Chapter 21 : Feeling Terrible and Facing the Consequences
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I felt terrible.
I curled up on my bed, hidden from my snoring friends by the curtains of my four poster.
Tears slipped silently down my cheeks causing a patch of wetness beside my face. I could still feel his fingers caressing my neck, could still hear him whispering my name millimetres from my lips, taste his hot breath on my tongue.
I wiped angrily at the tears pooling in my eyes.
I was an awful person.
I was a liar.
I was a bad girlfriend.
I was a cheat.
The memory of Gavin’s arms holding me to him as he carefully brushed my hair from my face caused a cascade of guilty sickness.
I remembered him drawing closer and closer, never breaking eye contact asking me to tell him to stop.
But I just couldn’t.
I couldn’t stop the boy I had known for little over a fortnight from drawing me in to kiss.
I had been disgusted with myself when I felt his hand slide into my hair and couldn’t control my own hand from slipping across his body to hold the back of his neck.
I had licked my lips in anticipation and that had given him all the permission he needed. Our lips had met. Softly at first, he stroked my cheek as our lips moved together and then he became more insistent. His lips pressed into mine, his tongue snaked out slipping into my mouth and exploring me.
And I knew it wasn’t right, it was wrong, so so wrong. But I didn’t stop. Quite the opposite. I had gripped him to me and kissed him back with answering fervour.
Anywhere his fingers touched my skin he set me on fire and I liked it. I knew exactly what I was doing: cheating on my boyfriend with a boy I barely knew; but I didn’t seem to care.
But now I cared, I was disgusted with myself.
First I had cheated on Josh with Sirius and now I was cheating on Sirius.
Once a cheater always a cheater.
I began to shake, all I had with Sirius... Was I really going to throw it all away for Gavin? The kid I barely even knew?
I couldn’t do that to Sirius. But I also couldn’t lie to him, it ripped my heart to pieces, but I couldn’t keep him in the dark on this.
With that less than comforting thought I fell into a restless sleep.
“Kitty you look like shit,” Rayne remarked as a slid past her into the bathroom, I tried to grin back at her but it was as if the muscles in my cheeks had solidified and they refused to budge.
Standing in front of the mirror I saw that Rayne hadn’t been kidding. Black mascara tracks rand in crazy directions all over my face, my hair stuck up at odd angles and I was deathly pale. I licked my dry lips and headed for the shower.
As the scalding water flowed over me I scrubbed viciously at my skin, dreading the day that was to come.
I had a feeling that once I’d told Sirius I’d either be strung up by my knickers from the astronomy tower (now there’s a moon for you) or curled into a foetal position, sobbing in the dusty corner of a disused classroom.
Shampoo washed clean of my hair; it was time to face the music, oh what fun!
I traipsed downstairs with the girls twittering on about lippy or something equally trivial and annoyingly upbeat. I noted dismally that I was wearing mismatched socks again.
We met up with the boys half way to the Great Hall and Sirius automatically put his arm around my shoulders.
“Sirius?” I mumbled up at him, he looked down smiling.
“I need to talk to you,” he noted my miserable tone and the easy smile slid from his face like melted butter.
He took hold of my hand and led me into an empty classroom, looking round I decided on the corner I wanted to curl up and die in.
It was just the right balance of dark and dusty.
“What’s up Kitty you look dreadful!” Sirius tried to joke but I could tell he was worried.
“I did something bad,” I began my voice already breaking as a lump rose in my throat.
I sat heavily on a table and my head drooped forward.
“Hey now it can’t be that bad Darling,” Sirius knelt in front of me and lifted my chin.
“I’m so sorry,” I choked out, tears escaping down my cheeks again.
“What’s happened?” I could see Sirius’ jaw tightening.
“I- I’m a dreadful person! Oh Godric Sirius I’m so sorry!” I coughed trying to clear the frog in my throat.
“What have you done Kitty?” Sirius’ voice had gone cold and my blood was turning icy from the chill of it.
“I kissed someone else.” I said plainly, no point in sugar coating it.
Sirius dropped his hand from my face and stared at me open mouthed.
“You did what?” he whispered dangerously. I glanced up at him, worried now, I often forgot just how terrifying Sirius could be. I’d been thinking of him as harmless as a puppy dog for too long but I know he was a vicious black dog on the inside.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry, I-”
“Shut up.” He barked, “Don’t even try and make out that you ‘didn’t mean to do it’ or ‘you’re sorry’. Man!” Sirius stood up and strode away from me. He put one hand against the wall, facing away from me, breathing hard.
“Sirius?” I whispered standing up too.
“No, Kitty, I can’t even look at you.” I dropped the hand I’d reached out to him with.
“I really am sorry,” I tried and flinched back when Sirius lost his temper and flung his fist at the wall.
“Sirius!” I squeaked.
“Who was it?” he asked suddenly.
“What?” I asked sheepishly although I knew exactly what he said.
“I said,” he spun around and grabbed my wrists, “who the fuck was it Kitty?” he shook me by my wrists.
“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” I tried.
“Tell me,” he growled, his grip on my wrists tightening painfully.
“Sirius you’re hurting me,” I whispered.
“Yeah? Well so are you Kitty!” He flung me away from him and turned away.
“Wait a minute,” he froze and I looked up cautiously, “tell me it wasn’t that Gavin kid Kitty!”
I felt the heat rise up in my cheeks and that was all the confirmation he needed. Sirius tore out of the room a low growl escaping his throat.
I ran after him terrified that he was about to do something incredibly stupid.
“Sirius wait!” he didn’t even turn to acknowledge me.
He jumped down the marble stairs and landed lithely in the entrance hall. He ran into the Great Hall with me hot on his heels.
Halfway through the Hall he pulled out his wand, aimed and fired an explosively powerful spell. Gavin lifted up from where he had been sitting and flew up to hit the enchanted ceiling and fell back to the ground. I cast a quick cushioning spell to make sure he didn’t die and grabbed hold of Sirius.
“Darling please! Listen to me!” I cried desperately. Sirius was breathing heavily, I was amazed steam wasn’t coming out of his ears he looked so mad.
I tried to pull him away as I saw teachers running down from their table and kids screaming and staring.
He pushed me away from him and jumped up onto the nearest table. I fell to the floor and watched from the ground as he sprinted towards Gavin who lay bleeding on the floor surrounded by teachers and friends.
Sirius fired spell after spell between the arms of the people around the bleeding boy, his aim was inhumanely accurate and I cringed as Gavin was thrown against walls and he convulsed under the onslaught.
Finally Sirius reached him and dragged him off the ground, a protective bubble around them so no one could interfere. I could see Sirius growling into Gavin’s face, the boy looked utterly terrified.
Suddenly with a massive bang Sirius was thrown backwards from Gavin and Dumbledore stood between them, his fury emanated in waves and I cringed even though I was the other side of the Hall.
But Sirius stood up defiantly. He glared around Dumbledore at the unconscious body of the boy who had been stupid enough to mess with Sirius Black.
“Go to my office... NOW!” Dumbledore’s voice boomed across the otherwise silent hall, echoing off the walls.
Sirius turned curtly on his heel and stormed from the room not even sparing me a glance.
Dumbledore swept after him, as he reached me he offered me his hand and pulled me up.
“I have a feeling you should probably come too Miss Baines,” I flushed under the X-ray gaze he inspected me with over the top of his half-moon glasses.
I trailed dumbly behind him.
I gazed around Dumbledore’s office trying not to cringe away from the fuming boy beside me. He was glaring around, resolutely avoiding my eye .
Dumbledore sat before us both, surveying us sadly.
Oh no, I thought, he was going to give us the “disappointed” speech.
“Are you planning on explaining yourself?” Dumbledore asked in the dreaded disappointed voice.
“I don’t think I really need to do I? Sir?” Sirius added quickly, probably only just remembering who he was talking to.
“Well I think it may be helpful,” Dumbledore said softly.
Sirius exhaled through his nose and took some calming breaths.
“Why don’t you just ask Kitty?” He spat my name at me like poison and I flinched.
Dumbledore looked across at me and I could see that he already knew.
“I never meant for any of it to happen,” I mumbled and Sirius scoffed derisively. Losing my own temper finally I whipped around to face him.
“Oh for heaven’s sake Sirius! Like you’ve never done something like this!” After all Sirius was a known player, I saw a pink tinge creep up his neck as he rounded on me angrily.
“Yeah but never to you Kitty! Godric girl haven’t you got any clue how I feel about you?” he stared into my eyes for the first time since I told him what I’d done and I saw the hurt hiding deep inside them and it was like an ice cold knife through my own heart.
“What about Clearwater?” I asked defensively.
“Clearwater again?! There was never anything going on there! I bloody love you Kitty and it would kill me to do anything to hurt you!” he turned angrily away from me and I sat stunned into silence.
Sure Sirius had said he loved me before but I’d never really believed it, it was just something you said wasn’t it? When you were going out with someone? But the raw pain and deep feeling in Sirius’ voice when he’d claimed it then made me see it was true.
“So I see that there was definitely an aggravation for your actions,” Dumbledore intoned and I jumped having forgotten he was there, “but that does not excuse them.” He finished heavily.
“You will receive a month of Detentions and 50 points from Gryffindor,” Dumbledore said gravely. “I would write to your parents, but I highly doubt that would be of any effect.” Dumbledore added sparing a pitying glance over his glasses.
“Sir-” I began but he waved me down.
“But I am giving you the rest of the day off, I want you two to talk this out,” I looked up surprised that he would care about our teenage spats.
“You two have the hottest tempers I have ever seen and you are both at your most destructive when you’ve fallen out. Yes,” he answered my sheepish look, “I know about Miss Clearwater. Now go somewhere quiet and try not to murder each other.Or anyone else.”
“Thank you sir,” I said standing up with Sirius. Sirius reached the door first and seemed to hesitate for a second before holding it open for me. I smiled, even when he was pissed beyond belief he was still my little Gentleman and I absolutely loved him for it.
We walked in silence to the Common Room and up to his empty dormitory.
We sat facing each other on his bed, silently gathering our thoughts.
The next couple of hours were going to be difficult.
A/N2: Just edited this to find some amusing typos :D If you guys happen to find anymore feel free to drop me a review telling me how crappy my typing skills are :D
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