One morning at No. 1 Private Drive (yes, Private Drive was so private there was only one house on the whole street) 11 year old Larry Rotter woke to the sound of rain hammering on the window. He reluctantly opened his eyes and saw a blurry shape by his bedroom window. He made the necessary facial movements to attach his monocle and the blurry shape cleared up immediately. It wasn’t raining after all, and the sound he thought was rain was in fact a big, brown barn owl tapping his beak against the window. Larry noted a small, tightly rolled scroll of parchment attached to the bird’s foot.
“What is an owl doing sending me mail? Haven’t they heard of Facebook chat?!!!” Larry muttered angrily as he got out of bed and made his way to the window to let the noisy owl in. The bird had been tapping against the window unnoticed for over an hour now, so was very glad when Larry finally opened the window to let her in. She nipped his cheek appreciatively, causing Larry’s monocle to fall out and stretched her wings by flapping loudly about the room. As Larry fumbled about the floor for his lost monocle, he heard stirring from the next bedroom.
“Oh no!” he thought, “This blasted owl has gone and woken up my aunts!” He retrieved his monocle and ran around frantically after the owl, trying to get it to quieten down. His attempt was in vain however; as the door was soon flung open by a furious Aunt Weed.
“What the bloody hell is this racket? You have woken Aunt Dandelion and I from our beauty sleep!” She yelled, causing her hair rollers, flabby cheeks and rolls of fat to wobble.
“Err…I…” Larry tried to explain as the owl continued to cause chaos knocking books off shelves and smashing a lamp.
“I don’t want explanations, I just want…” and then she finally noticed the owl. “Arghhhh!!! Owl!!!” she screamed, jumping back in shock. She tripped over the dog, Killer and bounce-bounce-bounced down the stairs.
Larry bit his lip to keep the giggles from escaping from his mouth. He couldn’t help it. His aunt’s were horrible. They treated him like a slave, they made fun of the mysterious fish-shaped scar on his forehead and they refused to buy him glasses, so he had to wear this awful monocle! And worst of all, they always ate all of the good food in the house so Larry was stuck with porridge! Seeing Aunt Weed sprawled at the bottom of the stairs in a dressing gown that made her look like a giant meringue just made his day. Forget that. It made his life. He had lived with his Aunts ever since his parents died. Dandelion insisted they were killed by a rampaging donkey, but Larry could tell she was lying. He thought that Dandy and Weed sat on them, crushing them to death.
All the commotion caused Dandelion to come rushing out of her room, and on seeing her unconscious sister lying at the bottom of the stairs, she fainted.
Larry contemplated helping them… then laughed at the absurdity. He went back into his room and shut the door.
He then remembered the letter that was attached to the owl’s leg. He had never received a letter before so he was quite shocked. But why wouldn’t he receive a letter? He was amazing! He gently untied it and turned it over to read the front.
“Mr Larry Rotter,
1 Private Drive (Home of two violent crazy duggles),
Larry laughed when he read the second line, although he was unsure what duggles were.
He was just about to break the seal and read the letter when Aunt Dandelion stormed into his room. “What have I told you about laughing in my house?” she yelled, apparently awoken from her faint. She stopped when she saw the letter Harry was holding. She recognised the handwriting at once. “Where did you get that? Give it to me!”
“No! It’s my letter! It has my name on it! The owl brought it for me!”
“Give it to me!” Dandy ordered. She started to chase Larry around the room. She lunged at Larry, who was standing by the window but he dodged out of the way. She flew through the window and into the overgrown garden. Larry leaned out of the window, mouth open in shock as his guardian rolled down the hill towards the treacherous river that flowed nearby. Larry half-thought about running to help, but his aunt suddenly stopped rolling to her death and had managed to clamber up to her feet. He knew he didn’t have long to read the letter before she returned to steal it from him, so he hastily opened it up. Luckily for him, the letter was only two words long.
“Dragon Alley?” he read aloud from the parchment, extremely confused.
And with a flash of light he disappeared, and reappeared again in a very busy street lined with intriguing looking shops.
“What the hell is going on?!!!” Larry yelled angrily to no-one in particular.
At this sudden outburst, a dwarf turned around to face Larry.
“Ahh, Mr Rotter. You’re a tad later than I expected. Never mind, eh? Come on, we best get moving if we want to buy all of your school stuff before the shops shut. Come on then! Get a move on!” the dwarf took in Larry’s bemused expression. “Are you alright, mister?”
“No,” answered Larry. “I don’t understand!!!” he collapsed to the floor and started beating the cobbles with his fists, wailing.
“There, there,” the dwarf comforted. “This must all be very overwhelming, finding out you’re a wizard and all.”
Larry immediately stopped what he was doing “What did you just say?”
“This all must be very overwhelming for you.”
“No, no. The wizard part?”
“Well you’re a wizard of course! Didn’t you know?”
“Do you know anything about yourself???”
“Well I know that my name is Larry Rotter and that I’m amazing……huh. Come to think of it, that’s all I know!”
“Well, come with me. I’m Hogrod by the way, groundskeeper at Pigburps. Then again, if you don’t even know you’re a wizard, you won’t know about Pigburps. Oh what a pickle. Come on, we will go to the Dragon’s Cauldron – that’s a pub by the way – and I’ll tell you all about everything.”
Write a Review Larry Rotter and the Philosopher's Cologne: Chapter 2- Introducing Larry Rotter