and rolled up the parchment.
Even before he sat down I knew that Zabini would be in my house, his looks, his attitude, his stance and above all his mother. Yes his mother was a character and a half. I had long since lost count of how many husbands she had married and somehow lost.
I glanced down at the golden plates and watched the light dance on them, like her hair.
“Severus, I-I-I was w-w-wandering w-w-hat Dumbledore has h-hidden on the th-th-third f-f-f-f-f-floor, out of c-c-c-uriosity?” Quirrell asked turning to me, his newly acquired turban blocking out most of the left hand side of the room from my view.
“I have no clue.” I lied through my teeth, but ling was second nature.
Quirrell continue to question me and I cast my gaze across the room.
She caught me then; her eyes were shining up at me a look of puzzlement on them.
They were exactly the same bright bright bright green eyes that I had seen all those years ago, the same ones I had seen tear up because of my words and they were the ones I had cause to glaze over and never sparkle again.
Yet here they were in front of me shining away. It couldn’t be?
I looked around the eyes and found, with disgust, the faces of the enemy. He had swamped her features, it was almost liked someone had gouged out her eyes and placed them in his body. It was repulsive.
The boy looked up and frowned, he turned to his friend, a Weasley by the hair colour, and then turned back to looking at me.
I glared back, how could he exist? It was like a torment to remind me what I had done for every second, even though I was reminded every second anyway, then her eyes changed to a look of agony and I looked back at his face. The boy’s hand had gone up to his forehead and he seemed to hiss with pain. Just before this Quirrell had turned back round to talk to me, it was almost as if Quirrell was causing the boy pain, and to be honest, I did not care. But yet to see the anguish in those eyes was more than I could bear.
I turned back to Quirrell.
“Yes, I’m fine.” I hissed before Dumbledore finished his speech.
When you find this I am sure to be dead. There are many things that I have left unsaid and undone which I regret.
You were as arrogant as your father at many points, but your mother has given you her compassion which I took for granted.
I hope you will accept that I found it hard to be pleasant towards you and that I loved your mother more than life itself and that I swore to protect you because of this.
There are many things in your life that, without, my influence would have come out differently. I am sorry for my actions.
Lily lives on in you.
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