It was official; Dolores Umbridge was one of the most annoying yet intriguing people Yaxley had ever met in his life. Why he found her intriguing he couldn’t quite understand but he knew exactly why she annoyed him so. This woman was obsessed with the colour pink. Here he was, sitting in her office, listening to her drone on about Muggle-borns and surrounded by pink... Yaxley hated pink.
The pink alone would have been bearable if it wasn’t for the large number of kittens and bows dotted around the room also. The whole room screamed feminine and he hated it. He wanted nothing more than to retreat to his own office and just sit and enjoy the dark wood that expressed masculinity.
A shrill voice pierced his ears suddenly pulling him out of his thoughts. “Yaxley are you listening?”
“Yes Dolores,” he sighed sitting up a little straighter to make it look as if he was actually doing as she had asked without having to listen.
Umbridge talked for another twenty minutes on the problems surrounding Muggles stealing magic and Yaxley was aware of his eyelids drooping. He decided that maybe a short nap wouldn’t matter in the slightest, Umbridge was far too preoccupied. With this idea in mind, he allowed sleep to overcome him completely, dropping off in the middle of the meeting.
“Dolores?” Someone was poking him and he suddenly sat up rubbing his eyes. He hadn’t intended to sleep for that long. He looked up to see who had been poking him and noticed it was Runcorn.
“What’s going on?” he asked before suddenly pausing and frowning. What was wrong with his voice? It was squeaky and girly... and not him at all.
“Dolores you look unwell, are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yes of course I’m alright!” Yaxley snapped before suddenly realising what Runcorn had called him, “Wait, did you just call me Dolores?”
“Sorry,” Runcorn said suddenly looking worried, “I mean Umbridge.”
Yaxley was confused... seriously confused. Something wasn’t right at all. A loud groan however pulled him out of his thoughts and caused both him and Runcorn to look across the room.
What he then saw, no one could have prepared him for.
He had just seen himself stand up in the corner of the room. “Okay,” he cried in his ridiculously girly voice, “What the hell is going on here?”
“You and Yaxley both fell asleep,” Runcorn explained rather confused as to Umbridge’s sudden outburst.
“But I am Yaxley!” This caused the version of him across the room to suddenly look at him.
Runcorn laughed, “No, you’re Umbridge.”
“No... I’m Umbridge,” said a deep voice from across the room.
“No,” Runcorn said looking between the two. “You’re Yaxley?” He was starting to doubt his own eyesight.
The real Yaxley stood up, suddenly aware that he was much shorter than he normally was. As he looked down, his hands automatically flew to his chest. “Merlin,” he cried before throwing his hands off himself in disgust and shock. “I have breasts!”
This proved too much for Runcorn who burst into laughter. “Seriously is this just some strange act between you two?”
“Get your hands off my breasts!” The real Umbridge cried in Yaxley’s voice, striding over towards her former self.
“Oh I intend to,” Yaxley said glaring at himself. It was rather strange to glare at an image of himself. “Look we actually have a serious problem here.”
He glanced towards Runcorn who was still howling with laughter and then back at Umbridge who obviously looked like him. “I can’t think of any way to reverse this problem immediately and I... I mean, you, have a meeting in ten minutes.”
“You mean,” Umbridge began her eyes widening in horror. “I actually have to live as you?”
“Well what else do you suggest?” Yaxley snapped, “Runcorn already thinks we are mad imagine how the rest of the Ministry might react.”
He then went to stride out of the room but after his first step he found himself falling forwards and landing face first onto the wooden floor. This of course confused him at first until he stood up and realised that he was actually in a skirt, which meant his movement was more restricted than normal. Also he had to get used to wearing a completely different kind of shoe... heels. “How the hell do you walk in these?” he asked looking at them with disgust before taking a shaky step forward.
Umbridge chose wisely not to answer so instead asked him a more serious question. “What do I do in this meeting then?”
“Sit and nod a lot. Agree with everything Thickness says.” That was a point; did he still have full control over the man? He went to retrieve his wand from his pocket and then realised he had Umbridge’s. “Can we swap wands please?”
Umbridge looked down at Yaxley’s wand in her hand. She couldn’t help but feel strangely powerful, even more so than she did with her own. There was something he had done with this wand that was making her feel that way.
Yaxley however felt less powerless without a wand than with Umbridge’s and snatched his own from her hand before giving her, her own.
Thickness come here. He thought before the Minister appeared at the door. Yaxley couldn’t help but grin. “Right, follow Thickness he’ll take you to where you need to be.”
Umbridge looked at him, “Tell me first why I should do this. What do I get out of it?”
Yaxley growled in frustration, she really wound him up sometimes. “If you don’t do this then when I get my body back I’ll make your life a living hell.”
She seemed to get the message and was about to leave when Yaxley took another step forward. This of course resulted in him toppling over again right into her, throwing his arms around her neck to stop himself falling onto the floor completely. “Seriously,” he grumbled a little embarrassed as Runcorn began to howl with more laughter. “Do women have to have lessons in wearing these or something?”
Umbridge couldn’t help but snort and Yaxley frowned at her. “I’m being serious. Runcorn come here.”
Runcorn managed to hold back his laughter long enough to get to Yaxley before letting out a chuckle. “I don’t know what’s happened to you both, but I have to hand it to you. It’s a good act.”
Yaxley growled in frustration once again before glaring at him. “Just help me get back to that chair will you?” he snapped. He’d have to find some better shoes.
If the entire day was going to be as difficult as this, he wasn’t looking forward to it. Living in Umbridge’s body wasn’t something he’d ever imagined he’d have to do but until he could find a solution to this problem he’d just have to live with it.
A/N: I had intended this to originally be a one-shot but now I’ve gotten into it I’ve decided there will be three chapters in total. This one, one from Umbridge’s point of view about her day as Yaxley and then one of Yaxley as his day as Umbridge. I’ll have to work out a way to end it then within Yaxley’s chapter... if I can’t then it’ll be four chapters long but I’m aiming for three. Also I stuck it under AU as them switching bodies isn’t exactly canon is it? Anyway I hope you enjoyed and reviews are always appreciated. x
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