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Enemies with Benefits by dobbyismyhero22
Chapter 3 : Enemies With Benefits?
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 53

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Disclaimer: I own nothing.

amazing chapter image by dream_BIG at TDA



I have a plan. Possibly the most brilliant plan to be thought of ever.




It’s that bloody brilliant.


Absolutely fool proof.


Fool proof, I tell you.


So what is my amazing plan?


Pretend like nothing ever happened.


I should win a medal for being this smart.


And how did I start off my plan of pretending like nothing happen?


By waltzing onto the quidditch pitch for practice, chucking a quaffle at Weasley’s head, and then saying, “Hey, Shit-for-Brains.”


They should make tee shirts that say Dessie is a Genius.


I’d sell them for like ten sickles. I’d get rich off that shit.


Weasley clutched his head in pain, and I smirked at the fact that I hurt him. He turned around to see it was me, and his expression quickly turned from confused to bewildered to a deep scowl.


And then he showed his maturity of a three year old by yelling, “JAMES! BLAZER THREW A QUAFFLE AT ME!!”


James raised an eyebrow in my direction.


I, then of course, showed my incredible maturity of a three year old by whining in a mocking voice, “James! Blazer threw a quaffle at me!”


“Oh, very mature.” Weasley scoffed.


“Oh, very mature.”


“I remember when I was five and liked to repeat people.”


“I remember when I was five and liked to repeat people.”


“Seriously though, it’s not even funny so just shut up.”


“Seriously though, it’s not even funny so just shut up.”






The rest of the team was watching in amusement or annoyance.


James was beating his head against his broom. If he’s trying to knock himself out, then he's getting himself nowhere.


Al was whipping his head back and forth between us in amusement as we screamed at each other.


Roxanne was laughing her bloody arse off.


Logan looked deeply annoyed. Probably because the bloke was obsessed with quidditch and he just wanted to get the fuck on with practice.


Tosh was just smirking and shaking his head.


“Nobody’s even laughing so just shut the fuck up!”


“Nobody’s even laughing so just shut the fuck up!”


“I’m Dessie Blazer, and I’m ugly, stupid, and a slut.” Weasley said in a high-pitched voice, and putting his hands on his hips in a sassy manner.


“I’m Dessie Blazer, and I’m ugly, stupid, and a- HEY!” I shrieked, and he laughed like the twat bucket that he is, so I whacked him with my broom.


He glared at me, and then tried to hit me with his broom (rude), but I blocked him with my own.


What can I say? I’m a ninja.


Then we proceeded to have a full on sword fight with our brooms while James was screaming for us to stop before he’d kill us.


“You can’t hit me with a broom! I’m a girl!” I screamed as I dodged another hit.


“You sure about that?” Fred snorted, and knocked my broom out of my hands.


“HEY!” I cried. I tried to kick him in the shins for being a git, but somehow the prat managed to step to the side as soon as I did so I successfully ended up kicking the ground, sending dirt and grass flying into the air.


Wow, I have some serious skills.


I went to punch him, but he caught my fist right before I did. Weasley smirked as my eyes widened because I realized that he was the bloody ninja.


“You fight like a moron, Blazer. Don’t even try.” He taunted annoyingly.


That’s when I brought up my leg, and kneed him right where guys never want to be kneed.


He fell to the ground moaning in pain as a collective chorus of oooohs were heard.


“HA!” I yelled triumphantly, sticking my tongue at his pathetic position on the floor for good measure. “So let’s start practice, yeah?” I grinned at James.


My hard arse captain was not amused. “Ten laps around the Black Lake.” He ordered, and my mouth dropped open in outrage. Weasley laughed through the pain from the ground. “For both of you.” James barked.


“Wah?” Weasley blundered stupidly. He stood up still clutching his…parts. “James, you cannot be serious! Do you not see what she did to me?” He exclaimed astonished.


“GO!” James yelled, pointing towards the Black Lake with a furious expression.


Whoa. Someone is a tad moody today…


“So fucking sassy.” I mumbled as I jogged in the direction of the lake.


Weasley grunted in agreement from right next to me. I shot him a disgusted look because, well, he disgusts me.


“Will you pick up the pace, Blazer? I don’t exactly enjoy running at the pace of a snail.” He jeered.




“No one said that you have to run with me, you stupid twat fuck.” I growled, digging my nails into my palms completely aggravated. “And I could beat you any day.” I said confidently, rolling my eyes.


Primary school track star. Suck on that bitches.


“You? Beat me? In running?” He said stopping at the start of the path around the lake, clutching his sides from laughing his arse off.


“Shut the fuck up.” I told him roughly, punching him on the arm. “I’ll beat your sorry arse!”


“Oh yeah?” He said still chuckling. “Prove it then. First one around the Black Lake wins.”


Oh hell yes.




“And why don’t we make this a little bit interesting?” Weasley smirked mischievously.


Oh poop.


“Interesting how exactly?” I asked my voice wavering ever so slightly.


“Scared, Blazer?” He raised a challenging eyebrow.


“You wish.” I snorted.


“If I win then you have to run around the school in just your knickers.” My mouth dropped open in outrage.




But before I could scream at him for being a bloody pervert, he said, “And on the almost impossible chance that you win, then I’ll-“


“Jump off the astronomy tower?” I suggested hopefully.


He glared at me and said, “I was thinking more like I’d shave my head or something of that sort.”


“Shaving your head? That’s no where near as bad as running around in just your knickers!” I exclaimed.




“Wow, Blazer. I didn’t know that you wanted to see me in my knickers. I never knew that you were so horny.” His voice was cocky and arrogant, and he had that stupid smirk on his face. “It’s kind of hot.”


I glared at him with such intensity that my eye started twitching.


“If I win then you have to proclaim your everlasting love for Bertha Finster despite the fact that she picks her nose with the end of her quill, and then licks it.” I grinned evilly.


I am so freaking amazing that it almost hurts.


“Never will I ever do that.” He said gagging slightly.


“Take it or leave it, Weasley.” I copied his smirk that he was using on me earlier. “Or are you just too scared?”


Weasley scowled. “Okay then. First one around wins?”


I nodded, pushed my bangs out of my face, and said, “On three.”






“THREE!” Weasley shouted, and we set off.


I don’t mean to seem cocky, but I was totally kicking his arse.


While I was running at a very speedy pace, he was merely taking a leisurely jog.




Now it wasn’t until about six minutes later that I realized that my nice speedy pace probably wasn’t the best idea in the world.


I was fucking pooped.


I was breathing so heavy that it seemed like I was going through labor, my hair was falling out of it’s messy bun, and I was very attractively dripping in sweat.


Oh and did I mention that Weasley is legit right on my arse?


No? Yeah, well he is.


“Getting a little bit tired, Blazer?” He said amused, clucking his tongue in a disapproving way.


“No.” I snarled, trying and failing to move faster.


We were coming up towards the start again, and I was practically dying. Weasley, on the other hand, was running right next to me with ease, grinning merrily.




I knew he was going to win. As much as I hated to admit it there was no possible way that he couldn’t win. So I did the only thing that seemed plausible to do at the moment.


What was this, you ask?


Elbow his side as hard as I could.


Genius idea, right?




Wrong because as Weasley shouted, “What the fuck!?” As he grabbed me in attempt to not fall down the hill.


But you see, this plan didn’t work out too well because it sent the both of us tumbling down the hill screaming at the top of our lungs sounding like some sort of deranged banshee.


We stopped rolling at the bottom of the hill, and joy of joys, Weasley was directly on top of me, nearly crushing my ribs.


Woo freaking hoo.


I could feel the grass all throughout my hair, and the mud caked onto my back. I glared up at Weasley, whose only imperfection was a tiny stick in his hair. “You’re a dumbarse.” I told him.


“You’re a bitch.” He answered simply.


“You’re bloody fat. Honestly, you are breaking my body right now. Plus, you stink like boy sweat and shit.” I said, heaving from the weight, and wrinkled my nose for good measure.


Weasley merely pushed himself up on his hands to take the weight off, but didn’t actually get up off me.


“I am not fat, Blazer. Have you seen my abs?” He asked cockily.


Of course, I’ve seen his bloody abs. He only walks around without a shirt whenever fucking possible.


And going off the record here, his abs are freaking awesome.


Shh, don’t tell anyone.


“Yeah, I’ve seen them.” I said shrugging nonchalantly.


“Come on, Blazer. You know my abs are amazing.” He said, narrowing his eyes slightly.


“They’re alright, I suppose.” I maintained my uncaring voice.


Dude, I’m a boss at acting.


Alright? You suppose?” He asked in awe.


Merlin, could he be any more bloody arrogant?!


These-“ He grabbed my hand, and put it underneath his tee shirt right on top of his beautifully sculpted abs. My breath caught in my throat. “Are alright?”


Holy shit.


Is it too cliché to say that I’ve died and gone to heaven?


It is? Well, I don’t bloody care because I’m pretty sure that I just did. That’s how fucking amazing Fred Weasley’s abs are.


They have the power to kill innocent little girls and send them to heaven. Takes skill in my opinion.


I looked up at Weasley, and did possibly the most idiotic and stupid thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life, which is saying something because I do a lot of idiotic and stupid things.


I kissed him.


I bloody kissed him. What the poop possessed me to kiss him?


Who the fuck knows.


Of course, Weasley responded enthusiastically, and after smirking against my lips for a moment, he flipped me over in one fluid motion so that I was now on top, straddling him, while his hands grinded into my hips.


His hands knotted through my hair, pulling my face even closer to his if that was possible. My body was flattened against his so that my boobs were practically shoved right up in his face.


Wow. I am just such a classy human being.


After about five minutes of intense snogging in which a few moans escaped, a male’s tee shirt was removed, and some roaming hands were put up a tank top, I finally came to my very late senses. 


When I did come to these dear, dear senses, my eyes snapped open, I detached my face from Weasley’s, and I rolled off of him so fast that I nearly hit my head on a rock.


“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I screamed at him after wiping off my mouth and adjusting my tank top.


“Wrong with me?” Fred asked seemingly deeply amused. “You are the one that kissed me, little-miss-horny.”


Okay, maybe I did technically kiss him, but I decided to ignore that dipshited little fact.


“Why can’t we just go back to hating each other?” I whined in frustration.


And then Weasley said something that had me completely baffled.


Yes, so baffled that I actually used the word baffled.


“Who says that we can’t hate each other and snog at the same time?”


“Excuse me?” I asked completely bewildered.


“Who says that we can’t hate each other and snog at the same time? You know like hate as in pissing each other off, and wanting to murder one another? And snog as in lips, tongue, and all that good stuff?” Weasley repeated in a slow voice, not really understanding why I was so confused. “Like friends with benefits.”


“We’re not friends.” I said lamely.


“Fine, then. Enemies with benefits.” He said, rolling his brown eyes.


About a million and three things were running through my mind at the moment ranging from hell yes to fuck you.


All I could muster out though was, “Do you have any respect for me at all?”


Weasley actually took a minute to think about it before saying, “I respect your ability to snog.”


Fucking arse turd.


And that’s when I made my grand, dramatic exit by standing up, saying, “You’re a git,” and then walking away.


“Is that a yes?” The prat called from behind me.


What. A. Dipshit.


I flicked him the bird without even looking back, and I faintly heard him say, “I’ll take that as a maybe!”







A/N: Hey guys! So I originally planned for this chapter to be longer and there actually is a second part to it that’s unfinished, but I really wanted to get this out to you while the queue is short. So now I’ll have a jumpstart on the next chapter and hopefully get that out sooner to you. Yay? Yay.


Any favorite quotes? I love favorite quotes like I love tacos.



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