Chapter 13 : The Truth Is...
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“Where are you going?” Remus asked Shay as she was sneaking down the hall.
Shay whipped around quickly, and even in the low light, Remus could tell she was blushing.
“This looks bad, doesn’t it?” Shay asked with a nervous grin.
Remus casually leaned against the doorframe of his room.
“I’m not sure yet. It depends on where you’re running off to.”
“I wasn’t running anywhere. I just need to get back to Hogwarts,” Shay said and looked everywhere but Remus.
“Albus can find you if he needs to. Did we move too fast?”
Shay didn’t answer right away. Yes, they did move too fast. Shay knew that she had had sex with Remus before but the bottom line was Sirius was still involved.
“I need to tell him the truth.”
“What is the truth?” Remus asked.
“We had sex.”
“Is that it?”
Shay hesitated to answer and started to put her coat on.
“So it was just sex?” Remus asked and handed Shay her hat and gloves.
“No but I don’t know what else it is right now. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I want to be honest.”
“I appreciate that. Go talk to him, but that means that we get to talk later.”
Shay gave him an appreciative look and agreed to the meeting before apparating to Sirius’s house.
Shay arrived at a quaint cottage that she had no recollection of. It looked sad and empty and she wondered how this could be Sirius’s home. She knocked a few times before letting herself in. She didn’t think that Sirius would mind.
The house was not well taken care of. There were holes in the walls, furniture split and broken in half, cobwebs lined the corners rooms and there was an overall smell of disgust in the house. Shay was in disbelief. How could she have once lived here? How was this once her home.
She half expected herself to remember what was once inside these walls. This was once her life, a life she shared with a man she once, a probably still, loved. And the proof was there. On the mantle of the fireplace was a display of pictures of Shay and Sirius, the epitome of a perfect couple. It looked as if they couldn’t live without each other, and from the looks of the house, Sirius couldn’t.
Shay walked down the hall and entered the first door she found. It was a bedroom, the one she used to sleep in. The one some other woman slept in as well. This notion infuriated Shay. Why did she feel the need to tell Sirius about Remus, when Sirius lied to her about something that big.
She continued to look around the room. Her eyes caught something that sparkled at her from the top of the dresser. It was an engagement ring. Her engagement ring, to be exact. She walked over and examined it closely. She was afraid to touch, as if it would disturb the whole household. It was a beautiful ring, something that herself and Sirius must have been proud of. Shay wondered if Sirius had wanted to give her the ring back. But Shay had to wonder if she was the rightful owner of the ring.
Shay decided to move on. She didn’t want to become distracted by the ring. She continued down the hall to the only door that was closed in the house. The door gave off a bad vibe and Shay disputed with herself about entering it or even touching the door knob. But something told her that she needed to see what was behind that door. That it would help her somehow.
As soon as she opened the door, she was hit with a wave of emotion. She recognized the crib. She remembered the toys. And she finally remembered the person who used to live in this room. She in fact, remembered everything seemingly all at once. She only came her to confront Sirius but instead was reminded of her entire life, the happiness but also the overwhelming pain.
Shay apparated to the only place she could think of, her son’s grave. She needed to make sure this all wasn’t a horrifying nightmare. This was her life. This was what she was waiting for. And she now understood why nobody wanted to be honest with her. She remembered how her life was in shambles before she was captured. She remembered the entire trauma she went through while being held by Voldemort. She remembered what she did to Remus, and what Sirius had done to her. She remembered losing one of her best friends, her brother and her son. She remembered this all at once. It was almost more than she could handle. But this is what she wanted. This was her life. This is what made her who she was.
“Can I sit here?” a familiar voice asked from behind her.
Shay didn’t answer but Sirius took that as a yes.
“So you remember, huh?” he asked quietly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to protect you. What happened was terrible and I didn’t want you to have to feel that pain again. To be honest, I didn’t want to feel that pain again. But I guess it was unavoidable.”
“Everything came back to me when I opened that door. That hurt more than anything I went through with you-know-who,” Shay said and discreetly wiped a tear from her face.
“I’m so sorry Shay,” Sirius tried to console her by putting his arm around her.
She wiggled free.
“Why didn’t you tell me about her?”
“About who?” Sirius played dumb.
“Now’s not the time to lie to me, Sirius. You’ve done enough of that for the past few months.”
Shay meant for that to sting and Sirius knew he deserved it.
“I wanted to win you back. I was so stupid and drunk when I made that mistake. When you finally came back and you didn’t remembered all the stupid and hurtful things I did, I saw a perfect opportunity to make the happy ending we were supposed to have. It was wrong of me.”
“I slept with Remus last night,” Shay said bluntly and felt Sirius tighten up beside her.
“Does that make you angry?” Shay asked and finally looked at him.
Now it was his turn to contemplate.
“Why?” was all he asked.
“Because he was honest with me. That’s what true love should be. Honest.”
“Does that mean that you’re choosing him?” Sirius asked cautiously.
“No. I love him. I really do. But when I dreamt of home when I was captured, I dreamt that Remus was with Niki, not me.”
“Who did you dream yourself to be with?”
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