Chapter 1 : Oscar, Here I Come! Grrr.
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"I shall fuck all I want AFTER we prepare for Hogsmeade, thank you very much."
I sit up, surprised.
"That was the most obscene thing I have ever heard you say in my life, Bianca." I tell my best friend.
She shrugs smugly. "I happen to know James Potter, you know."
"It’s just that you mostly do obscene things, Bianca.” I say.
"You’re a bitter virgin," Bianca shoots back distractedly, "now get dressed." She sticks her head into my closet, and tosses me some clothes.
"Why???????" I whine, but I roll out of bed (how sexy. brrr.) and unfold what she's given me anyway.
"Becausssseeeeee......" She replies, in the same whiny voice that I used, making me scowl, "We are going on a double date."
"A double date, Cece," Bianca repeats, slowly, as though she were talking to a baby. "You know, when two couples go on a date together? We've been over this before. The 'excuse me's aren't necessary anymore, love."
"I don't have a boyfriend, Bianca." I drone. "I never have and never will."
The Boyfriend Sentence is almost like a mannerism to me. Never mind that it never works; I've been using it since fifth year, when Bianca got her first boyfriend and started pushing me to get one too.
Like anyone in their right mind would ever want to go out with Cece Watson. Even my NAME isn't hot. And so is the rest of me: everything about me is too pointy. Pointy nose, pointy chin, pointy personality (if there's such a thing). Even my red hair, which is way too loud if you ask me, has a pointy aura about it.
No one in their right mind, however, would ever NOT want to go out with Bianca Reid. Blonde hair, almond eyes, perfectly carved chin, hot name...... There are times when I envy her.
'There are times' being code for 'all the time'.
Anyway, after I declare the Boyfriend Sentence, I excuse myself, claiming that I have some issues with my period at the moment.
Ah, the moments of utter lunacy when I decide that periods are blessings.
So anyway, I rush to the restroom and sit on the toilet bowl, desperately searching for an excuse to NOT go to another double date.
They have been disasters!
Oh, well, now you're thinking: They weren't that bad. Cece Watson is simply a bitter girl.
You are wrong!
Well, maybe, yes, about the bitter part, and the girl part (hopefully).
And no, I am not contemplating becoming lesbian!
Well, anyway, let me give you a rundown of the previous double dates:
Fifth year date 1, a.k.a. Time I Was Stupid 1: My date throws up. Bianca and her date leave and come back with messy hair, red faces, and swollen lips. I think you know what I’m talking about.
Fifth year date 2, a.k.a. Time I Was Stupid 2: My date doesn’t show up. I go shopping for Christmas socks and come back to find Bianca with a different guy than the one we started out with.
Fifth year date 3, a.k.a. Time I Was Stupid 3: I show up with pants that have a hole the size of Freddy Weasley’s zit in third year. FYI, that’s big. Really big. Anyway, Bianca and my date started going out the next day. Not that I actually like any of the guys Bianca pushes on me: I’m just demonstrating what a playgirl my best friend is.
PlayGIRL. PlayBOY. Get it? Hehehe- OKAY. I GET IT. IT’S NOT FUNNY.
Moving on to Sixth Year Date 1, a.k.a. Time I Was Stupid 4: My date confesses he’s a homo, and I endure Bianca’s rant about her date’s ‘super hot six pack’. Her words, not mine.
Well, I could go on and on. But thinking can get tiring.
Don’t blame me! It’s six in the morning, it’s a SATURDAY, I’m on my period, and I’m saving my thinking for that one excuse that will get me out of this date, this disastrous date, for the first time in my life.
I can’t go anymore. I WILL NOT GO. CECE WATSON WILL NOT GO ON A DOUBLE DATE AND DOES NOT CARE IF EDWARD CULLEN HIMSELF IS HER DATE.
For one thing, I don’t find him hot at all. TEAM JACOB!!!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!!
Well, anyway, what excuses could I possibly give?
Maybe, er…… I was sick?
Stupidest excuse EVER.
I could say…… I was in love with someone else?
No thank you.
I am brilliant.
Seriously, I believe I’m related to Merlin AND Albus Dumbledore. Who else could come up with such a brilliant excuse?
Repeating the excuse over and over in my head, and adding a groan that Bianca could surely hear, I step nimbly out of the restroom.
“Uh, Bianca,” I say, putting on an embarrassed expression, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”
“Fire off,” she replies, looking curious.
“Well, it’s been really embarrassing, Bi,” I say, using my (rarely used) endearing nickname for her.
Bianca knows this: she raises her eyebrow and looks suspicious.
However, the show must go on. Act Two!
“Over the summer,” I begin cautiously, “I met a guy.”
“And?” Bianca’s curious expression is slowly becoming a suggestive one.
Yes! She’s buying it!
I believe I deserve an Oscar: Best Performance of a Teenage Girl in a Desperate Situation. Yeah.
“Well,” I continue, in the same cautious voice, “he…… I…… we……”
“We what?” Bianca’s voice is becoming threatening. “We what?”
She edges closer to me, putting on that scary expression. “What did you-“
“I lost my V card!” I spit out, practically yelling.
“I can’t go,” I continue breathlessly, “because…..”
I pause. Shit. I hadn’t thought of that.
“I totally understand,” she says. “He’s your first, and you somehow feel committed to him.”
“Yes!” I say, relieved. “Yes, yes! You are the best best friend ever, Bi.”
Bianca grins. “I know. You’re excused for this date, Cece.”
I think I’m feeling guilty.
Well there you go! The first chapter of How I Lost My V Card! I hope you liked this story, and if you didn’t I hope you’ll learn to like it later on in the next chapters. Either way, review, please! They really, truly make my day.
Thank you so much for giving this story a chance! I do hope you weren’t disappointed (if you had high expectations at all), and if you were, review. Review, review, review, please, whatever’s on your mind about this story.
Well, I see that the plot isn’t coming along really fast, but this was just sort of a warm-up so you could get acquainted with Cece and Bianca.
Also, kudos to the writers of Easy A. Without them, HILMVC will never have existed.
I have yet to figure out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. XP.
So this is the end of the most unorganized and least concise author’s note ever. I can almost feel the editor of our school paper’s pain…….
XOXO, FrostyFannie <3