I was running, although I did not know where I was going. I was running, faster and faster, hurrying my pace with no reason, cause there was no one behind me. Still, I was hiding. I was hiding from thoughts, from feelings, from reasons to get back from where I ran. I was running with no reason, but with the biggest of reasons at the same time. My chest was no longer beating so hard, after I ran so much .. so much that I thought my heart jumped up from its proper place. But it was still there. Else, why would I feel that way?
Big drops of water, carried by the wind, were constantly hitting my face, water seeping slowly, large streams on my cheek, so I let my eyes watery too, with the realize that, even if someone would see me, they wouldn’t be able to see my tears among the rain.
Tears are part of our soul, which are flowing outward, in the form of drops of dew. They are pieces of the soul, which are detached and fall, then they’re are taken by the "dew drops" outside, in this imperfect world in which we live. Pieces of our soul, small crystalline drops.
For various reasons, we leave them to go down the cheeks, furrowed by time and burned by the merciless sun. When we are happy, we cry, when we grieve, we cry, when meeting someone we love, after a long time, we cry. We cry when we lose someone we love. We cry at the separation, we cry at the reunion. For love, we do cry, too, of envy as well. They are diametrically opposed states that have the same result: tears on our cheeks ...
I have to confess that I never had such a melancholy expression of pain. Tears have become a rare thing, so that they cannot give them to first-come. But is it so?
Lately, I found a relentless relief when I talked to him. Without knowing why, I got pale and my heart began to beat wildly, fact that caused me a real disturbance.
But, I don’t know… I didn’t want to be like a child who is bound to see, tumbling, at the wake up, the castle he’s forged over the night. I didn't want to receive in my life people to take everything and leave. And me? I would remain with my memories with which to build an unsure future. I didn't want to remain with nothing after another newcomer who'd soon be gone anyways.
That irresistible sympathy which I had for him... We went too far so I can give back no more. This mixture of joy and sadness, innocence, all made me understand that if, at the outset, I’d have failed to dominate this proud nature of mine, he'd have been lost for me.
Could it be a coincidence that we met? Would he really want to know me? I think he does. I'd like to think he’s just another frightened boy, but I haven't ever think of him like this. Why, when he took my hand in his, I felt like I could hatch my heart there, too without him to break it?
But, after all, I could have tried to love a soul that seemed so black and white – maybe I could color it. I’d have never invited him to love me, no...I’d have dared him to do it. Always on the safe road. Always on tracks. I have four cardinal points in the middle of which I am well rooted. No more.
That was it! I had to go on and do everything to make things right for me… and him. I would have never been the same again. We would have never been the same again.
I walked inside the castle with water flowing off my clothes and hair and a radiant smile upon my face and, walking through the portrait, I was not surprised at all to find him there, with all his Marauders, probably planning another prank or just having some time off after a long day.
“Hello, James,” was all I addressed him with a smile, before following my way to the sixth year girls’ dormitory.
"She looks oddly radiant this evening,” James said. I felt .his eyes following me out of the room.
Sirius balked. "Have you gone mental? She's insufferable!"
I smiled to myself for each of the reactions. Some things would never change. But some other will! I promise!
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