Here comes my first contribution to the Harry Potter fan fiction world. This is quite... well it's supposed to be sad. I suggest listening to some sad music while reading it. I know it's not much, but hey, quality comes before quantity right? :)
”I can’t do this anymore,” I said. The thought seemed to come out of the blue when spoken, but the truth was that I had thought about it for a long time. I think it had been in my mind ever since our first kiss, I just didn’t want to believe it. We were both sitting on the bench where he first said I love you. It was our secret spot. The bench was stationed in a meadow not too far from the city, however only few people came here because it was such an unknown place.
It was a warm and beautiful day, the first day of spring. Sunrays made the trees glitter, the wind played with the lake’s waves, and flowers were taking a peek at the beautiful scene. The peacefulness and the warmth made you so calm. If it weren’t for my comment I would want to stay like this forever. With him.
He sat next to me on our bench. I saw in his eyes that he knew exactly what I was talking about. Those beautiful grey eyes, looking like he had just heard me say I was dying or something just as terrible. But I hadn’t told him I was dying. No, I had told him that I couldn’t love him any more, which is ten to the billion times worse. And he looked so scared. The fact that we would have to go on and not be with each other while moving on, it scared me too. We were everything to each other even though our relationship was a secret. At first he just looked at me with those big eyes, not saying a word, just sitting there taking it in, staring into my eyes. The hurt visible in his eyes was tearing me apart and the world seemed to stand still. However, the birds were chirping, building their nests. There were some squirrels in the glittering trees quibbling away. They were probably having an argument about who would get the last nut. And even though I heard those sounds of life, the world stood still for yet another couple of moments.
He then uttered one simple word, “Fine.” His face was just like marble, hard, white and cold. He looked me directly in my eyes one more time, nodded, and then stood up decisively and walked towards the pathway. And this made me so mad. The lack of emotion in his goodbye, the fact that he would just leave like that, not even stand-up for what we had. My eyes started to tear up and I swear I could feel my heart aching in my chest. My body felt hollow, as if someone had punched me in my stomach. I think I even stopped breathing for a moment.
“So you really don’t care. This was all just a joke to you,” I stated with a monotone voice. That was what the people who knew about us told me. That it was just a game to him and that it wasn’t real. He stopped walking. He was waiting for me to continue, as if I had something more to say. When I didn’t say a word, he started to move once again. “Look at me! You don’t just get to walk away,” I screamed at him. When he did, I regretted the demand. His eyes were filled with tears and the tears poured out of those two pools of grey. There was no describing what the expression was. Maybe a mixture of pure hatred and devoting love. Or maybe it was regret. I had no idea a person could look that way until that day.
Then I realized that that was exactly what I was doing. I was walking away from the precious feelings we had for each other. The love seems wasted now that we understood that it couldn’t possibly work out.
For the thousandth time regrets infested my mind. There were so many questions. Why was I putting us through this? Was it really necessary? I love this man, so why not just let go of the world and be with him? Of course the answer was still the same; it was too hard. There was no possible way for us to ever be together, not in this world. And it was as simple as that, which was why he didn’t question it. As much as we wanted it to work out, the world just doesn’t work that way. “I love you.”
“I know,” he answered with a whisper. Then he disappeared through the trees and no one would ever know about his involvement in my life. That he was the reason why I had turned down Ron so many times. He helped me with the trauma the Dark Lord had caused. He made me feel alive again. He made me whole. But now I was in pieces once again.
I woke up with a jolt, crying and drenched in sweat. The reoccurring nightmare had woken me up the last couple of days. Ever since I saw him for the first time since that day. The day had started out as any other day. I was busy with work and numerous other things. Ginny and Harry are getting married and I am the maid of honor so I was very busy with that as well. It was such a surprise to see him at my department. He was arguing with one of my colleagues about something, but when he saw me he stopped mid sentence. “Granger?” he asked with a hollow look.
The flashbacks started by just looking at him. His blonde hair made me remember how his hair shone like gold during our walks in the forest, his eyebrows were brought together just like they were when we had our hefty fights, and most of all his pink mouth made me remember those extraordinary firework kisses. Then I got an overwhelming feeling of missing him. All our moments together were lost and they were for nothing, just distant memories.
Walking past him I said, “I’m sorry.” I left him there and once again I caught myself not breathing.
All I have left of him now are all the memories and nightmares. The past four years I have tortured myself thinking about what used to be, back when I loved Draco Malfoy.
Okay, so as I said before, it's not much, but it's a start. I am officially a fan fiction author! :)
Anyway, I hope you like it and there will be more. Review if you want, don't if you don't want to.
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