You know what I really don't understand? Girls. They want everything to be all nice and perfect, and they want us guys to be romantic. Okay. I can understand that. But would it KILL them to help us out a bit? God, Ginny wouldn't tell Harry ANYTHING about her ideal date— poor guy had to improvise everything! In the end, he asked Mum and she filled him in (Ginny's favorite food is roast beef, she likes black orchids, her favorite music is the Weird Sisters, etc.). But, seeing as how Mr. and Mrs. Granger are still off in Australia somewhere, thinking that they're Wendell and Monica Wilkins, since Hermione hasn't found them yet… I'm pretty much on my own.
Let's start over, shall we?
The name is Ronald Billus Weasley, and my best friends are Harry Potter (who is, much to my dismay, dating my little sister Ginny) and Hermione Granger. Well, Hermione and I are going out. Sort of. In a way. We made out on occasion. I'd like to do it much more, but whenever we tried, things like THIS kept happening:
Ron and Hermione were walking through the corridor of Hogwarts just after the Battle. "I can't believe it's really over," said Hermione. "Voldemort's really gone."
"Yep, the world is saved, the party's on, and girls and boys are snogging left and right," Ron agreed, gesturing towards Seamus and Pavarti, Dean and Lavender, and, for some reason, Ernie and Marietta.
"Not all of them," Hermione said.
"We could change that…" Ron replied, grinning.
Hermione stood on tiptoe, their faces inches apart… their lips about to meet…
Suddenly, there was a flash of light. They both jumped and turned around, to see Harry and Ginny right behind them. Ginny was holding a wizard camera. "Aw…" she moaned. "The flash wasn't supposed to go off!"
"I told you a Muggle video camera would've been better," said Harry, rolling his eyes.
"You guys were following us?!" Hermione exclaimed.
"No, we just so happened to be headed in the same direction as you guys with a camera," said Ginny.
"And anyway… uh… shame on you!" said Harry. "I mean, going at it in public!"
So yeah. Betrayed by my own best friend and little sister.
Another time, I tried to have a serious discussion with Hermione about our relationship.
Ron and Hermione sat on the fence in the yard of the Burrow, watching the sun set over the trees.
"I really like you, you know."
She smiled. "Aw, I really like you, too!"
"I mean it. I… I was wondering if maybe we could be more than… just snogging partners."
"What do you mean?"
"Like, we only see each other, go out on dates, you know, things that Harry and Ginny do…"
She paused, then said, "I think I'd like that."
Ron's face broke into a grin. "Fantastic. I was really worried that you'd—"
Suddenly, a bush whispered, "Kiss her, you idiot!"
"What the hell?" He spun around, to see Ginny climbing out of a bush. "Ginny! Were you spying on us?"
"Don't get paranoid, brother dear. I dropped an earring."
She smiled cheekily. "I am out."
Then there was the time I tried to make Hermione a romantic dinner. I hadn't played around. I pulled out all the stops. Candles. Music. My mum's famous pudding. Butterbeer. Mum even said she'd let us have the dining room for the night. I thought that it'd be a wonderful date for a wonderful girl.
"Wow, Ron, you really didn't need to go to all this effort," Hermione gasped, looking at the romantic scene her boyfriend had set up. He'd told her to wear something pretty, which she obliged to, wearing a fuchsia strapless gown.
"Ah, it was nothing," he said casually, pulling out her chair for her. He was lying. It had not been nothing. It took an hour and a half to find a nice outfit he could afford. It took five tries before he got the pasta to be just right. It took three days to get up the nerve to ask Hermione on this date in the first place.
Hermione smiled and sat down. "This is just really thoughtful of you. Thanks."
"Any time. I figured that if we were going to be official boyfriend and girlfriend, we should have a nice date every once in awhile."
"Well, you certainly succeeded."
There was a giggle, and a hissing of, "Shhhhhh!"
"Don't tell me…!" Hermione groaned, hitting herself in the forehead.
They emerged from behind the curtain. "Hey, Ron," said Harry, grinning sheepishly.
"Urrrrrrgggghhhhh!" Ron groaned, throwing up his hands.
Seriously. Privacy at my house = hahahahahahahaha.
Recently, I got word that I'd need to leave for a few weeks for my Auror training. Hermione pulled me aside. "Before you leave," she said. "I want you to take me out on a PROPER date. Somewhere private. Somewhere not at the Burrow!"
She had me at "private", really. I couldn't think of anywhere in the wizarding world where Harry and Ginny wouldn't follow us. So, I decided to ask Hermione what a Muggle couple would do. I guess she must've been really eager to go on a quote-unquote
"proper date", because she gave me an entire list of options. I decided to go with a trip to the zoo. Apparently, a zoo is a must-do date in the Muggle world.
Could've fooled me.
WHAT watching animals go to the bathroom has to do with romance, I'll never know. But, you know, whatever. Hermione seemed to be enjoying herself. Plus, she was holding my hand and even let me kiss her during the Safari Train Ride. Not bad, all things considered.
"You know," I said, as we stopped to look at some whales in the aquarium section. "I notice that we haven't been interrupted in the past two hours."
"Oh, that," she giggled. "Well, I told Ginny that she and her friends should educate their boyfriends on romance."
Harry, Dean, Seamus, and Neville were all strapped to their chairs. "This is torture," Dean grumbled.
Ginny, Pavarti, Padma, and Hannah all stood at the front of the room with a blackboard that read "Girls 101". Padma picked up the chalk and wrote: "Lesson No. 1: How to make your girlfriend want kiss you in seven easy steps."
"THIS," said Hannah, pointing to a picture of a young lady. "Is a GIRL."
"THIS," said Ginny, pointing to a second picture. "Is CHOCOLATE."
"Girls like chocolate," Pavarti said, as if the sentence was in French. "Give chocolate TO girl. That is step number one."
"…you got a mean streak, lady."
Hermione laughed, lighting up her entire face.
She's not beautiful, you know.
She's so much more.
Some people have a certain fire in them, y'know? Stretch your hands to them… and you finally feel warm.
"…don't you agree?"
Probably should've been listening to her.
"Did you hear a word I said?" she asked, crossing her arms.
The truth damn well better work this time. "I got distracted by someone…"
She smirked. "Okay, mister, nice save this time."
"I love you."
She smiled, and it reached all the way to her brown eyes. "I love you, too, Ronald Weasley," she whispered.
I pulled her into my arms, into a long kiss.
No doubts here.
I've never felt more right in my life.
I suppose you want some witty and profound ending line. I'll tell Hermione you were looking for one. I'm sure she'll get back to you.