Printer Friendly Version ] [ Report Abuse ]

Welcome To My Crazy World by smashed_crayon
Chapter 10 : Blonde Bimbos and Liquorish Wands
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 21

Background:   Font color:  




A/N: Hello all (:  I'm sorry it's been so long! I have just been way to busy to update, but now the queue is nine hours, a whole chapter is written and betad, and I have way too much time on my hands.

Also, I've gotten new chapter images for all the previous chapters. If you haven't already seen them, you should definetly check them out (:

On anothe note, my beta, Emandem, was saying that she thinks the story is going a little slowly. Do you think so too? Should I speed the plot up? Truth is, I havn't got any plans past this chapter. What do you guys want to happen? 

Tell me and I'll try and put it into action (:

And now, I present to you...Chapter Ten! 




Where the hell had that tanned piece of muscle gone to? I was trudging through the empty corridors, searching in vain for Fred’s unmistakably dark skin and hair.

I hadn’t had much luck so far.

“Fee! What are you doing?”

I spun around, ready to attack the speaker of those words with my fist in their face, but it was only Roxanne, walking out from behind the statue of a dragon playing the violin, her wet hair wrapped up in a towel.

“I’m now going to redirect that question at you,” I informed her, trying to change the subject. I knew that she could never, not even if it was the second last day on earth and all our chocolate supplies had finished, know about Fred and Daisy. So I was improvising.

Yes, this was me improvising. No need to drool in jealousy over my awe-inducing skills. I know they’re amazing.

“Why do you have a towel on your head?” I demanded, placing authoritarian hands on my hips. Roxanne raised an unimpressed eyebrow and crossed her arms across her chest.

“I was having a bath,” she stated. “Now stop avoiding my question. What are you doing?”

“Did you say you were having a bath?” I tried to look curious and aloof at the same time, and just ended up doing some sort of facial twitch. For some strange reason, Roxanne didn’t buy my act.

“Phoenix Agnes Walker, I have known you since you were a miserable little eleven year old who thought that the sorting hat was going to bite her head off. I think I know when you’re trying to hide something from me.”  She gazed at me pointedly, and I felt my resolve quiver. I never was good at lying, and the use of my middle name was making my knees go wobbly.

See, when my parents, smiling and happy at the thought of their newborn daughter, proudly went to register my birth certificate, they had come across one small inconvenience.

They hadn’t thought of a middle name.

So, my mother had uttered the silliest words she had ever spoken in my short ten years of knowing her:

“My dead unmarried great aunt, twice removed from my mother’s side was called Agnes. How about that?”

And my father, in love with her, could not refuse.

I am shaking my fist up at you in heaven, mother. I hope you know that you cursed me for life that day.

I mean, really. Agnes?

“What were you doing in a bath?” I asked Roxanne, trying again to move the conversation away from my doings. Roxanne blushed.

“Ollie told me the password to the prefect’s bathroom. I thought I’d try it out,” she explained, staring at the floor. I eyed her suspiciously.

“Please tell me he isn’t going to walk out of there with a towel wrapped around his head too,” I begged, staring at the statue in fear.

Roxanne laughed. “Stop avoiding my question, Fee! Tell me what you’re doing.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. Who was avoiding questions now, huh? WHO WAS AVOIDING QUESTIONS NOW?

She was, that’s who.

I took a deep breath. I could feel blush rising to my cheeks.

I only ever blushed when I was lying. That was the only time. Because there are three things I never do:

I never cry.

I never giggle.

I never blush.

Yes, I know you’ve seen me do all three, no need to rub it in. But really, you just got lucky.

Also, I can’t stand the colour pink, I think baby rabbits are evil creatures, plotting to take over the world, I didn’t cry when I watched The Titanic, and I hate James Sirius Potter.

Can I even call myself a girl?

Roxanne seemed to be getting impatient now. Oh no. She was tapping her foot.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

This was bad. I had to think up something quick, before she lost it completely and went berserk. This was easy. Just any story would do. I could be going to the Owlery, I could be looking for a ring I left in a classroom or I could even be on my way down to the Kitchens...anything, really. This was easy.

“DaisysnoggedFred!” I all but yelled. Really, I could have said anything. Anything apart from that. I worry for myself sometimes, I really do. How on earth am I going to become a professional assassin if I won’t even be able to lie in front of court?

Roxanne frowned. I twiddled my fingers nervously, staring at my feet.

“What was that?” I breathed in a sigh of relief. So she hadn’t heard me. No damage done. I could just-


Oh crap.


Thank Merlin Professor Jelly had taught us how to conjure paper bags in our third year (his name wasn’t really Jelly, it was Jellipoliastus, but we all agreed that Jelly was much, much easier).

I conjured one for Roxanne now, handing it to her wearily. After her freak-out I had led her into an empty classroom and sat her on a desk, watching her as she hyperventilated.

Don’t look at me like that. What else was I supposed to do? I’d handed her a paper bag, she could breath, everything was fine.

I waited till Roxanne’s frantic gasps had slowed to a normale rate and gently took the bag off her, scrunching it into a ball and throwing it into the wastepaper basket in the corner.

“Explain,” she ordered. Quickly, I obliged, since I feared for my safety if I refused. While internally cursing my unfortunate blabbermouth, I told her most of what Daisy had explained to me. Roxanne seemed to have calmed down a fair bit, and she listened to the whole story without going into shock once. When I had finished, she stared at the ground, frowning.

“But I thought Freddy liked you.” She sounded confused. Surprised as a squirrel, I snapped my head up to look at her, eyes bulging. Roxanne didn’t seem bothered, and only shrugged at my expression. “He seemed to be flirting with you…I guess he was just trying to make Dais jealous.” She sounded a little sad. “I don’t see why he didn’t even tell his twin,” she exclaimed, seeming rather bemused. I gestured at the scrunched up paper bag lying next to the bin.

“I think he figured you would react like that.” Roxanne just nodded.

“Well, I’m happy for them,” she stated, sliding off the desk. “I hope it works out. I’ll talk to Fred later.”

And with that, she walked out of the room, blowing me a farewell kiss as she went.

“Bye, dear,” I said half heartedly, frowning slightly.

This all seemed a little off for Roxanne. She just seemed kind of…resigned. Maybe she had seen this coming? I glanced at the bin.

No, I don’t think she had.

Though, I was glad she knew now. She would have found out sometime or other.

May as well have been in the presence of a skilled paper bag conjurer such as myself.

I sighed and imitated Roxanne, walking out of the classroom. Still determined to find Fred, I continued with my search, which finally concluded in the Astronomy Tower, where I found him skulking.

His back was up against the wall, sitting in a similar position to the one Daisy had been in just an hour ago. Hearing me come in, he glanced up at me, looking rather like a lost puppy.

I nearly gave into that look, but then I remembered what he had done to Daisy, and my posture turned stony.

“I talked to Daisy,” I said, sitting down next to him. He turned away from me and looked ahead, a slight frown creasing his forehead. I sighed and looked ahead too. “You like her a lot.” It was a statement. I could see by the pain in his eyes that hurting Daisy hurt him, too.

Humans do strange things. I bet all the other animals think we’re all sentimental freaks that enjoy torturing ourselves and eachother.

In their world, it’s just eat, mate, sleep, eat. Sometimes you wonder if things wouldn’t be easier that way.

I glanced over at Freddy again. He looked so strange, so alien. Fred was normally the laugh of our group, the one who was never tired or sad. He had been acting strange lately.

It wasn’t like him, all of this. Lei, Daisy, flirting with me. That was normally Josh’s job.

“Does she hate me?” Freddy whispered.

“Maybe for a little while, she will,” I answered. “If you want her back, you’re going to have to work for it. You’ve hurt her pretty bad, Freddy.”

All my plans to march right up to him and give him a piece of my mind had faded now, at the sight of his dejected figure.

“How?” Fred had turned to me now, his eyes bright with hope. “You know her, how can I win her back?”

“It’s not a question of ‘winning her back’,” I explained. “You have to prove you can be faithful and caring and truthful. She’s an amazing girl, and you’re going to have to show me that you deserve her before I even think of helping you get her back,” I continued, surprising myself a little. Where was all this soapy talk coming from? I didn’t even know that part of my brain functioned.

Fred’s shoulders drooped. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I don’t mean to hurt her,” he said sadly. I snorted.

“So you just fell onto Chang in that corridor? You just happen to flirt with every walking thing with boobs? Come on, Freddy, you know that all that was on purpose.”

Fred sighed, sounding like he was letting out all the sorrows of the world in one breath. “I get scared,” he murmured, staring at his hands. “I get scared that she’s going to leave me, so every time we get close, I think I have to leave her first.”

“That’s rubbish. Dais would never do that. You should just tell her how you feel.”

“I know, but-”

“It’s not that hard. She’ll understand.”

Fred nodded. “Should I try now?”

“Maybe let her cool down first,” I advised, biting my lip. The boy nodded and stood up, leaning his hands on his knees.

“Thanks,” he said, turning to me. I bowed my head.


Smiling, Fred walked off with a new spring in his step.

“If you hurt her again, you’re getting my foot in your arse,” I yelled out as he left. I heard his chuckle, but he was already out of sight.

Now it was time to find Potter.

I found him in the Entrance Hall, leaning casually against a wall and talking to two silly looking girls.

The girls were giggling stupidly, flipping their bleach blonde hair over their shoulders and batting heavily made-up eyelashes. Sometimes I wonder where he gets these girls from.

A little bile rose in my throat at the sight of them.

I marched right over as soon as I spotted him, nostrils flaring, eyes spitting fire. I think I may have upturned a couple of first years during my stampede-of-death across the Hall, but I couldn’t be blamed for their unfortunate height. Wasn’t my fault they were so small!

Potter didn’t notice me until I was standing right in front him. When he spotted me he glanced up, looking me up and down lazily.

“What have I done this time?” he drawled, rolling his eyes and smirking down at his two slags. They giggled foolishly.

I glared at him, disgust etched so deeply into every one of my features that I was worried I might look like this forever. “You’re a lying, scheming, heartless prick, that’s what!” I snarled. Potter sighed, looking a little bored.

“Do you have nothing better to do than insult me?” He turned lazy eyes towards me.

“You think you’re God’s fucking gift to humanity, don’t you?” My eyes were flashing and my fists clenched. Potter lowered his eyes dangerously, and pushed himself off the wall with an easy shove of his shoulder.

“What does that make you, then?” he asked, his voice low and threatening. “His mistake?”

“Ooh, really witty. Tell me, Potter, how long’s it going to take for your head to inflate enough for this high horse you’re sitting on to  collapse under the weight?”

“And you say I’m witty?”

“JUST SHUT UP!” I screamed. Potter stepped back at my outburst, looking slightly surprised. The two bints backed up against the wall and stared at me like I was some psycho screaming bitch.

Whatever gave them that idea?

“What the fuck is your problem, Walker?” Potter said, taking an angered step towards me. What was my problem? MY PROBLEM!?

Was he fucking serious?


“Really? What kind of chips? Salt & Vinegar? Barbecue?” Potter asked, his mouthing quirking up to one side. He was smiling!? Oh that was it!


“I’M NOT THE ONE MAKING A SCENE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ENTRANCE HALL, AM I?” Potter yelled back, finally losing his cool. It was even slightly refreshing to see that something could get under that stony façade of his.



“I think I’ve heard enough already,” I whispered, my voice thick with disgust. Potter looked positively livid. His eyes were dark and menacing, his jaw clenched, the vein on his neck sticking out rather unattractively. It was amazing how he had turned from haughty and calm to downright murderous in five seconds flat.

I seem to have a gift.

“OH, OF COURSE YOU HAVE.” I backed away from him slightly. Okay, now I was scared. I quickly glanced around to check there were enough witnesses to dissuade him from throttling me. “WHY STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT WHEN YOU CAN HAVE YET ANOTHER REASON TO HATE ME?”

“I HAD PLENTY OF REASONS BEFORE THIS!” I didn’t care about the scene we were making by this point. “YOU MAKE ME SICK, POTTER. YOUR EGO IS TOO FUCKING BIG FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.”

“GET OVER IT ALREADY! YOU’RE NOT SO PERFECT EITHER! ‘Ooh, I’m Phoenix; I like to pretend everything is fine and dandy when it’s not. I also avoid all uncomfortable situations, because I’m too much of a bloody coward to face them!’”

I so didn’t sound like that.




My fists clenched my breathing quickened and my chest constricted as I tried not to throw myself on top of him and slap him silly.


He just made me want to bloody…ARGH! I glared at him, and he glared back just as furiously. We were standing inches away from eachother, breathing heavily, tensed to the max. I could practically feel the anger crackling in the air between us. When Potter opened his mouth for another snarky retort, I think I just lost it. I curled my hand into a fist, took it a step further than Daisy had, and punched him in the face.

Just like that.

And damn did it feel good.

Potter let out a strangled cry and stumbled backwards, clutching his nose and cursing loudly. The two dumb blondes squealed and clutched eachother in fright.

Stupid bints.

“You do anything to Daisy again, and I will pound you so hard you will be sneezing out of your bellybutton!” I hissed, bringing my face close to his. He eyed me stonily.

“You punch like a girl,” he spat. I opened my eyes in surprise, and glanced down at myself.

“Who would have guessed, huh?” I said venomously. James looked at me coldly. “I am a girl.”

“Don’t come near me again.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Don’t talk to me.”





“Bye, James,” I sneered, turning my heel. He didn’t answer, and I walked away, as proud as I could, while clutching my hand in pain.

It had felt good, but it had freakin hurt.


“Josh, pass me that liquorish wand, will you?”

“What do I get out of it?”

“They joy of passing me a liquorish wand?”

“The things I do for you, Fee…”

We were all lying on the grass, next to the lake. Al was sitting up, with his knees raised, making a very comfortable back rest for me, while Josh was lounging with his back up against a tree, eyeing a group of girls laughing down at the water’s edge. Roxanne, was lying flat on her stomach, book in hand, switching between our conversation and her land of stories in a way not many people would be able to master. Amelie was sitting with her legs crossed, plaiting the hair of a disgruntled looking Rose.

Oh, and that guy, the one in my bed this morning (not The Git, but the Hufflepuff)? He was sitting with us, rummaging through the bag of sweets sitting in the middle of our circle.

His name was Patrick.

What he was doing with us, we had no idea. He had already been here when I sat down, and I was introduced by a casual ‘Phoenix? Meet Patrick’ coming from Ams. Other than his name, none of us knew anything about the guy.

Happily, I sucked on my liquorish wand, letting the sun warm my face. It was a nice day for November, and we were making the most of it by spending what was left of it outside.

“There you go Rosie, you look splendid,” Ams said happily, leaning back to admire her handy work. Rose’s thick red hair was done up in a complicated braid, and I was surprised Amelie had stuck through with it till the end. She was normally one to give up easily, and Rose’s hair was impossible on the best of days.

I twisted around so that I was facing Al. He looked a fair bit happier than he had this morning.

“Have you talked to Hannah?” I asked him, crossing my arms over his knees and resting my chin on them. Al nodded happily.

“She said she was sorry, so I asked her to go to Hogsmeade with me.” He shot me a crooked grin. “She said yes.” He was so cute sometimes. Why couldn’t his brother be more like him?

I grinned at him and turned back around. Amelie had edged over to Roxanne, and was trying to read her book over her shoulder. Rose waited till she was immersed in the story, and quickly pulled her hair out of its plait.

“Did you talk to him?” she asked, shaking her head to free it of knots. It took me a second to realize who she was referring to.

“Yep,” I confirmed, nodding. “I think it might just work out. Just as long as he changes his cheating ways,” …and  if we somehow manage to free the world from a certain archenemy of mine.

Rose smiled. “Do you have a date for Hogsmeade?” I shook my head. “I’m going with Henry,” she whispered, blushing. “But don’t tell James. He just managed to get his normal hair colour back.”

I brought a finger to my lips. “My leaps are sealed.” I promised.

I took a moment to just look at my friends. Flushed and happy Rose at the thought of her date, smiley Al daydreaming about Hannah. I thought of Roxanne and her mystery guy, and of Daisy and Fred.

And I realized that I would probably be spending my Hogsmeade weekend alone.

I know what you must be thinking:

Aww, poor Phoenix, crying because she doesn’t have a boyfriend, while meanwhile, in Africa…

But I’m not normally one to sulk. I guess I was just feeling a little a lonely that day.

“What do you think of the brunette?”

“Which one?”

“The one with the ponytail.”

“Eh, I’m more of a blonde guy”

I turned around at the sound of Josh’s and Al’s conversation. They were looking at the girls down by the water, tossing up which ones were the most dateable.

I slapped Al on the leg.

“You have a girlfriend, wanker,” I reminded him. He shrugged. So much for daydreaming about Hannah.

Psh. Boys.

Stretching my arms above my head, I let out a wide yawn. I hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in a while, and I knew that this night was going to be just as sleepless as my previous ones. I had a pile of homework due already, and my dream diary to write in.

Not that that was much use. Lately I had been having nothing but dreamless nights, and the diary (not to mention Divination itself) was a load of rubbish anyway.

The girls by the lake had gotten up, and were now making their way up to the castle, much to Josh’s disappointment. They passed two figures on their way, and I recognized them as Lily and her friend, whose name I honestly did not know.

Lily and her friend (let’s just call her Martha), walked over to us, and sat down, Lily automatically diving onto the liquorish wands. She glanced over at Patrick, looking confused.

“Who’s he?” she whispered.


Lily shrugged and bit off half her wand. “Have any of you cool cats been reading the Daily Prophet lately?” She asked, looking around at us all. I was too busy laughing at her use of the phrase ‘cool cats’ to answer. Lily raised a dark brow at my chuckles, and took another bit of liquorish. “There’s been a massive Azkaban breakout.”

“That was in the paper two days ago, love,” Roxanne told her softly. Lily shrugged.

“Pretty intense, isn’t it?”

“But all’s good with Harry Potter in the world, right?” Al said sarcastically, and Lily rolled her eyes.

“I even feel strange calling him ‘dad’,” she sighed, “because to everyone else he’s ‘savior of the universe’.”

Rose nodded her head in understanding. “Same with mum. Sometimes I wonder if it’s ‘Minister’ or just plain ‘mum’.”

Here we go.

Rose really likes talking about her mother’s job. A lot.

“They still haven’t found out how the prisoners escaped, have they?” Roxanne said, steering the subject away from dangerous rambling waters.

“It gives me the willies, thinking that they’re walking around, that they could be anywhere…” Amelie whispered with a shiver.

“Mmm,” I agreed, smiling mischievously. “They could be watching us as we speak, waiting to jump out and…BAM!” I slapped my hands together as I said this, and laughed as Amy jumped five feet in the air and Josh let out a terrified squeak.

I worried for him sometimes, I really did.  

“Hogwarts is safe, though,” piped up Martha. “We have a Giant Squid to protect us, after all.”

Everyone was too distracted to cast her an odd look.

As if to prove her right, Squidy lifted a lazy tentacle out of the lake’s black waters, as though waving at us. Merrily, I waved back.

“Good old Squidy…” I murmured, stretching my legs out so they could catch a bit of the late November sun.

“We should get going. Cindy and I have some homework to finish…” Lily grimaced as her and Martha  - okay, okay, Cindy - got up to leave.

Darn it, I’d nearly had the name right.

We waved goodbye at them, and then the conversation turned to the ball that Professor Greensberry had mentioned at the start of term feast.

“Where on earth are we going to find masquerade costumes?” Amelie was asking, while staring at Rose’s now loose hair resentfully. “I put a lot of time and patience into that, by the way,” she said, pointing at the redhead. “You just crushed my hopes and dreams.” Rose blushed guiltily.

“I expect Gladrags will have some,” Roxanne said, looking up from her book. “They probably brought stock in just for this.”

“Oh, it’s going to be so fun!” cooed Amy. “Is it boys ask girls, or girls ask boys?” She frowned, a finger on her lip in classic thinking pose.

“It’s boys ask girls.”

We all shifted around at the sound of the voice, which turned out to belong to Daisy. She was smiling again, and seemed to have washed her face and brushed her hair, and changed into a clean dress.

“Hey love, come sit down!” Roxanne greeted, extra warmly. I think she was in a state of denial.

Fred and Daisy? What Fred and Daisy?

“Have some Ice Mice,” I offered, pushing our bag of treats towards her. Dais took one gratefully, shooting a confused glance at Patrick.

“Who’s that?” she whispered.

“Patrick,” the rest of us answered as one.

“What is he-”

“No idea.”




A/N: So what do you think? I know that James and Phoenix's fights are getting repetitive, but at first, all Phoenix did in this chapter was walk up, punch him, and walk away, and it didn't seem to I added a fight in.

Another thing: Fred and Daisy. If it seems a little sudden and unexpected, that's because it is. Even for me. At first, this story was going to be a Fred/OC. But that wasn't working for me, so I switched it around. All your predictions about Daisy and James having previously dated were actually correct, at first. I had written this whole, big, scene where he makes up to her, and they get together and all that. But now that's changed, so I won't be putting that in.

Now, lastly, the plot. It's slow. It's boring. It's not getting anywhere. So what are some ideas you guys have? I need help! Anything you think should, or want to happen, tell me in a review (:

You guys are all awesome! This story wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for all of you who read (and review). So thank you so much! It means alot to me (:

Alright, until chapter eleven - Tia


Previous Chapter

Favorite |Reading List |Currently Reading


Other Similar Stories

"Thou Shalt ...
by funyuns