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Just One of the Boys by MusicOfTheNight
Chapter 6 : Chapter six
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 13

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            My stomach is growling. Why did I not eat before starting this mission thing? I am so hungry. Note to self: never skip dinner! Ever!!

            ‘GRRRR’ my stomach just gave another growl, and Sirius chuckled at the sound. Damn, he can hear it! I suddenly felt very self conscious.

            Sirius and I are squeezed under James’ invisibility cloak-which by they way is awesome. But we are a bit to close for my comfort; I mean he can hear my stomach growling! I do not think it is growling that loud. 

            We are waiting for Lily to come down the hallway, so Sirius can perform the sinking spell and I can perform the shield spell. I know it is just a stupid plan, but I am quite excited. I feel giddy almost… Though I do feel bad about trapping Lily in a maze, she is a very strong person and it probably will not affect her much. Hopefully... Then again, maybe it would affect her, like what if she is Claustrophobic? Or she gets hurts? Or James never finds her down there?


            “Sirius, I do not think this is such a good idea.”

            “Stop worrying! It’s a great plan. One of the best James has thought up of.” Sirius said brushing off my comment.

            “But, what if it goes wrong?” I asked worried.

            “But it won’t go wrong.” He said mockingly. “Now be quiet, or else our cover will be blown!”

            I sigh and go back to watching the hallway for Lily. I already promised James I would help, so I can not back out now. Also James’ plan is pretty good. I doubt anything will go wrong. I mean, what is the worst that can happen?  My mind came up with images of giant rats attacking Lily while she screamed for help.

            Well, there are a million things that can go wrong.

            But thinking about them will not help me…at all. So stop thinking about them!!

            Yeah not working…


            Sirius elbows me, stopping me from thinking of more terrible things that could happen to Lily.  I look down the hallway to see Lily walking down it. This is it.

            Protego, I think, casting my spell at Lily.

I keep my wand pointing at Lily while Sirius gets his wand up. “Abbassarsi” he whispers quietly.

            My heart is beating hard. This is exciting; I wonder what is going to happen?

I wait for the floor to start sinking, but nothing happens. Lily just keeps walking down the hallway, and the sinking does not activate.

            Did James give us the wrong spell? Or did Sirius say it wrong? Maybe he pointed at the wrong stone.

            I stare up at Sirius wondering what is wrong. He is staring at Lily with a perplexed look on his face.

            Suddenly the ground starts rumbling. Crap, was this supposed to happen? One look at Sirius’ face told me that it is not. 

            The ground is shaking and Lily starts to sink; only not just Lily is sinking. The walls seem to start breaking down. Rocks are crumbling everywhere.  The walls are coming apart, and sinking into the ground.

            I stare wide eyed at the scene before me and quickly throw off the cloak. I run toward Lily as quickly as possible making sure my spell on her is still active.

            “Lily!!” I yell, but she does not hear me. She is too shocked by what is going on around her. Lily is waist down into the ground and the walls are falling down around her. I try to run closer but I can not move my legs.

            Crap, I am sinking too!!

“Nate!!” Sirius called running toward me.

            I want to tell him not come too, or else he will sink down too, but before I can open my mouth I hear a giant thunk behind me.


            I turn to see the wall nearest to me breaking down. And it was about to fall right on top of me. I tried to run away but my feet are stuck firmly in the ground. No matter what I did I could not move. I know the wall in going to fall on top of me. Though I suppose it is better than Lily getting hurt. I got her into this mess, so I guess I deserve it. I brace myself for the wall that is about to fall on to me.

            The impact had hard and slow. Pain ripped from all ends of my body. Bruises and cuts and broken bones. All the pain at once. It was too much to bear. I have never felt has much pain in my life before. 

            I want it to stop.

            At least I will see my parents again. The rest of my thoughts disengaged and my mind slowly turn off. All went black and I could feel no more pain.



            There is a throbbing in my head. It will not go way. That must mean I am alive. When you are dead there is no pain…or thoughts. And that is what I am doing right now, I am thinking.

            Relief spreads through me. I am still alive.

I opened my eyes to see darkness. The place I am in is pitch black. I try to get up, to move. I groan as I realize the effort it takes just to lift my head up an inch.


            “Be careful. You hit your head pretty hard.”

I stared shocked; not realizing Sirius was there too. My eyes adjust to see his figure sitting on the floor a couple feet away from me

            “Wha-” I meant to ask what happened, but I know what happened. The ceiling fell, and we sunk into the ground!

            “Are you ok? Are you hurt?” I asked.

            “Not at all. Just a couple of scratches. I got off easy compared to what happened to you.” Sirius replied.

            “I am fine. Are you sure you are ok? How’s Lily? Crap! Where is Lily?” I asked panicking. “Oh, what if she got hurt; it would be my entire fault!”

            “It’s not your fault, it’s my fault. I should have listened to you.” Sirius said. “And Lily didn’t get hurt.”

            “She did not?” I asked happy by this news. I try to sit up again. I slowly raise myself off the ground but I fall over. Sirius rushes over to my side and grabs me. I feel a blush creep over my face- not that I like Sirius but mostly because I am not used to being this close to a guy.

            Sirius helps me sit up right, and then I lean against a wall. I defiantly can not move. How are we supposed to get out? Maybe Sirius should go ahead and look for some help. But I do not want to be in the dark all alone.


“You kept your wand pointed at Lily the entire time.” Sirius said after a while.


            “You managed to keep the shielding spell activated until you blacked out. The whole entire time, you protected Lily.” Sirius said in awe.

            “Well, I did not know. It was…unconsciously.”  I said. It is my fault Lily got into this mess so I should take responsibility and protect her.  

            “You could have stopped the wall, from falling on you.” Sirius said. I felt uncomfortable. Sirius seemed to be praising me but I do not deserve that praise.

            “Look, all I did was cast a simple shielding spell over Lily. It is nothing that great. It is my fault she got into this mess, so at least I should protect her.” I said angrily.

            “But my first instinct would be to protect myself, not someone else.” Sirius said bitterly. I could see him looking up. He is also leaning against a wall and he is lost in some sort of thought.  I wonder what it is…

            “The whole time you protected her.” Sirius said.

            “The thing is I did not know I was doing that. I mean I wanted to protect her but after I saw the wall was going to fall on me I did not even think of using my wand to defend myself. I thought I was going to die.” I said. I thought that I would leave this world and be with my parents. I actually thought that I was going to die.


            Sirius became silent. He seems to have no response to that, which suits me just fine. I can not believe I told Sirius what I was thinking! I mean he probably had no response to that which is why he is so silent. But I did think I was going to die. I did not even think to use my wand at all.


            My wand! I can not believe I forgot about my wand. I love my wand, it is my most treasured possession but I only thought of it now.


“Sirius where is my wand?” I asked.




“Sirius…?” I asked wondering if he heard me.


            “Well, when you got hit, so did your wand. I grabbed it out of your hands to maybe heal you, but it is no use now.” He said holding up and wand split cracked in half.

            “That can be fixed right?” I asked, close to hysterics.

            Sirius handed the shards to me. I grasp them into my hand and I could feel no magic in them. I can not believe my wand is gone. It was the only thing I had from home. The only thing that was part of Naomi. It is gone now, like the rest of me.


            Tears poured down my face. It was stupid to cry over my wand, but my wand was me. I feel like some part of me died just now.

            My wand is broken- the only thing that reminded me of my old life in France. My wand braking, my parents dying, You Know Who’s eyes. I do not think I can handle it.


“Nate!” Sirius said alarmed. He probably never seen a boy cry like this before, but then again I am not a boy. And what does it matter if Sirius thinks I am or not? It does not really, because in the end I am going to die. Whether You Know Who kills me or not, I will be gone. So what is the point in trying?


            “Nate, pull yourself together. It is just a wand.” Sirius said.

            “It is not just a wand. It is my wand. It is part of me!” I said hysterically clutching the pieces of my wand close to me.

 “Do you even know me Sirius? No! Nobody does. But my wand was part of me. And now it is gone. Just like everything else in my life. So what is the point of it? What is the point of even trying?”


            “Point?” Sirius asked.

            “Is there no point to suffering? Why? Why can I not find a reason?”

            “Who knows if there is a point to all of this? Maybe it is totally pointless. But it there is a point I want to find out if there is.”  Sirius said, “Maybe the point is for the people you love.”

            “Love?” I asked, the people I love are dead.

            “Like Lily, or Frank, Alice, Jared…Amy. Your friends. Us, the Marauders! ” Sirius said fervently.

            Yeah, I do have friends. People I care about, who care about me. People I trust. People I love.

            “There is a point… you just have to find it for yourself.” Sirius said. “You can find it in so many different places, but I find it in my friends.”


            I guess there is a point to this. My friends are here. There is a point.  I dried the tears off of my face.


            “We need to find Lily.” I said, wiping the tears from my eyes. I can not bare the thought of her alone in the dark. She is my friend so I should protect her.

            “You can not move.” Sirius said.

            “You go ahead. I shall stay here and wait.” I said

            “I am not leaving you alone.” Sirius said firmly.

            “I am fine now. I do not want Lily to be alone.” I said.

            “I am not leaving you alone.” He said again.

            “I understand why you might not want to, but I refuse to leave Lily alone in the dark. It is my fault she’s there.” I said angrily.

            “It’s not your fault she’s there. It’s our fault!” Sirius yelled. “And I refuse to leave you alone!”

            “Well then are we just going to leave her alone?” I asked, “We can not do that!”

Sirius stared at me for a second, then he crouched in front of me and said “Get on.” I stared at his back.

            “Get on.” He said again.

I used the strength I had to get onto his back. I am glad Sirius did not leave me alone. Although I said I would be ok, I know what I will think in the darkness. I would have been terrified.

“Thanks.” I said, as he started to make his way through the half broken maze.

“You are strangely very light.” He observed.

“Thank you…?” I said feeling happy.


            Being on Sirius’ back is very comfortable. I do not feel awkward at all. And actually the feelings of despair I felt earlier are completely gone. I wonder how I could change that quickly. From the utter depths of my darkness to this almost happiness I am feeling. 

            I suppose it is because of Sirius… he knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.  How could he have known, exactly what to say?

            Maybe because he feels this way too. He did say that he also finds the point in his friends. 

            A smile spread across my face. Sirius and the marauders, they are such great friends. They trust each other so much. Remus can be perfectly open with them… I wonder if I could tell Frank and the others about my secret.


            No, I can not! That would be endangering me and other people. That is a foolish thought that just came through my head. It is so stupid. I can not tell them, not because I do not trust them but I just can not.


            “Hello? Anyone there?”

            “Lily!” Sirius and I yell at the same time.

            “Nathaniel?  Sirius?” she yells back. “Where are you guys?”

            “We’re coming!” Sirius yells going around a wall.


            I become blinded. A bright light hits me, and I can barely see. It takes me a while to adjust before I realize it is Lily’s wand that is making the light.

            “Lily!” I say, glad to see she is not hurt.

            “Nathaniel! What happened? How did we get down here? How long were you guys down for? Where were you?” she asked really quickly.

            I grimace while Sirius tries to put me onto the ground. The pain soars through my body again, but once I get onto the floor it feels better.

            “Sorry” Sirius said, noticing my pain.

            I smile, “Thanks for carrying me.”

            “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Lily said rushing to me side.

            “The wall collapsed on him.” Sirius said. “He’s injured everywhere.”

            “Let me heal you!” Lily said, “I know a little. It might alleviate the pain a bit.”

            “Sure.” I said, giving her the go. I trust Lily to heal me; she is the best student in charms.

            “Episky” she said.

            “Ah!” I groaned in pain as something snapped back into place.

            “That is all I know how to do. I wish I could help more.” Lily said frowning.

            “Thank you” I said, my ankle is not broken anymore. The rest of the bruises and cuts however remained.

            “Where are your guy’s wands?” Lily asked, noticing they are missing.

            “I dropped mine, somewhere up in the hallway.” Sirius said. “And Nate’s… well,” He showed the broken pieces to Lily.

            “Oh!” Lily gasped. 

             I look down at my feet so I do not see her reaction. I think if I did I will start crying again.

            “Well, I am sure we can fix that!” Lily said optimistically. That is Lily for you, always optimistic, even when she knows there is no hope. I wonder where she finds it.


            “How long do you suppose will we have to stay down here?” I asked changing the subject.

            “Not much longer.” Sirius said grinning at Lily, “James can not last ten minutes without seeing his Lily flower. He is probably looking for you at this very moment.”

            Lily glared at Sirius, “If you call me lily flower again you will wake up a room full of the poisonous lilies.”

            “You are positively evil.” Sirius said smirking “Are you sure you were put into the correct house? I think Slytherin would have been best considering the friends you keep.”

            “Don’t go there Sirius.” Lily said warningly.

            “Why? Why shouldn’t I?” Sirius asked.

            “It is none of your business who I choose to be friends with!” Lily shouted.

            “So you are still friends with that slimly haired git.” Sirius spat. “You know that he is going to join the death eaters.”

            “Don’t think I don’t know that. Why do you think I am not friends with Snape anymore?”

            “Then stop defending him!” Sirius said. “Every time we play a prank on him you come and scream at us, cruse James and then land us in detention for a week.”

            “I will defend anyone who you bully like that!” Lily said, “Not just Snape, but anyone!” She seemed like she was trying to convince herself more than Sirius.

            “He is a death eater; there is no need to protect a death eater.” Sirius said with disgust.

            “And what about Regulas? You know he is going to join them as soon as he can! So then what? Are you not going to be his brother anymore?”

            “No! Him and the rest of my damn family. They haven’t been my family since I got into Gryffindor.” Sirius said angrily.

            “So you are just going to let him go become a death eater?” Lily asked, not screaming anymore.

            “I don’t think I can get through to him. He is too brainwashed by my parents. There is no hope for him, so I had to cut our ties. Just like you should do…”

            Lily scoffed, “Sirius, are you trying to help me? Are you actually giving me advice?”

            Sirius looked away for the first time.

            “Ha, next time, I might listen to your advice if you don’t scream it at me.” Lily said smiling.

            “James was just all worried that you had started hanging out with Snivellus again. He didn’t want you to get hurt again.” Sirius said, explaining.

            “Ah, and now we are back where we started.” Lily said smiling.

            “You know, I think James should have came by now.” Sirius said wondering what the delay is. Although the wall collapsed James should have figured we were down here.

            “How would he know we are here so quickly?” Lily asked suspiciously.

            “Because he’s James. He should be coming soon, right Nate?”


            I stared up at Sirius. “Holy crap, what just happened?” I asked.



“I did not follow any of your conversation. Death Eaters? You were friends with a death eater Lily? Snape right? That kid who’s good at potions. And Sirius, your brother? He is a death eater too? I hate death eaters. Stupid minion followers. They think they are doing what is right. It is not right to kill innocent people. I mean they are starting a war! I did not know that you guys were affected by the war. I thought most people here had no idea what was going on. I thought you guys were free from you know who’s terror. But I guess not. And what was with your family Sirius? I don’t understand-” I am rambling, and I know it. But I have no idea what just went down. Like really, what the hell were they talking about? I feel like I do not really know Sirius or Lily at all.


            “Nathaniel. Calm down, take a deep breath,” Lily said.

            “Man, I had no idea what you said at all.” Sirius said jokingly, trying to ease the awkwardness that settled.


            “I….brain….do not understand.” I said, “My head hurts even more then it did when we got here.


            “Nate, you really need to relax. Mental strain is not good for your body considering the condition you are in right now.” Lily said, “Sorry we got into this fight right in front of you.”

            “No, it is not that. It is just…I had no idea. About really any of it. Well I knew you were friends with that Snape but…”

            “Yeah, Snape and I were best friends. But since he wants to grow up and become someone who kills people like me, I broke off that friendship. But, I still hate it when he” she said nodding at Sirius, “and the others bully him. So I guess they thought I was friends with him again.”

            “Yeah, James went mental after you cursed him for hexing Snape. He thought you two were friends again, and thought you were going to get hurt.”

            “Really?” Lily asked a bit surprised.

            “Yeah, he was so worried.”

            “Oh” She said, pondering what Sirius had said.

            “My family,” Sirius said, “Has never had anyone not in Slytherin. They are a pureblood family, who wishes to keep their blood pure. And they hated me for being in Gryffindor. They are big supporters of Voldemort.” I flinched. “So it makes sense my brother would join.”

            “And you know,” Lily said gently, “The war affects everyone in this school. We are all just really good at hiding it.”

            “Everyone in some way or another is affected.” Sirius said.

            “Crap, that sucks.” I said, thinking that was the most manliest thing to say. Instead, I am feeling relief. I am not alone in my despair. This war affects everyone.

            I know it is bad to feel relieved that you are not the only one suffering, but I am. I am so relieved to know that I am not alone. That someone somewhere is out there suffering the same way I am.

            But now I have a reason to suffer. Because I found a point in living. Down in this dark desolate crumble of a maze I found relief and some happiness.

            I grab the pieces of my broken wand. A light seemed to come from the distance.

“Lily! Sirius!” I said nodding to the light.

            Sirius’s face broke out into a grin. “Told you he would come.”

            Surprisingly Lily laughed. “Took him long enough.”

I too smile as the light from James’ wand moves closer to where we are. I am saved; I will be free from this place, and go back to classes. Back with my friends, where I belong.  

Waaa, intense right? 

I am so sorry i haven't updated in forever!!! I really haven't had any time to breath in the last 2 months. I  was sooo busy. But now expect regular updates and stuff. Though i think i am going to go back and edit my chapters. Just fix the grammer and i think i have some tense confusion. I need to go fix that. 

But anyways, what did you think of the chapter? It was very...dark, shall i say? I was a little hesitant to put it up because it gives a very negative feel... But hopefully you guys liked it. 

Read and Review!!


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