Chapter 1 : What Do You Do When Your Good Isn't Good Enough
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What have I done?
I wish I could run,
Away from this ship going under.
“Well then maybe we aren’t meant for each other! Daphne, if you can’t deal with this mere friendship, I don’t think I’m able to deal with you.”
Tears fall freely from my face as I watch him gravitate in the general direction of the door. His eyes never leave mine.
“Draco,” I say softly. I choke up before I can say anything more.
He looks at me with a slightly pleading expression, and looks to my hand. When I realize just how serious he is about leaving, I pull my engagement ring off my finger and throw it at him. He catches it expertly and gives me one last, searching look. Pocketing the ring, he’s gone.
Just trying to help,
Hurt everyone else,
Now I feel the weight of the world,
Is on my shoulders.
I fall on the floor and sob. I remember everything in this moment.
My sister’s expression when we announced our engagement. I had been so happy. So incredibly happy. But he was still scarred from her. He still loved her.
And oh, how I resented her. I still resent her. How could I not with her beautiful dark hair ad flawless skin? I thought it was in the name requirement that Greengrasses had to be drop-dead georgous.
Not that I’m putting myself down. Well, I suppose I am, but that’s beside the point. The point is simple: The head of the Malfoy house has to practically be a super model. And I didn’t fit that gateway from the start. Astoria always did though. Always.
He became friends with her. Recently. I cracked. I yelled more, yelling at the cat, the car, the housemaid, Draco. Everyone. When he finally got the answer out of me as to why I was so…not myself…he got angry.
I think he’s glad I’m not pregnant or something, oh the scandal, but he was not happy. I suppose he thinks he can be just friends with my seductress of a sister. Oh no. That’s impossible, actually.
And if I had let any of it continue, I’d be even more hurt. Because if there is one thing Astoria isn’t, it’s careful. She’d let something slip. She’d tell me. Hell, she’d get pregnant and still let it carry on. Because when you make a deal with Astoria, you make a deal with the devil.
And Draco isn’t ready for that. He’s much too used to getting pampered by me to have to go to that cold hearted bitch.
Can I start again, with my fate shaken?
‘Cause I can’t go back and endure this,
I just have to stay and face my mistakes,
But if I get stronger and wiser, I’ll get through this.
Every time, every damn time, I see her face, I already think of him. It used to be good. A reminder that maybe, somewhere, somehow, I was better than her. Because Draco had chosen me. He told me I looked beautiful and made me feel it.
Every night, he whispered in my ear and told me just how lucky he was to have me. He called me perfect. I was unbroken, a clean slate just for him. But just when I started to really open up to him, he left me.
And now I don’t feel beautiful anymore. Once again, I’m outdone by my sister. My lovely, little sister. And just when I’d thought I’d won.
I’ll have to live through it. I can’t exactly call my boss and say, “Hey man, had a bad break-up. Be back in sometime. Have a nice life.” He’d have an aneurism then shoot me. It’d be bad.
I’ll get through this with help from my best friend: chocolate.
I can’t make my coworkers think I’m weak. They already call me small. I can’t be the pitied one. I just can’t be that girl who falls out with her fiancée and gains forty pounds. My body is one thing I have going for me. I will not lose everything in this fight.
So I throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air,
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn’t fair!
Yeah, I’ll send down a wish and I’ll send up a prayer,
And finally someone will see how much I care.
And me? I just want someone, anyone, to know that I actually do care. Although no one will be able to change Draco’s mind, someone needs to see that I still love him. They’ll see and they’ll help me though this.
They have to. I just can’t do it alone.
And as of right now, I will be. My mother will quirk her eyebrows and say what she always says, “Well dear, what happens, happens.”
My father will simply mumble, “Well, I’m sure there’s someone that won’t insult the family name out there for you.”
I can’t go to my sister on this, obviously. I used to ask her about boys all the time. Astoria always had more experience that I did.
I don’t have too many friends, and the ones I do have would pity me for this. I hate to be pitied.
They’d whisper behind my back, I just know it. She had it coming to her. She never deserved him. She isn’t good enough for someone like him.
The inevitable whispers swirl through my head as I try to stand. I can’t do it. I need someone’s help. I need someone or something to live for. That was Draco. I don’t have Draco anymore.
And I swear to Merlin, if she asks me to be Maid of Honor in her wedding, I’m killing the bride, becoming her imposter and marrying the groom. No really, I would never do that. Because believe it or not, even killing a bitch like Astoria would have intense physiological effect on me, because she is my sister and somewhere, I do still love her.
I just need somebody to love me, and someone to say that everything is going to be alright. Because right now, my future’s looking pretty bleak.
What can you do when your good isn’t good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down?
‘Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things…
I didn’t want him to leave. I’d been trying to protect him from her. I did my best to beat her. I wanted to bring her down a peg.
And while I might have been using Draco a little, she deserved anything she got. Except him. And I will forever resent her for that. All I wanted was to be right for once in my life.
To tell him, “I love you,” and not have anyone correcting me. I hate it when people correct me. My father used to do that to both Astoria and me all the time. He also taught us to be forever competitive. He said that whoever worked the hardest always won.
And I see that clear as my purified mineral water now. Astoria won because she had to work at it. I might have been good the way I was, but the way she tried to be was better. If only I’d given my all, I would have won him over. Damn this.
…I just wanna fix it somehow.
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?
Life is like a game. But unlike Monopoly, you don’t have time to create a master strategy and win every time. Every second you live in the real world counts. And I when I’m on my deathbed, I want to be able to tell someone about my life, and what I did and how I did it. I want my life to be full, meaningful.
But life is like a game in another way: every time you figure something out, someone else changes the rules. I’d only just realized that I could be open with Draco, when BAM, Astoria enters the scene.
And once again, I’m beaten by her at this game. Astoria’s a strategist. She learns her game and plays it hardcore. She gets down with the dogs and plays dirty. And how can I get back at her for anything she does when an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind?
Oh, how many times will it take for me to get it right?
Hi loves, just wanted to say that I love this song a lot<3
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