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Big Girls Don't Cry by PurpleDusk
Chapter 12 : Eye of Newt
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 1

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Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognise! I’m not J.K Rowling –even though I wish I were! I only own Scarlett Turner, Haylie Myers, Violet Turner, Professor Hale, Professor Carn –a whole bunch of other OC’s- and the plot.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy reading.


Wednesday, March 15th 1978


It had been four days since Remus and Haylie’s disappearance. I still hadn’t heard anything about them or from them –no one had. Dumbledore now had the professors on high alert, had told the Ministry and their families. I was truly getting worried now, where were they? Were Haylie and Remus together or had they wondered off on their own accord? Why wouldn’t Haylie tell me she was leaving...unless something bad had happened –which I refused to think about, I just couldn’t handle it.

I sat like a rock, ridged and scared, wondering when Haylie and Remus would get back from wherever they were. I was sitting on a couch in front of the fire place in the common room, staring blankly into the iridescent flames. Lee, Haylie’s little brother, sat in from of me, head in his hands and his whole body shaking. He’d been like that for a day now –ever since Dumbledore had told him about Haylie-, just shaking and whimpering, whenever you tried to talk to him he seemed distant, like he wasn’t focusing on you –because he wasn’t. He was terrified, he wanted his sister back, he was as bad as I was –probably even worse- and Lee was in a state of panic and shock.

“Hey, you okay?” I slid off the couch and onto the ground next to him. Lee didn’t answer, so I did the only thing I could think of, I wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into a close –and hopefully comforting- hug,
“She’s going to be okay, she’ll come back,” I promised, although I didn’t even know if I believed it myself.

“Hey Scar, you coming to breakfast?” James called from the portrait –which was now slightly open.
“Yeah, one second,” I said and turned to Lee again, “do you want to come with me?” Lee slightly turned his head to face me, his pale green eyes met mind ever so briefly as he shook his head and then went back to staring mindlessly into the flickering inferno in front of him.

I sighed and wondered what would happen to Lee if Haylie never came back...what would happen to me if Haylie and Remus never came back?

But at that moment, I refused to think about it.


I caught up with James half way down the moving stair cases; he was deep in conversation with Lily about where they would go for their next date in Hogsmeade, Lily apparently wanted to go to Madam Puddifoot’s but James was putting up a fight not to go there –who could blame him, even I found it sickening, all that pink and the stupidly pointless fluffy love heart pillows.

The bickering but happy couple didn’t acknowledge that I’d joined them but I had a feeling that they at least knew I was there.

When we reached the entrance of the Great Hall, Sirius had finally caught up with us.

In the Great Hall many students were already seated and nibbling on yummy breakfast foods. I took my usual seat at the end of the Gryffindor table, nearest to the entrance of the Great Hall, and caught a glimpse of Sirius ditching us for the Hufflepuff table – again.

I sighed; soon, he’d pretty much be a Hufflepuff and barely be a Gryffindor, not to mention that he’d probably fall out of being a Marauder. I wondered if he’d let Katie in on the Marauder secrets; I mean, the only reason I knew any of their secrets was because I’d been Sirius’ best friend before he had met James and I got the feeling that if Sirius had told Katie about the biggest Marauder secret –about Remus being a werewolf- no one would forgive him, it was too risky to let anyone except his closest friends and the professors to know about Remus’ affliction. If the parents found out about it, they’d be a full scale riot –not to mention the trouble we’d all get in for the things we did while Remus was in his wolf form.

James obviously caught sight of who I was staring at.
“I swear once we’ve graduated he’ll Apparated to Los Vegas, tie the knot with her and ditch us –for good.” James sighed, sitting next to me. I put my arm around him, comfortingly – I seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
“Don’t say that. Sure, the Vegas thing will probably come true –but knowing him, he’ll probably knock her up first- but, he won’t ever ditch you, James. You’re his brother.” I assured him; it bought a helpless smile to his slightly panicked and worried face. He looked like he was five years old again, and upset about losing his teddy bear or something. I felt really sorry for him.

After James didn’t say anything for a few minutes, I looked over at Lily, who shrugged at James’ silence, as if to say ‘James is never speechless, what should we do?’

“Do you want me to talk to him or something?” I asked. At that moment, I’d find any excuse to make James feel better –and find any excuse to talk to Sirius.
James shrugged and mumbled, “I guess...”

I nodded thoughtfully and grabbed a waffle, covered it with some raspberry jam and started nibbling and picking at it, suddenly finding myself with no appetite. I think it was because of what James had said about Sirius tying the knot with Katie. I knew it was true, I’d never seen Sirius so happy with someone before, not James, not Remus, not Peter, not Haylie or any of his girlfriends –or even me. Sadness washed over me, but even though I was sad and I wished it was me in Katie’s place, I wasn’t exactly jealous of Katie, I was happy for her. I was happy that the two of them were content and happy with each other; they really did make a good couple. But it was still a bummer that I’d never get a chance with Sirius.

I sighed inwardly, not wanting to make a fuss over something this small by sighing out loud. I decided I would talk to Sirius during Potions; after all he was still my partner.

Weirdly, I had a flashback of our first lesson of Potions in seventh year, when I was paired up with Sirius. I realised, I’d never actually gotten an answer out of anybody about why he was so annoyed with the idea of being paired up with me that day. We were friends, right? Or was what he said to me when he stopped talking to me a few months previous, really true? Did he really just hang around me because he felt sorry for me, because I was like his pathetic little sister?

Deep in thought, I mindlessly rose from my seat and started walking to the dungeons. In someone else’s point of view I probably looked like a zombie walking down the halls of Hogwarts, staring off into space, thinking about why someone as good and as popular as Sirius Black would actually hang around me.

I didn’t come up with much besides the pathetic little sister thing; I figured that’s the only answer that made real sense. I mean, we’d known each other since we were six and pretty much grown up together, so maybe he did see me as a sister rather than a friend –and girlfriend material.

I bumped into a few people on my way down to the dungeons, including two first years, a second year, a third year, three forth years and Professor McGonagall, who told me to stop day dreaming and pay attention to where I was walking. I mumbled an apology and continued on my way, still not paying attention.

I finally realised I was at the dungeons when I walked smack-bang into a wall. It earned a few laughs and snide comments from passing Slytherins, and I shot a bat-bogey hex their way. Smirking, I entered the dungeon classroom, it was cold and even though most of the students were inside the classroom, it had this empty presence. It gave me a weird case of the heebie-jeebies.

“Hey, Scar,” Sirius greeted me; he had a grin upon his angelic face. I smiled up at him, he looked happier today. Today was one of those rare days when Sirius’ smiles weren’t fake.
“Hi, Padfoot, how’s Katie?” I asked, dumping my book bag on the grey-black stone ground and grabbing my potions text book out.
“She’s okay, I guess. Why?”
“Just asking,” I shrugged.

I jumped and gave a little shriek as I heard the doors bang as their wooden surface made forceful contact with the stone walls that held them up, and with that, Professor Carn had entered the classroom. Six foot four of pure evil that scared the living day lights out of first years and seventh years; but ever since my last detention with him, when he’d said that I was a rather remarkable witch, I’d never been scared or intimidated by him. It was very weird, I’d been so used to cowering away in his presence, afraid to give him the wrong answer and I was always very reluctant to hand in my essays because I was terrified he would laugh at their stupidness.

But none of those feelings every happened anymore, I suddenly had the impression that I had  something over him, that if I told some people about the brief nice comment he’d given me, it’d spread like wildfire and his bad-ass reputation would be ruined. I smirked to myself and, as if he’d read my mind, he sent me a glare that could’ve killed.

I had to hold in my laughter.

Carn barked out orders to create the Aging Potion. I’d perfected the potion ages ago, so Sirius and I got to work immediately, chatting mindlessly as we went.

“Yes,” He mused,
“Do you remember the first potions lesson this year?” I asked, he nodded thoughtfully.

“When you were paired up with me, you looked annoyed. Why? Am I really that bad to be around?” I gushed out. I didn’t mean to come straight out with it, but apparently my mouth doesn’t listen to my brain anymore.

“Erm...I wasn’t annoyed. I mean, I was a little but, it was the first time I’d never been paired up with James. I guess I was a little, um, conflicted, though.” He explained,
“Conflicted by what?”

Sirius blushed a deep crimson red, “I sort of fancied you back then. I think it was a bit more than that, actually. I thought about in so much, I felt insane sometimes. Once or twice I actually thought I was in love with you -but I didn’t want to admit it to myself or anyone else because I knew I’d probably end up like James did, chasing Lily. I also didn’t want to ask you out and have you reject me or something and make our friendship weird, or ask you out and you say yes and then a month or so later, dump you and destroy our friendship. I couldn’t do that because you’re just too important to me.” He glanced at me, waiting for me to burst out laughing I guess, but really I was dying inside.

Sirius continued; “so, I figured I should go out with someone to get my mind off of you. And I’d heard that Katie had had a crush on me for a while so I asked her out and I’m in love with her. She’s just so amazing.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Sirius Orion Black, the hottest and sweetest boy at Hogwarts, had had a crush on me. I mentally punched and kicked myself for not admitting to myself that I liked him, sooner. Then it could’ve been me in Sirius’ arms and not Katie-bloody-Bird.

I dropped the tray of newt eyes I’d been carrying to put in the potion. The juices from the eyes splattered everywhere, thankfully, none of the olive green liquid got splashed on me, most of it was on the floor on Sirius’ uniform.

Everything boiled over, but instead of steam coming out of my ears and my face turning from red to a purple-ish blue in anger, my eyes started to water and sure enough, I was crying. Salty tears rolling downing my once rosy cheeks, which were now pale from the state of shock I was in.
The silent tears turned quickly into sobs, making my whole body shake and quiver while the sobs seemed to drown and burn me –at the same time- from the inside out. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I was so devastated that I could have had a chance with him but I was too slow. Now he and Katie would be together forever and I’d have to stand there, by myself, watching Lily and James, Peter and Ellen, Haylie and Remus and Sirius and Katie. With a fake smile upon my face, lying through my teeth and falsely telling people that I was happy for them and pretending that I only cared for Sirius as a friend and that I liked Katie when I was really jealous of her and hated her.

Sirius was turned away, not facing me, trying to clean the eye of newt juice off of him. He hadn’t seen the state I was currently in, and hopefully, he wouldn’t, because I ran out of the dungeons with Professor Carn shouting; ‘come back here this instant, Miss Turner!’
But there was no way I was going to turn back.

I sprinted from the dungeon to the Fat Lady’s portrait in what was probably a record time. While I was running, the halls of Hogwarts were; thankfully, empty –except for the horribly annoying, talkative portraits, of course. Everyone was in class and the Hogwarts care taker, Argus Filch and his crazy cat, Mrs. Norris, were –for once- nowhere to be seen.

I wished Haylie was here, she’d listen and she wouldn’t tell anybody about why I was crying. It was a horrible feeling that I might not get to even tell her about this. That I might not be able to even see her again.

“Aw, are you okay, hun?” The Fat Lady asked once I got to her portrait.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” I sobbed, “Veritaserum.” I gave her the password and her portrait unlocked.

I pushed myself inside the Gryffindor Tower, and in the process, slammed into something warm and sort of soft.

“Hey, are you okay?” A familiar voice came,
“Haylie?” I asked, blinking a few times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. 

“Yeah, it’s me. Hi.” She said awkwardly, giving a pathetically discomforted wave. 
“Merlin ... Bloody hell, where have you been!? Is Remus back too?!” I exclaimed, grabbing hold of her shoulders and shaking her like she was a piggy bank and I was shaking her to see if I had any money inside. She looked like an extremely wobbly pink jelly–o. 

When I finally stopped shaking her because she looked like she was about to be sick; Haylie nodded and said; “Yeah, we just got back.”

I pushed her to the burgundy coloured couch in front of the red brick fire place and pushed her to sit down and I did too. I quickly wiped the extra tears that had slipped out and hopefully got rid of some of the panda eyes I probably had.

“Now, first things first; where did you two go!?” I asked and as I did, Haylie’s face turned a bright red colour and she turned her head slightly to the side, embarrassment. 
“Just...somewhere...” She mumbled, moving stray strands of her charmed pink hair away from her face. She looked like she could start sweating bullets any second.

I gaped at her, I knew that face, I’d shown her the mild version of that face ten times a month in fifth year when I turned into –what James and Haylie liked to call- the Female Sirius. That face was full of embarrassment, secrecy, a bit of naughtiness and a dash of guilt.

No way.

Haylie; my sweet, responsible, sensible, Haylie. She did the dirty deed.

“No way!” I exclaimed, and actually falling off the couch in the process, I started to giggle like a mad person.
“Keep it down!” She squeaked, pouncing off the couch like Lily’s cat, Artemis, and covering my mouth her hand and her pretty face turning an even brighter red.

I pulled Haylie’s hand away from my mouth and started laughing harder at the expression on her face. It was complete and utter embarrassment.

“Please, don’t tell anyone!” She begged as she heard footsteps coming down their stairs to the dormitories. I was holding my stomach, which was hurting from laughing so much, and I managed to nod a few times when someone –I couldn’t see because I was crying of laughter by this stage- sat next to Haylie on the couch.

“What’s up with her?” A male’s voice said,
“She figured it out.” Haylie stated. I figured the guy was Remus, so I sat up, attempted to calm down but was still shaking with violent giggles and tried really, really hard to keep a straight face.

“So...” I wagged my eye brows suggestively and they both turned the deepest shade of scarlet I’ve ever seen.

“Shut up, Scarlett.” Haylie mumbled as Remus grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze. They were a really cute couple, but I had no idea they’d go that far.

But I guess I should’ve seen it coming, they were getting a lot more serious and with all the dark wizard and Auror madness going on, I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.
I wondered if Haylie and Remus were the only ones that had gone that far. I mean, I’d noticed that Sirius and Katie were obviously getting very serious (no pun intended), James and Lily were already acting like a married couple, not doing anything without each other, and Ellen and Peter were well past the two year mark.

Was it possible that I was the only virgin Marauder left?

Right as I thought that, Sirius and a few fifth years came through the portrait. His school sweater had a nasty olive green eye of newt stain on it, as well as a bit of green on his Gryffindor tie and white shirt.

“I’m going to change.” He muttered and hiked up the stairs to the dorms.

“What’s got his wand in a knot?” Remus asked,
“I accidently split eye of newt juice all over him in Potions...” I shrugged. That caused Remus and Haylie, who were currently staring at each other rather awkwardly, to laugh for the first time since I’d seen them.

I smiled and hopped back onto the couch, sitting cross legged and facing them.
“Does Lee know you’re back yet?” I asked Haylie.
Hayls nodded, “Yeah, I saw him on the way to the common room, he’s in class now.”
“He was really freaked when Dumbledore told him you were missing.” I told her. Haylie’s and Remus’ eyes almost popped out of their heads.

You guys told Dumbledore we were gone?!” They shrieked in unison. I jumped at the panic and anger in their voices.
“What the hell were we supposed to do? You guys were missing for four days!” I shouted,
“Who else knows? Who did he tell?” Haylie squeaked.

“Your families, the professors and the Ministry.” I told them.

Remus went deathly pale and Haylie looked like she was going to punch me.

“The freakin’ Ministry knows?!” Haylie yelled. I nodded and decided that I should probably get out of there before I got punched.

“Don’t worry, I bet if you just tell Dumbledore a really good lie or something you guys will get off easy.” I said over my shoulder as I almost ran up the stairs to my room.

I bumped into Sirius on the way up.

“Oh, sorry,” I apologised as I tried to make my way around him, but he kept stepping in front of me.  I got fed up with his little game fairly quicker than I usually would and grabbed his shoulders to keep him still so I could move past. But as I headed farther up the long, winding staircase, Sirius grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down. I landed right in his chest as he wrapped his arms around me.

“Are you okay?” He murmured into my ear. I honestly could have died right then and there, the feeling of his breath in my ear, his strong arms around me and his warm chest pressed against my back.
“I-I’m fine. Why?” I mumbled.
“James saw you crying when you ran out of Potions.” He replied.
“Oh. I’m fine, it was just...It was nothing.” I said, turning around to face him.

“Well, even if it was nothing, I’m going to cheer you up,” He smiled, “our favourite band is coming out to Hogsmeade in a few days...”
“I know, and the show is sold out!” I exclaimed.
Sirius shook his head, “guess who pulled a few strings and got us two awesome tickets.”
I gaped at him, I felt like jumping up and down and screaming. Okay, I was actually jumping up and down and screaming...

“No way! I’ve been trying to get tickets for Tarantallegra for months!” I shrieked, throwing my arms up around him.
“So, I’m taking that you’re excited and you’re coming?” He laughed.
I nodded vigorously, “of course!”
“Awesome.” He beamed and sauntered down to the common room.

I didn’t go back to class that day, I just sat on my bed studying for N.E.W.T’s, patting Artemis –Lily’s cat- out of boredom, doing homework and practicing offensive and defensive spells on my pillow for the Auror Training.


Later that day, after dinner in the Great Hall and Sirius figuring out where Remus and Haylie had been for the past four days, and a lot of James’ stupid sex jokes, Haylie and I sat in the stands on the Quidditch pitch, light rain falling down on us that didn’t look like it was going to get heavier any time soon.

“So, why were you crying when you bumped into me this morning?” Hayls asked. I wasn’t expecting that question at all. I didn’t think she even saw my crying.

“It was nothing.” I shrugged.
“Don’t give me that. You don’t cry easily, it had to be something bad...or good?” Hayls pressed on, I knew she wouldn’t give up anytime soon, Haylie was one of the most persistent people you’d ever meet; she wouldn’t stop until she got a good and bloody believable answer.

So, sighing and thinking of where I should start the story, I told her everything. I told her what Sirius had felt for me at the start of seventh year and what I now felt for him. I started crying about half way through, I felt horrible that I’d kept all this from her, but I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my shoulders when I did tell her.

“Wow.” Was all Haylie could say after I finished.

“Mm,” I mused, looking out to the stars, “you won’t tell anyone, will you?”
“Of course not!” She exclaimed, showing mock-horror that I’d even think that she would do that to me.

Wiping some tears from my cheeks away, I smiled and hugged her, “thanks.”

After a few moments of sitting in comfortable silence, the rain started to come down harder, it felt like hail on my skin, I knew I’d have tiny purple-blue-green bruises all over my arms in the morning.

“I’m going to go back to the common room, you coming?” Haylie asked, standing up and moving down to the end of the aisle of seats in the stands.
I shook my head, “Nah, I’m going to sit here for a bit.”
Haylie shrugged, “Okay, I’ll see you back inside.”

I nodded and watched her as she walked down the stands, across the grassy pitch and out of the Quidditch pitch. When she was finally well out of sight, I sprinted down to the Gryffindor locker rooms and grabbed my broom and had a bit of a fly around the pitch in the pelting down rain. I flew out of the pitch and right up to the windows of the castle, I caught a few stares from students, professors and Mrs. Norris, and even though I knew I was probably going to get detention for being out of the castle so late at night –even though I had another half an hour before curfew actually kicked in-, I didn’t care.


When I finally made my way back to the Gryffindor Common Room, completely drenched and shivering like crazy, no one was awake. Everything in the Gryffindor Tower was still and quiet –eerily quiet.

I didn’t think I’d ever seen or heard the common room this quite in my whole time at Hogwarts. There was always a Marauder party, or a random study group doing late night last minute homework –mostly they were fourth and fifth years.

I silently crept up the stair well to the girl’s dorms like a mouse, I heard a floorboard creek under my weight ever now and then, and that made me jump and squeak in surprise and fright. I didn’t think I’d ever been that paranoid in my life.

But when I finally got to the dorm, I stripped off my sopping wet uniform and crawled into my soft, warm bed. Falling asleep to Haylie’s and Amber’s snores, Paige’s and Lily’s muffled sleep-talking and the blissful memory of Sirius holding me in the stair well earlier that day, asking me if I was okay.

I was pretty sure I smiled through the night as I slept in the darkness.

A/N: Hi guys! Okay, first things first; thank you for the 1000+ reads!! Yay! I totally freaked out when I came home from the worst day ever at school and found out I had 1000+ reads!
Anyways, what did you guys like about this chapter? Or did you guys hate it? Please tell me because I would like to know and you know where you can tell me? Haha, that's right; in a review!
I probably won't update this story for a while because I'm going to write a few things for my other stories -just warning you :).
xoxo PurpleDusk
P.S: Thank you to my beta, Ely, check out her stuff, she is Midnightblue_x, she is awesome and her main story is something you have got to read!


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